Sunday, January 31, 2010
Live Blogging The Grammys - I Really Hope Kanye Wins
It's kind of surreal to think that last year at the Grammys I was THERE. I was there and didn't really see any famous types. We weren't seated on the floor so I didn't get to rub elbows with Gwynnie... I'm still sad.
Oh man, here we go... Haus of Gaga!!
Hour I
8.00 This may be the single biggest reason I'm sad not to be at the Grammys this year. I would love to see Lady Gaga perform live. I'm so not lying. She looks like some kind of drag queen superhero and I'm sure you'll see 90000 pictures of this getup tomorrow. It's beyond.
8.03 Lady Gaga and Elton John. Beyond the beyond. They do a medley of "Speechless" and "Your Song" and it may be the most awesome thing I've ever seen. The show can only go downhill from here.
8.08 Stephen Colbert (is he the host? Seriously, I have no idea what's going on here) comes out and says, "We are here tonight to celebrate what I believe is our most precious right. The right of celebrities to congratulate each other. One more time, come on." The celebrities look confused. He gives a shout out to Jeff Beck, which is excellent, because who, besides my friend Lori and me, is in luv with him?
Oooouch. Colbert says that Justin Timberlake brought the sexy back and Susan Boyle sent it away. Not nice.
8.11 Oh, I guess he's presenting Song of the Year. He has an iPad. "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It," by Beyonce and a bunch of other people, wins The bunch of other people get played off after two seconds because Bouncy isn't there. Whew. I'm prepared for Kings of Leon to win something... just not so soon.
8.15 LOL at Jennifer Lopez introducing Green Day. American Idiot is a Broadway musical and they're performing "21 Guns" with the cast. I'm actually kind of digging this and have nothing bad to say... shocking, I know... and it's not even because Billie Joe's sister reads my blog. Really.
8.25 For some inexplicable reason Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel are here. They present Best Country Album to Taylor Swift who looks faux surprised. Some creepy dude is giving her a standing ovation. He's the only one. I really wish Kanye would run onstage right now. I did not just say that.
8.27 CBS is taking advantage of broadcasting the show by pushing The Mentalist on us. Simon Baker introduces Beyonce and a... SWAT team? Bouncy, as I call her, is... covering Alanis Morrissette's "You Oughta Know." Uh, wut? Love her shoes, though. I would break every bone in my body if I wore those things and she's running around the Staples Center emoting like crazy. Good lord. It's sort of unfair that Beyonce is so perfect... but she gave us the rope dance so I forgive her.
8.39 Heidi Klum looks perplexed to see Seal onstage. Okay... what the hell? He talks for five seconds about how they're giving Leonard Cohen a Lifetime Achievement Award then introduces... Pink??!! I'm offended.
It's Pink du Soleil time (a phrase coined by my friend Sarah). Pink is hanging above the audience at Staples in a diaper. A wet diaper. And she's mostly naked. Am I watching Flashdance? I'm so confused right now. She's a real daredevil, that Pink. Taylor Swift's mom, Carlos Santana, and LL Cool J love it.
8.45 Best New Artist goes to The Zac Brown Band. Who?? Dave Matthews looks happy but I don't care. I wanted MGMT to win... or The Ting Tings. That's actually a weird group of nom noms.
8.54 Miley's weave is freaking me out. But not as much as Will I Am and his creepy face mask!! Crikey! The Black Eyed Peas perform some new song that sounds a lot like the old songs. They're rapping "Imma be the future." More like Imma be having nightmares. Oh good, now they're doing "I Gotta Feeling." People can relax to autotune and the comfort of familiarity and Fergie's visor. Keith Urban and Jon Bon Jovi are digging this scene. Or pretending to.
An hour's passed already? Well, here you go...
Hour II
9.02 Lady Antebellum... just gonna gloss over this one because I have no idea who she is.
9.10 Best Comedy Album goes to Stephen Colbert... I feel short-changed... we didn't get to see Best Comedy Album last year. It wasn't part of the ceremony. Wow, the Grammys are hardcore. They play him off after ten seconds.
9.18 I really appreciate these long commercial breaks. No lie. How is it time for Record of the Year already? I think the same songs were nominated for... everything over and over. And the winner is... "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. The drummer is CLAPPING FOR HIMSELF! People are standing. I am sitting.
9.21 Jamie Foxx is blowing my mind right now.... which is what I need after what just happened. You know, I never heard this song "Blame It On The Alcohol" before. How did I live without it? Oh look! It's, uh, Slash. Soloing. This is hot mess to the extreme. I mean, last year I got T.I., Kanye, Jay-Z, MIA and Lil Wayne doing "Swagga Like Us." Score one for me.
9.27 Am in real life lol'ing at Ke$ha and Justin Bieber and their totally botched vote for a Bon Jovi song bit. That was so Sesame Street "One of these things is not like the other."
9.32 I like how they give two seconds to these legends awards and two hundred years to the suck.
9.33 Katy Perry and Alice Cooper (there's a pair for the ages) present Best Rock Album to Green Day.
9.34 Chris O'Donnell is here... of course. He intros the Zac Brown Band. You know, that group none of us have heard of who won Best New Artist earlier thus assuring their place in obscurity. Are they country? Are they hippies? Are they some strange hybrid?
9.37 I can't believe this goes on for another two hours. This will be a fight to the finish.
9.45 It's Taylor Swift... singing a song... that she wrote. Now it's Taylor Swift... singing a duet... with Stevie freaking Nicks! I'm sorry but Taylor Swift's voice is just... bad. I mean, I know I'm flying in the face of the wisdom of millions of record buyers but someone must agree with me on this?!! Still, she can't ruin the joy of seeing Nicks performing "Rhiannon." The joy that is now being diminished by watching Stevie Nicks sing "You Belong With Me.
