Manhattan to Crestwood

Apologies for the absence, but I was too busy stuffing my face full of pretzel croissants at The City Bakery and drinking their insanely rich hot chocolate. Aside from the fact that I watched yet another marathon of America's Next Top Model and got myself addicted to Law and Order SVU (have you seen that ep with Marcia Gay Harden and the white supremacists? What a twist!), I did manage to get out there and take some decent shots like the one above of 5th Ave and the Metlife Tower. It started raining as soon as I started shooting, but it was worth it.

However, now I'm home and it's back to TV wonderland. Sadly, this week's Project Runway and America's Next Top Model episodes left me cold. Fashion is in trouble if this is the next wave of designers and models. Episode 3 of Project Runway shows the contestants designing menswear for Tiki Barber, who is apparently some football player with a hot Asian wife. Christian, though he loves my people and thinks we're "fierce", is still the brat of the pack but he is becoming a mascot of sorts so maybe he'll grow on me. I understand the group isn't used to designing for dudes, but really, though the measurements and proportions are different is it that hard to reconfigure a shirt, jacket, vest and pants? Elisa, the spitting hippie, is freaking out because she's never had to fit a man other than her boyfriend and omigod, it's so intimate! One love, sister. What's the big deal? Ricky, who managed to wear four hats then NO hat, was so far behind he had his model sew the buttons on his shirt. Sweet P needs to be renamed Blind P because I have no idea what the heck that shirt was. I think she thought the NFL was the NBA. In the end, Jack the brawny HIV positive naked model (I saw the pictures today!) won, and it was Carmen's turn to go. I guess all that modeling experience didn't help her after all! I don't think I've ever seen so many unfinished ill-fitting outfits come down Project's runway.

Speaking of models getting dumped from reality TV, it was farewell Hoosier Heather on ANTM. I'm only sad about this because now I'm left with four girls I couldn't care less about. My money's on Saleisha or Jenah. If Chantal wins I may never watch the show again. I even like Bianca better than her.

I'm excited to see there are finally some movies worth going to the theater for. I really really hope The Golden Compass doesn't suck. I've seen the Juno commercial about 20 times in the last hour and it looks pretty cute. But Michael Cera is pretty cute and everyone loves Kitty Pryde!

Okay, it's time to feed the animals and watch Kathy Griffin. My life is so suburban!

Thank you, Jesus!
Ms. P

I'm in NYC watching Charmed

Seriously, I'm not sure if there's an end to my patheticness. Patheticosity? I'd like to create a new word today. I spent part of the morning at Adorama where the service is surly, but the goods are great. I'm now the proud owner of a Nikon SB-800 Speedlight. If only I knew how to use it! If any of you fine readers are flash proficient, please shoot me an email and give me some pointers. I feel like a novice photographer once again.

Yesterday, Tom and I went to see Jump, a strange hybrid of Korean martial arts and slapstick comedy. There's no dialog and it's a bit like watching a silent movie with a lot of backflips and side kicks. I realize how far I have to go in my tae kwon do training, that's for sure. We had a romantic dinner at Le Zie in Chelsea and then, after stuffing ourselves full of Magnolia cupcakes, proceeded to watch The World's Fattest Man and Half-Ton Man on The Learning Channel. You would think I might swear off cupcakes after seeing those documentaries, but no, I went to the Cupcake Cafe today and bought four more. I need to go to Cupcakaholics Anonymous. I rationalize this behavior with the knowledge that I never eat them in Kentucky.

I'm off to Gobo for a vegetarian dinner with some hometown friends who live in Queens then it's over to Big Daddy's for milkshakes with my wondertwin Cherie. It's nice to have my own local pals even if they aren't local anymore. I actually tell people I'm from Kentucky now (instead of qualifying the statement with "but really, I'm from Los Angeles"). It took coming to New York this past summer and admitting I hate it to make me realize I actually like it. I can't wait to come home on Wednesday and watch Charmed from the comfort of my own couch.

The other exciting part of my trip thus far was hooking up with cousins I hadn't seen in 30+ years. For a few brief hours part of the Owen clan reconnected. Good times with the white folks from Jersey.

It's time to make my way down to Waverly and 6th. Apologies for the sparse posting but I confess, I haven't been feeling so interesting. I wish the reason was something more thrilling like I've been out partying with Marc Jacobs and Tim Gunn, but no... the closest I've come to any celebrities is seeing (I think) Will Forte come off an elevator today.

Until tomorrow, kittens!
Ms. P

Project Runway: Vest and the City

Today, instead of watching The Brady Bunch, I'm catching up on Project Runway so I can blog, two days late, about episode two.

