Make Me Over, Oprah!

I have a new celebrity crush. Ted Gibson, hairstylist to the stars, is sooo adorable! I haven't seen a man wear pink so well in ages.

I'm watching 100 women get new haircuts courtesy of Oprah. For the most part the transformations are pretty amazing (and Ms. O even cut Hilary Swank's hair), but the woman who comes out with the Carol Brady 'do and says she now feels fabulous. Not too sure about that one. And there are a lot of heavy bangs going on. Did you know they call bangs "fringe" in England? When I was on tour with doves we had about a day's worth of fun trying to sort that one out. Anyway, I must confess I have a total weakness for makeover shows and I'm sad that the original What Not to Wear isn't on anymore (even though their hair and makeup fixes were always a bit suspect). I miss Trinny and Susannah!

I would love for Oprah's celebrity hair peeps to get hold of me but now my hair is short and pink so I really don't know what else they could do (well, maybe not Ken Paves. He sort of scares me, and I don't want to end up looking like a Jessica Simpson hairpiece.. Also, Tom's sister does my hair, and she's the best). Everyone's going to laugh at me when I go back to work next week, but I live to bring comedy to my pals. I'm just like the Man of Smiles in The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass!

OMG! The Osmonds reunite next week on Oprah! There's a picture of me floating around out there from 1977 and I have on my sky blue Donny & Marie t-shirt and am sporting a Dorothy Hamill haircut. I saw The Osmonds on tour at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. I am a huge, huge dork and now I can't wait to revel, once again, in all their Mormon glory.

In other news...

Stephen Colbert didn't make it onto the Democratic ticket in South Carolina. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll make it on the Repub's. Insert "not" joke here.

Britney Spears' monthly expenses are $49,267. Oof! I don't make that in a year! I didn't know tanning in Bel Air and being stupid cost that much!

Inside Edition is featuring David Copperfield's pickup techniques tonight. That's not tacky or anything.

I'm sure you've all heard about Duane "Dog" Chapman's racist rant at his son. Well, it turns out the jerk doesn't fall far from the tree as said son is the one who leaked it to the press! I'd never even heard of this guy until this happened and I hope I can go back to never hearing of him again. And I hope they don't let him keep the "dog" name as it's an insult to pooches everywhere. Yet another racist white dude with bad hair is outed to the world. Tee hee, I say.

OK, phone call. Back later,
Ms. P

Friday Gossip - Dark Night of the Soul Edition

I was up til 4 am last night and here are some thoughts I had during Fitzgerald's dark night of the soul (which is actually 3 am, but, err, you know, that's when I was putting this post together).

I no longer want to see this Bee Movie thing. If I have to look at Jerry Seinfeld's face one more time it's going on my dart board. I don't have a dart board, but I will go buy one. This is how tired I am of hearing him hawk this flick. Is my dislike of Seinfeld going to lose me readers? I hope not but there, I said it. I hated that stupid show! Those people were awful! I know that was the point but urrgh. Remember that episode (I love how I'm doing a remember that ep about a show I only saw a handful of times) where Jerry dated the girl who had the amazing toy collection and they broke into her apartment to play with them? It still makes me mad to this day! Uh. I have issues... with people respecting other people's stuff. Or something.

Martina Hingis tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon, and though she denies it has retired from tennis. Thus endeth a comeback that no one really cared about. I was glad to see that Hingis had grown up a bit, though, as I never liked her and her rudeness back in the day.

Speaking of controversial sports figures, did anyone watch the Barry Bonds interview on Countdown with Keith Olbermann last night? Bonds is an interesting figure to me. I don't hate him but I don't love baseball so have nothing invested in his personality or his tainting or not tainting of the home run record. I give him some respect for refusing to attend a Baseball Hall of Fame induction if they agree to display his record breaking baseball with an asterisk on it. I also respect that he has the foresight to say, "this is how I feel now." I do not, however, respect the fact that he REFERS TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON! Man, that's annoying. Funny... but annoying. This seems very popular in baseball. Can someone explain it to me?

Does anyone else think Bush saying don't listen to MoveOn.org and Laura telling the troops not to pay attention to the news is so Wizard of Oz? Don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain!!!

Jimmy Page broke his finger so Led Zeppelin has canceled some dates. I remember (sorry, mom) getting drunk when I was 15 and watching The Song Remains the Same. I cried at the end when they got on the plane. Hmm... 3 am really is the dark night if I'm admitting that one!

Television writers are about to go on strike so our fall TV season might be cut short. This bums me out but obviously I support their endeavors. I'll be sad not to see any new eps of The Daily Show or 30 Rock. I will not, however, be sad that Cavemen or Bionic Woman are in reruns.

I watched Big Shots again last night. It's still bad but I feel myself getting sucked in! Noooo! Michael Vartan isn't that cute anymore! Elisabeth Rohm looks like she's had some work done. Not very good work, either. Her cool cat eyes have gone dog. Strangely, I find Dylan McDermott most compelling. Strange because he really got on my nerves on The Practice.