9.52 Last year's sign of the apocalypse was The Jonas Brothers with Stevie Wonder. This year it's Taylor Swift with Stevie Nicks. Next year I vote all Stevies stay the hell away or it will be the final herald of the four horsemen or something.
9.54 3-D Celine Dion, Usher, Jennifer Hudson and Smokey Robinson are singing along with Michael Jackson as we're treated to shots of Beyonce and Rihanna wearing those goofy red/blue 3-D glasses. I am speechless. So close to being dignified... instead, kinda cuckoo. MJ's kids kinda break my heart. Okay, they totally break my heart as they accept a Lifetime Achievement Award for their dad.
And thus endeth hour ii...
Hour III and III.5
10.09 After a long, complex introduction by Sheryl Crow, Bon Jovi hits the stage with some song that's not "Runaway" so I don't care. Okay, Jon Bon Jovi either has a great plastic surgeon or made a deal with the devil. AND I heard he's super nice. AND they're doing "Livin' On A Prayer." Suddenly I'm 16, drinking vodka and Diet Slice all over again.
10.17 Placido Domingo and Mos Def - a hilarious duo - give Best Rap/Sung Collaboration (wha?) to Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye West for "Run This Town." I guess people have forgiven Kanye enough to give the award to Jay-Z and Rihanna. When they thank Yeezy I think I hear one person applaud. Forgiveness is divine, people!! I mean, seriously, that crowd should not be throwing stones. Ultimate glass house.
10.27 Andrea Bocelli is here to class the joint up. Singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water," which is being recorded for Haitian earthquake relief (and will be available later on iTunes), with Mary J. Blige, is the highlight of the evening so far. Transformative. Tear inducing. Man alive.
10.46 Best Female Pop Vocal Performance goes to Beyonce for "Halo." The award is given to her by Lea Michele who sang "Halo" on Glee. I confess I listen exclusively to the Glee version... mostly because it's a mashup with "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves.
10.56 I think I missed the Maxwell Memo. I'm sorry but I'm not down... if only for that cover of Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work," a song that is sacred to me. SACRED, I TELL YOU! He is kind of a babe, though.
10.58 Oh hey, Roberta Flack! Now we're gettin' groovy...
11.00 In Memoriam... awww Dan Seals.
11.03 Haha Gaga!
11.04 Holy Gods, Jeff Beck doing the Les Paul tribute. At this point I almost don't care anymore because this is what happens when you decide to liveblog a three and a half hour show. Toward the end you feel like your life force has been drained. Or you do if you are old and lame like me.
11.12 I just read that Phoenix won for Best Alternative Album for Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. That's neat. Last year My Morning Jacket lost to Radiohead. That was less neat but not surprising.
11.13 I really wish Lil Wayne would stop swearing so I could hear this song. Hey lookit, it's Eminem. Em's lost some weight. Maybe he can give me a few tips. Really dudes, stop f'ing swearing! All I hear is silence... which actually may be preferable. Drake cracks me UP. Why? Because I watched Degrassi, that's why.
11.18 How long is this post now? Ninety million words? Are you still here? Thank you.
11.22 In case you were wondering why you've only seen five actual awards when there are about five million categories, the full list of winners is here.
11.26 This time Taylor Swift looks genuinely surprised... to win Album of the Year. SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE. Nice going, Grammy voters. AOTY contains the lyric, "She wears high heels, I wear sneakers" and is sung by someone who can't sing. This is all Kanye's fault, isn't it?
Goodnight.
Live Blogging The Grammys - Regrets, I've Had A Few...
My friend Yahzelle told me to liveblog The Grammys so I guess I will... but I am tired and crabby and this is a last minute decision and it's going to be a lot of Taylor Swift and Kings of Leon, right?
Oh boy! Taylor just said her performance has a big surprise in it! Maybe Jay-Z is going to join her and OH MY GOD... I just wrote Kings of Leon and there they are on E! This is not an auspicious beginning to my night.
First post will be up around 9. Humf.
Oh boy! Taylor just said her performance has a big surprise in it! Maybe Jay-Z is going to join her and OH MY GOD... I just wrote Kings of Leon and there they are on E! This is not an auspicious beginning to my night.
First post will be up around 9. Humf.
Friday, January 29, 2010
My Morning Jacket Tour Stuff
There's a band called My Morning Jacket, who I may or may not know, that are touring in April/May. They haven't been out in ages. I assume some of you will be excited about this.
Then again, you know what happens when you assume!
The dates - with the Preservation Hall Jazz Band - are as follows:
04/20: Birmingham, AL @ Alabama Theater
04/21: Nashville, TN @ Municipal Auditorium
04/23: Atlanta, GA @ Chastain Park
04/24: New Orleans, LA @ Jazzfest
04/27: St. Augustine, FL @ St. Augustine Amphitheater
04/28: Charleston, SC @ Family Circle
04/30: Raleigh, NC @ Koka Booth
05/01: Columbia, MD @ Merriweather Post Pavilion
05/02: Columbus, OH @ LC Outdoor Pavilion
See you in Nashville.
Oh - and did you know you can follow Tom on Twitter (@sometomguy)? He's a cool dude. I'm on there, too, @mspark. I'm less cool.
Here's the whole press release, if you're interested.. I am too lazy to write something different... terrible, I know... and Girlie Action does a kickass job, anyway.
