We are the World

OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!!!!

Recent Google Searches

I'm always amused when I look at the stats for my blog and see what people are Googling to get here.

A random sampling:

"Bread Michaels a Rock of Love" Bread Michaels? Is this the union of Poison and David Gates? I really want to hear that record! There are also a LOT of queries for "Bret Michaels hairpiece" and "Does Bret Michaels wear a wig?"

"Roger Federer hairy chest" I can think of a few other tennis players I'd rather see shirtless, to be honest.

"High powered executive lady type" Well, it's only natural they landed here, then.

"Famous artist paintings of greased pig races" I'm pretty sure those Party Crasher pics don't qualify.

And my perennial favorite, "Linda Park naked" Sorry, charlie. Don't think there are naked pics of any of us out there. I could be wrong but don't disavow me of this notion.

Okay... I have to go do work and stuff now. Don't worry, just because I see what you're Googling, it doesn't mean a picture of you and your phone number come up. I have no idea who some of these pervs are (not that you're a perv - just sayin' I have seen some really unpleasant search strings).

I'm boring and I know it!
Ms. P

Over at SXSW... Jim James of My Morning Jacket

That Jim guy sure is funny.

I like doing these little posts. Maybe I can get them down to one sentence.

Or one word, even.

Waking Up to George Bush

GWB is busy numbing my brain. Now I'm going to need coffee. Why does he hate me?

Project Runway Reunion

Yes, people, this is how behind I am in my life.

I'm watching the Project Runway reunion.

Ricky still wears stupid hats. They show a montage of him crying. That's awesome. I was really missing that.

Victorya still has a stick up her ass (but so do I most of the time. Is this a Korean thing I don't know about?)

Elisa's still from outer space.

Christian's hair is stranger than ever.

The ex-model whose name I can't be bothered to remember is crying and whining. Everyone else is pretending they missed her when she got dumped from the show.

Hrm... Jillian appears to have more personality than she let on.

Sweet P says her wrestling move is to get people in a headlock with her thighs and break their neck. Okay...

Heidi Klum is kooky, but like my friend Jamie says, "in a good way."

They just showed a picture of Michael Kors when he was 18. It's kickass how uncool he was.

The fan favorite designer, by a landslide believe it or not, is... Christian Siriano. Not surprising, I guess, considering he was the only one with a personality (even if it was questionable half the time).

And lookie, there's Michael Knight!

Speaking of knight, goodnight,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Parker Gispert of The Whigs

Reprint from the SXSW Blog... Young Parker's just so adorable and The Whigs are all up and coming and stuff so I figured it was worth it. Plus I'm in a monster food coma so coming up with something new... not quite gonna happen just now, sorry. Please enjoy...

Parker Gispert might be one of the greatest names ever. I want to be friends with this guy just so I can say it a lot. In addition to having a rad name, Gispert's also quite the little cutie (Phoebe at ATO and I have discussed this at length), and I'm really looking forward to catching the band at the sure to be stellar MMJ/Yo La Tengo/Whigs show.

I feel a bit guilty about reducing talented bands to the base level of cute (I write this thing like I'm 13 again, what can I say), so please check out the most excellent musical side of The Whigs via their video for "Right Hand on My Heart" here.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, The LP Questionnaire...

Name: Parker Gispert
Pro Wrestling Name: Admiral Death

Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.
1997. Brimful of Asha (Cornershop), Skinned (Blind Melon), 2 Become 1 (Spice Girls)

Which evil villain would make the best president? Jaws (the shark, not the Bond character)

What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Beavis and Butthead. It is a crime that the videos have been omitted from the DVD collection.

What superpower do you wish you had? Beaming myself / our equipment places (Star Trek style). This is a daily thought I have while driving the van to shows.

What would the title of your autobiography be? Now That I'm Drunk and Have You Cornered... Let Me Tell You About Myself For The Next 600 Pages

Now Elizabeth Banks is F***ing Seth Rogen

Here's the video.

Sorry, can't embed so you'll have to go to Quick Stop. Also, this is totally full of bad words!!! You have been warned. It's not that funny, either, and I heart Seth Rogen.

