Pink Hair and Her Millionaire

Well, I guess we all knew deep down that Bret would never pick that skanky stripper Heather. What the hell was up with that yellow dress and giant hair? She looked like Divine, for God's sake.

I'm dancing around the house for I am FREE! Free of the tyranny of Bret Michael and his hos! Free of hearing that horrible sucking smacking sound when he gets smoochy! My life can return to its pristine silicone/collagen free state! Until next Sunday, that is, when they have the reunion show.

I'm totally getting my hair cut like Jes now, though. Totally.

On another note, I NEVER want to see Nathan Fillion in a suburban dad plaid button up EVER AGAIN ::shudder::. More on Desperate Housewives tomorrow.

And speaking of tomorrow... get to know Two Tone Tommy via the LP Questionnaire! My Morning Jacket's deepest secrets revealed!! Okay, not really, but, you know, should be good for a chuckle and all.

Bass players rule!
Ms. P

ps. I really wish Family Guy would get rid of the pedophile character. He's NOT FUNNY!

Politic Tacs

The John Roberts-led Supreme Court starts its second term tomorrow. I don't think I'd like to be Justice Anthony Kennedy right now. I don't think the power of being the swing voter would outweigh the pressure. Affecting Kentucky (and the nation) is Baze vs Rees. Just how much pain during lethal injection is too much? To me, this is further proof that the Death Penalty should be abolished. How do we have the discussion of who deserves to die and how inconvenient should it be? Two wrongs don't make a right, right? It's such a strange juxtaposition that so many people who are pro-choice are anti-death penalty and so many that are pro-life are pro-death penalty. Would I give up a woman's right to choose in order to save a murderer from execution? Shoo. I just gave myself a headache.

Close but no bin Laden. Osama bin Laden seems like the Wizard of Oz at this point. A mythical character who, at the end of the Oil Brick Road, will be nothing more than a short bald white dude behind a curtain. Last month, U.S. troops searched the mountain caves in Tora Bora. Unfortunately, they failed to find Bin Laden or his deputy, Ayman al Zawahiri, though their attacks left dozens of al Qaeda and Taliban dead. Not enough coordination and not enough "dark side", apparently. We need Darth Vader to ferret him out? Has it really come to this?

Exile on Hussein St. New reports indicate that Saddam Hussein offered to step down and go into exile one month before the invasion of Iraq. This is chilling, and why isn't anyone talking about it? The $1 billion price tag was steep, yes, but I don't feel like this is just a case of hindsight being 20/20. It's more like foresight is blind as a bat. I'm torn on this, though, as I've never been one for rewarding evil dictators.

Blackwater, a byproduct of what happens when you have war for profit, is under fire (no pun intended) for a shootout that left ten Iraqis dead. I'm curious, though, would this case be different if they were military and not mercenary?

I want to start a website listing the things Fred Thompson doesn't know. The Jena 6, Terry Schiavo, Bush's social security plan... and so on. I wouldn't even vote him in as fictional District Attorney of New York City at this point. Geez.

Love Louisville (but only if you love God?). I'm impressed by the efforts of Love Louisville but wish they weren't so God-centric. Why does it have to be about showing God's love? Why not your love? One of the many problems I have with Christianity is the abdication of responsibility. If you practice random acts of kindness, it's to show God's love. If you suffer tragedy, it's God's will. I thought one of the main things God gave us was... free will! I don't understand the motivation for doing good for God's reward or avoiding bad behavior in fear of God's punishment. Can't we, as people, want to be moral, responsible citizens simply for the sake of being moral, responsible citizens? Because it's the right thing to do? If this fear-driven goodness was the only consequence of religion, I might say hats off, but I think we've all seen God used in too many all too human, all too unfortunate ways. That said, I heartily applaud any Louisvillian (and anyone) who wants to be kind for any reason. On any day.

There was a CNN article this week about toilet paper theft at the Fond du Lac City County Government Center in Wisconsin. I'm glad this is news. I mean, SIX ROLLS PER WEEK, PEOPLE! Great civilizations have fallen for less!

Lastly, Newt Gingrich is not running for president (boo hoo). Bill Clinton made the Sunday rounds (like Hillary did last week, their omnipresence is impressive) and declared that he would be happy with an office in the White House basement, Kevin Costner lost $40 million dollars on failed Green Initiatives (so he's not a genius, at least he cares), and Jonathan Demme premiered his Jimmy Carter documentary at the Toronto Film Festival (said Carter regarding his faith, "I worship Christ who was the prince of peace, not pre-emptive war.")

Best regards from the Happy Heathen,
Ms. P

ps. Rock of Love finale post later tonight! My Morning Jacket "LP Questionnaire" answers all this week! More TV! More Politics! More cheese!

Moonlight by Numb3rs

It's Saturday afternoon and I'm on the couch watching The Pirate Movie. Does anyone else remember this little gem? Perhaps "gem" is stretching it but I admit, I had the soundtrack when I was a kid. Who can forget Christopher Atkins and Kristy McNichol in the pirate-musical-rom-com? Probably everyone except me. I used to think KM was so cool. I wanted to be a tomboy like Buddy (which is going even further back, if anyone remembers the show Family).

So, who watched the season premieres of Moonlight and Numb3rs? I did and I'm not sure I'm a better person for it, really.

Moonlight disappointed me, I'm afraid to say. Alex O'Loughlin is a fairly charismatic lead (even if he has man boobs that I'm a bit disturbed wardrobe chose to accentuate at every turn), but Sophia Myles, as Tom said, "dragged the whole show down." I'm not sure if it's because she was concentrating too hard on sounding American (she's English and was Isolde in Tristan & Isolde) or if she's just a bad actress or if it's just that the script was so weak. Take your pick. Even Jason Dohring was unsufferable as private detective Mick St. John's best friend. His speed-talking hey-look-at-me-I'm-a-rich-and-powerful-vampire delivery was embarrassing to watch. Oh Logan, please come back, I say! The crime solving vampire premise has been done before (see: Angel) but I couldn't get into David Boreanz. And I don't think I'll be getting into Moonlight, either, but it will get a second chance (unlike Bionic Woman).

I've been watching Numb3rs since the very beginning and frankly, I'm the only person I know who does. I'm a little sad to see that Rob Morrow's tidily rolled up sleeves are gone this season in favor of knit polos and what looks like a 20 pound weight gain. I'm also not quite sure about David Krumholtz's new hairdo and George Michael-esque stubble. My favorite character on the show is Diane Farr's FBI Agent Megan Reeves. She's come a long way from Loveline. Val Kilmer, who also gained 20 pounds, plays the torturous double agent Mason Lancer (or was he a triple agent?) in a season opener that answers the question of what was really going on with Dylan Bruno's Agent Colby Granger. Filmmaker Tony Scott (wow, I just read he's directing the Warriors remake), who along with his brother Ridley is an executive producer on the show, directed this episode. While I'm sure that brought in some viewers, I wonder if they'll stay. I know I'm still hooked but it might only be because I'm a goober who has nothing else to do on a Friday night. Although, really, who can resist Peter MacNicol?!