"It's been almost a full year, but the wait is finally over. My Morning Jacket are ready to bring their electrifying live show back on the road. The guys will make their way around the Southeastern United States this Spring, including a performance at this year's Jazzfest in New Orleans. MMJ are also excited to both try something new with their choice for an opening act, and bring some of the spirit of NOLA along with them. The band is honored that the historic Preservation Hall Jazz Band will be supporting them on the run.
The connection with the PHJB originated in the Spring of 2009 when MMJ frontman Jim James was invited to sing with them at their home turf, New Orleans' legendary Preservation Hall. James recorded two songs with the band: "St. James Infirmary" and "Louisiana Fairytale." The tracks will appear on the bands forthcoming album, PRESERVATION: An Album To Benefit Preservation Hall & The Preservation Hall Music Outreach Program, out February 16th.
"When I got the invitation to go to the legendary Preservation Hall -- where SO much of the music we now know and love on this earth found its early roots -- I did not waste a minute," James reminisces. "Getting to sing while the guys played with such glorious bursts of sound -- all live in that holy room with the ghosts and garbage trucks crankin' along -- was an experience I'll never forget."
The PHJB's leader Ben Jaffe shares his memory of playing with James: "I couldn't have imagined Jim fitting in any better with the guys at Preservation Hall. Creating music is not a science. There is no tried and true formula. There is an unspoken bond amongst musicians. One that exists in the notes we choose. Jim's like our long lost cousin coming home for the first time."
OH COME ON!!
I am passing out from the kitty cuteness... Seriously, people.
(This is a commercial for a Japanese hotel booking site shared by Yahzelle on the Google Reader.)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Snow Day
I was reminded that today is the one year anniversary of that stupid ice storm that blew through Kentucky and oh, but I do remember those heady days of sleeping in a bedroom that was 38 degrees, building fires so I didn't freeze all day long and putting all the food in the snow so it wouldn't spoil.
I was trapped in Fox Ridge, Tom was in Australia, and I didn't have power for a week. But now I can look back with a sense of accomplishment at my Grizzly Adams ways.
That being said, man I hope they never happen again. Seriously, when we moved this summer part of the attraction was that I would never be trapped again. Now we live right off 146 and I feel relieved about this every day. Of course living right off 146 means bozos who don't know how to drive plow into your tree line.
You take the good, you take the bad...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Tree Kangaroo Power
One of these days I'll get my life back, but until then, my hat (actually, I don't wear a hat, although I'm considering it because I'm planning a second career as a hobo and don't they wear hats?) goes off to my new fave tennis player, Marin Cilic. He beat Juan Martin Del Potro and Andy Roddick in full on nail-biter five set matches.
I think it's partly due to the magic of the tree kangaroo. Although last time I went on a Marin Cilic tree kangaroo spree he lost to Del Po at the US Open. Sadly, I don't have high hopes for him against Andy Murray, but we'll see. None of you know what I'm talking about, do you? I live alone in my grand slam tennis fan world. Tear.
I used to sort of poo poo the Australian Open as the slam that didn't really matter, but I've come around and seen some of the best matches at Melbourne Park via my tv... at 3 am...
In other news, I'm in Austin. Sitting in an office. Well, sitting in a laundry room that is now a cave that doubles as an office. I have lava lamps, though, and that makes all the difference.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Live Blogging the SAG Awards - Here I Go Again On My Own
Well, the anticipation's mounting. Can't wait to hear the little celebrity anecdotes followed by that most important utterance, "And I'm an ACTOR!" I'm not sure how many years I've been watching this show but that's their schtick and I'm alternately amused and disgusted every time.
An aside before the show starts, and it carries with it an embarrassing admission but what the hey, we're all friends here, right? So, the confession is that I have a subscription to O, The Oprah Magazine. The travesty... after Conan's herald of the death of cynicism I was trying to be all upbeat today and on the cover there's a big ol' headline stating "100 Things That Are Getting Better," and well, that sure is hopeful and stuff, gotta peruse that one. Well, you know what was number one? Floral arrangements. Yeah, you heard me right. At the top of my list of "100 Things That Are Getting Worse?" O, The Oprah Magazine.
Ooops, it's 8 o'clock... let's get this party started...
Hour I
8.00 I adore Meryl Streep's dress. I do not love Sandra Bullock's. I think Marion Cotillard stole part of Drew Barrymore's Golden Globes gown.
8.02 Cannot tell if Cory Monteith is smug or embarrassed. Let's go with embarrassed because I heart Finn.
8.04 "I'm Sherri Shepherd and I'm cuckoopants." Okay, she actually said, "And I'm an actor."
8.04 Does anyone have any idea what Jeremy Irons just muttered?
8.05 Kate Hudson's backwards white jersey frock reminds me of Celine Dion's backwards white tuxedo. She and Justin Timberlake present Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Alec brought his brother Billy as his date. Steve Carell and Larry David look unamused about losing. I guess getting dissed by your peers is more of a drag than getting dissed by the Hollywood Foreign Press. A serious Baldwin gives a populist speech about unions. Maybe he is planning to run for office someday.
8.09 Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Tina Fey who ate a breadstick when they announced her name with the nominees. Fey takes a minute to tell NBC how happy they are to be there. Surprised polite laughter all around.
8.19 Jane Lynch looks smashing in royal blue, although I prefer those Adidas tracksuits. Cue endless montage about comedy that's not actually funny. How they pulled that off... well, it's a stunning achievement.
8.23 It's followed by some bland patter between Ray Romano and Kyra Sedgwick as they give Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series to (Glee, I hope, because those kids have to be funny AND sing AND dance AND make me teary eyed) woo hoo! Glee! No one can hate on Glee. Oh look, it's Principal Figgins!
