Nip/Tuck: Putrid Is As Putrid Does

Spoiler type thingies to follow if you haven't watched...

I feel like a meth head after watching two episodes back to back. Grubby, shaky and yuckified, I wish I could bleach my brain.

A friend of mine recently told me that he didn't think honesty is always the best policy. I tend to vociferously disagree but after watching Sean McNamara discuss his sexual fantasies while naked, wearing only an apron with a woman in lingerie printed on the front on last week's show... I may have to reconsider. I confess I'm a little baffled by Dylan Walsh. Do the ladies really think he's hot? Any nip/tuck viewers out there, please feel free to chime in on this one. Help me understand.

Don't tell me they're gonna make me feel sorry for Eden! Nuh uh! Her freaky friend with the giant nipple just told her she's a fatty, and she's a size 0. Apparently, we're all supposed to be -2's now. Whatever happened to the size 6 ideal? Oh yeah, 6 is the new 14 (so said Stanley Tucci in The Devil Wears Prada, which I watched for the 900th time last night). Grousing about women pushing themselves into attainable only with anorexia ideals might seem strange coming from the lady on the Angie Harmon diet, but I know that even if I starved myself for months I will never be as thin as her. I just, uh, choose to visualize my old dream of being tall and gangly on my current weight loss journey (which isn't going particularly well considering I ate the vanilla bread pudding cake at Proof again today). But I digress...

Matt and Kimber's desperation is just too much. From gay porn to pulling up the carpet for quarters to sleeping with their dealer, I hope that if any good can come of this it's that no one sees this as an overblown dramatization of the face of meth addiction even though Kimber looks a lot better than most speed freaks. Did you know that John Hensley, the actor who plays Matt, is from Kentucky?

Sean and his gastric bypassed fiancee have a full on honesty trumps everything blowout and S confesses he can't get the vision of her, err, doing number two in the hot tub out of his mind. I'm relieved to hear this because NEITHER CAN I!

You might wonder why I sit around watching self-involved nitwits act like... self-involved nitwits so many nights of the week, and I can only offer this as an excuse - it makes for better blogging. It's much harder to wax rhapsodic about the things I love. I should work on that.

But you know, I'll do that later. Tonight's ep uses the ruse of reality as we follow the doctors around documentary style for some crappy show called Plastic Fantastic. We're regaled with tales about their humble beginnings and so on and so forth. Julia McNamara looked better when she was straight. However, I don't think dating Portia de Rossi's Olivia is what's aging her. It's probably continuing to act on this festering wound of a show.

I do like that Roma Maffia, though! I'm not sure I understand why her character just said, "Julia is as gay as a jicama salad." Jicama salads are gay? Gosh, now I'm worried about my Puffins cereal.

I have to look away during the surgery scenes. What about you? I feel queasy.

I thought Eden was in rehab but no, here she is wreaking havoc and acting like a ho. Can't they just lock her up and throw away the key? Oh drat, they just showed her being "human." God, maybe this writer's strike is a blessing in disguise. If I've said that before, I apologize. It's hard to be fresh every day. Maybe I should consult Always about this.

Blah blah blah, Sean realizes he's gone Hollywood and starts smooching on Eden. I have nothing to say about Christian Troy (except that his eyebrows still weird me out). The test audience for Plastic Fantastic gave the good doctors a likability score of two. Yup, that pretty much sums it up! Oh wait, make that a - 2.

I'm off to watch, you guessed it, Law & Order: SVU. My eyes really wish they hadn't seen Michael Gross - you know, Mr. Keaton from Family Ties - do Ecstasy and have sex with a thirty-something hooker (after he mutilated his wife and some other woman to cover up the mutilation of... his wife) last night. Super EUW!!!! I still think the the Zeljko Ivanek ep was worse, though.

The dog is spazzing out,
Ms. P