Prosit Neujahr!

The Sound of Music: I've been von Trapped!

It's probably criminal that I never saw The Sound of Music until tonight, but it's true. Oh sure, I remember watching bits and pieces as a child and I think we all know the scene where Julie Andrews goes running through the Austrian hillside singing "The hills have eyes," I mean, "The hills are alive..."

Christopher Plummer was quite dashing as Captain Georg von Trapp. He's the original Ewan McGregor. I just read that he despises the movie and I feel a bit disappointed - like I was when I found out Michael Vartan hates his character in Never Been Kissed. I personally love Mr. Coulson, so there!

Even though some of those kids reminded me of an Aryan Nation postcard with their shiny blond hair and glittering blue eyes, they were quite adorable as they trilled, "So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye." I'm rather sad that goodbye meant watching them traipse through the Austrian Alps while fleeing the Nazis. They looked ever so fashionable but one of the boys was in shorts! How did he avoid hypothermia? Did they make it to Switzerland?! Do they ever get to return to their fabulous manor?!! Inquiring minds want to know!

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. Do you have any resolutions? I have a few but better not to tell you as I rarely keep them. I just hope that every year I grow a little, improve some. I'm not always sure I succeed, but I'll keep trying.

Lots of interesting and bad TV coming our way along with the Iowa and New Hampshire Caucuses so 2008 at least promises to start with a little bang. Will Huckabee best Mitten? Can Clinton hold her ground against Obama? Does anyone still love Edwards? I can't wait to find out!

The sun has gone to bed and so must I,
Ms. P

The Kennedy Center Honors: For Once George Bush and I Have Something in Common

Okay, maybe not. For the better part of this show, GW and I have had a look of mild amusement and confusion on our faces but now I, who knew I was in a time warp while watching this thing, am sitting here wondering who the hell thought Hootie and the Blowfish were still relevant??!

Of course, it's the first time in the show where Bushie has looked fully awake. Figures.

Oh my God, Wonder Woman is dancing around as Hootie regales the crowd with a Beach Boys medley (they're honoring Brian Wilson). At least Robert de Niro has the good sense to, uh, have no rhythm.

I seriously wonder what dimension The Kennedy Center Honors gala flows into ours from. I tend to think 1978 or 1981 as its cheesy tributes harken back to a more innocent (innocently disturbing is more like it) era. I mean, the Steve Martin Vaudeville Dancers? I want to know what was inside Martin's head while four ladies dressed in white suit jackets wearing bunny ears sang "All of Me".

At least Steve Carell provided some genuine funny before things got weird.

Martin Scorsese got the classiest tribute of the evening with Cameron Diaz, De Niro and some hot opera chick opening up the show.

Poor Brian Wilson is all I have to say. From Hootie to beach balls floating down from the ceiling, his face betrayed little emotion. I mean geez, if they were going to mine the 90s, they couldn't get Wilson Phillips?!

When, oh when, is real TV going to start again?

I hope you all are enjoying your holidays. I had a creepy dream last night where I was having an affair with Tom Brokaw and got caught by Tom the husband's mother. 2007 really needs to end.

Why does Kate Walsh love gossip magazines?
Ms. P

Season's Greetings

(pic taken on 37th st in Austin)

Peter's Answer: Charlie Wilson's War

Apologies, as ever, for the sparse posting but I've been in a haze of family holiday happenings.

Tonight we went to see Charlie Wilson's War and though it featured some snappy dialogue courtesy of Aaron Sorkin and Philip Seymour Hoffman doing his best Lester Bangs turned CIA covert operative, the film felt a bit hollow. And sad. It was hard to watch us help Afghanistan knowing what came after.

Not so very ho ho ho.

It's back to Kentucky tomorrow for Tom and me. Can't wait to chillax at the homestead for a few weeks before heading back Texas for two months.

I hope you and yours and yours are having a splendid holiday time.

Oh - here's a link guaranteed to freak you out if you can get Peter to answer.

Nighties,
Ms. P

Clash of the Choirs: The Winner is... That Team Over There!

Here it is, the final three minutes of Clash of the Choirs. Man, I'm really going to miss Maria.

(Thanks, Jason.)

Clash of the Choirs: Who Knew There'd Be a Tracy Morgan/Ice Cube Tie In?

*SECOND HOUR SPOILERS.*

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's the big finale! Night four of Clash of the Choirs and, like, holy cow, who's going to win this thing?

I am super gratified to know that I'm not the only person who thinks Maria Menounos stinks as a host because all the people Googling "Maria M sucks" and "Maria M is terrible" keep ending up on my blog. And let me tell you, it's not just one or two hits.

The show opens with some giant Christmas carol extravaganza featuring all five choirs. Then comes the news that Tracy Morgan will be on hand to announce the winner which makes me feel like I'm in the middle of a really funny 30 Rock episode and Jack Donaghy's told Tracy that he has to appear on this ridonkulous NBC reality choir competition as a way to rehab his reputation. Come to think of it, this might not be far from the truth.

Next up is a montage of Team Shelton's evolution, and we finally get a chance to hear from Pink Scarf Guy and Crying Girl. Everyone loves each other, etc etc. Blake is back on his acoustic guitar (which does appear to be plugged into... something. I still can't hear it, though). The choir sings Kool & the Gang's "Celebration" and I'm reminded of line dancing in the 6th grade. This show is amateur hour in the best possible way.

Except when it comes to Maria Moronos. But not when it comes to cutie pie Blake Shelton! How I'm going to miss ol' BS even if I'm still a little grossed out by that lame song he performed last night.

Now it's time to take a trip down memory lane to... four nights ago (my gosh, it seems ever so far away!) when this all began with Patti LaBelle's auditions in Philly. One of the girls says, "It will be hard to go back to reality after this." I do wonder about these people, I hope they'll be okay when they have to go back to Dilbertland or wherever they work in real life. I think Patti's awesome, but I am a little disturbed by the lack of movement in her face. However, as Oprah once said, "Black don't crack," so maybe she's just blessed with great genes and it's not cow poison injections. Team LaBelle does "No More Drama", a song that samples "Nadia's Theme" (or, if you prefer, the theme from The Young and the Restless). Miss Patti's got some real singers, I gotta hand it to her. If she doesn't win I think everyone will be shocked. Everyone being Tom and me in this case.

Okay, did anyone notice the Biggest Loser banner at the bottom of the screen that said "Januaray" instead of "January"?

Patti's featuring her choir at her New Year's Eve show. That's pretty groovy.

Now it's on to Team Lachey and their little "Making the Choir" promo. It's nice to get a short glimpse of Will & Ariel Underwood once again. Cincinnati's singing "What a Wonderful World" and there be some dulcet tones - or there were until the blonde girl soloist blew it. However, she sounds better than I ever do so what do I know? Oh crap, she just told a really sad story after I said something mean. I'm a jerk.