I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. We went to 5 Ninth for dinner last night and I thought the food was mostly mediocre (the guys loved it), but the brownie was divine. Wednesday night I took my brother and niece around town and after milkshakes at Big Daddy's we rode the Staten Island Ferry (as did several drunk teenage boys) and walked around downtown checking out the New York Stock Exchange, Trinity Church (pictured here) and its amazing graveyard and Ground Zero (which hasn't changed much since the last time I was there in '02). It's funny (strange) to remember the first time I came to NY when I was 14 and went to the top of the World Trade Center and now Alex is the same age and on her first trip here and the landmark that I loved and seemed so invincible is just... gone (and we still haven't caught bin Laden but are about to go into Iran and, err, okay, I digress).

But this is the Project Runway post and episode two was a biggie. The show's first celebrity challenge had the designers sketching away for Sarah Jessica Parker with the winning outfit possibly being sold as part of Bitten's fall/winter collection at Steve and Barry's. The contestants look excited about this, probably because they've never actually seen the Bitten Line. Or Steve and Barry's. To go from Banana Republic and I.N.C. to Bitten and S&B is... well... just a tad downmarket.

A few thoughts:

Chris March (the heavyset costume designer) cried at the arrival of SJP. I love that a gay man moved to NYC after watching Sex and the City.

Speaking of tears, Ricky Lizalde had the waterworks going yet again. What is with this guy? It was a two hat episode (Jason, were you counting?) and I believe there is hair beneath the mesh. I did like his dress, though, and was impressed that it only cost $15 to make.

Elisa Jimenez, the girl from another planet, and her polymorphic spit marking (euw!) guarantee that she'll stick around for at least a few episodes to provide drama and fun. Her dress ended up being quite interesting, I must admit. And even though I didn't like the cape, I do think she's shown that she understands good design and how clothes fit (that horrible train aside). I just don't understand how her pieces come together.

In the end, Victorya Hong and her strangely proportioned (to the dress) racerback vest won the challenge. Marion Lee and his Pocahantas burlap sack dress are out. Christian Siriano and his bizarro take on the 80s get saved.

Okay, it's time to hit the Chelsea galleries and get some culture in before the spending begins!

TGIF!
Ms. P

I'm in NYC watching The Brady Bunch

Way to make use of my time in the big city, eh? My only excuse is that Tom is getting ready to head to the studio and I got an hour's worth of sleep last night as I had to leave for the airport at 4.30 this morning so I'm happy to be in the vicinity of the hubs yet completely zombied out.

I was on the plane reading the article about Gossip Girl in Entertainment Weekly where CW head honcho Dawn Ostroff says, "We will nurture and push and push for this show because it's perfect for our audience." Their audience of teenagers (and 30-somethings) who want cool, smart programming? Then WHAT ABOUT VERONICA MARS, DAWN?!! Seriously, I'm going to go down in history as the last person talking about VM. I am a sad case.

Part of my longing has to do with the fact that Kristen Bell's Elle on Heroes needs a better character arc. Morally corrupt, sociopathic young lady shoots electricity balls at people. Snooze. Let's hope they give her something better to do before the show goes into reruns due to the writer's strike. Things looked like they were picking up on Mondays ep. I was sad to see George Takei go, though.

Speaking of morally corrupt, nip/tuck is bringin' me down, man, with this whole Eden/Sean storyline. If people want to see porn, they should just watch porn.

Okay, time to gear up for a fine day in Manhattan. H&M is calling!

Project Runway Episode 2 tonight! Can't wait to see what Elisa the crazy hippie marionette lady comes up with next!

xoxo,
Ms. P

Mighty Joe Biden

Like I said, Joe brings the funny.

Hodge Podge

I've gotten really positive responses to my adoption piece from my new fellow Asian American adoptee pals. What a splendid weekend I had connecting to all these cool ladies who share a bit of history with me. I plan to revisit this subject one more time during National Adoption Awareness Month so stay tuned for that.

I'm off to New York for the third time this year on Wednesday. Reports on art, theatre, shopping, and cupcakes are headed your way! Tom's in the studio so I'm going to give thanks with him and spend the rest of the time visiting every H&M in the city. Sounds like things are going well up there, although the other night he went to the VHS or Beta after party and Craig and co. hadn't arrived so the people who ran the bar thought MMJ were VHS and Tom said they sat at a table with a bunch of free alcohol while "everyone dancing was staring and dancing at us all night." Way to set the night on fire, lads.

I watched the documentary Photographers at Work on Ovation last night. I don't know how I've never seen Gregory Crewdson's photographs before, but consider me inspired. Now I have someone else to admire besides Andreas Gursky and Todd Hido. Speaking of photography, someone recently sent me to the Shorpy site and it's quickly becoming a new favorite. I love this shot of the dog funeral from 1922. It's fascinating to see how graceful and well-lit these old pictures are.

Apologies for the sleepy post but it's a gray Monday and Fred Thompson is having a valium-like effect on me as I catch up on yesteday's This Week. Does that guy ever actually say anything specific? He's a master of generalities. I notice they've been running Die Hard 2 on one of the movie channels recently. His finest moment, perhaps.