I confess, I'm getting a bit tired of everybody f***ing everyone else.

Toodles,
Ms. P

Once... again

One of the nicest moments of last night's Oscars. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova perform "Falling Slowly."

You can read the rest of my slightly unbalanced Academy Awards coverage here.

Or check out What Would Tyler Durden Do's much funnier (but with swear words) live blogging efforts.

Lunch time!
Ms. P

Well Played, Jimmy Kimmel. Well Played.

Jimmy Kimmel does Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon one, err, better...

I just love that Huey Lewis is in this...

I woke up late,
Ms. P

Academy Awards - Part 2

Jon Stewart is doing a better job this year than last, methinks.

Oh look, it's wondertwins Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen presenting Best Sound Editing. The winner is the team from The Bourne Ultimatum. Sorry, Karen and other guy, that I am too lazy to write your full names. I think only three people read this thing, anyway. They're also doing Sound Mixing and this one goes to, err, The Bourne Ultimatum.

Wow, Best Actress already? This seems early. Guess they're switching things up so we don't pass out. And the winner is... Marion Cotillard!!! Have I mentioned how beautiful she is? Probably a hundred times. It's like if Rachel Weisz and Kate Winslet had a baby. I've probably said that, too. Anyway, that was cool. I haven't seen a Best Actress win in ages that wasn't expected. Nice to see a genuine moment.

Ooh, a song ("Falling Slowly") from Once. I hope my friend Elizabeth is watching. I quite like this, actually. I might have to listen to the whole soundtrack even though I was creeped out that the two leads are dating. Oh look, people in the front row aren't applauding their performance. What jerks.

Jack Nicholson rambles through an intro to yet another montage. I really wish they'd play the Team America "Montage" song during one of these. That might really liven things up.

Bourne Ultimatum won another Oscar... Film Editing or something... I won't talk about Renee Zellweger. I just can't. Nicole Kidman and her tangled necklaces introduce an honorary award to 98- year old production designer Robert Boyle... I don't wish to live to be 98, but if I do, I hope I'm this lucid. Oh wait, I'm not even this lucid now.

The Counterfeiters from Austria snags Best Foreign Language Film. I like how they say Austria wins as if the whole country made it.

Oh look, it's McDreamy to introduce yet another song from Enchanted. So it's three songs from Enchanted and one from Once? Now I hope Once wins. Who is this goofball singing, anyway? I'm sure some girls somewhere are swooning, but not I! Not I.

I'm glad John Travolta is wearing something other than a bathing suit so my internet friend Jason won't be traumatized. And the winner for Best Original Song is... OMG!! Once won! I'm bummed they cut Marketa off. Laura Linney looks so pleased. Well, color me shocked, they just did a really classy thing... they let her come back and give her speech! And what a nice one it was. Hope is what ties us all together. Or should, anyway.

There Will Be Blood just won Best Cinematography.

The Next Karate Kid intros the In Memoriam montage. No Brad Renfro? No Charles Nelson Reilly? Academy, you are cold.

Atonement just won something. I don't even know what. The guy who won is kind of cute, though. Ah, Original Score.

Tom Hanks and some of the soldiers in Iraq present the award for Best Documentary Short. And the winner is, Freeheld, which appears to be about same-sex discrimination. I will refrain from discussing the irony. Best Documentary Feature goes to Taxi to the Dark Side.

Here comes Harrison Ford to give the Best Original Screenplay award to... Diablo Cody? Yes! It's Diablo Cody in a... very interesting dress. She looks slightly mortified. In a good way.

Helen Mirren, still way cooler than me, gives the Best Actor Oscar to Daniel Day Lewis.

I find it amusing that when actresses lose they look SUPER HAPPY. When actors lose they look grim but accepting (except Eddie Murphy, I guess).

Finally, Best Director (as presented by Martin Scorsese) goes to Joel and Ethan Coen.

Hey, look, it's Denzel! This means the night is almost over. Thank God. The big winner of the night is... No Country for Old Men. I started typing it before he even announced.

Even though I have Oscar fatigue, this was the best ceremony in a while. I think. My judgment might be off right now.