In other TV news, The Sarah Silverman Program starts this Wednesday. I definitely won't be watching because Silverman's "I say doody" appeal eludes me. As my internet pal Jason Urbanciz observed, "Yeah, I don't really get her. Is she supposed to be funny since she's hot and is a bitch? Dude, I had enough of those in High School."

I will be watching the return of Nip/Tuck, though. It's a ways away (Oct 30) but FX has been running those awful "Wicked Game" promos for a while now. I gave up on Christian and Sean last year because watching Dr. Troy have a three-way with a mother and daughter was just a bit much, but I'm intrigued by the move to the City of Angels. Also, John Schneider and Daphne Zuniga guest star this season. I would have preferred Tom Wopat and Laura Leighton, come to think of it.

Alright, I must return my attention to the fabulous Pirate Movie. Is anyone else out there going to see Follow the Train and VHS or Beta at Headliner's tonight? This is the first show I've been to in Louisville in almost a year.

Give me a happy ending,
Ms. P

ps. Politics tomorrow and don't forget, on Monday I'm starting my feature "The LP Questionnaire". Next week is dedicated to all five members of My Morning Jacket (with the following to the men behind MMJ), and I have some other musical luminaries including Wax Fang, Ira Elliott from Nada Surf (they have a show coming up, October 17 at Jim Porter's Emporium) and Jimi Goodwin from doves. Don't miss the fun, fun, fun.

Dog Day Afternoon

I was going to write a post tonight after watching the Moonlight and Numb3rs premieres but I'll wait since it will give me some material for tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm sititing here at my desk having a perfect Friday afternoon: the dog's asleep on her little stuffed bone pillow, the cat is curled up in my lap, and I'm listening to a strange mix including Led Zeppelin, Remy Zero, Andrea Bocelli and Polara (to name a few). Just minutes ago I heard "Moon River", Blair from Gossip Girl's favorite song (she has a huge Breakfast at Tiffany's/Audrey Hepburn fixation), and thought, hey, I can write about episode two of everyone's new favorite guilty pleasure.

Blake Lively doesn't quite make it as Serena van der Woodsen for me. The character in the books is described as the most ethereal, charismatic, undeniable beauty the world has ever seen. Of course this person doesn't exist in real life and once I get used to the series and can separate it from the books, maybe she'll seem more believable. I hope so, anyway, because I do like Lively as an actress (she was great in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants). Leighton Meester's Blair is far more bitchy and Ed Westwick's Chuck far more despicable (and ridiculous but not in a funny way). Penn Badgley's Dan isn't quite as tortured and sister Jenny is far more attractive (I can't believe it's Cindy Lou Who all grown up). The parents are annoying but I confess I like Rufus better as a semi-sad sack aging rock star. It will be interesting to see Jessica Szohr's Vanessa once she turns up. I'm assuming she won't be bald, though, which is a bit disappointing.

Okay, since I can only indulge my vapid side so much, let's move on to some news type items...

The Kentucky Democratic Party filed a complaint alleging that the Republican Governors Association violated state law in that tacky advertising campaign I keep griping about. From the Courier-Journal : The complaint was filed this week with the Kentucky Registry of Election Finance. It claims the association accepted contributions greater than the $1,500 allowed by law for some political groups, illegally coordinated its efforts with the campaign of Gov. Ernie Fletcher regarding the ads and failed to register as a campaign committee in Kentucky.

I know I make a lot of snarky comments, but I am really tired of the hate speech from both sides. However, I guess attitude reflects leadership, as the wise Julius said. And that's Campbell, not Caesar. Remember the Titans, not Shakespeare.

So, Mitch McConnell, even though I think you're a jerk, I take back calling you a pasty-faced robotic white dude. Or whatever it was I said.

Take a nostalgic trip back in time with past political commercials courtesy of The Living Room Candidate. I especially enjoyed Adlai Stevenson's "I love the Gov" ad. "Didn't know much about him before he came, but now my heart's a ballot that bears his name." What a snappy song!

I was going to mention the Hardee's/Carl's Jr deal with PETA to buy eggs and pork from suppliers who don't keep animals in cages or crates but you'll probably be more interested in animal rights if they come via a naked Alicia Silverstone.

Back to the salt mines,
Ms. P

Ugly Betty Made Me Cry

More TV recaps and some snooze, I mean news...

Ugly Betty *SPOILER ALERT*
Oooh, what a dirty trick! I was all excited to see that Santos survived the convenience store robbery cliffhanger from last season and (admittedly, I didn't see the first two minutes of the show so if it was explained that this was Hilda grieving, I missed it). Anyway, I was charmed by the scenes of them planning the wedding with him reading the vows and she in her dress and then BAM! Hilda's alone in the dark and it was all just a fantasy or dream and :sob:! Here's something I find a bit lame, and I guess they had to do this for the Hilda storyline, but now Justin's behavior throughout the ep seems mighty weird.

At least Henry makes his way back to New York at the end of the show and in a scene that for some reason reminded me of the beginning of the "Welcome to the Jungle" video by Guns 'n Roses, we see him getting off the bus in Times Square and that's the end of the show.

Grey's Anatomy
I haven't seen this series since the first couple of episodes where Meredith Grey's earnest and completely awful voice overs turned me off forever, but I thought hey, I'll give it another shot. Not much has changed, I'm sad to say. The last ep I watched had Izzie treating someone in the parking lot and this episode had Izzie treating some... thing in the parking lot. I really wish this show was called Christina Yang's Anatomy instead. That is a show I would watch, but I guess it doesn't make for as clever a title.

My DVR decided to pick tonight to become possessed so I have nothing to say about Big Shots except that, goodness, I hope it's not as dreadful as the commercials make it look.

Oh, oh, oh! Very exciting news today... The fourth season of Project Runway starts November 14.

Enough TV, let's talk about Bill O'Reilly (oh wait, that is TV) who said today, ""[I]f I could strangle these people and not go to hell and get executed... I would -- but I can't. ... All I can do is expose them. And I will." He's referring to the media who have portrayed his racist statements as, err, racist. We all know Bill O'Reilly is a nutcase but can't you get arrested for saying crap like that?

And finally, a recent study shows that men are happier than women. This is news? One thing I found funny: "Men apparently enjoy being with their parents, while women find time with their mom and dad to be slightly less pleasant than doing laundry." Any thoughts, ladies?

Oh bleah, Mitch McConnell is acting like a robot in some senate proceeding. (I'm watching The Daily Show as I write, and could someone please tell me why the MoveOn.org ad was important enough to generate a Senate vote for condemnation?) I read the article in the Courier-Journal about how Mitchie has a much higher approval rating than the president although funnily enough, when I Googled MM to get the link, all the hits were for sites talking about how his ratings keep dropping. Oh well, at least Beshear's lead over Fletcher is holding strong even though the RGA made another one of those horribly stupid and offensive commercials slamming him. I feel sorry for that little girl (unless she really is as smug and snotty as the ads make her look).

