The 14th Annual Critics Choice Awards - Let Awards Show Season Begin!

Much has been made on the internets about Anne Hathaway's Critics Choice Award speech. (She won Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. I have no idea why. Have you seen that self-indulgent piece of poo?) No one's talking about the content of Anne's rambling thank you to everyone on the planet, of course, or the fact that she has a tablecloth stuck to her dress. Instead they're discussing Angelina Jolie's supposed bitchface at Anne's rambling thank you to everyone on the planet. I don't think Jolie had bitchface. I think Jolie had Jolie face. It seems sad but true that she is just cooler than the rest of us.

That said, I cannot believe I didn't cover this gem of an awards show! So many classic moments full of question and wonder...

Why did Virginia Madsen carry her evening bag onstage with her when presenting Best Foreign Language Film with Chris Noth? Was there really have no one that could hold it for her? And why is Mr. Big no longer Mr. Hot? So sad.

Kate Winslet won Best Supporting Actress for The Reader and she wasn't even there to accept. Everyone loves a naked Kate. Especially the critics!

Where was Carey Lowell when Richard Gere received his Joel Siegel Award?? Aren't they still married? Richard Gere seems to have the hots for Diane Lane is about the only thing I got out of that acceptance speech. That and we need to care more about Tibet (true).

Sarah Silverman looked a) strange in whatever that dress was and b) kind of uncomfortable making bad jokes. I am, however, irked that she stole my idea of wearing brightly colored Converse and a black dress to an awards show. THAT WAS TOTALLY MY GRAMMYS OUTFIT, SARAH! Seriously... I have been showing these shoes to everyone for days now.

Mickey Rourke is BACK ON TOP! And scarier than ever!! Everyone loves a comeback kid... or comeback near geriatric in this case... including me. However, didn't he used to beat up his ex-wife (he was arrested for it in 94 but she dropped the charges)? That's not too cool. He does love tiny dogs, though. We used to get our hair cut at the same salon (yes, it's true), and he would always be around with his little pooches. Goodness this makes me miss LA.

However, Rourke as The Wrestler was not enough to overcome Sean Penn as Harvey Milk.

The ceremony was full of BARACK OBAMA shout outs. Every time someone mentioned him the crowd went wild. That is, the crowd excepting Clint Eastwood and Marisa Tomei. I understand with Clint because he is a) a Republican and b) too cool to go wild, but I'm not sure about Tomei.

The big winner of the night was Slumdog Millionaire. The film took five awards including Best Picture and Best Director (Danny Boyle). I saw this movie the other night, and it was charming and starred the Indian John Mayer (Madhur Mittal - they totally look like twins). It wasn't transcendent, but I can see it being one where academy members feel good about themselves in voting for.

And finally, for some reason Rooney was the backing band for the evening's festivities. I'm not sure why as they were reduced to playing instrumental bits of their own songs and covers, but I was struck by two things: 1. Why did they play "When Did Your Heart Go Missing?" when Richard Gere left the stage? What were they trying to say, exactly? And 2. Did anyone else find it ironic that when Anne Hathaway won Best Actress she walked by her love interest from The Princess Diaries, the movie that started it all, as he strummed some chords to escort her offstage? Poor Robert Schwartzman.

Is irony the right word? Not sure.

And that is all from the 14th Annual Critics Choice Awards. I hope you've enjoyed this late late coverage as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I was going to rant about Facebook but I'll save that for later, gator.

Check back tomorrow night for my enthralling :smirk: coverage of The Golden Globes!