Tracy Morgan and Ice Cube are starring in some choir movie. Doesn't this seem kind of, oh, I don't know, weird? The movie is called First Sunday and Tom wonders if it's another installment in the Friday franchise. Anyway, this is why Tracy's here. I feel much better understanding his presence on the show.

Team Rowland's belting out the Destiny's Child hit "Survivor". I bet Kelly's really enjoying this opportunity to sing Bouncy's parts. Maria Menounos tries to talk to Lindsay (the Hurricane Katrina girl for whom the song meant so much) and shoves the mic in someone else's face. Whoever hired this dimwit needs to lose his/her job. If Clash of the Choirs returns it better return with Cat Deeley!

Okay, I cannot freaking believe this, but NBC really screwed the pooch here. They listed the finale as a one hour show therefore I and everyone else who DVR'ed the show missed the last hour!!! What the hell?! I popped on over to NBC's website and lots of people are complaining. I bet whoever hired Maria Mebrainless was also repsonsible for this mistake.

I guess Team Lachey won because a) I just read an article that said GE will donate $50k to all the losing choir's charities and mentioned every one but Cincy, and b) lots of people at NBC.com are ranting about how "white America cannot stomach it." "It" being an African American woman's choir winning? Or is "it" Patti LaBelle? Either way, I certainly hope this isn't the view of most of "white America".

I am clearly not a psychic as I never thought Team Lachey would win. I guess "Flight of the Bumblebee" put them over the top.

My internet pal Jason made a comment before I watched the show about Michael Bolton possibly pointing at Patti at the end of this show (that I DID NOT SEE BECAUSE NBC SUCKS) so I guess Michael and his chest hair expected her to win, too.

Well, that was really anti-climactic. If I ever see the dramatic conclusion, I'll, uh, oh who bloody cares!

I'm free from the tyranny of COTC and Maria Me-not in Mensa-nos! I'm free!!

This damn writers' strike BETTER END SOON!

Koosh ball,
Ms. P

Many Other Musical Icons Have Been Brought to Plastic

If you haven't finished your Christmas shopping, I'm sure all your friends and family would love one of these.

I hope Tom is never famous enough to be "brought to plastic." I just checked and there's no Krist Novoselic figurine so I think we're safe. He would make a pretty funny gift, though.

I'm not sure I find this so amusing. Kinda icky is more like it.

Clash of the Choirs: Jesus Rose on the 3rd Day. Will Team Bolton, Too?

Well, it's night three (of four) of Clash of the Choirs. It's taken me three nights to figure out who this host lady is. Apparently she's on Access Hollywood and her name is Maria Menounos. Neither of these facts change the fact that she is the Queen of Suck City.

Team Bolton is in the bottom two once again. Well, I called that one. Let's see if they slide through again.

Someone please please explain to me how that mediocre messy version of "I've Got Friends in Low Places" kept Team Lachey safe!! Who is voting on this thing? The same people who voted for Bush, I bet. Pffft. Am I the only magenta-haired snooty Asian liberal who's watching this wholesome family programming and developing a bizarre inexplicable mini-crush on Blake Shelton? I am, aren't I? I feel like such a rebel.

Team LaBelle is doing some song about Jesus and driving. Patti says she's been in a lot of contests and never won one. She also thanks the band that no one's mentioned. That's pretty classy. Oh God, now we have to hear some freakin' testimonial about how the Jesus driving song helped save some chick. It's ok, it's ok... It's a show about choirs, I should have expected this. They fooled me with the Bon Jovi stuff, but I should have known. Nick Lachey says that any song that mentions "Cincinnati" and "Jesus" is okay by him. From what I remember of Cincy, I think that city could use a visit from Jesus.

Speaking of Lachey, his choir's up next with "The Flight of the Bumblebee". Tom says the women are creeping him out (yes, the hub has finally arrived in Austin!) I'm sure people will be impressed with these vocal gymnastics. It's definitely better than the Garth Brooks. "Wowwww," says Maria. She's AWESOME. Is she wearing Herve Leger? Are those elastic band dresses making a comeback?

Oooh, it's elimination time... farewell New Haven. How are we supposed to live without Team Bolton??! Maria says there's a big surprise tomorrow that will make everyone happy. I bet the big surprise is that all the charities will get huge donations. It better be! The fact that this is for charity is one of the main reasons I'm watching and trying to temper my forked tongue.

Team Shelton are thrilled to compete once more. Blakey's clothes are so normal tonight. What up with that? He's also not playing along on his acoustic guitar! My world is tilting off its axis! The choir kicks it old school with a rumbly version of "Home". Sounds purty good - nice and dark. If I wasn't too lazy to vote, I'd probably call 1-877-6-CHOIR3. "Blake, I love those little foot stomps!" chirps Maria.

Blake seems a little sweet on Nick... Maybe they'll be organizing Team Provincetown on next year's show.

We're treated to some charity montages and Christmas songs and then it's farewell night three! Who, oh who, will be the big winner?! I think as we've seen, we're all winners when it comes to Clash of the Choirs!

Here's a recap of the charities each choir is singing for:
Team Lachey - The Children's Hospital of Cincinnati
Team Rowland - Bread of Life
Team Bolton - Domestic Violence Services of New Haven and The Yale Child Study Center Family Support Services
Team Shelton - Army MWR and Project Rebuild
Team LaBelle - The Abramson Cancer Center and With Our Voices

Toodle-oo,
Ms. P

ps. The show draws to a conclusion with LaBelle singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Tom says she tore it up.

pps. I just heard Blake sing. I was right - I wish I hadn't. "She's too dumb to run and I'm too drunk to swim" ??? Maybe he's talking about a car? Or a Tootsie Roll?

Clash of the Choirs: The Biggest Elimination That America Has Ever Seen

No, that's not some tacky scatalogical joke (I hate poop humor), it's the dumb thing the annoying host of Clash of the Choirs just said on the intro for the show. I want to know what hostess factory this idiot came from.

Yes, kiddies, it's night two of COTC, America's new music sensation. I'm not sure if it really is, but considering I got beaucoup hits on last night's post, methinks perhaps this might be goofy but true.

The two obvious frontrunners, Team LaBelle from Philadelphia and Team Shelton from Oklahoma City are safe. Also unsurprisingly safe is Team Lachey from Cincinnati. We'll see if Michael Bolton's chest hair is enough to save the lads and lasses of New Haven or if my prediction about their early ousting is correct... much later, apparently.