Thank you and good night,
Ms. P

Academy Awards - Part 1

I can't tell if Stewart is doing well or bombing but he just scored with an 80 year old Oscar/Republican front runner joke.

Tom just said Jon Stewart is "better looking with age." So is Tom, for that matter.

First award - Costume Design - goes to Alexandra Byrne for Elizabeth: The Golden Age. So I guess this is the only part of the movie that didn't get panned.

George Clooney introduces a tearjerker montage of 80 years of Oscar. Jane Fonda's 80s hair, though... hilarious!

Best Animated Feature goes to Ratatouille. Brad Bird is officially the king of animation.

It's just one red dress after another around here...

Best Makeup goes to the team from La Vie en Rose. Rewarded for making Marion Cotillard not hot. Yes, that's a feat.

I'm watching Amy Adams sing "Happy Working Song." It's not quite the same without the pigeons and rats.

Achievement in Visual Effects' brings The Golden Compass its first (only?) win for the night. Those visual effects guys sure are sweetly exuberant...

As exuberant as Cate Blanchett is pregnant... CB presents the award for Art Direction to the Sweeney Todd peeps.

Hey, an acting award's about to be given out... Best Supporting Actor is woodenly presented by Jennifer Hudson to... Javier Bardem. I'm sad Hal Holbrook didn't win. Josh Brolin seems like a choad.

Hrm... here's Owen Wilson presenting Best Short Film to Les Mozart des Pickpockets.

Oh my freaking God, I thought we were free of Bee Movie!! Seriously? A montage of bees in film?? This was all a lead up to Best Animated Short. Peter and the Wolf won, but I want to see all of the nominees now. I saw some beautiful work in the brief clips.

Best Supporting Actress goes to Tilda Swinton who looks genuinely shocked, which makes sense, because probably everyone else is, too. Her speech is utterly bizarre, but totally hilarious and awesome.

James MacAvoy is cute.

Best Adapted Screenplay goes to (Sarah Polley, Sarah Polley, Sarah Polley...) Joel and Ethan Coen. Oh well.

Kristen Chenoweth might be kind of annoying, but damn, she has a great voice.

Okay, it's break time! Part 2 after the show...

Academy Awards - Regis on the Red Carpet

Regis looks positively orange.

George Clooney's date looks like she's wearing some drapes. Nice drapes, but drapes nonetheless. I heard he met her in Vegas and she was a cocktail waitress.

Regis is also positively kooky.

Marion Cotillard and her Gaultier dress are hot. The lady who is interviewing her... not so much.

I recant my statement about Kelly Preston's dress. I was fooled by E!'s good camera angles. Things are way harsher over here on ABC.

Javier Bardem... another cute Spaniard. How much longer do we have to hear about that hairdo?

Oh look, it's Hannah Montana. Another preternaturally poised CHILD. Eek.

Here's Jennifer Garner sans Gary Busey. I bet she's relieved to be free of the tyranny of the Buse.

I will never be as cool as Helen Mirren. Not even close.

Daniel Day Lewis and his earrings are back. I hate to make fun because DDL is pretty amazing.

Amy Adams seems ever so sweet. I'm suspicious because of the red hair, but she was totally fab in Enchanted.

Now Regis is talking to normal people. That's nice. Who cares?

Oooh, I love the Price Waterhouse dudes.

Ellen Page is gonna get slammed for this look. It's okay, though, as she, too, is way cooler than I'll ever be. So, you know, at least she has that.

Every time I see Hilary Swank, I do not think two-time Best Actress winner. I think the Next Karate Kid.

Okay, I'll blog the first half of the show and post it, then cover the second. Yes, I will be four Oscar posts strong - or is that four Oscar posts crazy?

Less than four minutes til showtime! Oh boy!

Oh, Jon Stewart will be wearing Armani, if you were wondering.

Regis just called Javier Bardem "Xavier". Sigh...

Academy Awards- Let the Fun Begin!

Get your Oscar night started with Radar's Rad Lib Acceptance Speech Generator.

(I didn't find this on my own, you can read Paul Scheer's funny results here.)