And last but not least, could it really be true that Lance Armstrong is dating Ashley Olsen? What a little star... plucker he is. I say he's the lesser in this scenario because he and I both went to Clark High School in Plano, Texas and I'm sorry, but no one famous can come from a place that lame.

I'll be back later with more tacky news bits.

Chu chu,
Ms. P

The Junkyard - Trashy TV Edition

Nip/Tuck has gone Hollywood, baby! And hilarious. Season 5 started with a star-studded bang boasting guest performances by Tia Carrere (it's party time, excellent), Daphne Zuniga (she'll always be Jo to me), Craig Bierko (remember when he used to date Janeane Garofalo? That was weird), Oliver Platt (I still miss Deadline), Bradley Cooper (newly single after a four month marriage), Jennifer Coolidge (one brave actress) and Lauren Hutton (who should guest judge on ANTM if she hasn't already).

I was utterly fascinated by this show for a while but when Christian had the menage a trois with the mother and daughter. Ick. No more Troy/McNamara for me! However, I saw the boys were moving to Los Angeles and heard the new season would have more of a sense of humor, so I thought why not give it one more shot? I've enjoyed Victor von Doom in everything from The Profiler to Charmed and his performance as a vainglorious morally corrupt yet conflicted and mildly flabby butted plastic surgeon is fairly delicious. Not sure about those perfect eyebrows, though.

Anyhoo, the season premiere takes us through the good doctors initial foray into Hollywood life. The glitz, the glamor, the hair plugs, the breast augmentations, the "kitty" lips on Jennifer Coolidge. I'm not a fan of Bradley Cooper but his over-the-top portrayal of soap actor Aidan Stone was pretty darn funny. My little heart did wrench a bit when Dr. Troy took the lipstick to a crazily airbrushed photo of Daphne Zuniga (it's been a long time since The Sure Thing). The thought that men see women as things they can fix... ::shudder::

In the end, Christian gets taken down a peg (and continues his slimy ways by outing his actress/client's face lift to Us Weekly) and Sean steps into the limelight. You can call me interested in episode 2.

I was going to write about America's Next Top Model but last night was a season recap. It was interesting to see Ebony back when she actually wanted to be on the show. She went on and on about how she's fierce and she's from the hood. How sad that she turned into a crybaby who gave up. Or maybe it's more sad that I care and am writing about it.

Joe Mantegna chewed up some scenery last night on his Criminal Minds debut. I'm beginning to think Mandy Patinkin's uber intense delivery wasn't his fault as it was all cue dramatic music while JM emotes emotes emotes! I actually had to tun off the tely, though, and finish it this morning. The "Have You Seen Me?" serial killer creeped me out!

I'm glad to see Heroes is picking up. Thank God. And I just read that Joss Whedon signed a deal with Fox for a new show starring Eliza Dushku!! Let's hope they don't cancel it after one week! I heart Joss!

In non-TV but funny-sometimes haha-sometimes strange casting news: Harvey Keitel as Jerry Springer and James McAvoy (aka Mr. Tumnus) as Kurt Cobain. Also, they're making a Land of the Lost movie with Will Ferrell. This actually kind of bums me out. Them sleestacks be near and dear to my heart!

I must go do something productive (like finish watching Numb3rs),
Ms. P

Bring Back the Lions!

And feed these freaking morons to them. Sheesh. I mean really. Wow. I am actually jaw droppingly surprised that people are this horrible.

In other news of the insane, I can't believe this but I actually agree with Pat Robertson. Part of my problem with Christianity is the rampant hypocrisy. Halloween is a pagan holiday. Why should Christians get to enjoy the modern day fruits of it if it so goes against their beliefs? I may still be bitter that my mother made me quit trick or treating while I was still in elementary school (even though I did get the Grease soundtrack as a consolation prize), but at least she was keepin' it real. Real crazy, perhaps. But real, nonetheless.

Another Republican politician has been caught doing the gay sex thing. Oy.

And lastly, not even Ugly Teeth are safe from Chinese lead.

Halloween just isn't the same anymore. I spent the evening passing out candy at Tom's sister's house. I think I had about a 20% rate of "thank you's" from the little brats (but I don't blame them, I blame their parents. Humf). I especially love it when they just show up in jeans and a t-shirt. At least make an effort! Also amazing: kids would just grab whatever they wanted from the bowl without even saying "trick or treat". This makes me want to have a baby just so there will be one more person in the world with manners. There were a few cute ninjas out there, though.

Grumble grumble,
Ms. P

The Bridge to Forever

Happy Halloween, boys and girls!

Halloween is T's favorite holiday so I'm sad he's not here to help me pass out candy to the little rugrats of Oldham County.

I've been hemming and hawing over my Bridge School Benefit post, and the sad truth is I don't even know what else to say! So I'll give you a quick recap and then you can scroll down and have a gander at my photos which probably speak way more eloquently about the experience than I am right now. You can see larger versions of these (and more) pics at my Flickr page.

Some highlights:

Regina Spektor's performance both days was phenomenal. I confess I'm not really into that sort of music but damn, she's a talented gal. As mentioned, she was my fave.