Blake Shelton, who plays along with his choir on his acoustic guitar (why, I do not know because we can't hear it), leads his merry singers through the Doobie Brothers' "Takin it to the Streets", and the judges love it, of course. I think the point of this show is for everyone to love everything because, well, it's the holidays and this is for charity after all.

Team LaBelle hits the stage with a rousing rendition of The Pretenders' "I'll Stand By You". I wonder what Chrissie Hynde must think of this (I'm sure she's watching from the comfort of a non-leather chair). This isn't quite as special as "He's Got the Whole World" but LaBelle definitely picked the best soloists in the whole competition. I really can't believe I'm discussing this seriously. Does this mean I'm going to watch American Idol in January just so I have something to write about? Eep, says I. The host just asked Patti, "If you beat my butt will I be this good?"

Blake Shelton is just so adorable. I never want to hear his music so I can continue to feel this way.

Nick Lachey's choir is making me gag right now but only because they're doing some Garth Brooks thing. "I've Got Friends in Low Places". Yes, this is a low alright. Bit messy, I have to say. At least they're not line dancing, right? But like Omigod! The host thinks it's amazing! Amazing! Amazing! "Those are some men! Wharoo!"

Alright it's chopping block time! It's farewell to... well, holy crap I was wrong. Remind me never to underestimate the power of the Ghost of Mullets Past. See ya later Team Rowland. I guess destiny's child didn't feel like smiling upon you tonight.

Team Bolton got an easy one with "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". Everyone loves this song! The granny-power infused group is a bit milquetoast, and I'm sorry to say I didn't like the female soloist. She sounded a bit flat. But you know, great effort and all. I'm having flashbacks to that Julia Roberts/Susan Sarandon movie Stepmom. Speaking of mommies, Michael Bolton loves his. I wonder if she loves Nicolette...

My prediction for tomorrow... Bye bye Team Bolton! Michael's abundant chest hair will not save you two nights in a row! I'm just going to say that every night now. Even when they're gone. Even when this show is over.

Speaking of over...

P out.

Sean Hannity is a Tool

but Charles Grodin is delightful! Possibly insane, but I do find him ever so endearing. Especially when he asks Hannity if a) Goebbels was his co-host before Colmes, and b) if he's wearing a hairpiece.

Here's ten minutes of crazy to brighten up your day!

Harriet Miers is my cousin, too,
Ms. P

Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Clash of the Choirs Edition

*Disclaimer - This post is really freaking long because idiot that I am, I didn't realize this show lasted TWO BLOODY HOURS! Crikey. I tried to be entertaining, though, so hopefully you won't fall asleep. And hopefully it won't take you two hours to read this damn post.*

Yes, it's true, I am watching Clash of the Choirs. Okay, my excuse is that it's 1.30 am and you know, I'm like delirious and stuff (of course letting you know that it's the wee hours also lets you know that it's on my DVR). Clearly I've been taken over by aliens and, in this post, Ms. P stands for Ms. Pod Person.

The show is something akin to American Idol Light or the Lifetime Network version of American Idol or American Idol Oprahfied and okay, I've used up all the tacky American Idol jokes I can think of.

Speaking of the Lifetime Network, I watched a terrible LMN movie with Katee Sackhoff last weekend that prepared me for this experience. A sort of 13 Going on 30 ripoff, How I Married My High School Crush has Sackhoff's Sara and her best friend pledging to name their first born Michael (or Michelle, as it turns out) after their favorite singer, Michael Bolton.

And who has a choir on COTC? Michael Bolton!! Two things I didn't know about Michael: he's from New Haven, CT, and he has a lot of chest hair.

Anyhoo, I confess I sort of find this show charming because as glossy and emotionally manipulative as it is, no one here is competing for money (the prize is $250,000 to a hometown charity) or fame (the show only lasts four days). The people auditioning look like... real people.

First up are Nick Lachey's Cincinnati singers. Nick's charity is the Children's Hospital (and I love when he calls one contestant who looks like a pharmacist or something to tell her she's in and she's jumping up and down with a hypodermic needle in her hand - how that relates to the CH is... 1.45 am, man). The emotional crux of team Cincy are Ariel & Will Underwood (Will's audition was touch and go, of course, as he kept forgetting the lyrics to his song). Wife and mother Kathy is recovering from breast cancer and had this to say about her family, "They're so talented, and I just wanted other people to appreciate them like I do." The choir sings and dances their way through Nathasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" and since none of the judges (the other choir leaders) are English, everyone is super duper nice in their critiques.

Personally, every time I've been to Cincinnati I've been a little grossed out, but these peeps seem nice enough. Another city I hate is... Houston, TX (the Menil Collection excepted ) and that's where our next choir, courtesy of Kelly Rowland, comes from.

Rowland's charity is Bread of Life, and she appears to be a pretty sweet gal. I guess all the diva genes went to Beyonce (whose crazy sing-off with Jennifer Hudson at the Oscars still makes me shudder). She's put together a pretty multi-cultural group (there's even an Asian!) and her emotional tug-at-your-heartstrings contestant is Lindsay, who saved her iPod when Hurricane Katrina hit and played Destiny Child's "Survivor" over and over and has found hope and wants to spread it via COTC. I don't think Team Houston is as strong as Team Cincy, and I'm not sure I ever imagined George Michael's "Freedom" done quite this way, but I do like the African American dude with the cowboy hat. He's got some pipes.

Next up is Michael Bolton whose charity is Domestic Violence Services of New Haven. I have nothing bad to say about New Haven as I think I've only been there once. I walked around and pretended I was Rory Gilmore (although I guess pretending I was Lane would have been more appropriate but, well, she didn't go to Yale now, did she?) We're treated to some scenes of Michael sitting through people butchering "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?" It's painful and now Michael understands how I felt through most of the 90s. Or was it the 80s? I've repressed the memory. I confess, though, that the closely cropped Bolton is much more tolerable, and I'm pleased that he's chosen a women's charity so I'll try not to be to snooty. MB's emotional star is Lindsay, an abuse victim, who is excited to possibly give back. There's also Janet, the self-described "old broad with gray hair." God, Bolton really needs to get acquainted with the third button on his shirts. I'm sorry. I had to say it. You can take the mullet off the man... OH. MY. They're doing "Livin' on a Prayer". And MB is playing air guitar. Crap, I really want to be nice and all, but this is just bizarre. I would comment about granny singing Bon Jovi, but my own mother asked me to get her BJ tickets recently so, you know, it ain't 1985 anymore.