I'm busy being mildly annoyed by Ryan Seacrest (who told Tom Wilkinson he sounds pretentious), Giuliana Rancic and Kimora Lee Simmons. Jason Bateman was just talking about his socks. Now they're showing Photoshopped pictures of Javier Bardem's bizarro No Country For Old Men hairstyle on random celebrities. On Helen Mirren... how very... interesting.

The dresses look pretty good so far. I guess Heidi Klum's Galliano number would be the highlight. I haven't seen a full on klunker yet. Hrm. How am I going to make fun of people?

Seacrest just said if he had a fragrance it would be called "Insecurity." This makes me like him just a little bit.

Saoirse Ronan from Atonement is rather witty, but preternaturally poised child actors kind of freak me out. You know, when they're 13 and sound 30.

Okay, John Travolta just showed up. Kelly Preston's Roberto Cavalli dress is pretty awesome. Kelly Preston appears to need attention. Scientologists are weird.

Ooh, look, it's The Rock. I hope my friend Priscilla is watching. He's pretty cute for a built dude. Normally that sort of thing repels me.

I'm really trying to leave, but the stars keep coming! Damn! here comes James MacAvoy. His wife's dress is excellent. Whoa! Seth Rogan's girlfriend is sporting some major cleavage. I hope they don't fall out, it's looking rather dangerous.

I am perplexed by Daniel Day Lewis' rather large (for a man) hoop earrings. I have to confess, earrings on men... not a look I find compelling. Or attractive.

Whew, commercial break. Back when the ABC red carpet stuff starts!

I'm hungry,
Ms. P

Saturday Linkage

I'm watching Ed Schultz on Hardball with Chris Matthews. I'm getting a headache.

Here's some Saturday Links:

Garfield without Garfield. Grim. Hilarious. Jon Arbuckle as you've never seen him before.

An interesting article by Jeff Taylor on Reason.com. Obama vs McCain.

Will someone buy me this shirt, please? Linda Park was wearing one in The Rack. Linda Park should wear one in real life! I just referred to myself in the third person - a sure sign that I'm losing it.

Getting lazy here, did I already send you to My Morning Jacket's Pick Three's on the SXSW Music blog? Here's Two Tone Tommy (aka the husband) and Bo Koster. That Jim James guy and Patrick Hallahan will be served up in the next couple weeks. Koster's choices were so controversial, they made news in Australia. I won't talk about how I'm slightly pissed that they ran the photo I took and excerpted my story with no credit. Oh, I guess I just did. I'M A CREDIT HOG!

I'm also tired in a way that lends to whining.

I hope I have entertained you enough for the day.

Toodle-oo,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Hanson

(This one's worth the double post -it's also up at my SXSW blog...)

Ahh, it seems like just yesterday the Hanson brothers (Isaac, Taylor and Zac) were discovered at SXSW. However, the boys have been busy over the last 10+ years, recording, touring, having kids, and doing philanthropic work with The Walk Tour. Of course, they're also still really cute.

When I told some friends they did The LP Questionnaire, I got beyond excited responses from gals (and guys, too, like Flatiron Management's Jamie Sampson who saw them play at a US Open Tennis Event in '97) aged 24-37, which proves the power of the Hanson is still strong.

We're pleased as punch that the brothers are headed down for this year's fest. In addition to their show at Cedar Door on Saturday night, the lads are also performing as part of SXSW Live on Thursday evening at 8 pm. This show is free to the public, space permitting.

And without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Isaac, Taylor and Zac answer some probing questions from yours truly...