I feel a nap coming on,
Ms. P

Serious Saturday - Adoption Edition

November is National Adoption Awareness Month. It's embarrassing, but I didn't know such a thing existed.

I spent the morning reading the New York Times blog series on "Adoption and the American Family" and the entries range from the thoughtful (teenager Adam Wolfington) to the excellent (AKA's Hollee McGinnis) to the ridiculous (author Tama Janowitz).

The backlash against Janowitz's post (mostly because of the line "Like I say to Willow: 'Well, you know, if you were still in China you would be working in a factory for 14 hours a day with only limited bathroom breaks!'") is interesting. I don't want to turn this into Konichiwa pt 2 - Revenge of the Asian-American Adoptees but I'm struck by the commonality of our feelings and the deep hurt that's felt when our differences are turned into jokes.

Yes, humor is a great way to heal and get through life, but when you're a kid and you lack the ability to understand the distinctions, it can be rough.

I've mentioned before that I am adopted. I was raised by white people from New Jersey in whiter than white Plano, Texas (at least it was back in the 70s. On our side of the tracks, anyway).

I was born (supposedly) Park Don Na. Then I became Linda Owen. Then Linda Fulkerson. And now (through the magic of divorce) I'm Linda Park. I say "supposedly" because Park Don Na is most likely not my birth name. It's a name an employee of City Baby Hospital in Seoul issued to give me an identity. My mother always told me I was abandoned with a note that had my name and birth date, the proverbial baby in the basket, but when I investigated with Holt (our adoption agency), I was told no, that's the happy lie you get (although the woman put it rather more nicely). This didn't upset me at all, though. I'd rather know the truth. Unfortunately, I was also told that due to the circumstances of my dropoff (dumped at the police station) there's not much hope of finding my birth parents. I almost felt relief at this as the stories I've read about adoptees reconnecting with their Korean families don't really sound too rosy (not that I begrudge anyone else with the strength or interest to make the effort). I have enough family issues here in the states. Like I need the same on another continent?! With people I can't communicate with? I used to write stories about them, though. And that is the happy lie I'm fine living with.

When I read articles about different Korean traits, I often wonder about nature vs nurture. I have a hard time identifying with my family (but probably have way more in common with them than I'll admit - you should see my mother's closet and mine - it's eerie), but I went through so much that it's hard to pinpoint what gifts and curses might be from my biological parents. I guess that's one thing I'd want to know - that and a medical history. That'd be handy even though my current reality saves me time filling out forms at the doctor's office!

Apparently the Holt Adoption Manual (of old, I'm assuming) urged parents to discourage the use of Korean and try to assimilate the adopted child as quickly as possible. By the time my mother put me in a Hanbok and took me to a Korean event in Dallas, all I wanted to be was WHITE WHITE WHITE! AS AMERICAN AS APPLE PIE! JUST LIKE ALL MY PALS!

For years I didn't really understand that I looked different than my friends. On a superficial level, I remember being frustrated that I couldn't copy the eyeshadow looks in Seventeen magazine because I have no crease in my eyelid. Let's not even discuss the Merle Norman makeover I got at age 13 where I ended up looking like a child prostitute (I guess no one told those ladies that bright green frosted eyeshadow does NOT flatter little Korean girls)! On a deeper level, there were more subtle discriminations and, of course, a slew of ignorant questions (are you a boat person? etc etc).

Couple this with my crazy parental units and maybe you can understand why I don't look back on life and think, "Oh, what a picnic that was!" Mom, the model Evangelical, wouldn't let me watch Bewitched, threw away my skeleton earrings and freaked out about Sigue Sigue Sputnik. Dad, I can't really talk about because as navel gazing as this is, there are limits. Let's just say we haven't talked in 16 years and it's for a good reason.

However, as I get older and move away from the angry young woman mold I cast myself in, I realize it's okay that my mother wasn't perfect, that it would have been nice if she could have saved me from my father but what's done is done, and even though I got picked on (fish faced gook, anyone?!) and never dated an Asian guy because "well-meaning" people were always trying to fix me up with the only other one in Plano, if I had to trade any of those experiences, I wouldn't be here now. And here is good. Here is the best.

So I celebrate my life as a Korean American adoptee with all the baggage - good and bad - that comes along with it. I spent eight years living in Los Angeles basking in the anonymity of being just another Asian. I'm learning Tae Kwon Do now. I'm trying to find my own ways of honoring a culture I barely know and not be too embarrassed by the one I grew up in (I'm sorry, but with GW as prez, it's a bit hard not to feel the shame). It's an easier road now that I have Tom, the greatest husband on earth.

To my mother, thanks for not giving up on me. I think you're pretty cool despite, you know, that religion thing. To my birth mother, thanks for giving up on me. I can only assume it was the best choice you could make.