Some guy I've never heard of named Blake Shelton (charities: Project Rebuild and Army NWR) is up next. I have never heard of BS because I don't listen to country music. Or, I don't listen to Nu Country. He sorta has crazy eyes and he's wearing a really unfortunate jacket, but I have to admit, Blakey is kinda cute. Geez, someone's doing Ave Maria, and he's asking her to sing something in English. Sigh. I am proud that he picks the gay guy even if he does ask him if he wouldn't mind maybe not wearing his pink scarf. And I'm a jerk for stereotyping country singers (but what can I say? Toby Keith does you guys no favors). The emotional drama here is two US Army soldiers (Shelton even goes to visit them at their base to announce they're in. At least they didn't play the horrible treacly emotional piano music while he did it). The choirs sings "Life is a Highway" and dedicates it to the troops in Iraq. A retired Brigadier General who works for GE even comes out and announces a $250k donation to Disabled American Veterans. I hate to be cynical but gee, I wonder who's going to win this thing now.

(It's 3 am. I've been staring at the computer since 9 am. I really care about you readers, oh yes I do! All five of you!)

This host sucks - she's no Cat Deeley.

Patti LaBelle (charity: Abramson Cancer Center) and her wacky hat head to Philadelphia to make some choral dreams come true! I think Patti uses Botox, but she looks pretty good. Everyone wants to sing "Lady Marmalade" and La Patti looks like she's going to hit someone. Awesome. We're veering into Idol territory here as the contestants are so pitiful that all you can see is P's hat bobbing up and down while she tries to control her laughter. I've just had to hit mute as she's taking them through some cat in the wringer vocal exercises. "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" sings Team Philadelphia. They're the most traditional choir of the evening and end the show on a rapturous note, blah blah blah, and yes I confess it might have made me smile (like a loon).

I'd say Team Bolton is headed home tomorrow night. That'd be my guess.

I meant to write about Project Runway, and I apologize for not doing so, but honestly I wasn't inspired. The clothes were dreadful and Jack's staph infection and subsequent dropout and that other dude's return only to make something totally fugly once again wasn't worth the space. I mean, it just didn't have the same kind of emotional fire that Clash of the Choirs does. Hee hee.

Me go sleepy now,
Ms. Pod

Is Huckabee's Candidacy Going to the Dogs?

Apologies for not posting yesterday but I was in transit. I'm sitting at my desk in Austin now feigning industriousness while I post this tidbit about my pal Mike Huckabee.

More later. I'm going to, you know, work and stuff now.

Toodles,
Ms. P

Oprah is a Traitor!

I found this on Oprah's forum:
"It's really sad...what fame and fortune can do to a person. Oprah, you were raised to be a child of God. Unfortunately, you have strayed very far from our Lord. I've suspected this for several years, and now, I'm convinced it's true. There is no way that one of God's children would support a candidate that agrees with abortion and gay rights. I'm sure that you are familiar enough with the bible to know what our Lord says about these subjects and all of the other immoral attitudes in our country. I know that you are a very loving and generous person, however, you know that good works will not get you into heaven. Please get back to the bible and most importantly....campaign for Jesus! I'll always pray for you. Joyce
PS Mike Huckabee is our best choice for President.....check him out."

I see something sad here, but I don't quite think it's Oprah's stumping for Obama. I'm not sure I understand the fuss over her support of Barack. She's a citizen of this country, ergo she's allowed to back whoever she wants, just as I am and you are. If you don't agree with her choice, don't go to the rallies. If you vehemently oppose it, stop watching the show. However, saying that she's a traitor - or that she's going to hell now (puhleaase!) - is just ridonkulous.

On another note, I'm not a Tori Amos fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought this was pretty funny.

I'm enjoying my Stranded Saturday. I hope you are, too.
Ms. P

America's Next Top Golden Compass

*Spoilers for ANTM and The Golden Compass*

I'm so late in posting this that you've probably already seen who won America's Next Top Model, said "meh" when it was announced and promptly let the news drift out of your mind. I'm glad cycle 9 is over. I'm thrilled Tootie won. Really. If only because it means I won't be subjected to Chantal's "My Life as a Cover Girl" commercials all next season. I still think Jenah was the best of the three.. Pfft. I did like the clothes from the fashion show, though, and I confess that after realizing the guy she tripped was okay, I might have smirked at C's gaffe. She's going to see me on the streets of Austin some day and give me a smack.

I saw The Golden Compass last night. It suffered from the same problem as the first Harry Potter movie. They tried to fit all the major bits in while remaining faithful to the book so the end result is rather sterile. The script stumbled along in this very rudimentary "WE ARE NOW GOING FROM POINT A TO POINT B" sort of way. It looked glorious, though, and Dakota Blue Richards (think a young Katherine Heigl meets a young Jennifer Grey) gives a nice performance in her screen debut. I didn't, for some reason, think that Bolvanger would look so futuristic, though. I'd sort of imagined it in the same way Lyra's Oxford is rather Victorian England. I'm trying to be generous to the film because a) I like Chris Weitz and thought he did a great job with About a Boy and b) Golden Compass is one of my favorite books ever and they had the support and input of Philip Pullman. Even though they neatly sidestepped the indictment of Christianity, a strong theme in the books, there's no mistaking that Nicole Kidman was talking about Adam & Eve and original sin in regards to dust. I know the movie isn't doing all that well so I wonder if New Line will pull the plug on The Subtle Knife. I think GC is due for another reading. It's been a while (I purposely held off so the film wouldn't be totally ruined). I heart Iorek Byrnison!

The cloudy cold is making me tired. Or maybe it was Clinton, Obama, Edwards, et al. I just watched the last Democratic debate before the Iowa Caucus. The candidates were back to being chummy (in the spirit of the holidays, I'm sure). I can't wait til January 3!

Project Runway snootiness later,
Ms. P

I Find It Kind of Funny, I Find It Kind of Sad

Okay, so I thought this cretin lady was bad, but these idiots take the cake. Frankly, I'm so incensed by this that I can't even comment intelligently other than to say what is with our disposable society? Adopt a dog, don't like it, take it back. Adopt a kid, don't like it, take it back! And why not! In our self-obsessed world we must never be inconvenienced in any way! The only silver lining is that hopefully these kids can find parents who will give them a much better home than these freakin' morons did.

Speaking of parenting, I thought this article ("Are You Raising a Douchebag") on Details.com was interesting. I hope the pendulum gets its due shift back sometime soon and people realize that raising spoiled little mini me's maybe isn't the way to go. One thing I am grateful to my parents for is that I never mistook them for my best friend.

Taking a breath and moving on to my favorite subject of late, Mike Huckabee! He's just the gift that keeps on giving, isn't he? For whom, I'm not sure at this point. There's this, this, this, and finally, this (the Drudge Report's take on the Democratic response). Apparently wives need to submit to the servant leadership of their husbands (I hope T doesn't agree with this). Also, it turns out that the death penalty is okay because, uh, Jesus didn't get himself off the cross. What's scary is that I can sort of see how the Evangelicals come up with this sort of... interesting logic.