8.31 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role - Film goes to Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds as Stanley Tucci watches all his hopes and dreams go down the drain. Waltz is humble and sweet and absolutely incomprehensible. He does thank the projectionists. That much I got.
8.34 This show has been way less self-congratulatory than I was expecting. I am relieved because I'm not seething but chagrined because it's making this post really rather boring. So, apologies. But blame THE ACTORS for not affording me with snarktunities. Opporsnarkity?
I think I'll publish now... because this is LIVE. BLOGGING. AT 8.36.
Hour I.II
8.38 Felicity Huffman can't read the teleprompter so Alec Baldwin reads the whole bit as they award Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series to Julianna Margulies for The Good Wife. She immediately calls the writers, "My writers," so I'm going to stop listening to her rambling because as you know, I hate that. MY MY MY! They are not your chattel, woman!
8.45 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series goes to Michael C Hall for Dexter. There's no Bill Paxton here to say, "He's playing the cancer card," upon the announcement of his name. I don't think he really did because that's just too heinous, right? And flawed though they may be, I tend not to think these ACTORS are completely horrible... unless they are Mel Gibson. Hall thanks his wife for wearing "that dress" which also looks like Celine Dion's backwards tuxedo.
8.50 Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series goes to Mad Men. I feel like the Hollywood Foreign Press voted for this shizzle and not the ACTORS. Christina Hendricks is keeping her assets under wraps tonight. Men across America are very sad. Jon Hamm is no Don Draper.
8.56 One reason to love the SAG Awards? It's only two hours long. That may be the only reason.
8.58 Oh look it's Ken Howard, president of the Screen Actors Guild. I think I saw him in a Lifetime movie with Jaclyn Smith once. It was based on a Sidney Sheldon novel called Rage of Angels. The book was better.
I think I'll publish now because THE BETTY WHITE tribute is coming up!
Hour II
9.01 It's the reason for the season!! The Life Achievement Award goes to the incomparable Betty White. I'm a longtime Golden Girls fan who used to watch the show with my grandmother in the 80s. You may wonder what 15 year old wants to watch the GGs... it was this one, for sure.
9.05 This Betty White montage is super old school and pretty rad... even covering the game show years.
9.08 I love that both White and fellow Golden Girl Rue McLanahan are both big animal rights activists.
9.10 This might be one of the longest standing ovations I've ever seen at an awards show.
9.14 Betty's killing it. KILLING IT. That woman is bawdy and awesome sauce. How can anyone not love her? This 14 minutes has made it all worthwhile.
9.20 Oh look, it's Anna Kendrick and Stanley Tucci. She's probably wondering why she always gets stuck with middle aged dudes. Well, you were in a movie with R-Patz, Anna. They present Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Drew Barrymore who's with some dude that is not Justin Long. Tom just asked, "Why don't they just have one awards show if they're going to give them to the same people?" Drew seems pretty cool but her makeup artist needs to lay off the white eyeliner.
9.24 Michelle Monaghan left one of her sleeves at home. Is it just me or might Jon Hamm have a little bit of crazy in the eyes? They give Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Kevin Bacon for Taking Chance. Tom just said, "Didn't he win the other one? There are no surprises here, Bea." Bea is our cat. Full name: Bea Arthur.
9.30 Oh boy, it's time for In Memoriam. Will I shed a tea or won't I? Ron Silver and Brittany Murphy get the same amount of applause. Interestingly, the loudest cheers were for Karl Malden. My eyes are dry.
9.39 Mo'Nique wins Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role for Precious. She is an intense lady... and I mean that in a good way.
9.43 So, who better to follow her than Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard introducing a clip from Nine? Mysteriously, it's nominated for Best Ensemble since it seemed to be universally panned.
9.50 I can't believe no one's talked about how great it is to win an award that was voted on by their peers, their fellow ACTORS. And the show's almost over! But there's still time... Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role goes to Jeff Bridges. Everyone's standing. Again. This really is like Golden Globes 2.0. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. And ah! He did it! "This means so much to be acknowledged like this by my acting family." Ho hum.
9.57 The winner for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role is... Sandra Bullock. Her husband looks real proud. Lots of people are standing. Warren Beatty's wondering if he slept with her. "I'm Sandra Bullock and I'm an ACTOR." It's pretty hard not to like Sandy, I have to admit. I even met her once. She is prettier in real life.
10.00 George Clooney is talking about sleeping with Betty White. My ears!! He gives Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture to the cast of Inglourious Basterds. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. I have no idea who most of these ACTORS are.
Is it over? It's over. Thank God no more of this til the Oscars. I'm off to watch figure skating now! True story.
An aside before the show starts, and it carries with it an embarrassing admission but what the hey, we're all friends here, right? So, the confession is that I have a subscription to O, The Oprah Magazine. The travesty... after Conan's herald of the death of cynicism I was trying to be all upbeat today and on the cover there's a big ol' headline stating "100 Things That Are Getting Better," and well, that sure is hopeful and stuff, gotta peruse that one. Well, you know what was number one? Floral arrangements. Yeah, you heard me right. At the top of my list of "100 Things That Are Getting Worse?" O, The Oprah Magazine.
Ooops, it's 8 o'clock... let's get this party started...
Hour I
8.00 I adore Meryl Streep's dress. I do not love Sandra Bullock's. I think Marion Cotillard stole part of Drew Barrymore's Golden Globes gown.