Anyong-hi jumuseyo,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Wax Fang

Louisville Luminaries Week comes to an end with a bang, not a whimper, as Wax Fang takes on The LP Questionnaire. The band, comprised of three charming young men, is one of the few acts I've seen recently that a) actually made me like music again and b) I could tolerate seeing multiple times. Scott Carney (a genius songwriter with a unique voice), Kevin Ratterman (the former Elliott drummer who could give Patrick Hallahan a run for his money) and Jake Heustis (the second cutest bass player in Kentucky) recently released their debut record La La Land. They're performing tomorrow night at Headliners and run run run, I say, to check them out.

Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Wax Fang...

Name: Scott Carney
Pro Wrestling Name: Sundance Tempest

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your
boyfriend/girlfriend (and tell us what year it is).
Hmmm.... let's see. How about:
Beck 'Loser' (Adolescent self esteem is a funny thing, you know?)
Smashing Pumpkins 'Disarm' (Pre Lex Luthor doppelganger Billy Corgan at his sweetest)
Green River 'Chloe Dancer/ Crown of Thorns' (Sad, but True: I used to LOVE this song)

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? If by best, you mean worst, then George W. Bush. Oh wait, he IS president. Besides him I think, maybe, Frank Booth would be interesting as our commander in chief.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? The Mon Chi Chi's. I wanted to be one of them like really, really, really bad.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Omnipotence. Plain and simple.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Near Deaf and Far Sighted: The Irony That is Scott Carney

Name: Kevin Ratterman
Pro Wrestling name: Super Dragon

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend (and tell us what year it is).
(1992)
You're all I need - Motley Crue
Thank You - Lez Zeppelin
Never Tear Us Apart - INXS

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Wiley Coyote

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? The Smurfs

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Invisibility

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Everything appears to be just fine... "and other naive revelations"

Name: Jacob D. Heustis
Pro Wrestling Name: The Grand Champ

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend (and tell us what year it is). It's 1994. F**k and Run - Liz Phair , I Love You All the Time - Sonic Youth, Venus in Furs - The Velvet Underground.

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Hal 9000 .....President 9000

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Masters of the Universe

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Shapeshifting

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Celebration of a Polish Bloodline : A Repetition in 4 Parts

Ugly Betty, Ugly Debate

The Democratic candidates (minus Mike Gravel) took the stage tonight for the 11 millionth debate before caucus season starts. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton arrived to thunderous applause as the rowdy Las Vegans (does that mean none of them eat meat?) gave us a taste of what turned out to be the most entertaining debate yet.

Obama, Clinton and John Edwards came out swinging. Whoosh! The gloves were off, and I was just waiting to see some blood. I've been watching a slew of Hillary bashing on various pundit programs since her off-balance performance in Philadelphia. However, Mrs. C looked refreshed and was back in fighting form (and that is the last stupid boxing analogy I'm going to write). She got loads of applause for what is sure to be an oft quoted line of the night, "They're not attacking me because I'm a woman. They're attacking me because I'm ahead!"

Edwards drew cheers for his mention of "the corrupt system" but was actually booed for going after Clinton. At one point Kucinich even insulted him! I almost feel sorry for the guy. I like that Edwards really drives the point home for America's poor but, fair or not, his slick presentation puts me off. However, I don't want to judge him on the "Do I Want to Have a Beer with Him?" criteria that took hold of this country eight years ago. I don't want a president I can have a beer with. I don't even drink beer. I want a president who has many many more IQ points than I do.

After a contentious opening (that included, in addition to Edwards' boos, Obama getting heckled), things settled down a bit. Joe Biden brought the funny, and I really think he should consider stand-up once his career in the Senate is over. At one debate, when asked what he liked best about Dennis Kucinich, Biden answered, "his wife"!! If I had to pick favorites, I would say Biden and Kucinich, but what's the point since I have a greater chance of winning American Idol than they do of getting the nom (I know that's not statistically true, but you know what I mean).

Bill Richardson's makeup team is on the job! It's been a few debates since I've seen him sweat. Too bad he tends to ramble on a bit nonsensically. This is a shame as Richardson has an impressive work history and is the only governor up there.

Oh yeah, Chris Dodd was there, as well. It doesn't seem like Paul Simon's campaign help mattered all that much, which is too bad because I was really looking forward to "Me and Christopher Down at the Schoolyard" or "You Can Call Me Dodd" as possible campaign commercial tunes.

The candidates ran through the gamut of issues: immigration, privacy, torture, Pakistan, health care, Iran, and Iraq. It's interesting to hear what they have to say, but sadly the proof is in the pudding we won't get to taste until after they're in office. And if we find it tastes like poo instead of chocolate, it will sort of be too late.