Some day God and the horsemen and all that rigamarole are going to storm down from the heavens and prove me wrong, I'm sure, but until that day I plan to hang onto reason, thanks. That said, I do believe in aliens... and think it entirely reasonable. Tee hee.

And finally, Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison for his illegal dogfighting business. Don't even get me started on hero worship in regard to sports stars (or celebrities). While I wish it could be 23 years, I almost feel sorry for Vick. What on earth happened to that man that led to him hanging and electrocuting dogs? That is some crazy, sociopathic poo. In honor of his sentencing, I'm re-linking to this cartoon because it was fitting and funny.

I'm watching (I bet you can guess) Law & Order: SVU while I write. It's the episode where the lunatic white trash keep the kids in cages. Crikey.

I promise I'll be all, like, butterflies and light tomorrow,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Ellen Emerson White

Ellen Emerson White is a wicked amazing writer. I've talked about EEW a few times here and there. I've been reading her books since I was a teen, and she's on any top authors list I'll ever make.

Last week I was thrilled to return to the world of Meg Powers and her complicated, interesting, and super smart First Family. Published a month and a half ago, White's latest book Long May She Reign arrived 18 years after its predecessor Long Live the Queen (the currently out of print President's Daughter series will be reissued next spring by Feiwel & Friends). It was a long wait, but oh was it worth it! LMSR beautifully captures the reality, wit, sadness, struggles and grace of Meg, the first daughter of the first female president, as she navigates her way back from the trauma of her recent kidnapping and harrowing escape. Though the book is marketed to the YA audience, LMSR is at times dark, always thoughtful, and its themes mature. I confess I cringed when someone on Amazon called it chick lit for the book is so much more than shopping and man problems (in fact, I don't think anyone shops at all. The president and her communications director, Preston, are rather snappy dressers, though).

I don't think there's anything I can write that will do Long May She Reign the justice it deserves. All I can offer is that I didn't reach the end until 5 am and instead of rushing towards the finish line so I could get some sleep, I started reading more and more slowly because I so didn't want it to be over. It wasn't just teenage nostalgia that kept me going, either.

Anyhoo, I mentioned recently that I was fortunate enough to meet Ms. White on a recent trip to New York (you all know I was there to see the hubs while he worked on some record thingy that will be out next spring! Or early summer). She is just as groovy as any of her characters, and I feel super chuffed to know her.

She was gracious enough to do The LP Questionnaire, so please enjoy and please check out any of her books you can get your hands on. They're well worth the read.

The photo is one White took of her pooch Maggie.

Name: Ellen Emerson White
Pro Wrestling Name: Jesus Pirate. Which suits me, don't you think? If I drop my middle name, I am Ass Kickin Rock (Meg turns out to be Evil Hercules, although if I drop her middle name, she is Mighty Punisher).

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your boyfriend/girlfriend (and tell us what year it is). What year it is? Never happen, GI. (Which dates me, in and of itself.) When I was 15, I probably would have picked The Eagles, "Hotel California," Steely Dan, "Peg," and The Rolling Stones, "Satisfaction."

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? The Mayor, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Sunnydale actually ran quite well--and he seemed to do an excellent job of maintaining property values, despite the very high death rate in town.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Felix the Cat and Mighty Mouse. I very much wanted to be Mighty Mouse. Or Underdog.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I would like to know everything. Of course, it would be pleasant to be invincible, also.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

Grinchier Than Thou

And I thought the RIAA was bad... I guess England's not so jolly after all.

Lawrence O'Donnell doesn't like the Mormons. I can't say I find them particularly appealing, especially in the guise of one Mitt Romney. That said, I thought Mr. O's head was going to spin around and pop off as he tried to out yell Pat Buchanan on The McLaughlin Group regarding Romney's "I Am Mormon, Hear Me Roar" speech.

Generally speaking, politics are so very zzz these days. Not even Mitch McConnell's clunky line about military deaths in Iraq, "Nobody is happy about losing lives but remember these are not draftees, these are full-time professional soldiers" raised much ire with me. Mitchy Mitch came off like an insensitve jerkface? Quelle surprise.

Then there's Hillary Clinton attacking Barack Obama for writing that he wanted to become the president when he was in kindergarten. Really, Hills? That's the best you can come up with? Meanwhile, Oprah took to stumping for Obama this week and we'll see if all the Opraholics will follow her to the voting booth. The pundits say "no."

Neither Joe Biden nor Rudy Giuliani held my interest on this morning's This Week and Meet the Press.

I look forward to January 3rd when the Iowa Caucus shows what the real results of all the pandering are. Not that I personally think Iowa is representative of America, but at least we'll be getting down to truth and consequences time.

I spent the weekend watching many many episodes of Law & Order: SVU. I'm starting to become immune to the horrificness of it all (though I still cringe when I think about Zeljko). Can anyone tell me why they replaced the blonde ADA with a blonde ADA who looks just like her?

The NHK Trophy is on now. Miki Ando totally blew it and won't be going to the Grand Prix Final. Lately, if you're name isn't Yu Na Kim or Caroline Zhang, I can't be bothered. I miss Michelle Kwan!

I want the chance to play without limits!
Ms. P

Swept Away by Mike Huckabee, Madonna & Shirtless Customer Service

We probably ought to stop talking about how affable Mike Huckabee is and start looking at what he actually says. He doesn't believe in evolution, thinks abortion is a holocaust, and new to light are his 1992 statements that AIDS patients should be isolated from the general public, and that homosexuality could ''pose a dangerous public health risk.'' I mean, remember the last time we elected the guy we wanted to have a beer with? That's all I'm sayin'.

I watched part of Guy Ritchie's snoozefest Swept Away this afternoon. Madonna was so harshly lit and looked so old and haggard that all I could think was Mr. R must really dislike his wife. We won't even talk about how crap the movie was. I did like the one scene where they sort of hover above the water and then float out of frame. Too bad she was wearing those ridiculous star shaped sunglasses with one lens missing. Rather distracting. And what was up with that ring her lover bought? It was worse than the one Aidan gave Carrie on Sex and the City! I would have gotten on the helicopter, too, Maddy, even if it meant an eternity with Bruce Greenwood.

Not too long ago I wrote a little rant about Apple's poor customer service and I'm baffled that more and more I keep running into businesses who would rather just pay you off or not give you service so you'll go away instead of actually rectifying the problem. I'll be the first person to admit that I can be particular (and clearly, from my Swept Away review, one might surmise that I'm a tad bitchy and one might not be wrong), but I tend not to think I'm crazy, off the rails irrational or anything like that.

