Academy Awards - Part 2

Jon Stewart is doing a better job this year than last, methinks.

Oh look, it's wondertwins Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen presenting Best Sound Editing. The winner is the team from The Bourne Ultimatum. Sorry, Karen and other guy, that I am too lazy to write your full names. I think only three people read this thing, anyway. They're also doing Sound Mixing and this one goes to, err, The Bourne Ultimatum.

Wow, Best Actress already? This seems early. Guess they're switching things up so we don't pass out. And the winner is... Marion Cotillard!!! Have I mentioned how beautiful she is? Probably a hundred times. It's like if Rachel Weisz and Kate Winslet had a baby. I've probably said that, too. Anyway, that was cool. I haven't seen a Best Actress win in ages that wasn't expected. Nice to see a genuine moment.

Ooh, a song ("Falling Slowly") from Once. I hope my friend Elizabeth is watching. I quite like this, actually. I might have to listen to the whole soundtrack even though I was creeped out that the two leads are dating. Oh look, people in the front row aren't applauding their performance. What jerks.

Jack Nicholson rambles through an intro to yet another montage. I really wish they'd play the Team America "Montage" song during one of these. That might really liven things up.

Bourne Ultimatum won another Oscar... Film Editing or something... I won't talk about Renee Zellweger. I just can't. Nicole Kidman and her tangled necklaces introduce an honorary award to 98- year old production designer Robert Boyle... I don't wish to live to be 98, but if I do, I hope I'm this lucid. Oh wait, I'm not even this lucid now.

The Counterfeiters from Austria snags Best Foreign Language Film. I like how they say Austria wins as if the whole country made it.

Oh look, it's McDreamy to introduce yet another song from Enchanted. So it's three songs from Enchanted and one from Once? Now I hope Once wins. Who is this goofball singing, anyway? I'm sure some girls somewhere are swooning, but not I! Not I.

I'm glad John Travolta is wearing something other than a bathing suit so my internet friend Jason won't be traumatized. And the winner for Best Original Song is... OMG!! Once won! I'm bummed they cut Marketa off. Laura Linney looks so pleased. Well, color me shocked, they just did a really classy thing... they let her come back and give her speech! And what a nice one it was. Hope is what ties us all together. Or should, anyway.

There Will Be Blood just won Best Cinematography.

The Next Karate Kid intros the In Memoriam montage. No Brad Renfro? No Charles Nelson Reilly? Academy, you are cold.

Atonement just won something. I don't even know what. The guy who won is kind of cute, though. Ah, Original Score.

Tom Hanks and some of the soldiers in Iraq present the award for Best Documentary Short. And the winner is, Freeheld, which appears to be about same-sex discrimination. I will refrain from discussing the irony. Best Documentary Feature goes to Taxi to the Dark Side.

Here comes Harrison Ford to give the Best Original Screenplay award to... Diablo Cody? Yes! It's Diablo Cody in a... very interesting dress. She looks slightly mortified. In a good way.

Helen Mirren, still way cooler than me, gives the Best Actor Oscar to Daniel Day Lewis.

I find it amusing that when actresses lose they look SUPER HAPPY. When actors lose they look grim but accepting (except Eddie Murphy, I guess).

Finally, Best Director (as presented by Martin Scorsese) goes to Joel and Ethan Coen.

Hey, look, it's Denzel! This means the night is almost over. Thank God. The big winner of the night is... No Country for Old Men. I started typing it before he even announced.

Even though I have Oscar fatigue, this was the best ceremony in a while. I think. My judgment might be off right now.

Thank you and good night,
Ms. P