The LP Questionnaire

Names: Isaac, Taylor and Zac Hanson
Pro Wrestling Names:
Isaac: Primal Hellfire
Taylor: Booty Peacemaker
Zac: Lord Mysterio

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Isaac: 1995, Two Princes (Spin Doctors), She's Got A Way (Billy Joel), Rip it Up (Little Richard)
Taylor: 1998, Flower (David Garza), Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes (Paul Simon), Since You've Been Gone (Aretha Franklin)
Zac: 2000, Yellow (Coldplay), Writing to Reach You (Travis), Best I Ever Had (Vertical Horizon)

Which evil villain would make the best president?
Isaac: The Brain (Pinky and the Brain)
Taylor: Dr Octopus (he can do eight things at a time)
Zac: Brack from Space Ghost Coast to Coast

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child?
Isaac: Duck Tales
Taylor: Animaniacs
Zac: Tiny Toons

4. What superpower do you wish you had?
Isaac: The ability to morph into animals
Taylor: X-Ray Vision
Zac: Super Strength

5. What would the title of your autobiography be?
Isaac: Words Of Wisdom With A Foot In My Mouth
Taylor: It's Been A Long Road
Zac: 1 Man 40,000 Gamer Points

Clinton/Obama Debate in Austin

Here's a picture Tom sent of me on TV at the CNN Clinton/Obama Debate tonight.

I feel super famous now.

Actually, what I feel is super tired and my ass hurts from sitting on wooden bleachers for four hours.

It was pretty cool to see the side of Obama's head (which is kind of tiny), though. And a quarter of Hillary's face.

I was in a row with two girls who were pro-Clinton and one woman who was undecided but leaning towards Mrs. C. So that made four of us, at least, as the crowd felt overwhelmingly pro-Obama. They even hissed at Clinton and granted, I wasn't impressed by her going negative. I hate that shit.

I'm sorry I said shit. It's been a long day.

History has been witnessed. Now I'm back at work.

Maybe The Go! Team will cheer me up.

Nighties,
Ms. P

Way Out Wednesday

It's 10 pm.

I am still at work.

I am listening to Stereolab. I wish I was French!

Since I'm still at work I'm missing the Project Runway reunion. I wonder what Christian's hair looks like now.

Apropo of nothing, I'm running this picture of the Silver Surfer again. I just love him to bits.

I might actually be getting excited about SXSW. This is an unusual feeling as I think this time of year dread would be the word more likely to describe my state of mind, but I've been getting to know some of the bands who are coming from afar and My Morning Jacket and Wax Fang are playing so it should be good times all around. I mean, good times for people who aren't working production all night! As the boss says, we don't attend SXSW.

Now I'm listening to "Love's Theme" by the Love Unlimited Orchestra. Bring back the instrumental hit!

Oh - I'm going to the Obama/Clinton debate tomorrow! I will be a witness to history! I can't believe I don't have Obama's fork on me. I could get him to sign it or something (and then get hauled out of the building for being a total freak). I'm also having lunch with my ex-mother in law who lives in Holland and I haven't seen in years. So I might actually be getting excited about Thursday, too.

22 Pistepirkko... that's what's on now...

Oh! The Navy shot down that inoperable spy satellite that was hurtling towards us. We live another day!

Hyvaa yota,
Ms. P

Troubled Tuesday

Barack Obama won Wisconsin. I'm watching MSNBC and people are holding up signs that say, "Change We Can Believe In." How do they know?

An Austin company is trying to stop Korea's dog cloning service. Let the "It's a Korean eat dog world jokes begin." Sigh.

The new lineup for next season's Dancing with the Stars has been announced... Priscilla Presley, Kristi Yamaguchi, Marlee Matlin, Adam Carolla, Shannon Elizabeth, Steve Guttenberg, Monica Seles, Penn Jillette, Mario, Jason Taylor, Cristian De La Fuente and Marissa Jaret Winokur are all going for America's top dancing prize! Okay, I don't know who those last four are, but Penn Jillette? Monica Seles? Adam Carolla?! Marlee Matlin... I almost feel compelled to watch this impending train wreck.

To add to the randomness, here's some 'Til Tuesday. Aimee Mann had the coolest hair ever.



Goodnight,
Ms. P

Jumper

A friend told me recently that what bloggers do is sit around writing about how things suck.

Well, I'm going to continue in that great tradition by telling you about the new Doug Liman film, Jumper.

It sucks.

Hayden Christensen sucks. I can no longer blame George Lucas for his wooden acting.

Rachel Bilson sucks. She has the blank stare down. This will be great if she ever lands the lead role in Lifetime Television Presents: The Paris Hilton Story.

Samuel L. Jackson sucks. Can you say phoning it in? And what was up with that creepy spray painted white hair?