Alright, time for sleeps.

Pleasant dreams,
Ms. P

See If Anyone Fits the Bill

I guess this marks the first week of full on Fall TV fun! Oh boy!

For your reading pleasure, a few random recaps:

America's Next Top Model
After showing cycle after cycle of models puffing away, this year ANTM is a smoke-free zone because Tyra don't want the girlies being bad role models for future generations of impressionable young ANTM wannabes. The first photo shoot of the season centers around how smoking is nasty, and the models are made up as cancer patients with bald heads, facial tumors or hair falling out and in one particularly gruesome moment of bad taste as the girl who smoked while pregnant and had a stillborn child (complete with fake dead baby). Now that is a fashion statement!

I still like the Indiana Asperger's girl even if she is a bit awkward - perhaps especially because she's a bit awkward. I find it strange that they had a shot of all the black girls laughing at her while the white girls were portrayed as finding her odd but trying to understand. I also like the Yalie and the exotic dancer. I do not like Bianca the biyaatch who yelled at her, "You think America's next top model is going to be a stripper? Give up and go home." I say, "You think America's next top model is going to be a skanky mean girl with a bad weave? Give up and go home."

All the drama was followed by the girls getting ridiculously excited about a trip to Old Navy. Maybe they heard that Todd Oldham was named Creative Director.

The show ended with Mila getting the boot and good riddance. She seemed like a nice enough girl, but I have no idea how she made it into the house to begin with. Especially over the nice girl from Alaska who had the troubled past.

Reaper
Slacker and his abrasive chubby friend make semi-lovable duo. Haven't seen that one before, (okay, I haven't seen it where the slacker's parents sold his soul to the devil, but still)! Oooh, the chubby friend is mean to animals (and has apparently seen every Jack Black movie). Nice. I'm not sure I get the appeal of this show (nor do I get why my friend Cherie thinks Bret Harrison, who plays Sam, is cute), but Ray Wise sparkles as the Devil and I'm considering joining the dark side now. Or is the dark side only for Star Wars?

I do love how Dolores Herbig and her big brown eyes have shown up in both series featuring reapers. Only fans of Dead Like Me will appreciate that joke.

I am slightly annoyed that we now have two shows centered around lovable dorks who work at generic superstores. Who will win the battle? Reaper or Chuck? Or will both emerge victorious?

Criminal Minds
I'm not sure I like where they're headed with Mandy Patinkin's send off but considering how he screwed the show, perhaps it's only fitting. Matthew Gray Gubler is still cute as Dr. Spencer Reed, the youngest most adorable genius ever, and I remain impressed with Thomas Gibson. (I mean, Dharma & Greg? Yech.) The murders kind of freaked me out but the resolution was weak. I hope things improve and that Hotch doesn't get canned.

And finally, in the real world...
I need a Manolo Blahnik Fairy. I've heard nice things about Renee Zellweger which make me feel bad every time I cringe at her scrunched up face. It's kind of groovy when stars are weirdly altruistic (and Paris and Avril's bs publicity stunts don't count)!

Donald Trump called Dan Rather a loser on CNN. First Rosie, now Dan... who will he set his sights on next? And why should we care?

The Judge in the Phil Spector murder case declared a mistrial. I guess my advice to anyone who wants to commit murder is move to Hollywood and become a washed up celebrity. I mean seriously... first OJ, then Robert Blake, now this? I guess it's true when they say bad things come in threes.

Til tomorrow (wait, it is tomorrow!)
Ms. P

Segue Silliness

Goodness, the newsmakers have been busy as bees lately...

I wasn't going to write about Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to New York but then he had to go and say, "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country. We don't have that like in your country. ... In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have this." Methinks he doth protest too much!

Speaking of stupid quotes... a senior Bush official called Barack Obama " intellectually lazy". And yes, I just linked you to the Drudge Report. I'm going to burn in Hell now along with Kathy Griffin. Oh wait! I don't believe in Hell! Sorry... Obama might not be ready to be our next president but intellectually lazy? I guess it takes one to know one.

Speaking of Bush... Kanye West had this to say about the president, "I have a hard time believing that George Bush cares about anyone. So, sidebar, black people also. You know?" I'm not sure I do, but I agree.

Speaking of black people... the mayor of Jena, Louisiana also doesn't care about them and welcomed white supremacist groups and their "moral support" into his town. The story mentions David Duke so you know they're all a bunch of jerks. Seriously, though, I hope more and more white supremacists come out of the woodwork so we can all see what complete and total losers they are.

Speaking of losers... here are some choice morsels from Bill O'Reilly about the differences between white people and black people. The surprise? There aren't as many as he thought! That he finds this surprising is what makes him an out of touch white dude.

Speaking of white dudes... Wes Anderson's short film The Hotel Chevalier will be available for free download on iTunes as of tomorrow. The film is getting a lot of press because apparently Natalie Portman gets naked in it.

Speaking of iTunes... my celebrity boyfriend Hugh Laurie, along with Band for TV bandmates James Denton of Desperate Housewives and Greg Grunberg of Heroes have recorded a version of Cab Calloway's jazz classic 'Minnie The Moocher' and apparently it's a surprise download hit.

Speaking of Heroes... I won't write any spoilers but I will say I was a bit disappointed. However, I see the promise in some interesting developments. What excited me most, though, was the appearance of Stephen Tobolowsky! I love that guy! What disgusted me the most? NBC's constant ad snipes at the bottom of my freakin' screen! Cut it out already!

Speaking of NBC... I really wish they weren't hyping the Bionic Woman premiere as the event of the fall season because I've seen the pilot and let me tell you... it's not.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I have to go lift weights and watch Oprah.

Catch ya later tater,
Ms. P

ps. I'm very excited about a new blog feature I'm debuting next week with Louisville's very own My Morning Jacket. It's called "The LP Questionnaire". Stay tuned for the oodles of fun it's sure to be as noteworthy citizens of the world bare their souls via questions like, "Which evil villain would make the best president?" I should have qualified that with "besides the one we have now" but that's just redundant!

What I Get for Googling

I must start today's post with an apology to grammarians everywhere (the photo is of me being sheepish). I like to think I'm one of you but every now and then I mess up real real bad and realize that despite my attempts to edumacate myself, I am just a poor little high school dropout from Plano, Texas. My head hangs in shame and my only advice to people is, "Don't be Googling grammar rules at three in the morning." Being a writer who uses parentheses as a crutch of sorts, you'd think I would be savvy to their ways. And I thought I was, but then I read on some site that you should put the period inside the parenthesis. So I did - and it was wrong - and I will never trust the internet again. However, now I understand the rules, and I've even fixed my past posts so future readers won't see what a goober I am. What's even more embarrassing is that two writers I really admire have both visited the blog and witnessed my grammatical faux pas. So, good readers, if you ever catch me making parenthetical mistakes (or any others, but not mistakes of opinion because I never make those), call me out! And to those who hate people who use hypens for dashes, tough luck. Blogger won't accept "option + hyphen" and I refuse to do the "--" thing. So there!