It was great to finally see Tegan and Sara live. I've been a fan of theirs for a little while now and I think I was most excited to see them perform. They seem like the nicest people, too.

Neil Young playing with Jerry Lee Lewis. The Killer is the last man standing now that Johnny Cash has passed away. Though he walks slowly and doesn't seem entirely mobile, his voice and piano skills are exactly the same. Bit scary, really. Makes one wonder if he made a pact with the devil or something.

Tom Waits with The Kronos Quartet was an MMJ fave. Closing Time is the only TW I'm really in love with so though it was neat to see him, it wasn't the transcendent experience for me that it seemed to be for them.

Another Neil moment - his solo version of "Sugar Mountain" that kicked off Saturday's show was sublime.

As for My Morning Jacket, what can I say that won't sound totally biased? I've seen them hundreds of times now so it takes something special to catch my attention these days. Luckily, they provide that often. Their performance embodied the spirit of what we were all feeling, I think. It's rare to be a part of something so unique. It was nice to see them interact with the kids and Tom even got to have his picture taken with one of them. Special thanks again to Trevor and Colin K for the most excellent dressing room signs. I'm keeping them safe until the band gets a studio of their own and we can hang them up once more.

Believe it or not, I never met Kirk Hammett!!! However, he did give me a smile when he was walking to the stage Sunday night. I figured that after walking in on him in our dressing room four times and apologizing like a goober, what could I really say? My whole speech about how he was the only person I wanted to meet would have sounded rather weird. Or, I guess that would have sounded strange no matter when I said it... I won't admit that I pulled a total stalker move by stealing his fork, though.

But, Barack Obama and Kirk Hammett... I'm on a roll now. I'll need to get a display case soon and everything. :)

Going to Neil & Pegi Young's house was something else and seeing KH was funny and slightly thrilling (even though I still can't name more than two Metallica songs). However, it was the kids that made it all worthwhile. Their sweet spirits made me forget how jaded I am about the music industry and for three days and nights we all got to experience something pure.

I hope MMJ gets the opportunity to play the Bridge School Benefit Concerts again someday so we can experience that magic again.

Trick or Treat,
Ms. P

The Candidates Said What?!

Kucinich saw UFO's? Barack is going as Mitt Romney for Halloween? Have the wheels come off the cart?!

Joe Biden is so much fun. I wish he was my dad or something. Did Bill Richardson say anything? If so, it must have been when I took the dog out. Oh wait, he defended Hillary. Interesting. All along I've felt like he was going for a VP nom but today I heard he wants a seat in the senate.

Obama in the debates sounds like I do when I have to leave a message on someone's voicemail. That's not a compliment as I usually sound like an idiot who keeps repeating herself and doesn't know what she's saying.

Clinton made a misstep (on the issue of driver's licenses for illegal immigrants) and Edwards, Obama, and Dodd were ready to pounce. I don't really know what to make of this. We knew it was coming yet it still felt wrong. Perhaps I feel this way because Obama stuttered through his own answers but wasn't stuttering when he was on the attack.

However, Ms. C has been really impressive thus far. I wonder if she can keep it up.

Sadly, I'm still not thrilled about any of them, save Kucinich. It must be refreshing to have a hot wife and the ability to say whatever you believe because Hell will have been proven to exist AND frozen over before you'll ever win. I'm all for the DK but I'm not sure how I feel about a first lady who's only six months older than Tom (which is probably unfair because I know she's really intelligent).

In Republican news, Chuck Hearts Huckabee. Chuck Norris, who can kick your ass, has endorsed Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. I'm always interested by the caliber of celebrities who admit to being Republicans. Very snooty, I know, but I... am very... snooty.

Alright, a good night's sleep is in order so I can resume regular posting tomorrow and be fresh for the trick or treaters.

I'll leave you with the best line of tonight's debate: after calling Rudolph Giuliani "the most uninformed person" in the race when it comes to foreign policy, Joe Biden said, "There's only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, and a verb and 9/11."

Tee hee,
Ms. P

ps. Criss Angel is on Larry King. I'm baffled by Criss. I should hate him and his cheesy baseball hat to the side wearing self, but I don't.

Excuses, Excuses

Yes, I am incredibly lame. Perhaps by the time I write my Bridge School bit you will have forgotten it happened. Tom left late today (musicians!) and I'm still recovering from... everything.

The Democratic Debate is about to start on MSNBC hosted by my boyfriend Brian Williams. I'll be back after it's over with some post-debate snarkiness. Will Barack kick Hillary's butt? Will John Edwards ever seem sincere? Can Bill Richardson get through a debate without sweating profusely?! Inquiring minds want to know!

In other news, Louisville Luminaries week is now slated to start on November 12 as a last minute entry's just come in and I'm in Texas next week for work so will have a little LP Questionnaire surprise for my South By Southwest compatriots.

What this all boils down to is thank goodness this isn't print media and I can change my deadlines around all I want. I'm sorry, dear readers, but I'll try and be as fascinating as possible this week to make up for your lack of Tom Nord, Jeffrey Lee Puckett, Brandon Jones, Will Russell, Chris Higdon and Wax Fang. But now the week of the 12th will be full of goodies galore.

