Wednesday, November 14, 2007

America's Next Top Blah-del

Is it terrible that I'm starting not to care about the girls of ANTM or is it a sign of my liberation from the tyranny of Tyra?

Tonight's episode was all about Heather! Heather bitching about her lovely dress, Heather stripping down and freaking out on Saleisha in the shower, Heather crying, Heather taking a shot that looks like she's on a toilet (but I thought her face looked cool, pose aside)...

Bianca, the snotty brat who can barely speak English, is seen laughing at Heather's humiliating critique after the runway challenge. As tacky as that seems, B telling H to get thicker skin... I agree with that. The fashion world is hardly known for being nice and if she wants to be a model she better get used to that sad little fact.

ANTM's manufactured reality is starting to get on my nerves (which makes my manufactured outrage pathetic). I might have od'ed watching all those marathons.

It's bye bye Ambreal as the girls are off to China. I have to say I'm liking Jenah. And why is Chantal so dumb? Way to be a stereotype.

Some non-ANTM-related thoughts:

I just finished 3rd Degree, the third Women's Murder Club novel, by James Patterson. This is a book so disposable I had to look up the title (even though I finished it not five hours ago). These books are like crack and, like all addictive drugs, the usual dosage just isn't cutting it anymore. Jill's murder, though shocking, barely made a dent in my brain. This is partly due to the fact that I refused to believe she was actually dead until the end of the book.

Here are two things that bothered me, though:
1. Patterson has Lt. Lindsay Boxer wearing a fanny pack. How on earth is she supposed to retain her dignity and save innocent victims while wearing a fanny pack??!! First the slacks, now this. Sigh.

2. 3rd Degree was written in this century. This means internet search engines and instant information are at anyone's fingertips (anyone meaning the SFPD, in this case). However, it took 229 pages before Boxer found out who August Spies (the name the terrorists were using - yes, it was about terrorism. Sort of ) was. I understand for drama's sake an author needs to reveal things at a certain pace or from a certain character, but come on... the cops just end up looking kind of dumb, right? Am I being too picky? I feel like I'm deconstructing a Jackie Collins novel or something.

Matt Damon has been named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. I like Herr Damon and all, but really? Insert "______ wasn't available?" joke here.

For the men who read my blog (or the women who read my blog and know men), here are Giorgio Armani's 21 rules for achieving style and success. I think my favorite is #5: If you play sports intensively you will develop muscles in unusual places. Then you may have to consider bespoke tailoring. That's so amusing it doesn't even need a joke. I love Armani, though, which would probably embarrass him.

Project Runway starts tonight! Oh boy! You'll hear about episode one tomorrow, dahlings!

I'm mouth agape at the embarrassment that is the "Freebird" Guitar Hero scene in Gossip Girl. Serena twirling around while Dan lip-synchs? Yick. I thought MMJ doing Skynyrd in Elizabethtown was scary enough. However, the bar has been lowered so far now no one will be able to limbo under it.

Dinner time,
Ms. P

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