Speaking of Googling... It's a bit unfortunate that I share a name with a Korean actress who was on Enterprise and Raines. Unfortunate because when I look at the stats for my little Velocity page I see people who are busy searching for "Hot pictures of Linda Park" or "Linda Park porn". So, to the dude in Conway, Arkansas... I know what you're doing, you little perv! How disappointed he must have been when he saw my goofy, completely clothed, mug. Tee hee!

Heroes starts tonight. I haven't seen Tom this excited about something on the telly in ages so it better be good. Chuck and Journeyman premiere this evening, as well. I don't think I mentioned how happy I am to see My Bodyguard (Adam Baldwin in Chuck) back in action! Maybe they could write a little part for Chris Makepeace! Speaking of Chris Makepeace, has anyone else seen Mazes and Monsters (which starred CM and a little-known at the time actor named Tom Hanks)? What a genius piece of moviemaking.

But I digress...
Ms. P

ps. My friend Tina asked me if I was covering the visit of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and no, I'm not (although, what do you think about them not letting him place a wreath at Ground Zero?) but she had the funniest description of him that he'll probably ever get. In fact, I hope he Googles himself and finds this. She said, "He looks like a smug, Ahole who thinks he's really hot." So true.

Minor Musings

Why is MTV even called Music Television anymore? It's become the strange dumping ground for previously aired reality shows (It's how I see all the old America's Next Top Model cycles and they had an entire season's marathon of So You Think You Can Dance this weekend). I remember when I was 13 and my mother wouldn't get cable (thereby stunting my growth as a human being), and I had to resort to hanging out at friends' houses so I could watch the virtual loop of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" (creepy yet fascinating), "Hungry Like the Wolf" (Duran Duran were the first loves of my life), "Every Breath You Take" (I thought Stewart and Andy were way cuter than Stink), and that one song by Asia. There was a lot of "Owner of a Lonely Heart", Journey and Michael Jackson in there, too. This is an eclectic list, looking back on it. Recently, Justin Timberlake implored MTV to go back to playing videos again and to stop it with the Simpsons (I had to explain to Tom that he meant Jessica and Ashlee, not Homer and Marge). I wish they would, too, but only if they'd go back to 1983.

On the other hand, I don't care if VH-1 plays videos because they showed crappy stuff, anyway, and I'm perfectly happy with my Rock of Love. Next week is the finale and the preview on today's clip show had Bret asking Heather and Jes if they would both be his girlfriend. Blech. My money's on Heather for sure because I know my beloved Jes would never agree to such a thing. The clip show was a bit disturbing as I was perfectly fine living a life free of Rodeo's flatulence, Heather and Brandi C's narcissistic smooching and Bret's various weaves (does he really think he's fooling us??!) Still, I'll be a bit sad when the band of skanks departs the airwaves but happy that my Reality TV viewing is on the decline.

Speaking of Reality TV, Tim Gunn's Guide to Style is getting better but not much. Trolling through the underwear drawers of the contestants is a bit cheap and the OptiTex demonstrations are still horrid. I will again make my desperate plea for the return of Project Runway, a show I heart so much it made it into my wedding vows (which was actually a surprise), and before you start thinking Tom and I are really dopey or something, it was a joke. Thanks, George :).

Moving on... to MoveOn... Every single politishow I watched this weekend talked about MoveOn.org's General Betray Us advertisement. Stunts like that seem kind of ill-conceived as that kind of message only preaches to the choir, don't you think?

For some reason this montage of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton laughing at Fox News' Chris Wallace cracked me up.

This, however, did not crack me up. Why am I not surprised that Evangelicals are the least likely to recycle? They (supposedly) have someplace better to go when it all goes to poo here. My mom recycles, though. Probably trying to leave the world a better place since I'll be stuck here after she gets all raptured and stuff.

Has anyone else caught any of Alan Greenspan's numerous appearances this week? I enjoyed hearing about how he lured Andrea Mitchell back to his apartment on their first date with the promise of an essay on anti-trust monopolies, and they've been together ever since! Greenspan has a new book out that's quite critical of Bush. My problem with this is that these people keep speaking truth to power when they no longer have it. Greenspan said that Clinton and Nixon were the smartest presidents he worked for. Interesting, isn't it, that the two most intelligent presidents were also the two most plagued by scandal?

Okay, time to pay attention to Brian Griffin as Chewbacca on the season premiere of Family Guy. Of course Stewie is Darth Vader.

Stop that ship! Blast 'em!
Ms. P

ps. This picture of Yoda was taken at last year's Wizard World. Have you ever been? Some fascinating, err, people at the ol' WW. Also, if I see this Feist iPod commercial one more time I'm going to scream. Just when I was ready to like her she had to go all ubiquitous on me.

Doing the (Book) Worm

I've been meaning to write about books for a bit and I'm finding myself lacking in wit today so why not discuss other people's writing instead of smacking ya upside the head with mine? I just realized that all rhymed in a really dorky way (which means it stays, oh God I did it again!)

Here are some favorites of mine (in no particular order):

1. A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving. I read this in the summer of '91 when I was in Germany (it was one of the only books in English at my friend's apartment). Owen and his thoughtful high-pitched voice still echo in my head. I didn't bother to see Simon Birch, though, because Irving painted such a wonderful picture of all the characters, and I worried any cinematic imaginings would have ruined it.

2. The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera. Also from the summer of '91, this time London. Kundera has a way of making every day life and the political struggles of Eastern Europe seem so fantastical. I went around saying "I'm Bobby Fischer!" for quite a while after reading this, though I probably just said it in my head... and either way that's perhaps a bit weird. Kundera also wrote another favorite of mine, Immortality (read in Alaska in the winter of '02).

3. His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman. These are the best fantasy books I've read, though admittedly, I'm hardly an expert. Marketed as Harry Potter for adults or something equally stupid, The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass take us through multiple worlds and the coming of age of Lyra Belacqua and her daemon Pantalaimon. The books have been a source of controversy due to their criticism of Christianity and the Catholic church. One of Pullman's characters states that "the Christian religion... is a very powerful and convincing mistake, that's all." The movie might also be a mistake but I'm hoping it can live up to even a fraction of the magic.

4. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Read on tour (I think it was the My Morning Jacket/Doves tour in 2002), Perks is a bit of a modern Catcher in the Rye but I found Charlie so much more endearing and sympathetic than Holden Caufield. The book brings back all of the joy and torment and emotional longing of being a teenager in a way that's not trite or overdone. I think a few of us read it in the van that fall and it was just a magical time all around (or that's how I experienced it, anyway).

