Live Blogging The Emmys - Ima Let You Show A Montage

Here we go, ladies and gents... I'm trying to remember who hosted the Emmys last year... Ellen? No wait, it was the Reality TV hosts. God, that was awful. This year we're graced by the presence of Neil Patrick Harris. Oh dear, he's singing already. Who wrote these lyrics? This is not... a promising beginning. However, the Emmys probably always win for biggest snoozefest, right?

So here we go...

8.05 pm NPH is doing... shtick. Or is it schtick? Either way it's a little painful as he makes fun of the opening to Lost and shows us where the band's sitting.

8.07 pm A montage. Already. A comedy montage. A comedy montage that's not funny. I'm starting to feel like maybe I should just give up now.

8.10 pm Tina Fey and Jon Hamm make an attractive, if not funereal, couple as they make a Seth McFarlane joke and present Outstanding Supporting Actress Comedy to Kristin Chenoweth for the now dead Pushing Daisies. That wasn't a pun. She's wearing a disco ball and cries through her entire speech. Props to Elizabeth Perkins for being the only nominee who managed to look sincerely happy for her.

8.14 pm Cat Deeley!!! I LOVE Cat Deeley! I'm not quite sure what this breakthrough thing is, though.

8.20 pm John Hodgeman is doing color commentary. Will Justin Long be on, as well, to point out how inferior he is?

8.21 pm I think every guy here is wearing a black suit, white shirt and black tie. I wonder if they planned this. It's like twinkies en masse.

8.22 pm Matt Hubbard wins for Outstanding Writing Comedy for 30 Rock. Hey, I want to write for 30 Rock!

8.24 pm A Harlem Globetrotters gag. Really??

8.25 pm Jon Cryer wins Outstanding Supporting Actor Comedy. I've never seen Two and a Half Men, but again... really?? Kevin Dillon is unamused. That's not a joke, they cut to him and he looked pissed. Jon's acceptance speech is interrupted by an advert for Gardasil.

8.34 pm The WLKY Weather crap supercedes Justin Timberlake, apparently. He's presenting Outstanding Actress Comedy... and the winner is... wow... Toni Collette for United States of Tara. I love TC, but she's looking a bit orange tonight. Quite an upset as I'm sure everyone was expecting Tina Fey to win.

8.39 pm HELLOOO Blake Lively's boobs! Interesting dichotomy between her and Leighton Meester who looks positively virginal in her toga. This new Emmy format is confusing, but I think they're here to let us know that Tina Fey and Justin Timberlake won something... ohhh, Outstanding Guest Actress & Actor for Saturday Night Live. They also give Jeffrey Blitz an award for Outstanding Director for The Office.

8.46 pm I'm totally realizing why I've never blogged this show before.

8.48 pm Alec Baldwin wins Outstanding Actor Comedy for 30 Rock while Jemaine Clement sits there going, "Why?! Wha?!" A mildy amusing moment in an otherwise lobotomy inducing show. I am impressed that people aren't managing to look happy for the winners this year. There are a lot of grim faces out there.

8.52 pm This Family Guy bit is NOT FUNNY. Hrmm... kind of like... the Family Guy. (I used to love that show. I don't know what happened.)

8.54 pm Oh God another montage. A montage covering the year in Reality TV. A montage that's followed by a performance by two of the Dancing with the Stars dancers. I'm starting to feel like I'm not the target audience for this show. Hey wait, is that Dom? And Hok?! 20 bucks says this was choreographed by Tabitha and Napoleon. HA! I called that one. Err... yeah.

8.59 pm Outstanding Reality Host goes to Jeff Probst for Survivor. That show is still on?

9.08 pm Amazing Race wins Outstanding Reality Competition Program. I've heard it's good, but I'll never watch it. Is that Jerry Bruckheimer?!

9.09 pm We're moving on to Movies and Mini-series with... you guessed it... A MONTAGE.

9.13 pm Shohreh Aghdashloo takes Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie for House of Saddam. Can anyone else hear this weird heavy breathing? This is totes creepy. I know I sound crazy, but I swear there's some funky audio going on.

9.15 pm Outstanding Supporting Actor goes to Ken Howard for Grey Gardens. A friend of mine who works for HBO told me to watch this but... well... I haven't. Zing! He makes a Kanye/Joe Wilson joke.

9.24 pm Brendan Gleeson takes Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie for Into the Storm, another HBO movie I've never seen.