David S Goyer sucks. My husband says he's an awesome writer. Not awesome enough to save this mess, unfortunately! All hail the plotless film!

Jamie Bell... doesn't suck. Too bad he's barely in the movie. Too bad his character was basically aping Christopher Eccleston's turn on Heroes.

I think I've covered everyone. Diane Lane's not even worth mentioning so throwaway was her role. I want my 90 minutes back! I know I deserve a lecture on my movie choices but really, it's stressful days at work, and I just wanted to escape and have some fun! Is that too much to ask?!

I also watched The Last Mimzy last night. The people who made that movie had to have been on drugs. Lots of them. I love the idea of sending a bunny back in time to save humankind, though. I love bunnies!!

I probably suck, too,
Ms. P

Greased Pig Racing

Now that I've seen what Greased Pig Racing is, I can safely say I never want to see it again.

I'm watching Bravo's Top 20 Most Outrageous Moments. Saturday night desperation has reached new heights.

In other news... President Bush... still a jerk.

I'm crabby. Maybe this will cheer me up...



I light my torch,
Ms. P

SXSW

I am now blogging for South by Southwest, as well our fabulous Velocity.

Yes, I am crazy.

Also, to those of you who click through here from the SXSW site, please be assured that the opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone.

I hope everyone is having a splendid Valentine's Day. Tom bought me a Kathleen Lolley painting and sent me Vera Wang flowers. I think Vera Wang is taking over the world or something.

I was so beat from work I couldn't manage to stay awake to find out who made it to the final three of Project Runway! All I saw as I was drifting to sleep was some crazy black concoction that Christian came up with. Sigh.

Hope your hearts are sweet,
Ms. P

The Viper Room

So, The Viper Room, the club once owned by former Kentucky resident Johnny Depp, has been sold. The club I used to book for 3 1/2 years. The club where I once saw Marcus Schenkenberg, Pamela Anderson, Morrissey, that guy from Blues Traveler and Alicia Silverstone all enjoying The Pretenders. The club where Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson came to see Hole (that's a weird one, right?) The club where Catherine Zeta Jones and some housewives from Virginia converged to swoon over Russell Crowe's 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. The club that clearly has afforded me a lifetime of name dropping, is now going to be franchised. Euw.

Apparently some guy who used to date Lindsay Lohan bought it. How sad, but fitting.

Another former talent buyer, Stacy Grenrock Woods recently wrote a memoir called I, California. A review called her time at The VR her "brief flirtation with fame." My friend Jackey, who followed, did get a mention in Elmore Leonard's Be Cool. However, I think flirtations with fame were a thing of the past by the time I joined up (unless you count really rare flirting with famous people).

Here I am in skinnier (and sluttier, apparently) times with my friend Tommi, who was the office manager and one of the prettiest girls I've ever known. The bartender in the background I once caught on Skinemax. That was pretty funny. To his credit he wasn't embarrassed at all when I told him.

Cheers to the old days,
Ms. P

photo by Christine Lozano

Posting Drought

I feel like I've been full of apology lately for lazy posting and unfortunately, I think it might not get that much better over the next month. I'm working seven day weeks and that won't change til South by Southwest is over. So, please, fair readers, abandon me not!

Besides, it's hard to decide what to cover...

Amy Winehouse pulling a not bad performance out of her beehive at the Grammys? Keith Richards saying she should get her act together, then calling her a bitch?

Mitt Romney dropping out? Mike Huckabee refusing to drop out even though there's no way he can win the nomination at this point?

Nobel Prize winning author Doris Lessing saying Obama will be assassinated if he wins? This is the same thing 50 Cent said. Great minds think alike?

Jack Nicholson revealing his pickup line, "You walk up to someone you like and you're feeling relaxed, they think, 'Oh, here comes the shark' and you say to them, 'When did you get pregnant?'" I find it hard to believe this is the secret to his success all these years. However, this reminds me of a recent episode of Ugly Betty... If you watch you know what I'm talking about.