5. Life Without Friends by Ellen Emerson White. I've mentioned White a couple times since I started writing this blog. I've been lucky enough to correspond with her a bit through her website and it's been very cool to connect with someone who had a profound effect on the ol' teen years (more exciting, even, than John Taylor from Duran Duran sending me flowers. Yes, it's true). White writes with a grace and humor that transcends the "young adult fiction" tag, and all of her characters are so darn intelligent and polite! Her new book, Long May She Reign, comes out on October 30. It's my most anticipated book of the year.

6. About a Boy by Nick Hornby. Both a better book and film than High Fidelity, I think this was Hornby's strongest effort. Follow Will and Marcus as they learn about life and each other! I bet you'll never read it now after that tacky synopsis. But seriously, About a Boy is English reserve and neurosis at its charming best.

Other favorites... I'm a big mystery fan and have read every book written by Robert Crais, Harlan Coben and Robert B. Parker. I also love the Jeeves series by P.G. Wodehouse (because as we've established, I love the Brits.) I read She's come Undone by Wally Lamb in one day and was amazed. The Secret History by Donna Tartt was interesting if not entirely likable (I developed a bit of a crush on Henry that pushed me through).

I must confess the classics tend to bore me (I have an affinity for Shakespeare but Hemingway makes me gag), and I read a lot of trash (Hello Jackie Collins!) but no matter what the genre, finishing a book is way more satisfying than finishing any TV show, which sounds so snooty, but it's true!

I'd like to include bookiness on a regular basis so I will save my chick-lit rant for another day.

What are some of your favorites? I'm always looking for something new, even though my "to read" list is about a mile long.

Hope your Saturday's swell,
Ms. P

ps. This picture is of an installation and exhibit that was at the 21c. Sadly, they're no longer there.

Fall TV Guide - Friday

As I've been writing these guides, I realized a show I was looking forward to wasn't on Fox's schedule. That show, New Amsterdam, has been bumped to mid-season in favor of Don't Forget the Lyrics. Sigh. I guess it gives me something to look forward to. I'm also a bit confused about Lucy Liu's Cashmere Mafia. It doesn't start until December now. I suppose technically that's fall.

And on to the Friday final...

ABC
8.00 20/20. Enduring news program hosted by Elizabeth Vargas and a guy with an impressive mustache (John Stossel).

9.00 Women's Murder Club (Oct 12). I admit it, I'm excited about Angie Harmon's return despite her unfortunate politics. Harmon is a babe and I loved her on Law & Order. Based on James Patterson's book series, the show features a quartet of female friends who catch killers and must be on the same schedule at this point (ladies, you know what I mean). Looking forward to it. Hope it doesn't suck.

10.00 Men in Trees (Oct 12). I have fond memories of Anne Heche on Another World. I do not have fond memories of Celestia, the second coming of Jesus.

CBS
8.00 Ghost Whisperer (Sep 28). Making jokes about Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs is really so five years ago. So I won't. What I also won't be doing: watching Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs on the Ghost Whisperer.

9.00 Moonlight (Sep 28). Now I understand why New Amsterdam moved. We can't have two immortal detectives in the same week! Of course, if either show is successful we'll have ten, but whatever. The adorable Jason Dohring (I really wanted Veronica to end up with Logan and no, I can't seem to let Veronica Mars go) joined the cast recently after several upheavals which left lead Alex O'Loughlin as the last man standing. How ironic.

10.00 Numb3rs (Sep 28). Val Kilmer livens up the season premiere of Numb3rs which is kind of good but kind of Val Kilmer?? I saw VK in The Ten Commandments: The Musical (no, I'm not making that up) and frankly I'm still scarred. Apparently we'll be treated to more of FBI Agent Don with-the-perfectly-rolled-up-sleeves Eppes (Rob Morrow) in therapy and someone out there resents his can't-commit-because-he's-too-cute-but-totally genius brother Charlie (David Krumholtz).

NBC
8.00 Deal or No Deal. Do I really have to write another DoND joke?

9.00 Friday Night Lights (Oct 5). The best show on TV that I'm not watching. I'll refrain from bringing up my tragic Texas football cheerleading childhood and how that's my excuse for many things besides not watching FNL.

10.00 Las Vegas (Sep 28). Don't care about James Caan... Oh, he's out? Tom Selleck is replacing him? Crap. Now I care even less.

FOX
8.00 The Next Great American Band (Oct 19). Brought to you by the American Idol team, I'm sure this is going to be a big hit. However, if this is how we find the next great American band I really am going to quit the music industry. Besides, I thought My Morning Jacket was supposed to be America's next great band. Wouldn't it be funny if they auditioned? I'd love to see Jim get some thoughtful critiques from The Goo Goo Dolls' Johnny Rzeznik.

9.00 Nashville (Sep 14). What better way to follow up one scary reality show about musicians trying to break into the big time than with... another scary reality show about musicians trying to break into the big time? I. Can't. Wait.

The CW
8.00 WWE Smackdown. I'm a bit sad that I have to finish my Fall TV coverage with the WWE Smackdown but considering the snarkfest I turned it into, perhaps it's only fitting. I'd like to end the guide with a little interactive fun so please take a second and let me know what your Pro Wrestling Name is.

Nighty night!
Captain Barbarian

ps. I don't know why I chose this candid I shot of Andrew WK. He just looks so dreamy, don'tcha think?!

Off Topic - The Gary Baseman Rant

I actually hate to do this because I want to be supportive of local organizations, especially ones that bring internationally known artists to Louisville.

That said... organization brings to mind the word organized and to the Louisville Graphic Design Association, I suggest you look up the meaning. I'll even send you a dictionary if you want.

Last night, I was excited to hear Gary Baseman lecture on his art and life and thought it rather neat that it was held at 21c, a gallery I really respect for bringing interesting modern art to the ville. I was not, however, excited that it went on for over two hours when the only thing provided was a cash bar. Nor was I particularly thrilled to hear about one questioner's OCD and Irritable Bowel Syndrome when she asked if his art represented clowns and intestines, but that's just me.

And here is why I need to bitch:

1. NOWHERE - not on the LGDA or 21c websites, in their press release or flyer for the lecture, or in the Velocity listings was the price ($15 per person for non-members) listed. This is not cheap. Some advance warning might have been nice especially since they weren't prepared to take credit cards and we were told we could go to an ATM when I asked.

2. If I'm going to pay $15 for a lecture I don't expect to spend 15 minutes watching someone futz around with a computer and repeatedly force quit Powerpoint (all of this fumbling was projected on the wall for us to see) while trying to get the slide show to load. They couldn't have taken, oh say, ten minutes to figure this out beforehand? It didn't help that the woman was calling out to the audience for help and drinking the entire time.

3. If you're going to have major technical difficulties, why not turn the freaking lights back up? While the Powerpoint panic was going on Baseman stood in near darkness talking to us. It might have been nice to see him.