8.02 Cannot tell if Cory Monteith is smug or embarrassed. Let's go with embarrassed because I heart Finn.
8.04 "I'm Sherri Shepherd and I'm cuckoopants." Okay, she actually said, "And I'm an actor."
8.04 Does anyone have any idea what Jeremy Irons just muttered?
8.05 Kate Hudson's backwards white jersey frock reminds me of Celine Dion's backwards white tuxedo. She and Justin Timberlake present Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Alec brought his brother Billy as his date. Steve Carell and Larry David look unamused about losing. I guess getting dissed by your peers is more of a drag than getting dissed by the Hollywood Foreign Press. A serious Baldwin gives a populist speech about unions. Maybe he is planning to run for office someday.
8.09 Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Tina Fey who ate a breadstick when they announced her name with the nominees. Fey takes a minute to tell NBC how happy they are to be there. Surprised polite laughter all around.
8.19 Jane Lynch looks smashing in royal blue, although I prefer those Adidas tracksuits. Cue endless montage about comedy that's not actually funny. How they pulled that off... well, it's a stunning achievement.
8.23 It's followed by some bland patter between Ray Romano and Kyra Sedgwick as they give Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series to (Glee, I hope, because those kids have to be funny AND sing AND dance AND make me teary eyed) woo hoo! Glee! No one can hate on Glee. Oh look, it's Principal Figgins!
8.31 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role - Film goes to Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds as Stanley Tucci watches all his hopes and dreams go down the drain. Waltz is humble and sweet and absolutely incomprehensible. He does thank the projectionists. That much I got.
8.34 This show has been way less self-congratulatory than I was expecting. I am relieved because I'm not seething but chagrined because it's making this post really rather boring. So, apologies. But blame THE ACTORS for not affording me with snarktunities. Opporsnarkity?
I think I'll publish now... because this is LIVE. BLOGGING. AT 8.36.
Hour I.II
8.38 Felicity Huffman can't read the teleprompter so Alec Baldwin reads the whole bit as they award Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series to Julianna Margulies for The Good Wife. She immediately calls the writers, "My writers," so I'm going to stop listening to her rambling because as you know, I hate that. MY MY MY! They are not your chattel, woman!
8.45 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series goes to Michael C Hall for Dexter. There's no Bill Paxton here to say, "He's playing the cancer card," upon the announcement of his name. I don't think he really did because that's just too heinous, right? And flawed though they may be, I tend not to think these ACTORS are completely horrible... unless they are Mel Gibson. Hall thanks his wife for wearing "that dress" which also looks like Celine Dion's backwards tuxedo.
8.50 Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series goes to Mad Men. I feel like the Hollywood Foreign Press voted for this shizzle and not the ACTORS. Christina Hendricks is keeping her assets under wraps tonight. Men across America are very sad. Jon Hamm is no Don Draper.
8.56 One reason to love the SAG Awards? It's only two hours long. That may be the only reason.
8.58 Oh look it's Ken Howard, president of the Screen Actors Guild. I think I saw him in a Lifetime movie with Jaclyn Smith once. It was based on a Sidney Sheldon novel called Rage of Angels. The book was better.
I think I'll publish now because THE BETTY WHITE tribute is coming up!
Hour II
9.01 It's the reason for the season!! The Life Achievement Award goes to the incomparable Betty White. I'm a longtime Golden Girls fan who used to watch the show with my grandmother in the 80s. You may wonder what 15 year old wants to watch the GGs... it was this one, for sure.
9.05 This Betty White montage is super old school and pretty rad... even covering the game show years.
9.08 I love that both White and fellow Golden Girl Rue McLanahan are both big animal rights activists.
9.10 This might be one of the longest standing ovations I've ever seen at an awards show.
9.14 Betty's killing it. KILLING IT. That woman is bawdy and awesome sauce. How can anyone not love her? This 14 minutes has made it all worthwhile.
9.20 Oh look, it's Anna Kendrick and Stanley Tucci. She's probably wondering why she always gets stuck with middle aged dudes. Well, you were in a movie with R-Patz, Anna. They present Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Drew Barrymore who's with some dude that is not Justin Long. Tom just asked, "Why don't they just have one awards show if they're going to give them to the same people?" Drew seems pretty cool but her makeup artist needs to lay off the white eyeliner.
9.24 Michelle Monaghan left one of her sleeves at home. Is it just me or might Jon Hamm have a little bit of crazy in the eyes? They give Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Kevin Bacon for Taking Chance. Tom just said, "Didn't he win the other one? There are no surprises here, Bea." Bea is our cat. Full name: Bea Arthur.
9.30 Oh boy, it's time for In Memoriam. Will I shed a tea or won't I? Ron Silver and Brittany Murphy get the same amount of applause. Interestingly, the loudest cheers were for Karl Malden. My eyes are dry.
9.39 Mo'Nique wins Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role for Precious. She is an intense lady... and I mean that in a good way.
9.43 So, who better to follow her than Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard introducing a clip from Nine? Mysteriously, it's nominated for Best Ensemble since it seemed to be universally panned.
9.50 I can't believe no one's talked about how great it is to win an award that was voted on by their peers, their fellow ACTORS. And the show's almost over! But there's still time... Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role goes to Jeff Bridges. Everyone's standing. Again. This really is like Golden Globes 2.0. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. And ah! He did it! "This means so much to be acknowledged like this by my acting family." Ho hum.
9.57 The winner for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role is... Sandra Bullock. Her husband looks real proud. Lots of people are standing. Warren Beatty's wondering if he slept with her. "I'm Sandra Bullock and I'm an ACTOR." It's pretty hard not to like Sandy, I have to admit. I even met her once. She is prettier in real life.