In other campaign news, Lou Dobbs (he of the sparkly eyes and cartoony visage) is supposedly considering a bid as an independent. Dobbs is a born again populist who's achieved high ratings on CNN for using the word "arrogant" a lot and bashing illegal immigrants. I could see him gaining some traction a la Ross Perot but eventually those glittering eyes are going to look glittering mad when he goes on another rant about Prince Eliot.

Ugly Betty continued its heartbreaking streak tonight. *Spoiler Alert* I can't believe Bradford died just when he came to his senses about Wilhemina and shared some moments of fatherly bonding with Daniel. Damn. However, the episode did have one laugh out loud moment when Christopher Gorham's geeky Henry delivered the line, "I'm sweet like sugar, soft like suede and like a piano I never get played." I'm totally stealing that one. Well, maybe not, but it was purty cute.

Now the sun turns out his light,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Will Russell of Lebowski Fest and WHY Louisville

Local dandy Will Russell runs Lebowski Fest (a successful ode to The Big Lebowski), which has branched out with celebrations in New York, Los Angeles, Austin and Edinburgh. He and his partners even put out a book that was on impressive display at Powell's in Portland when I was there a few weeks ago. You can also find the divine Mr. R at the kitschy cool WHY Louisville store on Bardstown Road (yes, the place where you can find the Adrian Brody 502 t-shirt that he created with Ko-Pilot's Danny Cash).

I applaud Russell's entrepreneurial skills, and he is a fine example of a Louisville Luminary.

Here he answers The LP Questionnaire...

Name: Will Russell
Pro Wrestling Name: Bad News Venus

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend (and tell us what year it is).
Nineteen Hundred and Ninety One

Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car - Billy Ocean
Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) - C & C Music Factory
Unskinny Bop - Poison

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Are you implying that it is possible for someone to be more evil than our current president? I reckon Skeletor would do a good job. It would be sweet if Castle Greyskull stood where the White House is.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Even though it's not a cartoon, I'm going to have to go with Pee Wee's Playhouse. For better or worse, Pee Wee was a big personal influence on me. He had the King of Cartoons and Penny on his show but those were always my least favorite segments. Gotta have more Conky!

4. What superpower do you wish you had? X-ray vision, of course.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Advantage Russell with a foreword by Tom Nord. The cover would be a picture of me in full tennis gear (headband, knee high striped tub socks, etc) giving the thumbs up with one hand while diving to hit a tennis ball. The subtitle will be "I'm not very good at tennis - A true story."

Louisville Luminaries Week comes to a close tomorrow with Wax Fang, whose record release show is this Saturday night at Headliners.

Project Runway: The Designers Nip and Tuck

It's episode one of Project Runway season 4! *Spoiler Alert* if you haven't watched. I'm going to do a quick rundown of the designers and how they fared on the runway as there are so many contestants, if I cover the whole show this post will be a novel.

At first glance, they seem as loony as ever!

We have Rami who once designed a cute frock for Jessica Alba. He might be promising. His dress is pretty gorgeous (if not a bit dull), but is that a rosette on the shoulder?!! I'm feeling alarmed as shades of Angela return to my mind. He wins the challenge but doesn't say "thank you". I'm rather annoyed by this but he seems harmless. For now.

Chris March is a costume designer whose portfolio is quite outrageous. By comparison, his gown is pretty restrained and slightly now as purple is very "in" these days.

Christian Siriano's hair is as off as his personality (although finally a crazy Christian who has nothing to do with religion, I say). I hated his outfit and felt like I was watching Dynasty or something when those big ol' puffy sleeves came walking down the runway. I can't believe the judges were so overwhelmingly positive. Maybe it's me.

Carmen Webber thinks she knows everything because she used to model. Snooze. Well she doesn't, let me tell you, because her black pants/gold top combo was fugly.

Jillian used to design for Ralph Lauren. And likes orange. I do not like orange but wasn't averse to the poufy pleated skirt.

Kevin Christiana sports some unfortunate pointed facial hair and comes out as a hetero. I liked his dress but have a sneaking suspicion we might have this year's Jeffrey Sebelia which means yuck.

Jack Mackenroth appears feisty and funny. Love his dress. Very cute and sophisticated garden party sort of feel.

Steven Rosengard plays the organ, smiles a lot and looks fab in pink pastel. His black suit bored me but was fairly chic and enough to get him on to week two.

Simone LeBlanc isn't worth mentioning since she'll be out in 50 minutes which is a bit of a shame since she seems a) relatively sane and b) her dress could have been kind of cute if she'd bothered to finish it and hadn't added the ugliest shrug on earth.

Elisa Jimenez, the crazy haiku-of-a-cut lady, makes some truly ugly marionettes and designed a flowing gown with a ridiculous train. Heidi said, "Her model looked like she was pooing fabric." I have very strong anti-hippie tendencies and I fear Elisa is going to drive me nuts. And that would be because she already does.

