*SPOILER ALERT*
*SPOILER ALERT*
*SPOILER ALERT*
*SPOILER ALERT*
Okay, I hope I've given fair enough warning.
Ahh, JJ Abrams and your previously named Untitled JJ Abrams Project. You stink! Clocking in at only 74 minutes, the time I spent with the Cloverfield kids felt like an eternity.
I knew I should have followed my sturdy common sense and stayed away from this movie. Everything about it screamed, "You won't like this!" from the shaky cam (I can't be the only person who gets nauseous from that) to the glossy young people to the Blair Witch vibe. However, it got some good reviews and earlier this week a friend of mine's enthusiasm swayed me to the stupid side.
The movie was so boring I actually took notes while I was watching.
Some highlights:
"How does every building in New York City have emergency backup power?"
"I spent all day watching the news coverage on 9/11 and people in New York are NOT this annoying in a crisis."
"That Rob guy looks too young to be a VP of anything."
"Janice from Mean Girls just said, 'It was eating people!'"
"It's hard to be afraid when you can't even tell what's happening."
"Ooh! Sephora!"
"If you're running for your life and crying like a little girl, would you really be holding a camera up?"
"How did he have cell phone reception in the subway?"
"Um, why is the guy with the light walking behind everyone in the dark tunnel?"
"How did they get from Spring Street to 59th so fast on foot?"
"There's a mall at the 59th St stop at Lexington?"
"Geez, would these idiots die already?"
To sum it up, catch Cloverfield if you want to see what it would be like if the contestants on The Real World got attacked by some giant sea monster who sheds weird crablike alien creatures while destroying Manhattan.
The End.
Ms. P
See, here's the problem with your negative review, your last paragraph sounds like a movie I'd desperately like to see. Especially if said Real World contestants were all eventually eaten by the creature.
ReplyDeleteI would, too, if it was a 7 minute movie, not 74.
ReplyDeleteTouche. I'm still tempted to see it though. I keep trying to compel myself to go see No Country for Old Men, but I get distracted by this crap.
ReplyDeleteToo bad Persepolis isn't playing in the burbs.
Thank you, Anonymous!
ReplyDeleteI feel so vindicated! When I got home I read all these glowing reviews that called it the best monster movie ever, etc. I started to wonder if I'd got something wrong.
And Jason, I always feel like I should be watching "good" films but almost always opt for the crap. I mean, I saw Epic Movie in the theatre. Another mistake.
ReplyDeleteThere is a store on Lex and 59th St, it's called "Bloomingdale's"!!! I think the bigger question is how did they set up a triage center so fast there?? Oh, and another thing.... wasn't the statue of liberty's head kind of small?!!??!
ReplyDeleteBloomies! Goodness, darling, I never thought Bloomingdales would be so vulgar as to have an entrance straight out of the subway (or did they make it out onto the street and I missed it?) Anyway, how very pedestrian, no pun intended.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, I only shop at the Soho store. What can I say.
As for the Statue of Liberty's head, meh. I would have liked to see the beheading rather than it just landing on some street in lower M. Maybe he could have thrown it at the Brooklyn Bridge and killed them all. That would have saved me a lot of time.