Fall TV Guide - Wednesday

Wednesday night brings controversy (Kid Nation), more spin-offs (Private Practice), the return of the lovely and charming Gordon Ramsay (Kitchen Nightmares) and the most talked about show I've seen in a while (Gossip Girl). Really, I've read no less than five articles about it in the last week.

ABC
8.00 Pushing Daisies (Oct 3). I confess the lure of Chi McBride is tough to resist though the premise of the show sounds a bit hokey: cute guy (Wonderfall's Lee Pace) can bring back the dead with one touch but, alas, if he touches them again they return to the grave. The catch: he brings back his childhood crush (Anna Friel) but can (cue tears) never get close to her again! My eyes are rolling. Not all of his time is spent pining over the girl, though, as he also revives homicide victims in order to find out who killed them. But I'm confused... do the charges get reduced to attempted murder if the people are alive again? Or do they have to die twice? Hrm...

9.00 Private Practice (Sep 26). What?! No McDreamy? Or McSteamy? Not even McYummy? What nicknames will they bestow upon Tim Daly? Taye Diggs? William Parker? I'm just dying to find out. Oh wait. No, I'm not.

10.00 Dirty Sexy Money (Sep 26). Three things cemented the "avoid at all costs" tag for me regarding this drama about an attorney who becomes the family lawyer for a super rich super strange New York clan: Peter Krause, a lesser Baldwin (Billy. I guess we should be thankful it's not Stephen), and the terrible title. The show was pitched as Dynasty meets Six Feet Under. And someone bought it. See: Lewis Black's rant about television executives.

CBS
8.00 Kid Nation (Sep 19). Lord of the Flies + Reality TV + kids accidentally drinking bleach + iron-clad contracts that the stupid parents signed saying they couldn't sue even in the event of death + ... I mean, really, need I go on?

9.00 Criminal Minds (Sep 26). Oh Mandy... You came and you gave without taking... Though we are now minus the talents of one Mandy Patinkin (my friend Mike might still be shedding tears), I reckon Joe Mantegna is up to the task of presiding over the BAU. I must say I've been missing the gruesome murders and that cutie Dr. Reed so I, for one, am looking forward to next Wednesday with or without Inigo Montoya!

10.00 CSI:NY (Sep 26). I'm sorry, but I've put Gary Sinise in the Lt. Dan box and he can't come out. However, if you don't have this problem, I just read that the first victim of the season is the Statue of Liberty so that sounds kind of interesting if not weird.

NBC
8.00 Deal or No Deal (Sep 17). No deal.

9.00 Bionic Woman (Sep 26). I'm a bit disappointed that there's no cool slow motion running with that neat sound effect. I'm even more disappointed that the new Bionic Woman doesn't really run very well. I kind of wanted to like this but it takes itself way too seriously, and I'm old enough to be nostalgic about Lindsay Wagner even if hawking Sleep Number beds is hardly the mark of a superhero.

10.00 Life (Sep 26). Cop freed from jail wins huge settlement for wrongful imprisonment but wants to get back on the job and find the real killer. And he eats a lot of fruit.

FOX
8.00 Back to You (Sep 19). The pilot is still sitting on the DVR so I cannot comment thoughtfully (not that I would if I'd seen it, really), but it's my great hope that this is actually funny and not so much gutter sniping (which Fox specializes in - mean comedy - and you'd think I'd be into that given what a snot I am, but no... not so much). Patricia Heaton and her plastic surgery I can do without, but Kelsey Grammer and Fred Willard could make this worth watching.

8.30 'Til Death (Sep 19). I haven't been married long enough to find watching couples who should be divorced acting like jerks amusing.

9.00 Kitchen Nightmares (Sep 19). I certainly hope Gordon Ramsay's groin has recovered... I've been a bit worried that it might affect his ability to give proper support to these poor restaurateurs so desperately in need of his guidance... Seriously, though, has no one thought to bake some Xanax or Prozac into this guy's ziti?

The CW
8.00 America's Next Top Model (Sep 19). Oh Tyra, I can't believe I spent so many years hatin' on you! I love you and all the freaky girls who want nothing more than to sashay, shante! I'm already rooting for the Hoosier with Asperger syndrome! And no, I am not making that up.

9.00 Gossip Girl (Sep 19). That GG is one of the most widely anticipated new shows says several unfortunate things about the state of television, society and the world. That I've read all the books (yes, it's true) and will continue to watch even though the pilot kind of sucked says several unfortunate things about me.

Happy Humpday!
Ms. P

ps. I really should have devoted my time and energy to London Fashion Week instead. From what I've seen it's been about 50 times more bizarre and interesting, but remember that doesn't mean wearable.