I recently contacted an embroiderer and asked him to make a shirt for Tom. We spoke on the phone and he said he would come up with some design ideas and email them to me. I told him if I found anything I liked I would send it his way. Days went by and I heard nothing - and I was on a deadline as I was trying to get said shirt to T in time for his photo shoot tomorrow (which he knew about but said he could do it in time). Finally I emailed the guy and said obviously I'm not getting the shirt in time for the shoot, but is it possible to get it by Christmas? He writes me back and tells me he's been busy but doesn't bother to apologize for a) not fulfilling the order or b) not contacting me. I said I was a little irritated that he never bothered to tell me he couldn't do it in time and asked if the shirt would cost the same (I wasn't sure if he was charging me rush order prices for a Dec 7 delivery).

His reply: "lets just forget the whole thing, i dont want to irritate you further."

Wha??!!

I totally do not get this world sometimes. And look how upset Tom is that he's not getting his wizard shirt!!

Pffft,
Ms. P

Ugly Juno and the 10 Most Fascinating People (according to Barbara Walters)

Is Juno the best movie I've seen this year? Quite possibly. Then again, I did miss Freedom Writers, Norbit and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, but it was certainly better than Because I Said So and Becoming Jane. Kitty Pryde does an admirable job in her portrayal of pregnant teen Juno MacGuff. I'll be interested to see what other choices Ellen Page makes in the future and I'm thrilled to see a young actress who hasn't flashed her bits and pieces while getting out of a car. Go Ellen, I say. The cast is rounded out by other LP faves Allison Janney, JK Simmons and Michael Cera. Jennifer Garner even makes a likable turn as the uptight wannabe adoptive mother Vanessa. I liked Jason Bateman, but boy did I cringe at the end. I won't spoil it for you. Come back after you've seen it and we can discuss. Anyway, the Little Miss Sunshine comparisons are a bit insulting, I think. I enjoyed this film about a thousand times more.

Last night's Ugly Betty was possibly the first episode this season that hasn't made me cry.

Some random thoughts with spoilers...

Was that Jose Gonzalez I heard in the background at one point? Nice. one.

I still think Betty has better chemistry with Freddy Rodriguez than Christopher Gorham (but damn, who knew CG was so buff?!)

Betty White... hilarious as always. "That Golden Girls money went right into the nickel slots!"

I'm a little tired of Alexis' grasping (paintballing Daniel after he offered to share leadership of Meade was pretty darn cold). Perhaps I don't understand sibling rivalry very well.

Wilhemina stealing Papa Meade's sperm post-mortem (so she could impregnate herself and give birth to an heir) really grossed me out, but Mark's response, "That's in your freezer? I put a Pinkberry in there!" after she pulled it out? Tee hee.

I'm watching Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People of 2007. I can't believe Don Imus made it onto the list. I'm not offended that he's back on the air, but shouldn't he get less attention for what he said, not more? I watched Imus' attorney and Al Sharpton duke it out on Larry King (with Joy Behar, who couldn't control the situation, hosting) earlier this week and all I could think was that neither of them do anything to further race relations in this country either by intelligent discourse or action.

Katherine Heigl seems a little bitchy, but in that good I kind of respect what you're saying sort of way. Not too sure about that Josh Kelly, though.

The rest of the list included Justin Timberlake, the MySpace guys, Hugo Chavez, Bill Clinton, David and Victoria Beckham, Jennifer Hudson and at the top of the list JK Rowling (who wasn't even interviewed). Barbara didn't manage to make anyone cry, as far as I could tell (I confess I used the fast forward button quite a bit).

Holiday eps of Monk and Psych tonight as well as a new Women's Murder Club. Oh boy!

It doesn't seem like Christmas is coming,
Ms. P

ps. I've returned to throwing random photos that I've taken into my posts because after a week of excluding them, my little blog looked oh so cold.

Those Wacky Republicans!

God wants Mike Huckabee to be president. Don't you, too??! Be like God!



I don't think I approve this message. Are we really supposed to believe that if all the illegal immigrants are deported then rape and drug dealing will magically cease to exist?

Sure. Fairies might send me a pony and a million dollars, too.

Bring on the crazy,
Ms. P

Help Me Brian, Help Help Me Brian...

...get this out of my head.

Brian Wilson circa 1989.

So very not pretty. Prepare yourself for the aural assault.

I know this is excessive posting for one night, but goodness. I couldn't resist.

Project Runway: I Wanna Be Outdated

Spoiler Alert... Spoiler Alert... Spoiler Alert...

The show starts with Jack poaching Ricky's model. Crap, I hope he doesn't start crying again.

Nina Garcia issues tonight's challenge - teams of three must create a collection of modern pieces incorporating outdated fashion trends.

Christian's hair is even more jacked than last week Does he cut it himself or did he get crazy at the TRESemme hair salon?

Here's the team breakdown:

Shoulder pads, baggy sweaters and dancewear get reinvented by Chris, Sweet P and Steven. Their looks aren't "cohesive" apparently and Sweet P is perturbed. They all look khaki and ugly to me!

Elisa, Ricky and Victorya tackle underwear as outerwear, neon and cutouts. Ricky is the team leader and has already worn three different hats in the first ten minutes. This ought to be fun. He's already grumbling about Victorya's bossiness. Ricky might be a bit of a chafe (and I hate to turn on my peeps), but I kind of agree. I'm sure it's just the way it's been edited. Yes, that must be it, but man, I can't believe Elisa's looking like the sane one here. What crazy universe is this?!!

Rami, Kevin and Ralph Lauren girl (who heretofore has been so unspectacular I cannot remember her name) look confused about overalls, 70s flares and poodle skirts. Kevin and RL girl (apparently she's called Jillian) look like the munchkins in the Wizard of Oz compared to their model.

Kit, Christian and Jack must meld pleather, zoot suits and fringe. Yeesh. Christian has dubbed them Team Star because, "Team Star is like hot. Like star. Like celebrities." I can't decide if I want to punch Christian or ask him to be my BFF. At first glance, I feel like I'm in an Adam Ant video when Tim comes in to view their looks. The New Romantics are back!

The sniping's in the gutter as the runway draws near.

(Commercial time. I can't believe Bravo has a show coming up called Make Me a Supermodel. I'm debating whether or not I have the guts to subject myself to this. I'm cringing at the thought.)

It's showtime, folks, and I think we're about to be subjected to a whole lot of ugly! Ooh lookie, Donna Karan is the guest judge!

Team Ralph Lauren girl: Humongous sigh as high waisted, pleated overalls with a flared leg come down the runway followed by denim shorts and some Dukes of Hazzard-esque dress. It looks cohesive, but I'm not feeling all the elements.