Sweet P Vaughn is a biker chick whose clothing business is out of money. She has "Sweet P" and "Mean P" tattoos on her arm. Yeeaah. Her babydoll sack dress looked kind of cute and fun if you're into that sort of thing.

Marion Lee owns a flower store in Dallas. I might be liking him. His goth-tastic dress left a bit to be desired, though.

Victorya Hong stands out as the lone Asian (and she's Korean, yay). Her portfolio looks like some bad Simplicity patterns but I'm hopeful. She's really pleased with her dress, but I'm not (and the judges are). It looks like a lot of black nothing. She better step it up.

God, someone's crying already?! That someone is Ricky Lizalde, who wears a mesh and patent engineer cap. I can tell this one's going to be a chafe. His black and silver babydoll dress looked well made, though, but the judges weren't enthused. I think my pal Amanda called it when she said Ricky is the new Andre.

Kit Pistol says, "Life is too short to have on a bad outfit." At first glance, her clothes look promising. At second, maybe not so much.

The previews for next week's episode look like angst city. I was feeling sort of ambivalent about the start of Project Runway, but now I say bring on the frocks, bring on the drama!

As for this week's ep of nip/tuck, I can only say matt/kimber + christian/hustling + julia/olivia + sean/eden = jaw/dropped. I'm not even going to talk about the hot tub scene. I might have to stop watching this show again. I feel dirty.

Will Russell served up soon as Louisville Luminaries Week continues.

Make it work!
Ms. P

America's Next Top Blah-del

Is it terrible that I'm starting not to care about the girls of ANTM or is it a sign of my liberation from the tyranny of Tyra?

Tonight's episode was all about Heather! Heather bitching about her lovely dress, Heather stripping down and freaking out on Saleisha in the shower, Heather crying, Heather taking a shot that looks like she's on a toilet (but I thought her face looked cool, pose aside)...

Bianca, the snotty brat who can barely speak English, is seen laughing at Heather's humiliating critique after the runway challenge. As tacky as that seems, B telling H to get thicker skin... I agree with that. The fashion world is hardly known for being nice and if she wants to be a model she better get used to that sad little fact.

ANTM's manufactured reality is starting to get on my nerves (which makes my manufactured outrage pathetic). I might have od'ed watching all those marathons.

It's bye bye Ambreal as the girls are off to China. I have to say I'm liking Jenah. And why is Chantal so dumb? Way to be a stereotype.

Some non-ANTM-related thoughts:

I just finished 3rd Degree, the third Women's Murder Club novel, by James Patterson. This is a book so disposable I had to look up the title (even though I finished it not five hours ago). These books are like crack and, like all addictive drugs, the usual dosage just isn't cutting it anymore. Jill's murder, though shocking, barely made a dent in my brain. This is partly due to the fact that I refused to believe she was actually dead until the end of the book.

Here are two things that bothered me, though:
1. Patterson has Lt. Lindsay Boxer wearing a fanny pack. How on earth is she supposed to retain her dignity and save innocent victims while wearing a fanny pack??!! First the slacks, now this. Sigh.

2. 3rd Degree was written in this century. This means internet search engines and instant information are at anyone's fingertips (anyone meaning the SFPD, in this case). However, it took 229 pages before Boxer found out who August Spies (the name the terrorists were using - yes, it was about terrorism. Sort of ) was. I understand for drama's sake an author needs to reveal things at a certain pace or from a certain character, but come on... the cops just end up looking kind of dumb, right? Am I being too picky? I feel like I'm deconstructing a Jackie Collins novel or something.

Matt Damon has been named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. I like Herr Damon and all, but really? Insert "______ wasn't available?" joke here.

For the men who read my blog (or the women who read my blog and know men), here are Giorgio Armani's 21 rules for achieving style and success. I think my favorite is #5: If you play sports intensively you will develop muscles in unusual places. Then you may have to consider bespoke tailoring. That's so amusing it doesn't even need a joke. I love Armani, though, which would probably embarrass him.

Project Runway starts tonight! Oh boy! You'll hear about episode one tomorrow, dahlings!

I'm mouth agape at the embarrassment that is the "Freebird" Guitar Hero scene in Gossip Girl. Serena twirling around while Dan lip-synchs? Yick. I thought MMJ doing Skynyrd in Elizabethtown was scary enough. However, the bar has been lowered so far now no one will be able to limbo under it.

Dinner time,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Brandon Jones of Holy Muckle and Follow the Train

Here are some salient facts about Mr. Brandon Jones:
He is a daring participant in the hilarious Holy Muckle mockommercials.
He does push-ups on stage as a member of Follow the Train.
He made a memorable guest appearance in MMJ's Okonokos as the man with the llama.
He scored 100 on his driving test.
He once ate at La Bamba three times in one day.
He is single for some reason.

Please enjoy the Jones and The LP Questionnaire.