In the meantime, please enjoy this surreptitious photo I shot of Flatiron Management's Jamie Sampson and Metallica's Kirk Hammett (aka my BFF) watching My Morning Jacket at Sunday's Bridge School Benefit show.

The cat is driving me crazy,
Ms. P

Red Eyed

Well, they aren't joking when they call those flights red-eyes. T and I flew home overnight (3 hours to Dallas, 2 hours to Louisville) and... unk. We haven't been the same since.

As the Tom leaves tomorrow to do studio things and I would rather write a not completely incoherent post regarding the Bridge School Benefit shows, I'll defer further musings until Tuesday.

Also coming up... the start of Louisville Luminaries week with The LP Questionnaire!

Apologies for the lameness. I didn't just take some bleary flights home, I returned from a portal into another dimension.

Bon nuit,
Ms. P

The Bridge to Nowhere

It's funny, when we were riding to Sunnyvale from the San Francisco airport we were joking about the 90s collection we'd see commercials for in ten years... You know, it would include great hits from 311, Filter, Dishwalla, Everclear, Seven Mary Three, Deep Blue Something, etc etc... Well, ten years is now because it's 1.47 am and Tom and I are watching an infomercial for The Buzz Box hosted by none other than Mark McGrath.

Damn, the 90s were... embarrassing.

After spending nine hours at the venue my brain is mush. I'm not even sure how to translate everything that I saw today so I think I'll wait until I'm home on Monday to put it all together rather than writing a bunch of gibberish now.

Some quick random thoughts: My Morning Jacket was splendid (of course) and it was quite cool to see Bo playing Neil Young's pump organ. That sounds dirty but it wasn't. Metallica covered Garbage's "Only Happy When It Rains". Hearing Kirk sing "pour your misery down on me" isn't something I'll forget any time soon (another thing I won't forget: witnessing Kirk and those other Metallica people rehearse "I Just Want to Celebrate" in MMJ's dressing room). Regina Spektor, whose live show has only improved (and she's as sweet as ever), was the highlight of the day and seeing those kids nearly broke my heart but it was a joy to watch them revel in the music.

At one point Mr. Hammett was standing right next to me but he might as well have been miles away because of course I didn't say a thing. Apparently he's a fan of the hub's band, though, so perhaps someday our paths will collide. Perhaps even tomorrow!

But tomorrow is today,
Ms. P

Building Bridges

Unbelievably, Tom and I did spend our first anniversary (pt 2) at Neil Young's house.

We have two anniversaries because we had one wedding in Shelbyville with friends and family and a separate ceremony on the beach in Chatham, MA where we got the license (celebrating Massachusetts marriage law, Mitt Romney be damned).

Yesterday we traveled the long and winding road to Young's ranch. We were the first (band) to arrive, so nervously we approached the house (which is like something out of a storybook). However, nerves weren't needed as Neil and his wife Pegi greeted us warmly and welcomed us into their home.

If you read my blog at all you know I'm pretty meh about musicians and celebrities (booking the Viper Room cured any fervor that my previous ten years in the music biz hadn't killed) and to be honest, I didn't think I'd be that excited about the lineup for this year's benefit (with the exception of seeing Regina Spektor - who I tour managed when she opened for Keane - again and Tegan and Sara), but now I'm really looking forward to the whole show. I'm even rather excited to hear "Enter Sandman" (the one Metallica song I know) unplugged.

Speaking of Metallica... I saw every member EXCEPT KIRK at the party (seriously, I'm clearly never going to take up stalking because obviously I suck at it). I'm so sad.

Hammett disappointment aside, I must say it was a magical evening and I was awestruck, starstruck, and amazed at the kindness and camaraderie. I feel quite blessed to have been a part of it.

Marriage does have its benefits! ;) Happy Anniversary, pt 2, to the hubs. We are quite the lucky ones.

Show review and pics tonight or tomorrow.

Off to breakfast,
Ms. P

ps. The photo is from the groovy little bonfire at the party. Poor James Hetfield probably thought, "Who is the is weirdo taking pictures of me?" when all I was doing was shooting the flames.

Fall Out Boyardee

Before I get to the Bridge School Pt 1 post...

It has come to my attention that it's not Pete Wentz who will be guest starring on Law and Order. It's someone named Patrick Stump. Now, who is Patrick Stump? My God, I wish I cared. Oh wait, no I don't.

I went to the Fall Out Boy forum this morning (because apparently someone there was sad enough about my tiny mistaken mention to write about it) and it's been hacked to bits. I won't link it because it's extremely not work or child-safe which I would find mildly amusing but for the fact that tweens across America will now be faced with pornographic pictures and profanity when all they want to do is talk about Pete Wentz's eyeliner or the meaning of the lyrics of "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" (and yes, I had to look that song title up).

So, to Fall Out Boy fans across the world, I shall never mistake Patrick for Pete ever again (and that actually makes a slightly funny My Morning Jacket joke). I'm sure they're as different as day, night, moon and sun.