9.26 pm I love the giant sepia toned photos heralding the arrival of Patricia Arquette and Jennifer Love Hewitt. They present Outstanding Writing to Andrew Davies for Little Dorrit... except he's not there. The Directing Emmy goes to Dearbhla Walsh for... Little Dorrit. Have any of you seen this movie? Let me know how it is. Good, apparently.

9.30 pm The accountants speech has been hijacked by Dr. Horrible. And Nathan Fillion. Dreamy Nathan Fillion.

9.34 pm Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie goes to Jessica Lange for Grey Gardens. All the ladies look happy for Ms. Lange. She's had some work done and she's rather self-tanned but hey... she's Jessica Lange. Oh look! There's Justin Long! What did I tell you?

9.37 pm No one has said "my cast" or "my crew" yet. This is a victory for all of us. God, I hate that. I even tweeted an actor recently who said, "I'm about to watch the show with my cast" to ask him why he/they do that. He has not replied.

9.43 pm I think the Emmys are back on, but WLKY would rather tell me it's raining. Okay, yes, I missed Grey Gardens win for Outstanding Movie. I did not, however, miss Little Dorrit's nod for Oustanding Miniseries... or Anna Torv's boobs. I think cleavage is the real winner tonight.

9.47 pm Moving on to Variety! I bet it's time for a... okay this is the best montage of the night, but still.

9.49 pm If you're still here, you're a real trooper and I thank you from the bottom of my sad, bored, tragic heart.

9.50 pm Outstanding Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series goes to Bruce Gowers for American Idol. He's chewing gum... and talking about hamburgers.

9.53 pm My favorite award is always the Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series Emmy because the nominee bits are always so amusing. The team from The Daily Show (who had the worst one!) takes it.

10.02 Oh goodie. Jimmy Fallon. Things will surely improve now. After doing a rather unfunny auto-tuner piece he presents Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics to that snoozeville opening number that Hugh Jackman did at the Academy Awards. Congrats to the winners for giving the best acceptance speech thus far. I actually half smiled.

10.05 pm They're letting us know the In Memoriam montage is coming in 11 minutes... so we don't change the channel, I guess... because they all know we're dying to do it.

10.07 pm Thank God for Ricky Gervais, that's all I have to say. There's actually audible laughter. He gives Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series to The Daily Show. I have to say John Hodgeman's commentary has been mildly amusing but hard to hear.

10.13 pm There's nearly a whole hour left. Seppuku would probably be extreme at this point, but I am starting to think about it.

10.17 pm It's DRAMA TIME, y'all! And what better way to celebrate the next round of awards than with a... oh nevermind.

10.19 pm Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama goes to Michael Emerson for Lost. That guy totally gives me the heebs. Remember when he played that serial killer on... I mean, isn't he always a serial killer? Outstanding Actress goes to Cherry Jones for 24. Kevin Kline looks unimpressed but then he's appeared dour all night.

10.23 pm Oh dear, it's Sarah McLachlan singing "I Will Remember You," but instead of looking at heartbreaking puppies it's IN MEMORIAM time. Considering how many people have passed away lately I hope this is the extended remix. Fred Travalena died? Damn. Patrick Swayze gets a louder round of applause than Paul Newman. Such is the power of Johnny Castle.

10.33 pm Did they put David Boreanz and Stephen Moyer together because they've both played vampires? HOW CLEVER! They introduce Ellyn Burstyn and Michael J. Fox (winners of Outstanding Guest Actress and Actor in a Drama) who give Rod Holcomb the Outstanding Director award for ER. Outstanding Writing goes to Matthew Weiner and Kater Gordon for Mad Men.

10.39 pm Glenn Close takes Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama. What an upset!

10.48 pm And Brian Cranston wins Lead Actor for Breaking Bad. I think Jon Hamm is crying.

10.53 pm 30 Rock wins Outstanding Comedy and Tina Fey is adorable and witty as always. She's like America's Emma Thompson.

10.56 pm Apparently Sookie meeting Bill on True Blood has won some sort of Breakthrough Performance Award. And Vaseline Sheer Infusion would like to congratulate Bill. This isn't weird or anything.

11.01 pm Mad Men takes the big prize, Outstanding Drama, for the second year in a row. Everyone I know loves this show, but I just can't get into it. I fear I'm not grown up enough.

Final thoughts... Neil Patrick Harris should get rave reviews for his hosting duties considering how many people gave him props during the show. I enjoyed the nominee bits with the directors and writers... nice to hear them have a say. However, I will not be blogging the Emmys again because, like this post, it was long and boring.

Thanks for reading and impatiently wondering when this post was going to show up.