The Anonymous protests at Scientology centers around the world? I'm kind of impressed, and sure I think Scientology is beyond bizarre, but there are other people who act in the name of crazy religion who are doing more harm, methinks.

So much going on in the world, and I have to get back to work.

Catch ya later, tater,
Ms. P

Mike Huckabee at CPAC

Chuckabee just said, "We don't need governments telling us how to raise our kids and grow our families." He followed this with, "I will not just support but be willing to lead a Human Life Amendment to the United States Constitution."

Well... okay. Nice way to contradict yourself in the space of two minutes. I'm betting that "Human Life Amendment" doesn't include abolishing the death penalty.

We all know Mr. H is cuckoo for Cocoa Cocoa Puffs. I don't even want him as a VP, but I'm guessing he'll end up on the ticket.

And I realize that he's an affable guy who's done good things for the poor, and I admire his anti-obesity campaign and all... I even enjoy his Colbert Report appearances. I just think that's how we get suckered. How many moderates are watching him on CPAC early on a Saturday morning and listening to this crazy talk? Only goobers like me!

I maintain that the wisest choice for President is so wise he/she will never run. Becoming President isn't even as honorable as becoming the next American Idol anymore with all the pandering one has to do. If you look at the map above, this is how we voted in 2004. It speaks volumes... loud, annoying, screechy volumes. Abolish the Electoral Collge, says I.

It sure is nice outside, but I'm going to work,
Ms. P

Death Star Canteen

Warning - some objectionable language, but darn if this isn't funny. Legos meet Eddie Izzard meet Darth Vader.



Sorry I've been remiss about posting but for some reason the work gets in the way.

Happy Friday,
Ms. P

TOM TURNS 30!

My totally groovy husband turns 30 today. Sadly, he's in Kentucky, and I'm here (in Texas), so I must make do with an embarrassing public display of affection.

Happy Birthday, dude. You're lovely and I'm glad we're finally in the same damn decade!

xoox,
Ms. P

200th Post! Aww Yeah!

Does this mean I'm prolific and splendid or a loser with no life? Let's go with the former.

This season of House is really... getting on my nerves. I hate the new team, I miss my Chase (I mean, wasn't Jesse Spencer totally dreamy in Uptown Girls?!), and House asking an 11-year old what sexual positions her mother likes best was positively mortifying and in bad taste, imho. Why Hugh Laurie is agreeing to this - and spray on hair - I'm not sure.

Speaking of Uptown Girls, has anyone seen Brittany Murphy lately? Eek. I really don't understand why actresses can't lay off the collagen already. I mean, don't they have mirrors?

Is it totally cheesy to admit that I just bought "Whichever Way the Wind Blows" by Pete Droge on iTunes because I heard it in a Toyota commercial? I stopped following Droge about ten years ago, but I'm glad to see he's making some scratch. Seriously. I like it when musicians I enjoy get to eat and stuff. It's not selling out (unless you're The Who or something and already have more money than God in which case it seems lame unless you're donating all that money to charity, and yes I'm being judgmental but that's what snarky bloggers like me do), it's having something to retire on. Having a house to live in. Then again, if the commercial had been for Wal-Mart I might feel differently.

Apple is doing it to me again. If I hear that freaking Yael Naim song one more time, I am going to throw my iBook out the window. I'll never buy an Apple Air now (not like I would anyway). I'm sorry, Yael. It's not your fault. You look cute and everything, but it's a bummer that Mac had to Feist you.

Feist is now a verb.

Also - is that Kings of Leon I hear in that Ford ad? I hate that band. Seriously, I go all Incredible Hulk when I'm subjected to that guy's voice. They're asshats, too, in case you were wondering.

By the way, I never say anything behind anyone's back or in print that I wouldn't say to his/her face. This has endeared me to many, as you can imagine. At least I'm not two-faced, right?

I leave you on this momentous 200th post occasion with a story about a firefighter giving mouth to mouth to some dogs. And they lived!

Never you mind,
Ms. P

ps. I'm not writing about Super Tuesday because, well, I have Chris Matthews fatigue and it's like I'm blocked when it comes to thinking about politics. Besides, not much changed, really, although we could be seeing the end of Romney. I'm in tears over that one, lemme tell ya.

pps. I just saw Karl Rove debuting on Fox News (I'm watching A Daily Show). Does that guy look like Mr. Potato Head or what?!! Sorry Mr. PH. I know that's a bummer for you.