4. The audience. I assume a lot of you paid, too. So why did you take this opportunity to get sauced (at 7 pm?) and talk through the entire thing? Seriously, the people behind me laughed like idiots whenever a slide came up that featured anything of a naked or sexual nature and they kept chatting away like we were at a dinner party at their house. Maybe they live at the 21c and it's my bad? But they weren't the only offenders.

5. The 21c. You couldn't have silenced that really annoying singing chandelier? Every time it went off, which was often, I couldn't hear what he was saying.

Baseman started his lecture by telling us that Louisville has a rep. So, thanks for living up to it. Or down to it, I should say. It irks me that I'm probably going to come off like some LA snob (when he mentioned Dominic's it made me long for my old home) when all I really want in this world are some manners and a bit of professionalism.

Okay. Rant over. Final Fall TV post headed your way shortly.

Pffft,
Ms. P

ps. Gary Baseman is a really interesting artist and person and even though it was a bit of a bust, I am glad I had the opportunity to hear him speak which I wouldn't have if it weren't for the LGDA. Also, I'm happy my friend won the bag!

Fall TV Guide - Thursday

I'm not sure which is funnier (in that sad sort of way): Courtney Love launching a perfume or Paris Hilton giving her clothes away to orphanages because, "I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes. I never wear something twice." I'm sure the orphans of America are thrilled that they'll now be able to dress like sluts. My hope is that these organizations can auction off the clothes (for a fool and his money are always ready to part!) and use the dough for food and some non-streetwalker garments.

Back to the world of television, is there anything more poisonous to a sitcom (besides not being funny) than the tinny, so obviously fake, cringeworthy laugh track? Back to You has some promise but eesh. I hate being told where the joke is in such a superficial manner.

On to Thursday...

ABC
8.00 Ugly Betty (Sep 27). Entertainment Weekly's Fall TV coverage gave away so much about the upcoming season of UB that I'm sitting here slightly exasperated. Being such a nice gal, I won't do that to you. Tune in and find out how Betty and the gang turn the tragedy of last season into the comedy of tomorrow.

9.00 Grey's Anatomy (Sep 27). One of my girl crushes, Chyler Leigh, joins the cast this year, Eric Dane is sort of hotter than I remember, as is Patrick Dempsey, and I love Sandra Oh (Koreans represent!) but there's just something that keeps me from enjoying this show... Oh yeah. Its star, Ellen Pompeo. Who knew the cool girl from Old School would turn into such a chafe and make one of TV's biggest hits unwatchable for me? Drat.

10.00 Big Shots (Sep 27). Sex and the City for men. Four dudes handle relationships, work, and their golf game. Sound completely unappealing? To me, too. Then I found out it stars Michael Vartan and Joshua Malina and that Rob Thomas (Veronica Mars) signed on as a consulting producer. Now I'm torn. I'll watch the pilot and let you know.

CBS
8.00 Survivor: China (Sep 20). Sixteen contestants and only one of them is Chinese? I don't get it.

9.00 CSI (Sep 27). I'm a fan of Marg Helgenberger and I'm a fan of crime procedurals, but for some reason, CSI never captured my attention. I'm in the minority, though, as isn't this show number one all the time?

10.00 Without a Trace (Sep 27). I still haven't forgiven Anthony LaPaglia for Empire Records.

NBC
8.00 My Name Is Earl (Sep 27). Maybe if Jason Lee shaved that mustache.

8.30 30 Rock (Oct 4). I think we've established that I love all things 30 Rock. I'm even watching season one while I'm on the treadmill. It's a bit difficult to guffaw whilst running but I manage.

9.00 The Office (Sep 27). I feel I really ought to love this show and there's a good chance I'll watch it in three years and loudly proclaim, "Oh my God, this is genius! Why did I wait so long to see it?!" In the meantime, I have all the Ricky Gervais seasons on DVD.

9.30 Scrubs (Oct 25). It's a damn shame that Zach Braff had to go and make Garden State thus rendering him unwatchable for the rest of his career because I am quite fond of John C. McGinley. This is the final season of a show I once chuckled at.

10.00 ER (Sep 27). You have to respect a program that's endured as long as ER. Sadly, respect doesn't mean tune in.

FOX
8.00 Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (Sep 6). I'd like to think so... but what if I'm not? Do I need to hear this news from Jeff Foxworthy?! I don't think so!

9.00 Don't Forget the Lyrics! (Sep 6). But I've already forgotten the show!

The CW
8.00 Smallville (Sep 27). Supergirl arrives and Clark helps her get acclimated to life on Earth by having her audition for America's Next Top Model. No? Hrm. It sounded plausible to me.

9.00 Supernatural (Oct 4). My trusted friend Sandy gave me season one for my birthday last June. I confess I haven't watched it yet but now may be the time as apparently this year promises lots of sex and cheeseburgers.

Only one more day of Fall TV guidance. Hope you've been enjoying it so far and are now contemplating joining me in spirit for my time with Tyra, Tina and the Hughs (Laurie and Jackman).

Off to 21c in a bit for Gary Baseman's lecture,
Ms. P

ps. Here's my favorite story of the day courtesy of Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish.

Fall TV Guide - Wednesday

Wednesday night brings controversy (Kid Nation), more spin-offs (Private Practice), the return of the lovely and charming Gordon Ramsay (Kitchen Nightmares) and the most talked about show I've seen in a while (Gossip Girl). Really, I've read no less than five articles about it in the last week.

ABC
8.00 Pushing Daisies (Oct 3). I confess the lure of Chi McBride is tough to resist though the premise of the show sounds a bit hokey: cute guy (Wonderfall's Lee Pace) can bring back the dead with one touch but, alas, if he touches them again they return to the grave. The catch: he brings back his childhood crush (Anna Friel) but can (cue tears) never get close to her again! My eyes are rolling. Not all of his time is spent pining over the girl, though, as he also revives homicide victims in order to find out who killed them. But I'm confused... do the charges get reduced to attempted murder if the people are alive again? Or do they have to die twice? Hrm...

9.00 Private Practice (Sep 26). What?! No McDreamy? Or McSteamy? Not even McYummy? What nicknames will they bestow upon Tim Daly? Taye Diggs? William Parker? I'm just dying to find out. Oh wait. No, I'm not.

10.00 Dirty Sexy Money (Sep 26). Three things cemented the "avoid at all costs" tag for me regarding this drama about an attorney who becomes the family lawyer for a super rich super strange New York clan: Peter Krause, a lesser Baldwin (Billy. I guess we should be thankful it's not Stephen), and the terrible title. The show was pitched as Dynasty meets Six Feet Under. And someone bought it. See: Lewis Black's rant about television executives.

CBS
8.00 Kid Nation (Sep 19). Lord of the Flies + Reality TV + kids accidentally drinking bleach + iron-clad contracts that the stupid parents signed saying they couldn't sue even in the event of death + ... I mean, really, need I go on?