Team Khaki: If any of you read my Fashion Week Spring 08 coverage you know I feel a certain amount of loathing towards khaki. I kind of like Sweet P's dress, though. Not sure about Steve's wrap thingie. As for Chris' old lady of the 80's giant shoulder pad monstrosity... No comment.

Team Star: Err, where's the pleather and fringe? Am I missing something? I'm kind of getting zoot suit, but I don't want to.

Team Ricky: Well, you knew it was going to be a disaster from all the confusion and arguing. The clothes fit poorly and are pretty darn ugly. Victorya's dress looks like something a flag girl in a high school marching band would wear.

And the winner is Team Jillian. I agree they had the most polished looks. Team Star is safe.

The judges are disappointed in Ricky (ill fitting dress). And Victorya (not a team player). And Chris (garment too mother of the bride). And Steve (his frock didn't relate to the other pieces).

Last week Chris was in. This week he is out. It's back to the costume world for him and wow, next week's episode looks dramatic. I've heard rumors about Jack's discussion with Tim. We'll see if they're the truth.

Have a lookie loo at the clothes at BravoTV.com.

Enchanted? Enchanting. Top Model Wannabes? Not So Much

Spoiler Alert for ANTM. I'm warning ya now! Apparently I ruined Heroes for a pal and I feel real real bad about that.

I went to a movie today for the first time since seeing the disaster that was Becoming Jane. I'm a bit sad that I missed Michael Clayton and Into the Wild, but I think they'll do just fine in the living room. Enchanted was delightful. Amy Adams might be my new girl crush and James Marsden redeemed himself from his wooden portrayal of Cyclops in the X-Men flicks. Tom wasn't sad he missed it even though he loves McDreamy.

Moving on to the small screen, I don't think there's been a single cycle of America's Next Top Model where the final four were such a whiny, arrogant, annoying bunch of brainless morons. I'm rooting for no one (except maybe Jenah). Watching them do a photo shoot in Chinese warrior garb on the Great Wall of China is making me slightly nauseous. I can't believe Bianca is faulting anyone else's personality when she's the biggest biyaatch I've seen since Keenyah. Let's not even talk about that bimbo Chantal.

Is anyone else buying these McDonald's commercials featuring the stoner dude with the hoop earrings? I mean, I wasn't considering a career at Mickey D's, but now... it looks ever so appealing. At least he said "well" instead of "good".

So who's going to see PS I Love You? Everyone, right? I just know it's going to have a scene where there's a 60s pop song sing and dance along. I love those. They really make every chick flick. It does co-star Gerard Butler, though... PS seems like the companion film to Catch and Release. Too bad there aren't any drive-in theatres anymore because those two would make a fine double feature. You know, for when you've kidnapped someone and want to torture them. Just kitten, folks. I heard C&R was totally tolerable and stuff.

Okay, it's judging time. Jenah cries. Bianca looks like a zombie in her photo. Drat, they love Chantal. Saleisha's picture is pretty fierce and I guess she's one of the lesser evils even though I got sick of hearing her talk about how hot she is.

I love how the Cover Girl model of the week is Heather, who's gone. But not, according to Bianca, missed.

Haha! Miss J just called Chantal a Boat Model. Too true. That one gets line of the night for sure. Pfft, she got called first. But ding dong the bitch is dead! It's zai jian Bianca as Jenah gets saved!

Now I'm catching up on Gossip Girl while waiting for Project Runway to start. Isn't this superfun spending an evening with me and the kids?! Don't answer that. The nausea train keeps barreling down the tracks as I'm being treated to more makeout sessions with Blair and Chuck. Nate's still morose. I just do not get the allure of Penn Badgley. He's the Dylan Walsh of GG. And Chuck... there's something oddly attractive about Chuck Bass (or the guy who plays him - Ed Westwick). But he's also mildly revolting so I don't feel good about this. Goodness, Serena's grandmother is a snotty cow. I went to the Upper East Side for the first time in years on this last trip to New York. Eesh. Remind me to stay below 59th next I'm there.

Alright, back in a bit with my write while I watch review of PR. It's time to sew and be sewn!

Ciao for now,
Ms. P

Nip/Tuck: Putrid Is As Putrid Does

Spoiler type thingies to follow if you haven't watched...

I feel like a meth head after watching two episodes back to back. Grubby, shaky and yuckified, I wish I could bleach my brain.

A friend of mine recently told me that he didn't think honesty is always the best policy. I tend to vociferously disagree but after watching Sean McNamara discuss his sexual fantasies while naked, wearing only an apron with a woman in lingerie printed on the front on last week's show... I may have to reconsider. I confess I'm a little baffled by Dylan Walsh. Do the ladies really think he's hot? Any nip/tuck viewers out there, please feel free to chime in on this one. Help me understand.

Don't tell me they're gonna make me feel sorry for Eden! Nuh uh! Her freaky friend with the giant nipple just told her she's a fatty, and she's a size 0. Apparently, we're all supposed to be -2's now. Whatever happened to the size 6 ideal? Oh yeah, 6 is the new 14 (so said Stanley Tucci in The Devil Wears Prada, which I watched for the 900th time last night). Grousing about women pushing themselves into attainable only with anorexia ideals might seem strange coming from the lady on the Angie Harmon diet, but I know that even if I starved myself for months I will never be as thin as her. I just, uh, choose to visualize my old dream of being tall and gangly on my current weight loss journey (which isn't going particularly well considering I ate the vanilla bread pudding cake at Proof again today). But I digress...

Matt and Kimber's desperation is just too much. From gay porn to pulling up the carpet for quarters to sleeping with their dealer, I hope that if any good can come of this it's that no one sees this as an overblown dramatization of the face of meth addiction even though Kimber looks a lot better than most speed freaks. Did you know that John Hensley, the actor who plays Matt, is from Kentucky?

Sean and his gastric bypassed fiancee have a full on honesty trumps everything blowout and S confesses he can't get the vision of her, err, doing number two in the hot tub out of his mind. I'm relieved to hear this because NEITHER CAN I!

You might wonder why I sit around watching self-involved nitwits act like... self-involved nitwits so many nights of the week, and I can only offer this as an excuse - it makes for better blogging. It's much harder to wax rhapsodic about the things I love. I should work on that.

But you know, I'll do that later. Tonight's ep uses the ruse of reality as we follow the doctors around documentary style for some crappy show called Plastic Fantastic. We're regaled with tales about their humble beginnings and so on and so forth. Julia McNamara looked better when she was straight. However, I don't think dating Portia de Rossi's Olivia is what's aging her. It's probably continuing to act on this festering wound of a show.

I do like that Roma Maffia, though! I'm not sure I understand why her character just said, "Julia is as gay as a jicama salad." Jicama salads are gay? Gosh, now I'm worried about my Puffins cereal.