On another note, I'm watching Silence of the Lambs and I just cannot believe that's Captain Stottlemyer. I feel a bit traumatized, actually.

Today's Short Window: SoCal vs New Orleans

This might be an inappropriately titled post but I didn't know what else to call it (and I confess I'm in a bit of a rush). I've been watching the news over the past few days and am sort of amazed/baffled over the contrast between the organization and reactions of the people in Southern California vs those in New Orleans.

Michael Chertoff credits the response to lessons learned from Katrina but is that really it?

I saw a story about a teenager who lost her home who was at Qualcomm volunteering and helping other victims, there was an impromptu band performance by musicians who lost their homes and Boy Scouts are organizing aid.

I'm loathe to conclude this has anything to do with race, money, or location. I know that the nature of the fires has given people a bit more warning than the people of NOLA had but... both sets of images are equally vivid - more for their stark differences than anything else.

What do you think? I don't know what to make of it, really.

Alright, I'm off to the airport. I'll be mildy amusing again once I'm in beautiful Sunnyvale, California.

Whoopi says if a man panics she can't be mad at him,
Ms. P

America's Next Top Fall Out Boy

Without further ado, tonight's America's Next Top Model recap (spoiler city)...

The girls get spokesmodel lessons from Tyson Beckford and are split into teams and told to come up with a commercial for Keep a Child Alive. Heather, Jenah and Ambreal are the winners, which seems a bit baffling as their Bob Dylan "Subterranean Homesick Blues" flash card ad was a little clumsy. Heather also gets to do a Mary J. Blige art directed shoot for a natural products line called Carol's Daughter.

The rest of the models head home and have a pizza slumber party and it was interesting to see them all get along so well which makes me wonder about how much friction there really is between Bianca and the others. I'm a total sucker, aren't I? That I'm even perplexed about this must make me look like such a naive little goob.

These Cover Girl commercials with Jaslene crack me up. I bet they're so bummed they're stuck with her. I can't understand a word that girl (is she a girl?) says. Renee or Natasha should have won last season.

This week's photo shoot centers around the concept of recyclable materials (I love how ANTM tries to teach us social and political lessons). Heather manages to look straight at the camera over aluminum cans (and resembles Morticia Addams in the final photo), Chantal pretends she's paper (and ends up looking like a dude but the panel loves her), Sarah is... trash... I think (and did I actually hear Nigel fuss about her losing weight?), Saleisha looks like an ad for Goodyear tires (but somehow manages to make Tootie look hot), Ebony is, err, bubble wrap (I wouldn't have looked excited, either, but snarling might not have been appropriate), Jenah blends in among the cardboard boxes (but her picture, once again, is stunning. She's really growing on me), Bianca smiles with her eyes at oil (but gets complaints about looking stiff), Lisa uses her limbs well among the plastic bottles (but Tyra says it's too Modeling 101) and Ambreal reads the newspaper (but nobody's interested in what she has to convey).

Also, what's this I hear about Tyra kissing Lance Bass? I guess she had to prove that her hotness transcends sexual orientation. I know I've turned into a Tyra fan (much to my dismay), but I'm just not sure it does.

The judges deliberate (and does Miss Jay's afro keep getting bigger and bigger? I love it!) and, oh my goodness, in a 'is this or isn't it real moment of drama?' they pick Ambreal to go, but Ebony says she doesn't want to be there anymore! Tyra says she hates a quitter and lets her go! Both girls are in tears as Ambreal gets a reprieve and Ebony heads out the door. Cue dramatic music and credits!

Now it's off to Criminal Minds where I don't miss Mandy Patinkin all that much. I'm still watching Gossip Girl but I have no idea why. The whole "life sucks when you're rich and beautiful" routine is a bit a) played out and b) hard to swallow.

In other TV news, I am uber irked that Pete Wentz is starring in an upcoming episode of Law and Order. Can this show go any further downhill? Does anyone care? I'm trying to think of my favorite L&O combo... Michael Moriarty was a great executive A.D.A. but Sam Waterston is my fave. I miss Chris Noth and Jerry Orbach who had great chemistry as Logan and Briscoe. You know about my inexplicable love for Angie Harmon and I don't think they'll find a better District Attorney than Steven Hill. So, it's sad to watch a much beloved drama lumber towards its inevitable demise Fall Out Boy-style.

Tomorrow it's back to California for Tom and me. MMJ are super excited to play Neil Young's Bridge School Benefit (and I'm excited to shoot it and spend anniversary #2 with the hubs). The Bridge School is a non-profit organization, co-founded in 1986 by Young's wife Pegi, whose mission is to ensure that individuals with severe speech and physical impairments achieve full participation in their communities. A very worthy cause, indeed.

All I have to say is Kirk Hammett, here I come!!! I'm going to find out what kind of monster you are! Okay, we all know what I'm really going to do is stand several feet away and possibly giggle (so Metallica attorneys, you need not get a restraining order), but a girl can dream about becoming BFF's with the sensitive Mr. H, right?!