10.00 George Clooney is talking about sleeping with Betty White. My ears!! He gives Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture to the cast of Inglourious Basterds. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. I have no idea who most of these ACTORS are.
Is it over? It's over. Thank God no more of this til the Oscars. I'm off to watch figure skating now! True story.
Live Blogging The SAG Awards
Just letting you know I'm live blogging the SAG Awards tonight because a masochistic streak is a strong component of any pop culture blogger, I'd say.
They're on at 8. I have no idea who's nominated. And after watching all their self-congratulatory faces on the Hope For Haiti Now benefit last night I'm not sure if I'll make it through the whole thing without throwing up in my mouth a little. I would love to see Mo'Nique give another kickass speech, though. ("I celebrate this award with all the Preciouses, with all the Marys -- I celebrate this award with every person that's ever been touched," she said. "It's now time to tell. And it's okay." - from the Golden Globes)
On the flip side of snark, Conan O'Brien's remarks last night about cynicism really struck a chord with me, and I'm one of the biggest cynics I know (though I prefer to call it "grounded"... or something).
He said, "All I ask of you, especially young people...is one thing. Please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen."
I'm not sure I believe this, but I'd like to. I'd really really like to.
See you in a bit.
Oh, by the way, this is #666, the blog post of the beast. Tee hee.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Something Inexplicable Involving Joaquin Phoenix
But... for a good cause...although I sort of wonder about the wisdom of making people sit through several minutes of Miley.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Taiwan vs Leno vs Conan vs Zucker vs Letterman
This aired on Conan a couple nights ago. Well played, Taiwan. Well played.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Robert B. Parker RIP
One of my favorite writers, Robert B. Parker, passed away yesterday. So beloved are his Spenser books to me, it almost feels like the loss of a friend. I try not to personalize the deaths of strangers but Parker, with his warm face and deft, laugh out loud funny, and sensitive writing, didn't feel like one.Ages ago, a friend recommended him to me and I remember sort of scoffing, recalling the somewhat cheesy series Spenser For Hire. I gave him a try, though, and was hooked. Through the years, I've followed other intelligent and deeply moral detectives and their mysterious and, yes, sexy sidekicks. Harlan Coben's Myron Bolitar and Windsor Horne Lockwood III. Robert Crais' Elvis Cole and Joe Pike... but Parker was the original for me and Spenser and Hawk adored and as dynamic a duo as any. Spenser could quote Shakespeare as easily as he could knock your lights out, and the books, with an excellent supporting cast of characters including his great love Susan, their dog Pearl and a crackling band of cops and thieves, are classics.
I don't think you have to be a mystery fan to enjoy Parker's writing. If you haven't, I definitely urge you to check him out. I'm incredibly sad there will be no more from the man but hope he's having a good time in the afterlife, sharing a scotch with Raymond Chandler.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sam Waterston
Okay, I confess I have a little crush on Sam Waterston. For some reason that I cannot fathom, people enjoy making fun of me for this. But what's not to love?
And, I submit to you, this...
Case closed.
Also, if you missed it, my myriad epic many many words post on The Golden Globes is here.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Live Blogging the Golden Globes - The Whole Enchilada
Watching the red carpet coverage on E! Always so full of awkward... like right now with Ryan Seacrest asking Fergie and Josh Duhamel why they renewed their vows recently. Or January Jones stiffly discussing why she doesn't want to wear 60s fashions even though all the designers are doing them right now because she "doesn't want to walk around as Betty all day." I will say her dress is killer, though, and the fashions are a lot less fug this year with some notable exceptions (Diane Kruger looking like cotton candy and Jennifer Morrison as the cowardly lion).
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
HOUR III (man, if you're still here, I thank you)
9.57 Robert DeNiro's looking scruffy but handsome.
9.58 Leonardo DiCaprio's forehead is orange.
9.59 Martin Scorsese montage. You know, I still haven't seen Goodfellas because I'm too afraid. Did I just catch a clip of Harvey Keitel looking awfully cute?!! Aww, this "Layla" outro gets me every time. I really want to see The Age of Innocence but want to read the book first. What do you guys think?
10.04 Marty (or so I hear he's called) gets the Cecil B. DeMille award and I won't make a comment about Julia Roberts gaping maw hooting and hollering. I used to live on the same block that Scorsese grew up on in New York. I don't think this ups my cool quotient either.
10.08 I've now invested four hours in the Golden Globes. It's moved along fairly quickly, but I'm starting to feel the fatigue and I bet this post is going to get a lot of TLDNR comments. How many more awards shows do I usually cover during the season? SAG, Independent Spirit on occasion, and the Oscars. I feel like there's one more. Or two. Oooof.
10.12 Jodie Foster's new movie is called The Beaver. No comment.
10.14 Ricky Gervais is blaming the beer.
10.14.2 Mel Gibson. Yuck. Ohhh, it's Best Director Motion Picture time... Will it be James Cameron? A ha, James Cameron is the king of the world once again, for Avatar. He's speaking Pandoran. Or something. My eyes are glazing over.
10.18 Best TV Series Comedy or Musical better go to Glee... or 30 Rock. If it goes to Entourage I will barf. Oh, thank God, it's Glee. Ryan Murphy says, "This is for anyone who ever got a wedgie in high school." How about getting Hi-C thrown at you? Does that count? Because if so, that means Glee is for me, too.
10.24 Oh God, this movie When in Rome... just the commercial makes me want to drink bleach. Of course I'm going to watch it 20 times when it comes to HBO or Starz or whatever.