John Mayer Scares Me

Oh. My. God.
This might not be work safe. I honestly don't know. It is definitely not people safe.

Internet Friend Jason, if you're reading, this is worse than that John Travolta picture.

Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Chuckabee and Obama all won some stuff. So did that Romney guy. More on that later.

My eyes! My eyes!
Ms. P

Good Reads

My friend Amanda just sent me to the coolest site. It's called Good Reads and you can set up a list you can share with friends (or enemies). Neato, huh? I sound like a Good Reads infomercial now.

Anyway, you can be my bookish bud and find out all about the teen fiction I read. Yes, it's true. It's research, people!

I am literate!
Ms. P

Charlie Brown Has a Coke and a Smile and Other Monday Musings

My friend Will's choice for best Superbowl ad.

The commercials seemed weak. I don't get the hype. That Audi Godfather ripoff was just weird.

If I hear one more Republican candidate talk about Ronald Reagan I'm going to puke.

In case you were wondering, Bill Kristol still sucks.

I love how all the Linda Park latest news on perfectpeople.net are my blog entries. Tee hee.

Fashion Week is upon us once more! Everything I've seen so far has been pretty divine. My favorite look to date is this schoolmarm outfit from Rag & Bone. Diane von Furstenburg and Sari Gueron had some lovely dresses, and colored tights are sticking around (further proof that the late 80s/early 90s are on their way back). Hello Heathers! I can't wait until Fall when these looks have been distilled and distilled again to the point where I can buy them on sale at the Gap. I hate to admit this, but really, for one week I would love to be rich and fabulous so I could see some of these shows and buy some of these clothes.

As always you can keep up with all things Fashion Week at New York magazine's excellent website.

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday. I'll be glued to MSNBC. I don't even know who I want to come out ahead at this point. I want them both to win.

Crap. I have the hiccups,
Ms. P

You Suck at Photoshop

As with most things in life, I'm late to this. More lazy YouTube posting (sorry!), but aside from the Dane Cook/Ben Stiller delivery, this is pretty funny. Might contain objectionable language. Might teach you some stuff in Photoshop. I think #2 is my favorite. Thanks, Paula, for sending (P's book comes out tomorrow. GO BUY IT!

















Back later with semi-interesting musings,
Ms. P

Anderson Cooper Loves Me

Or, someone pretending to be Anderson Cooper on the internets is now following me on Twitter, which I use but still don't really understand. It's like a giant instant message conversation, right?

Meanwhile, Jason over at the Courier-Journal forum said, "and as far as the veolocity bloggers go, no offense, but they are a joke. they are no better than anyone else out there, and i am not quite sure why anyone would care or take merit in what they say."

Who are these Veolocity bloggers who are without merit? I've never heard of Veolocity, but there's something weirdly meta or ironic about this judgment (or this proves I don't know what meta or irony mean, which is entirely possible).

This also reminds me of a hilarious comment I read on Brooklyn Vegan (in response to a story about that Shins guy who got arrested for domestic violence against his America's Next Top Model contestant gf): "I'm going to judge the shit out of both of them (which correlates in no way to be me being home, alone, and on the internet at 3:00 AM on a Saturday night). I can publicly make insane assumptions about people based on scant information whenever I want--I use the internet!"

Though I tend not to think of any of us, the Velocity bloggers, as jokes, why does anyone care about what anyone says?

All I know is everyone has an opinion. Everyone wants to be heard. And why not? We use the internet!

I used to love my Gloria Vanderbilt jeans,
Ms. P

I Don't Like Sarah Silverman but She's F***ing Matt Damon!

It made me laugh. Sorry for all the lazy YouTube posting. I think I love Matt Damon now.

Cause I'm a Woman!

Am I the only person out there who has this commercial forever etched onto her brain?

Gosh, I hope not. I routinely quote the "bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan" line to people.

Yes, I'm full of fromage,
Ms. P