I have to look away during the surgery scenes. What about you? I feel queasy.

I thought Eden was in rehab but no, here she is wreaking havoc and acting like a ho. Can't they just lock her up and throw away the key? Oh drat, they just showed her being "human." God, maybe this writer's strike is a blessing in disguise. If I've said that before, I apologize. It's hard to be fresh every day. Maybe I should consult Always about this.

Blah blah blah, Sean realizes he's gone Hollywood and starts smooching on Eden. I have nothing to say about Christian Troy (except that his eyebrows still weird me out). The test audience for Plastic Fantastic gave the good doctors a likability score of two. Yup, that pretty much sums it up! Oh wait, make that a - 2.

I'm off to watch, you guessed it, Law & Order: SVU. My eyes really wish they hadn't seen Michael Gross - you know, Mr. Keaton from Family Ties - do Ecstasy and have sex with a thirty-something hooker (after he mutilated his wife and some other woman to cover up the mutilation of... his wife) last night. Super EUW!!!! I still think the the Zeljko Ivanek ep was worse, though.

The dog is spazzing out,
Ms. P

We Can Be Heroes: Just for One Hour

Heroes Spoiler Alert...

Is Nathan Petrelli really dead? Will Adam Monroe live forever... in a coffin? Sylar is back after injecting himself with Claire's blood, but yick. Why? Elle saves the day but is it too little too late? Is she really Bob Bishop's daughter? I'm failing to see the family resemblance. I love how Matt Parkman gets people to do his bidding by craning his neck forward and looking alternately confused and constipated. And what about Niki? Or Jessica? Or whatever her name is... Why, oh, why must we wait til 2008? Just as Heroes was stopping the suckage. Drat. Will the writer's strike further impede our quest? Double drat!

I've stopped watching Reaper in favor of Chuck but tonight's episode is getting on my last nerve (although Adam Baldwin - still groovy!) However, I maintain that Morgan, as dopey and irritating as he is, is still better than chubby best friend on Reaper. That guy really needs a smack.

I went back to tae kwon do class for the first time in six weeks tonight. My stupid toe is still broken so I could only do half the kicks which is fine since I only have about half the ability. The ass kicking will be in serious short supply for another few weeks it seems. Bummer.

I started the Angie Harmon diet today and I'm starving. This isn't an actual diet that Ms. Harmon recommends or does herself, but whenever I feel like eating junk I now say "Angie Harmon" and visualize her 20 times thinner than mine physique. I'll let you know if it works. What I'm really visualizing are some grumpy weeks ahead, but after cupcaking my way from Beverly Hills to Portland to New York (and not exercising at all), well, err, yeah. I recently bought an unforgiving scale, too, which is. not. helping. at. all.

This Thursday marks episode 300 of ER. It's amazing that show is still on. And that people still care. It's impressive, actually, as Pushing Daisies is on episode 8, and I think I'm already sick of it. Take me back to when I thought it would be my new favorite show!

Okay, time to watch Law & Order: SVU. Remember the one where Zeljko Ivanek had an affair with his daughter and she had two babies by him which she subsequently threw in the trash? Yeah. Totally gross. Saw that one last night. And I really like him as an actor. Not so sure anymore. ::shudder::

It's greenie time!
Ms. P

Desperate Housewives: Tornado Edition

Semi-live Desperate Housewives blogging as a tornado is headed towards Wisteria Lane. I feel like a tornado is headed towards Crestwood as the winds are howling and the windows rattling. Spoilers galore if you haven't watched.

I spent ten hours reading Ellen Emerson White's Long May She Reign yesterday. It's a rare book that commands my attention in such a manner. I think the last time I spent an entire Saturday reading was, oh gosh, nearly ten years ago when I read She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb in one sitting. I haven't finished LMSR yet but once I do I'll write a mini review and post my LP Questionnaire with Ms. White who was gracious enough to sit down with me when I was in New York and talk politics, sports and photography. Sometimes when you meet your heroes it's not a disappointment. So now I have EEW and John Paul Jones. Can't do better than that, methinks.

Is it just me or does everyone who watches Desperate Housewives want to kill Teri Hatcher? I mean Susan. Whatever. I saw her on Oprah and I halfway believe they're one and the same. I know she's going to survive this tornado thing so I'm kind of bummed. I also kind of hate Tom and Lynette's monster children. Is that wrong? I don't care. I'm also kind of hating Lynette right now. Oh my God, why do I watch this show??!! These people are all terrible!

I watched the ISU Cup of Russia today and apparently Johnny Weir's given up his career in fashion to concentrate fully on figure skating. It's paying off as he passed Stephane Lambiel to take the gold. It was funny to see all the Russian girls clamor over Weir. Don't they know they'll never have a chance? I heart Lambiel, though. I think he's the most graceful male skater I've ever seen. And he's cute. And I never have a chance (I mean, despite the fact that I'm way older and married and stuff).

I'm getting really sick of hearing this All American Rejects song in this Ford commercial. It might as well be an Apple ad so overplayed is it.

So who else is excited for tomorrow's Heroes finale?

Hmm, Susan just showed unexpected strength telling Mike he'd better go to rehab or she's gonna go, go, go. More Edie/Carlos/Gabrielle crap. Does anyone care? Aww yeah! Cat fight! Has anyone ever seen a tornado this fake? Nathan Fillion needs his own spinoff. He truly looks desperate being on this show.

I like how Bree, Orson, Dana Delaney, and NF are in their safe room with candles burning. Like that's not a fire hazard. Oopsie. The truth just came out... He really did have an affair with the psycho who's locked herself in the bathroom. Double oopsie, Carlos is stuck in his house with a psycho of his own, Gaby's unappealing mayor husband, grey haired guy whose name and character I do not know (oh wait, Carlos just called him Victor). I do remember him from Sex and the City, though. He played a weird politician on that show, too. I think he wanted Carrie to pee on him. Euw.

I make such a credible TV Critic, don't I?

No politics this Sunday as I haven't watched my shows yet. Also, I'm getting race fatigue.

Well, Victor just died (I mean, if he survives getting picket fenced, I shall be shocked). And so, maybe, did Carlos. Holy crap, psycho lady just got sucked into the cyclone. I like how the tornado hit everywhere but the hospital although truly, isn't it as if a tornado hath struck Mike and Susan's marriage? Mrs McClusky's (Mrs. Landingham from West Wing) house is gone. I sure do hope Ida's cat lived.

Err, the show's over. And so is this post.

Hey look! Chevy Chase and Danny Glover are guest starring on Brothers and Sisters. They're gettin' too old for this shit.

Time to feed the Bea,
Ms. P