10.25 Avon spokeswoman Reese Witherspoon presents Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical to... wait for it... THE HANGOVER. Over Julie and Julia!! Jaw meet drop. I never thought I'd live in a world where The Hangover would beat Nine at a major awards show... where Mike Tyson would be standing onstage as part of a group accepting a Best Picture statue. Also, Bradley Cooper makes me want to punch... Bradley Cooper.
10.33 Arnold Schwarzenegger is making jokes about California's massive deficit. And NBC. Mmmkay.
10.35 Best Actress in a Motion Picture goes to Sandra Bullock for The Blindside. Mickey Rourke, who presented, looks disappointed. He's probably not the only one, but since Sandra seems nice and I like her restaurant in Austin, I'm going to keep it zipped.
10.39 They're really moving it along now. The winner for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical is Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes. He definitely gives the wittiest speech of the night... not thanking people. However, it's another suprise win. Three in a row. Or is it three strikes and you're out?
10.46 If Tobey Maguire wins Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama I'm going to riot. Whew. Jeff Bridges takes it for Crazy Heart. Maguire looks po'ed, but Bridges gets a massive standing ovation. I said to Tom, "I heard he's great in that." He replied, "He's great in everything. I can't wait to see Tron."
10.52 If Julia Roberts prefaces the announcement of the winner for Best Picture with, "I love my life!" I'm going to reach through the TV and be sick on her shoes. That was really the turning point for me with her. Isn't that awesome... that I had a turning point with Julia?
10.53 I've just realized that something happened to my post. It disappeared. So, err, I hope this version makes it.
10.55 And Best Motion Picture Drama goes to Avatar. I'm sure we're all shocked.
10.58 James Cameron is imploring everyone in the audience to give it up... for themselves. Well, how do you top that.
Goodnight!
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
HOUR III (man, if you're still here, I thank you)
9.57 Robert DeNiro's looking scruffy but handsome.
9.58 Leonardo DiCaprio's forehead is orange.
9.59 Martin Scorsese montage. You know, I still haven't seen Goodfellas because I'm too afraid. Did I just catch a clip of Harvey Keitel looking awfully cute?!! Aww, this "Layla" outro gets me every time. I really want to see The Age of Innocence but want to read the book first. What do you guys think?
10.04 Marty (or so I hear he's called) gets the Cecil B. DeMille award and I won't make a comment about Julia Roberts gaping maw hooting and hollering. I used to live on the same block that Scorsese grew up on in New York. I don't think this ups my cool quotient either.
10.08 I've now invested four hours in the Golden Globes. It's moved along fairly quickly, but I'm starting to feel the fatigue and I bet this post is going to get a lot of TLDNR comments. How many more awards shows do I usually cover during the season? SAG, Independent Spirit on occasion, and the Oscars. I feel like there's one more. Or two. Oooof.
10.12 Jodie Foster's new movie is called The Beaver. No comment.
10.14 Ricky Gervais is blaming the beer.
10.14.2 Mel Gibson. Yuck. Ohhh, it's Best Director Motion Picture time... Will it be James Cameron? A ha, James Cameron is the king of the world once again, for Avatar. He's speaking Pandoran. Or something. My eyes are glazing over.
10.18 Best TV Series Comedy or Musical better go to Glee... or 30 Rock. If it goes to Entourage I will barf. Oh, thank God, it's Glee. Ryan Murphy says, "This is for anyone who ever got a wedgie in high school." How about getting Hi-C thrown at you? Does that count? Because if so, that means Glee is for me, too.
10.24 Oh God, this movie When in Rome... just the commercial makes me want to drink bleach. Of course I'm going to watch it 20 times when it comes to HBO or Starz or whatever.
10.25 Avon spokeswoman Reese Witherspoon presents Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical to... wait for it... THE HANGOVER. Over Julie and Julia!! Jaw meet drop. I never thought I'd live in a world where The Hangover would beat Nine at a major awards show... where Mike Tyson would be standing onstage as part of a group accepting a Best Picture statue. Also, Bradley Cooper makes me want to punch... Bradley Cooper.
10.33 Arnold Schwarzenegger is making jokes about California's massive deficit. And NBC. Mmmkay.
10.35 Best Actress in a Motion Picture goes to Sandra Bullock for The Blindside. Mickey Rourke, who presented, looks disappointed. He's probably not the only one, but since Sandra seems nice and I like her restaurant in Austin, I'm going to keep it zipped.
10.39 They're really moving it along now. The winner for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical is Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes. He definitely gives the wittiest speech of the night... not thanking people. However, it's another suprise win. Three in a row. Or is it three strikes and you're out?
10.46 If Tobey Maguire wins Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama I'm going to riot. Whew. Jeff Bridges takes it for Crazy Heart. Maguire looks po'ed, but Bridges gets a massive standing ovation. I said to Tom, "I heard he's great in that." He replied, "He's great in everything. I can't wait to see Tron."
10.52 If Julia Roberts prefaces the announcement of the winner for Best Picture with, "I love my life!" I'm going to reach through the TV and be sick on her shoes. That was really the turning point for me with her. Isn't that awesome... that I had a turning point with Julia?
10.53 I've just realized that something happened to my post. It disappeared. So, err, I hope this version makes it.
10.55 And Best Motion Picture Drama goes to Avatar. I'm sure we're all shocked.
10.58 James Cameron is imploring everyone in the audience to give it up... for themselves. Well, how do you top that.
Goodnight!
Live Blogging the Golden Globes - It's Showtime...
