Friday Fashion Edition II

aka "Snark Muscle Flexeth"

Day two of New York Fashion Week brought us Spring 2008 collections from red carpet faves Badgley Mischka, celebrity faves Miss Sixty (the front row consisted of Clive Owen, Demi Moore, Hilary Swank and Maggie Gyllenhaal), Bill Blass (who had the most elegant collection I've seen thus far), Preen, and Lela Rose (whose scallop edged skirts and dresses were pretty darn cute).

Sienna Miller and her sister Savannah held the launch party for their new line Twelve8Twelve, which is apparently inspired by Dickens and Patti Smith. Err, okay. She joins Gwen Stefani and the Olsen Twins as celebrities with high end labels. To me that's not really an illustrious list and I don't think I've ever found myself wanting to look like any of these women. Furthermore, what is the deal with Sienna Miller? She seems more famous for being famous and wearing high-waisted jeans (or nothing at all) than for any great acting talent.

Most of these shows seem either flashy but uneven (L.A.M.B., Miss Sixty - haven't seen the Heatherette pics yet) or dull and uneven (rag and bone, Nicole Miller - but cheers to her for going fur-free). People keep wondering what crazy stunt PETA is going to pull next and I wish the animal rights people (of which I am one, my hypocritical use of leather and Charmin aside) didn't come off like lunatics on occasion. The message gets lost and seriously, do they really think if they throw red paint on someone stupid enough to wear a giant fur that person is actually going to rethink her position and stop?

Anyway, expect to resemble a lemon or a Blockbuster employee (all that khaki! Does khaki look good on anyone?) and to be belted within an inch of your life come spring and if I see one more outfit that accentuates a woman's hips I'm going to be ill. Do you know any women who want their hips to look bigger? I sure don't. Between the big hips, huge shoulders and out of proportion fedoras, no wonder some of these models look so unhappy...

And speaking of models, I stayed up til 3 am last night watching the end of cycle 4 of America's Next Top Model. That Keenyah had some crazy eyes and I confess I developed a bit of a girl crush on Kahlen. In the end, though, I'm glad Naima won (are any of these girls ever named Cathy or something normal?) Someone save me, please. There's a marathon on tomorrow and I just know I'm going to watch. However, maybe this will cause me to o.d. like my friend Leslie and I'll never turn it on again.

In other news, apparently Larry Wachowski is still a man. Doesn't he realize this makes him less interesting? This all comes from "sources on the set" and was reported by Fox News so I don't know if I believe it.

And lastly, oh I am so sad to report this but Tim Gunn's Guide to Style sucks. I will give it another chance but oh Lord. Tim and Veronica (who now looks like Gary Oldman in The Fifth Element. Yikes, right?) are no Trinny and Susannah!

The bad: OptiTex software demonstrations - they put in your measurements and put clothes on a virtual model. It looks horrible. I wouldn't want to wear anything after seeing myself like that. The contestant - all I could think when she was at Catherine Malandrino was CM's inner dialog of "Oh my God I did not imagine my dress on zees breedge and tunnel beem-bo." and yes, I'm probably putting unfair words in her mouth. And Gunn himself who came off as simply fussy, although I did love it when he gasped over Veronica Webb's suggestion of leggings.

The horrible: The Life Stylist (seriously, am I watching The Swan?) The piece of crap Ice.com ring they gave the contestant's husband to give her. All I could think of was that Sex and the City episode where Carrie saw Aidan's engagement ring and puked. And lastly, though it will make me seem heartless, the whole scene with her mother getting flown in after surgery to see her in nice clothes... They had her come in right at the end - she didn't even get to see the fashion show. What was the point?

Also, who has a separate dog walking outfit? Is this for real?

Sigh. I am going to be shallower than a kiddie pool by the time Fashion Week is over.

Off to go see Shoot 'em Up,
Ms. P

ps. I hate to think I'm losing any male readers by being all girly, posting flower pics and writing about wacky frocks. I promise, cars and comics coming soon!