Toodles,
Ms. P

Jack's Walking with a Cane

There's maybe two people who read this blog who will get that reference. If they even get it... Am I the only one who misinterpreted "Jack's Walking with the King" as "Jack's walking with a cane"? Am I the only one who remembers The Wild Seeds? I remember sleeping in Mike Hall's bed when I was 17. Don't worry, he wasn't there.

Anyway, this post is only titled as such because yours truly is a temporary invalid and now I'm curious as to how this California pt 2 trip is going to work as I'm hobbling around on one foot with crutches (boy, are those things uncomfortable). A word of caution to fellow tae kwon do practitioners, be careful during those side-step drills! I screwed my foot up AND hit my head on the floor! Genius. Really. This is what I get for taking pride in the board breaking.

Tonight is the season finale of Damages. However, I think I'm the only person who's watching this show. For such a strong cast and a fairly interesting storyline it's received a surprising lack of buzz.

Stephen Colbert is polling ahead of Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel. I'm not sure how I feel about truthiness trumping the truth.

The conservative blogosphere has jumped on JK Rowling's admission that Hogwarts' Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is gay. I think this falls into the "Life, Get a" category.

James Lipton confesses in his new autobiography that he used to be a... pimp. In Paris. If you've never seen Inside the Actor's Studio, perhaps you've seen Will Ferrell's very funny, slightly creepy imitation on SNL. In any event, what a hilarious thought. This ranks up there with Rober Ebert writing Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.

Let's see, what other completely unrelated to the last thing can I mention? Oooh, here's a good one: southern Illinois firefighter Dave Chambers revived a kitten rescued from a fire using mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. How sweet!

Okay, apologies for the slightly schizophrenic writing but I spent the afternoon hobbling around and getting my hair dyed magenta so it's entirely possible I'm not 100% here.

Some news for next week: The LP Questionnaire returns with Louisville Luminaries! Come on back for Velocity's own Tom Nord, The Courier-Journal's Jeffrey Lee Puckett, Will Russell of Lebowski Fest and Why Louisville fame and Brandon Jones whose contributions to Holy Muckle and Follow the Train are the stuff of legend.

Gute nacht, kinder!
Ms. P

Counting like Feist

I'm sure you've all heard, Viva Laughlin got canned after two eps. I love ol' Hugh Jackman, but feel relieved that now I'm excused from watching the singing/dancing debacle.

Kristen Bell debuted on Heroes tonight (spoiler alert). Bell stars as Elle, a hero with Palpatine-like powers as her first scene has her walking past a metal container with buzzing electricity coming out of her fingertips. Heroes is picking up but they're definitely having a bit of a sophomore slump. Let's hope Tim Kring can write his way out of this paper bag. At least Nathan and Peter look more attractive this season although Milo Venti-whatever still gets on my last nerve. I like Monica, the new hero with the copycat ability, even if she thinks her powers come from God.

Speaking of Palpatine, did anyone watch the Fletcher/Beshear debate? Fletcher was a lot more polished than I expected, but I'll be voting for Beshear even if Tom thinks he looks like the Emperor. I did love how Governor Ernie was bathed in a pink glow that complemented his wine-colored tie. And Joe Gerth, no offense, but next time there's a televised event that you're part of, perhaps you might consider combing your hair? Anyway, it was an important debate even though it looked like something out of bad cable access, and I had a hard time staying interested in what they had to say.

Here's a random sampling of bits I've starred on my Google Reader in hopes of passing them along to you:

1. Rudolph Giuliani is appealing to values voters by reversing his stance on gay marriage. I loved Bill Maher's new rule about how Christians need to vote for Hillary who clearly wins hands down in a WWJD smackdown between her and Rudy.

2. Christopher Hitchens' God is Not Great is up for a National Book Award. I wonder if he'll be sober for the ceremony. And in other book news, one of my favorite authors, Milan Kundera, won the Czech Republic's State Award for The Unbearable Lightness of Being which was finally published there last year (after coming out in 1984).

3. Clarence Thomas says his Yale law degree is worth just 15 cents. What price, then, should we put on his Supreme Court judgments? Man, he seems like a grump.

4. South Korea apparently has a toilet culture. I just don't know what to make of this, but at least it's not as weird as the guy I posted who had an ear grafted onto his arm.

5. I would consider a move to Solitude.

6. Zac Posen designed a bag for Teachers Count, a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting and valuing teachers. While I'm not a huge Posen fan and the goals of this org seem a little... odd (I confess I didn't read up on how they "value" teachers), I am a big supporter of fine edumacators so if you're looking to do some good and are really into the mustard/ketchup/envelope look, here you go.

9. Too bad the Stan Lee running for Attorney General isn't the Stan Lee who co-created Spider-Man and my boyfriend The Silver Surfer. The former seems less qualified to dispense justice than the latter.

10. On the tennis front, David Nalbandian won the Madrid Masters last weekend. He beat Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic and Roger Federer to take the title. Didn't know he had it in him.

And that's all she wrote! For now...

I really wish Alyson Hannigan didn't have bangs,
Ms. P

ps. Okay, "really" is pushing it.