Watching the red carpet coverage on E! Always so full of awkward... like right now with Ryan Seacrest asking Fergie and Josh Duhamel why they renewed their vows recently. Or January Jones stiffly discussing why she doesn't want to wear 60s fashions even though all the designers are doing them right now because she "doesn't want to walk around as Betty all day." I will say her dress is killer, though, and the fashions are a lot less fug this year with some notable exceptions (Diane Kruger looking like cotton candy and Jennifer Morrison as the cowardly lion).
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
Something mysterious happened to my post so you can find the whole Golden Globes blog thingy here.
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
Something mysterious happened to my post so you can find the whole Golden Globes blog thingy here.
Live Blogging the Golden Globes
Okay... now that I know "live blogging" means, you know, actually publishing your post during the show I plan to do that every hour or so during tonight's Golden Globes. So check back laters or follow me on Twitter @mspark. Right now I'm feeling totally humor deficient so this might be a disaster along the likes of, "Oh look. There is Angelina Jolie. She is wearing a dress. It is long. Now she is saying something and handing a trophy looking thing to someone. How interesting."
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Leno vs Leno
Jay's 2004 Announcement - watch more funny videos
Oopsie. I guess he should have qualified this statement with "Until seven months later when I decide I don't want out and Jeff Zucker and I decide to screw him."
That being said, for some reason I remember Jay not really wanting to leave and sort of being forced to give up The Tonight Show despite what he says here. Am I on crack?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Kimmel vs Leno
Ouch. Almost felt sorry for Leno that he had to suffer through this because it's the most brutal attack so far in the Late Night Wars.
By all accounts, including people I've known who were on The Tonight Show, Leno's always been a nice guy. What happened? Unfortunately, Jeff Zucker, who seems to have been a jerk then, jerk now, made it you survive or Conan does and self-preservation won out. I don't know, that's just my guess.
In some ways I find it a bit funny strange that we've all banded together to choose sides between one incredibly wealthy person vs another. Then again, not all things are about money, are they? It feels like Leno got kind of mean (which definitely doesn't work for him in the way it does for Letterman) and definitely unfunny years ago while Conan's won fans with self-deprecation and charm.
Still Team Coco but starting to feel like I'm rubbernecking.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Letterman vs Leno vs Conan
Law & Order: Leno Victims Unit
I'm Team Coco all the way...
Especially after reading Conan's statement today.
What do you guys think?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Hoarders - Help Me Make It Through The Night
You love Englebert Humperdink, don't you?
It's the perfect song for me to tell you about Hoarders tweeting... something my friend Yael and I do every Monday night because we are morons who apparently have some masochism issues. You should join in the, err, fun...
Scarier than Paranormal Activity (although, was that really scary? Looked kind of stupid... perhaps I should say "Scarier than they said Paranormal Activity was, but I wouldn't know)... Hoarders... you can't turn away. Follow along @grace6697 and @mspark.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Song For A Day - Disco 2000
Some Pulp goodness to send you off into this good Friday night. Do you guys watch Later With Jools Holland? It airs here on Ovation and is some quality TV programming.
Not quality TV programming is what NBC is doing to Conan O'Brien. I guess NBC thinks being fourth isn't bad enough... they have to be jerks, too. Fascinating stuff.
So, that Tom guy is away this weekend... first time in the new house by myself... no, that's not an invitation for anyone to come kill me in my sleep or anything (I have a security system and small arsenal!)... I am slightly sad but this is good practice for next year. I mean this year. Now I can spend two days watching all the bad TV I want! Too bad there's not a Hoarders marathon on!
Also, I tried to post this earlier, but it got screwed up... Again, words to live by:
Okay, I go back to work now.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
What I'm Listening to Right This Very Second - Rock DJ
Oh Robbie Williams, I heart you... even if you were in Take That.
It's happy fun timez out here in Crestwood, let me tell ya.
Man, this video is disgusting. I completely forgot. Well, that just makes it better.
Also...
Monday, January 4, 2010
Goodbye To An Old Friend, Hello To A New Year
Once again a new year has started with the passing of an old friend. I don't know what happens when you get close to 40 that good people start saying goodbye.
Gregory Slay was the drummer in a band called Remy Zero. We knew each other in Los Angeles in the mid to late-90s. I was a pretty devout follower of the band and friends with the guys, who were all devastatingly charming as southern gentlemen can be.
I remember Gregory as curious, intelligent, and funny... we had a lot of excellent times together. My fondest memory is making him watch The Wizard of Oz for the first time. We drifted apart over the years, but recently I got back in touch with Cedric LeMoyne and via Cedric found Gregory on Facebook. I sent him a message trying to reconnect... and had no idea that a month later he would be gone.
Cedric's been posting a lot of pictures of him... and they make me miss that time when our lives converged. I hope that wherever his went in the last ten years was good and with his passing and my friend Melissa's last year, I realize that living life to the fullest and going out early is better than a half-life that goes into your 90s.
Melissa's unexpected death really set the tone for the rest of 2009. It had its highlights but felt dark, like a year lived in the shadows. With Gregory's passing, I think I'll step into the light and remember what it is to be engaged in life... for those who have gone before me and those who are around me now.
It's been nice to see that he is remembered beautifully and well in a lot of corners of the world.
Friday, January 1, 2010
The New Year That Is Happy
I have no explanation for this bonkerness.
Happy New Year and I wish for peace, love and prosperity for everyone... including the people I don't really like. But don't worry, THAT'S NOT YOU!!!
Blogging will resume shortly. And by shortly I mean next week... sometime.
I hope you've all had a totally bitchin' holiday season and seriously, there's no way the next decade can suck as much as this one did so huzzah!
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