9.00 Criminal Minds (Sep 26). Oh Mandy... You came and you gave without taking... Though we are now minus the talents of one Mandy Patinkin (my friend Mike might still be shedding tears), I reckon Joe Mantegna is up to the task of presiding over the BAU. I must say I've been missing the gruesome murders and that cutie Dr. Reed so I, for one, am looking forward to next Wednesday with or without Inigo Montoya!

10.00 CSI:NY (Sep 26). I'm sorry, but I've put Gary Sinise in the Lt. Dan box and he can't come out. However, if you don't have this problem, I just read that the first victim of the season is the Statue of Liberty so that sounds kind of interesting if not weird.

NBC
8.00 Deal or No Deal (Sep 17). No deal.

9.00 Bionic Woman (Sep 26). I'm a bit disappointed that there's no cool slow motion running with that neat sound effect. I'm even more disappointed that the new Bionic Woman doesn't really run very well. I kind of wanted to like this but it takes itself way too seriously, and I'm old enough to be nostalgic about Lindsay Wagner even if hawking Sleep Number beds is hardly the mark of a superhero.

10.00 Life (Sep 26). Cop freed from jail wins huge settlement for wrongful imprisonment but wants to get back on the job and find the real killer. And he eats a lot of fruit.

FOX
8.00 Back to You (Sep 19). The pilot is still sitting on the DVR so I cannot comment thoughtfully (not that I would if I'd seen it, really), but it's my great hope that this is actually funny and not so much gutter sniping (which Fox specializes in - mean comedy - and you'd think I'd be into that given what a snot I am, but no... not so much). Patricia Heaton and her plastic surgery I can do without, but Kelsey Grammer and Fred Willard could make this worth watching.

8.30 'Til Death (Sep 19). I haven't been married long enough to find watching couples who should be divorced acting like jerks amusing.

9.00 Kitchen Nightmares (Sep 19). I certainly hope Gordon Ramsay's groin has recovered... I've been a bit worried that it might affect his ability to give proper support to these poor restaurateurs so desperately in need of his guidance... Seriously, though, has no one thought to bake some Xanax or Prozac into this guy's ziti?

The CW
8.00 America's Next Top Model (Sep 19). Oh Tyra, I can't believe I spent so many years hatin' on you! I love you and all the freaky girls who want nothing more than to sashay, shante! I'm already rooting for the Hoosier with Asperger syndrome! And no, I am not making that up.

9.00 Gossip Girl (Sep 19). That GG is one of the most widely anticipated new shows says several unfortunate things about the state of television, society and the world. That I've read all the books (yes, it's true) and will continue to watch even though the pilot kind of sucked says several unfortunate things about me.

Happy Humpday!
Ms. P

ps. I really should have devoted my time and energy to London Fashion Week instead. From what I've seen it's been about 50 times more bizarre and interesting, but remember that doesn't mean wearable.

Fall TV Guide - Tuesday

Here's the Tuesday preview. I finally watched the end of the Chuck pilot and it's a bit goofy but I'll be tuning in for episode two. Zeljko Ivanek just groomed his eyebrows on Damages. I think I could have lived without seeing that.

ABC
8.00 Cavemen (Oct 2). Haven't we seen this before? Wasn't it called Encino Man? Spin-offs are bad enough but when they come from commercials for an insurance company... I'm reminded of the Bill Hicks bit about people in marketing.

8.30 Carpoolers (Oct 2). The premise, four guys bond as they commute to work, sounds completely awful but I'm willing to give this a chance as it comes from the mind of Bruce McCulloch (I was a big Kids in the Hall fan).

9.00 Dancing With the Stars Results (Sep 25). Who will be this year's big winner? My money's on Wayne Newton (which might be why I rarely gamble).

10.00 Boston Legal (Sep 25). Apparently no one in the media was happy with James Spader's recent Emmy win but I still remember how smokin' he was in Pretty in Pink (which has nothing to do with BL or the fact that John Laroquette joins the cast for season four). Between Laroquette, Spader and Shatner, I hope they have a large scenery budget as there'll be quite a lot of chewing going on.

CBS
8.00 NCIS (Sep 25). NCIS celebrates its 100th episode this season. Really? It's been on that long? I'm sorry but Mark Harmon was only entertaining in Summer School.

9.00 The Unit (Sep 25). Though this show features two actors I enjoy, Dennis Haysbert and Robert Patrick (one of the nicest guys ever), I've never managed to see it. I don't think that's going to change this year.

10.00 Cane (Sep 25). Jimmy Smits marks his return to TV in this drama about a Cuban sugar magnate. Unfortunately, the superb cast (rounded out by Hector Elizondo and Rita Moreno) isn't enough to pique my interest in what sounds like a bit of a snoozefest.

NBC
8.00 The Biggest Loser (Sep 11). Lose weight, win valuable prizes. Perhaps if I had the evil Sami (Alison Sweeney) from Days of our Lives around to motivate me I could be the biggest loser, too.

9.30 The Singing Bee (Sep 25). Spelling Bees with little kids: cute. Singing Bees with the Fat One: not so cute.

10.00 Law & Order: SVU (Sep 25). L&O:SVU is the lone representative of the franchise hitting NBC this fall. The original won't be around until mid-season and Criminal Intent got demoted to USA. SVU has a strong cast and future guest appearances by Cynthia Nixon, Aidan Quinn, Gloria Reuben and Tom's favorite, Melissa Joan Hart.

FOX
8.00 Bones (Sep 25). I've yet to watch this crime procedural featuring the other Deschanel and that Angel guy. However, it's a critical favorite and the crazy Ryan O'Neal returns as Bones' papa.

9.00 House (Sep 25). The cast starts large and will apparently dwindle off Survivor-style as the season goes on. Though all of House's team left in one way or another at the end of last season, miraculously they'll all be back. I will never tire of Hugh Laurie, though, no matter how grouchy he gets.

The CW
8.00 Beauty and the Geek (Sep 18). Ashton Kutcher + Reality Show + The CW = Thanks, but no thanks (unless there's an episode where someone punches AK or something. Then I might tune in.)

9.00 Reaper (Sep 25). Kevin Smith + Satan + The CW = Different story entirely. Slacker dude finds out his parents sold his soul to the devil! Wackiness ensues! Actually looking forward to this one even if Smith's best movie was An Evening with Kevin Smith.

That's all for Tuesday. Wednesday on Wednesday!

Toodles,
Ms. P

Fall TV Guide - Sunday & Monday

Every new fall television season brings hope and excitement followed by the inevitable disappointment (Studio 60). That said, occasionally we get lucky (30 Rock) and the TV Gods don't cancel our new favorites after two episodes. This week I'm going through each network by day. Sunday and Monday are together because of The Emmys last night. Enjoy!

Sunday Night

ABC
8.00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (Sep 30). Sure, that Ty Pennington guy is kind of hot (if you're into that sort of thing) and yes, it's awesome that they help these people out by building them homes they can't really afford, but I've seen four or five eps of this show and frankly, that's enough. However, if you like emotional manipulation, they're off to Hawaii this year. Aloha McMansions!