Konichiwa means Infamy in English

Though I may or may not be related to The Rack's (a comic about a comic book store, not a comic about boobs) Lydia Park (even though we are both fond of the square frame - it looks better on our round Asian faces), I am pretty chuffed that she was able to immortalize my Mall St Matthews "Konichiwa" experience in "print".

Thanks, Kevin (and Benjamin).

Sometimes Mondays start off quite nicely!
Ms. P

Poli-sticks and Stones (Anniversary Edition)

First off, I must say "Happy Anniversary" to that Tom guy. One whole year! He's still as cute as ever (and that's not that honeymoon year crap talking since we've been together nearly five).

Now on to the newsies...

I'm watching Stephen Colbert on Meet the Press. Absurdist humor from Tim Russert (or is that Russerr?) feels very out of place. Russert is holding up a Bert from Sesame Street doll and asking Colbert, "Why is he Bert and not Berr?" Interesting.

Mike Huckabee is the overwhelming choice of the so-called values voters. MH is a candidate I thought affable even though he raised his hand on the "Who doesn't believe in evolution?" question. However, comparing abortions to the holocaust? A bit much, methinks. Way to pander to the crazies, dude. Oh wait, you're one of them. Sigh.

His quote:
"Sometimes we talk about why we're importing so many people in our workforce. It might be for the last 35 years, we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce had we not had the holocaust of liberalized abortion under a flawed Supreme Court ruling in 1973."

Yes, America is so underpopulated.

More from the Value Voters Summit... That genius Rick Santorum had some choice words: "We are Americans who believe that America from its inception was the greatest country in the world - not because of its military or economic power, but because of its ideas and its culture. It is not multicultural." Gee, what a drag that Santorum didn't get re-elected. And why do these people get the Values Voter tag? Since when are racism and homophobia values?

Did anyone see the ruckus on Real Time with Bill Maher? I'm not sure why they were yelling at Chris Matthews but what irritated me about that most was finally he had a panel I wanted to hear more from and it was interrupted by some conspiracy nutjobs. My new older man crush is Garry Kasparov. He was articulate, funny, intelligent and now I want to read his new book. Also, did Joel Stein have some work done or something? He looked... different.

Barack Obama is doing a gospel tour with ex-gay Donnie McClurkin, who thinks homosexuality can and should be cured and has waged a "war on gays". Now I feel really gross that I have a rainbow Obama sticker on my computer that I got at NYC's Gay Pride Parade. I remain bummed that Kucinich doesn't have a chance in hell.

Other bits and pieces: Brownback is out. Thompson is dropping in the polls. And Louisiana elected a 36-year old Indian Republican for Governor. Bobby Jindal is now the nation's youngest governor and the first non-white to hold the state's post since Reconstruction.

In hometown news, props to Chandra Holloway Emerson who teaches at Oldham County Middle School for winning Kentucky Teacher of the Year and Raymond Edward Farrar of South Oldham High for his honor as High School Teacher of the Year. Maybe Tom and I should produce a few puppies so they can take advantage of our fine OC school system.

That's all for now. Off to the yummy Proof in a few hours for a fancy schmancy "looks like we made it" kind of meal.

Ciao bellas,
Ms. P

ps. Merlin posted a new 5ives list just in time for Halloween! I know I'm considering going as a Sexy Prius (which is untrue since what I really plan on doing is hiding in the bedroom and ignoring small children dressed like Transformers and Hermione Granger).

Dumbledore is Gay and Pedophiles are Dumb

I'm watching Steve Buscemi on 30 Rock right now. I wish I could watch him every day. SB is one of the few actors I've met who was as awesome as you'd expect.

But enough about Steve and me... what do you think about JK Rowling outing Albus Dumbledore? Yes, it's true. The Hogwarts Headmaster enjoyed the company of men. I think it's great, especially as she intended to further her message of tolerance, but find some of Rowling's post-book 7 illuminations a bit odd.

In the "I'm embarrassed to be from Kentucky when I read things like this Department": A man in Whitley County was arrested for downloading child porn. At the library. In front of a cop. I don't want to make light of something so awful but seriously... at the library? I wish all pedophiles were so stupid.

Okay, time to go make myself look presentable,
Ms. P

Between the Click of the Light and the Start of the Dream

Moments ago I was flying down the highway with the windows down listening to "Catch" by The Cure, Timbaland's "The Way I Are" (which features the strangest lyric - "you can still touch my nut, it's free" - I mean, I know that's not what she's singing but it sure sounds like it), and "No Cars Go" by Arcade Fire. I had my new Paul Smith sunglasses on (tortoise shell frames with tiny silver stars and pink insides), the temperature readout said 66 degrees (my favorite number), the leaves were looking colorful, the sun was shining and Win was screaming "Let's Go!" in my ear and oh, I wanted to go because I was starring in the best movie ever! The movie that ran on Highway 71 going 80 mph.

Tom and I are having a cookout tonight. We had the same cookout last year, the night before our wedding. Hard to believe it's been 364 days since that fateful evening in Shelbyville with the magical sunset at Gallrein Farms.