Name: Brandon Jones
Pro wrestling Name: Sheik Butcher

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend (and tell us what year it is).
1995:
Star Me Kitten: REM
The Rain Song: Led Zeppelin
Long, long, long: The Beatles
Baby B**ch: Ween
Against All Odds: Phil Collins

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Birdo from Super Mario Bros. She could provide food to all of the starving people across the nation via her egg shooting snout.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Tie: Ren and Stimpy, TMNT.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Control of all of the worlds Puffins to do my bidding.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Jones on Jones

Tomorrow's guest: Will Russell of Lebowski Fest and WHY Louisville

Random Disjointed Interruption

I love Celine Dion! I watched Celine on Oprah yesterday and as a result now understand the vacant look I see on the East End housewives' faces when I'm in line with them at the Springhurst Target. I bet I have that same look now. There's something hypnotic about getting sucked into Celine and The O. Something that reeks of "normal life" with hidden fantasies of standing on the prow (was it the prow?) of a ship with Leonardo Di Caprio while the wandering words of "near, far, wherever you are..." float through your unconscious. It's powerful stuff, man, that lure of mom jeans and minivans and Top 40 music.

Nicole Kidman says she hasn't had any cosmetic procedures done in the new issue of Marie Claire. This bothers me because I like Nicole, but I can't stand liars. I'm still looking forward to her portrayal of Mrs. Coulter in The Golden Compass, though. She was a champion liar, too.

Is anyone besides me disturbed by the Xbox 360 commercial that has a chorus of kids singing Poison's "Nothin' But a Good Time"? I mean, goodness, why did they leave out these classic lines, "They say I spend my money on women and wine, but I couldn't tell you where I spent last night"?

I tried watching Weeds yesterday, but I'm sorry, I can't get past that theme song. I mean, I thought I wouldn't be able to get past Mary Louise Parker, but the memory of that ticky tacky flesh-crawl inducing tune just made me shudder while I was writing. Bit sad, really, as I like Elizabeth Perkins and it was kind of cool to see Barto from Jack and Jill again.

National Right to Life endorsed Fred Thompson who keeps referring to himself in the third person (which you know I just love). Maybe he thinks someone else ("Fred Thompson") will be President if he wins and he'll be spared from doing the hard work. Anyway, poor Mike Huckabee. He's fervently anti-choice, his popularity is surging, and he's not getting the big nods.

What the heck is going on in Tennis? End of year fatigue, I'm guessing, as Roger Federer, Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal all suffered surprise losses in the Round Robin matches at the Masters Cup in Shanghai. But kudos to Fernando Gonzalez, Richard Gasquet, and David Ferrer for their upsets. This is the second time Ferrer's beat Nadal this year.

And finally, can someone please explain to me why every handbag I see in Lucky and In Style costs upwards of $1,000 (or more)? I finally got my head wrapped around $200 jeans but this... this seems like insanity. On second thought, $200 jeans are pretty crazy, too.

Bea Arthur is buggin',
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Chris Higdon

Louisville Luminaries Week continues with Chris Higdon, who Tom the husband calls one of the best singers in rock. The former frontman for Elliott now runs a successful photography business with his wife Jessie. They're both beyond talented photographers whose work I really admire.

And they have a cute dog.

Here's CH and The LP Questionnaire:

Name: Chris Higdon
Pro Wrestling Name: Napalm Slate

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend (and tell us what year it is).

It's 1989/90 and I was and always will be a purist to the mix tape. I'm also pretty predictable.
1. Should I stay or should I go - The Clash
2. You are everything -REM
3. In your eyes - Peter Gabriel

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? I'd like to just say Gary Oldman, but if I have to pick: Drexl Spivey, with a campaign slogan like "He must have thought it was white boy day. It ain't white boy day, is it? He has to win.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Sniffles the Mouse. If mice actually made beds out of sardine cans and tables out of spools of thread, I wouldn't have any problem if they were in my house.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I'd want to be able to bend space and time by manipulating the space-time continuum. It's not cool, but Hiro is my favorite.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? "I will be compensated" an epic tale that tries to answer the age old question: Can ambition beat all?

Louisville Luminaries Week returns tomorrow with the incomparable Brandon Jones of Holy Muckle and Follow the Train.

The LP Questionnaire - Jeffrey Lee Puckett of The Courier-Journal

Man about town Jeffrey Lee Puckett is well known as the Pop Music Critic for The Courier-Journal. I first met him in Portland, Oregon and then didn't see him again for five years. Isn't fate funny!

I can't say I know Jeffrey too well, but he is revered amongst all my homies as a sweet man and good friend.

Should you have any music related questions, he has an "Ask JLP" feature on The C-J website.

Please enjoy his responses to The LP Questionnaire.

Name: Jeffrey Lee Puckett
Pro Wrestling Name: Brooklyn Giant. My borough is indeed oversized.