9.00 Desperate Housewives (Sep 30). I'll be heading back to Wisteria Lane for a third season. Especially if Nathan (celebrity crush in Serenity) Fillion's there! That he's paired with Dana Delany is a bit of a drag (thank heavens they didn't cast her as Bree!) The show also welcomes its first gay couple in the form of Tuc Watkins and Kevin Rahm, who I'm glad to see is getting work.

10.00 Brothers & Sisters (Sep 30). More melodrama with the Walkers. More me not tuning in. Tried to watch this last year because I'm a big Rachel Griffiths fan but I just couldn't get past Calista Flockhart (still having nightmares about the dancing baby).

CBS
8.00 Viva Laughlin (Oct 18). Hugh Jackman singing and dancing?! I'm so there! That it sounds ridiculous and possibly terrible, and also stars Melanie Griffith, does not deter me in the least.

9.00 Cold Case (Sep 23). My life only has so much room for crime shows. That they're doing an all Nirvana episode makes me less interested, not more.

10.00 Shark (Sep 23). Shark didn't always hold my attention in season one but I stayed with it until the end and though the scenery got a bit chewy, it's hard to resist James Woods as high-powered defense attorney turned prosecutor Sebastian Stark. Kevin Pollak joins the cast this year and hopefully Jeri Ryan will get some better scenes even with her demotion.

NBC
8.00 Sunday Night Football. Growing up in Texas I watched enough football to last me a lifetime. So, no thanks.

FOX
8.00 The Simpsons (Sep 23). Stopped watching years ago but understand the enduring appeal of Homer and fam. Am considering a return due to future guests Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Dan Rather, Steve Buscemi, Jack Black, Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce and John Mahoney. Now you want to see it, too, right?!

8.30 King of the Hill (Sep 23). Stopped watching this years ago, as well. Am not considering a return even though I had a crush on Boomhauer.

9.00 Family Guy (Sep 23). I had a FG obsession for a while but eventually their trolling pop culture for mean gags got to be a bit much. I'm willing to give it another chance, though, because Stewie is still the child I would want (which is probably why I don't want any).

9.30 American Dad (Sep 30). I was lucky enough to go to a table reading of AD a couple years ago and it was actually quite funny. Too bad that funniness doesn't translate to the show. They should just air the readings and save themselves the trouble of all that animation.

The CW
8.00 Life is Wild (Oct 7). Sounds more like life is mild in this family drama about a Manhattan teen who moves to South Africa. Apparently we're to expect lion cubs and the spirit of SA (but you know, like, in a cool CW kind of way and not like that grody 60 Minutes or National Geographical or something).

9.00 America's Next Top Model repeat. Okay, I know I'm addicted to this show now and everything but I do believe that once is enough.

Monday Night

ABC
8.00 Dancing With the Stars (Sep 24). Wayne Newton. Mark Cuban. Scary Spice. Run away, you're thinking? I know I'll be tuning in but only for the first two episodes. I can't handle more than that. Besides, Cuban will probably get ousted in week one like Tucker Carlson did last year.

9.30 Samantha Who? (Oct 15). Exactly.

10.00 The Bachelor (Sep 24). I've had my fill of bitchy chicks and dumb guys with Rock of Love so there's no room in my life for The Bachelor, I'm afraid.

CBS
8.00 How I Met Your Mother (Sep 24). The critically acclaimed comedy returns for a third season. I really enjoy this show but if it weren't for Neil Patrick Harris as the smarmy yet endearing Barney it could easily be just another generic-in-the-mold-of-Friends-sitcom. So, all hail Doogie!

8.30 The Big Bang Theory (Sep 24). I'm thrilled Heroes is such a big hit. Not sure I'm thrilled about the abundance of nerd programming that its success has spawned (and I love nerds). Mildly interested in the return of Johnny Galecki. But only mildly.

9.00 Two and a Half Men (Sep 24). This show sure does get nominated for a lot of stuff. I cannot, however, watch it because the images of Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Jon Cryer in Pretty in Pink must remain preserved in my heart and mind.

9.30 Rules of Engagement (Sep 24). How David Spade, funny though he may be, ever snagged Heather Locklear remains a mystery to probably all of us. She'll appear on two eps this season but I still won't tune in.

10.00 CSI: Miami (Sep 24). I had a slim desire to watch this show because I really enjoyed Emily Procter on The West Wing. Unfortunately, I never enjoy David Caruso so it's a no go for me.

NBC
8.00 Chuck (Sep 24). Semi-interesting premise about a dork who gets America's secret intelligence downloaded into his brain. The dork, Zachary Levi as Chuck, is kind of charming but when I watched the pilot I fell asleep.

9.00 Heroes (Sep 24). I'm getting a bit worried about Heroes, mostly because the spin-off (Heroes: Origins) sounds so freaking stupid - America votes on a new Hero? Gag. I watch this show because America has nothing to do with voting on who stays or goes. We've seen what America does when it votes. However, Tom actually likes this show, Masi Oka is adorable, and Kristen Bell is joining the cast (I'm still sad Veronica Mars got canned) so I'll be there to find out the fate of the Petrellis just like the rest of you.

10.00 Journeyman (Sep. 24). Fellow Velocity blogger Aaron Miller watched the pilot and recommends. The Quantum Leap-esque premise is intriguing but egads... I really watch too much TV as it is and sacrifices must be made.

FOX
8.00 Prison Break (Sep 17). I read that Michael is now in prison and Lincoln is the free one. I get that you have to keep it fresh but what happens when season three rolls around?

9.00 K-Ville (Sep 17). Fox Network + Hurricane Katrina aftermath + by the book cop drama = Linda watching something else. That said, I'm glad they're actually shooting in New Orleans and spending their production dollars there.

The CW
8.00 Everybody Hates Chris (Oct 1). Chris Rock makes his first appearance as a guidance counselor which sounds funny but so what. Rock's misogynistic humor is something I've had enough of.

8.30 Aliens in America (Oct 1). Harold and Kumar go to Wisconsin: The High School Years.

9.00 Girlfriends (Oct 1). Apparently this show is in its eighth season and I've never heard of it. So, you know, I think I'll allow my ignorant bliss to continue, thank you very much.

9.30 The Game (Oct 1). Footballer's Wives: The American Sitcom Edition. In the same way I don't care about Sunday Night Football, I also don't care about this.

Our TV week seems to be starting off nicely, methinks. Some shows to look forward to but I'm not feeling the usual "slave to the set" dread yet.

Until Tuesday,
Ms. P

ps. My favorite Republican, Lincoln Chafee (the Rhode Island Senator who lost his seat in the last election), quit the GOP. Now I don't have a favorite Republican! Maybe I'll have to spread the love to Maine Senator Olympia Snowe and she'll defect, too!