I'm watching the trees blow with the breeze, the cat is sitting in kitty loaf position and the dog is searching for treats... it's a winning kind of day.

Yes I know who you remind me of,
Ms. P

Friday Night Blights

Yes, I'm sitting here watching Next Great American Band, the newest reality competition brought to you by the producers of American Idol.

First up for me (I'm 20 minutes late to the game) is a kiddie metal band called Light of Doom with a 12-year old drummer who looks like he already has a beer gut. Way to start 'em early!

As for the judges, there's the requisite snooty English guy (Ian Dickson from Australian Idol) in the Simon role, Sheila E as Paula Abdul and Johnny (oh, excuse me, John) Reznik as Randy Jackson. Reznik has a lot of white teeth. He's come a long way from Buffalo. I remember when I saw the Goo Goo Dolls at The Cannibal Club in Austin in 1988 and they rocked. What the hell happened?

Oh look, it's a Kings of Leon-esque trio of brothers from Nashville. Three of 11 or something. Evangelical preacher's kids. They must breed them out there in Tennessee. The boys are good, though. I've never seen anyone shred on a mandolin.

Big Toe... what do I say about Big Toe? I wish they'd been better even though I don't like looking at feet. The singer (who was born with no arms and plays bass with his feet) was an inspiration.

Zombie Bazooka Patrol - also from Nashville. "Better Off Undead". Catchy. Sort of.

Dot Dot Dot... No No No. Some horrendous Pete Wentz wannabe and, oh dear. Looks like the judges are going to say Yes Yes Yes to this dreadful cover of "Always Something There to Remind Me". Bummer. Poor Burt Bacharach! Poor Naked Eyes!

Next up, some sob story from Dayton, Ohio. Northmont, they're called, and they still think it's the 90s. This is embarrassing. I almost feel sorry for them. Oh no! Ward, the singer, is losing confidence in the bassist. Frankly, I don't understand how he had confidence in him to begin with.

The Mugs - self described as the ugliest band in the world have a bass player who suffered a stroke. But the band stuck together and make it through to the final 12.

Lots of bass player stories going on here. A rarity as usually they're the most anonymous member of any band (Stink and Ashlee Simpson's boyfriend excepted).

Here comes Fifi Larue, the gothic killer clown who lives with his mother in Long Beach. Oy. I want to cry.

I'm watching this because I'm officially giving up on Moonlight this week. Maybe that's a mistake but boy does that show suck! The vampire show sucks! Oh gosh. I kill me with my originality.

They keep previewing this girl crying, "I just got laughed at by Johnny Reznik." That's a badge of honor, sista!

Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. Quel fromage. Reznik says, "you know" a lot. Big band boredom.

I bet you're sad you missed/saw Zolar X who are apparently from some other planet. And I'm sure they're around 20 in Plutonia years but on earth it's more like 60. Nice to see that everyone's got a dream in outer space.

I'm starting to have nightmare flashbacks of listening to demos for booking. This is not how I want to spend my Friday nights!

But I am sticking around for Northmont's second chance... and then I'm not sure the Next Great American Band will get the same.

Okay, Northmont take two. The singer looks a bit like one of those Prison Break guys but comes off like Scott Stapp which is... not good. Creed makes me barf. Creed should make everyone barf. The judges look flummoxed. Methinks Northmont will have to go get some day jobs and become the responsible dads they so don't want to be. OMG! Johnny Reznik just killed their dreams! Tear.

Switching over to Women's Murder Club... Last week's episode was so plodding I never even got around to finding out who the killer was. Let's hope the ladies are a little more beguiling this time around. Angie Harmon is pretty smokin' as Homicide Inspector Lindsay Boxer and it's nice to see Rob Estes' return to TV as her ex-husband Lt. Tom Hogan. Hey look - I'm on this show! Apparently I'm playing someone named Denise Kwon. How did I miss me last week? Oh, I wasn't on. Tonight is the other Linda Park's first ep and she plays a snappy Deputy District Attorney who seems a bit bitchy. Just like me! Except for the attorney part! Paula Newsome is strong as Medical Examiner Claire Washburn, and sadly, Laura Harris, who I quite enjoyed on Dead Like Me, is the weak link here. Her two shades of platinum hair and feeble attempts at looking serious just don't cut it. And her sex scene with Kyle Secor?! Aggh! He's mine! He's bisexual and he's Bayliss and he's mine!

The writing on this show is almost laughable. Are James Patterson's books this bad? The strange combo of Law and Order meets Sex and the City is a tough sell. Just when you get used to the women's murder part it turns club and we're treated to lengthy analysis of, usually, Boxer's ex-husband. I think one of my favorite things about L&O is the fact that they rarely give glimpses into the personal lives of the characters. This is especially beneficial if Detective Green or ADA McCoy's off the clock interests are as banal as what I'm seeing on WMC.

I'm not even going to bother telling you who the subway killer is. I get the feeling that's secondary here. I'll keep watching because I'm a sucker for Angie Harmon and I'd like to see the other Linda Park after hearing about her for a few years. But I'm not sure I'm happy about it.

At least it's probably better than Samantha Who?, right?
Ms. P