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend (and tell us what year it is). 1975. "Thunder Road," Bruce Springsteen. "Take It To the Limit," The Eagles. "Stranglehold," Ted Nugent.

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Dr. Doom. The Jack Kirby comic book version, not the movie version.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Quick Draw McGraw (aka El
Kabong). He was a sheriff horse who fought crime as El Kabong, using his guitar as a weapon. I guess Ozzy would be a close second.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Just one isn't fair. Flight. No, wait. Super-strength. No, wait. Invulnerable. Yeah, invulnerable. I'd rock that shit.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Plus One

Louisville Luminaries Week continues in earnest tomorrow with fabulous photographer Chris Higdon.

The LP Questionnaire - Tom Nord of Velocity

Louisville Luminaries Week begins with none other than Velocity Editor Tom Nord.

I met Tom (whose picture is rather disturbing, no?) through our friend Paula Yoo. It turned out we had lots of mutual pals and he's become one of my favorite Louisville people. He's thoughtful, smart and I really enjoy our discussions on all manner of topics.

In addition to his Velocity duties, Mr. N also wrote this funny piece for Cracked about "Popular NASCAR Drivers and Their Parallels in French New Wave Cinema".

Please enjoy your Nord and Savior's take on The LP Questionnaire:

Name: Tom Nord
Pro Wrestling Name: Whip Lasher

1. Pretend it's 1985. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your
girlfriend. "Sixteen Blue," The Replacements; "(Don't Go Back to) Rockville," R.E.M.; "Can't Explain," The Who. Because in 1985, if you weren't into the Who, R.E.M. and the Replacements, you were no friend of mine.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? Lex Luthor. He was evil, but he was also somewhat competent. If I am going to hire an evil genius, I want one who can keep the trains running on time. If Lex were in charge of FEMA, for example, things would have been a lot different after Hurricane Katrina. On the other hand, the hurricane probably would have been the result of his evil weather machine. So I guess this is a trickier question than I thought...

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Speed Racer. This was Japanime before anyone used that term. It was badly animated and full of really stupid scenarios, like an auto race through an active volcano. What 10-year-old wouldn't dig that?

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Invisibility. This isn't really a "power," per se, but I don't want to take over the world. I just want to be able to do my own thing and be left alone. I could sneak into movies, concerts and sporting events, and I could pretty much shoplift whatever I want to eat. I could sneak onto planes and fly anywhere for free. Seriously -- I've really thought this thing through.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Advantage: Nord!

Up next: The Courier-Journal's Jeffrey Lee Puckett.

Boy on a Stick and Slither

You can see more here. Thanks to Pat Rock for sending me to this strip.

Also, here's Mai Tien's link of the day: Buddha throwin' goats. Who knew The Enlightened One enjoyed some heavy metal?

Louisville Luminaries Week has begun! Tom Nord and Jeffrey Lee Puckett up soon!

Still half-asleep,
Ms. P

Desperately Seeking Housewives, Serial Killers and Current Events

I've come back to a brand new Democratic Kentucky. So much has changed since I left for Texas and it's great to be home. I hardly recognize the place.

After spending a week in Austin listening to and engaging in various office snarkathons and having a friend wonder how we get any work done, considering, I realize that all my complaining doesn't really accomplish much and it's probably making me fat as I'm four pounds heavier than when I left. So I vow to only bitch about people I don't know from now on...

People like the wenches of Wisteria Lane. I'm watching Mike Delfino pop pills as a way of coping with life with Teri Hatcher's self-involved nitwit Susan on Desperate Housewives. I hear ya, brother. I'd turn to drugs, too, or possibly end up like Bob Johnson from Robert B. Parker's Spare Change or Rusty Coombs in James Patterson's 2nd Chance, both of which I've read since I last posted. How I've missed serial killers. Fictional ones, anyway.

I've been enjoying The Women's Murder Club novels and find Patterson's willingness to kill major characters interesting. Tear inducing and manipulative, but interesting.

Back to the real world...

German Chancellor Angela Merkel spent time at Bush's Crawford, TX ranch this week. The President acted like a new girlfriend was coming to visit and said, "We'll do anything she wants,'' Bush says. "If she wants to go for a hike, I'll go for a hike.'' I wonder if he'll give her another little massage, too. However, of all the things she wants, I kind of doubt that's one of them.

Meanwhile, Bush 41 parachuted into the reopening of his Presidential Library. He's 83. I sorta hate that I'm impressed.

Last night's Jefferson-Jackson Day Dinner in Iowa had the Democratic candidates focusing all their energies into the all important first caucus state. Part of me respects the Iowa Caucus and part of me remembers that Pat Robertson came in second in 1988.

Speaking of conservative patsies, Pat Buchanan just cracks me up. He mistakenly thought John McLaughlin asked him if Bush's problem was "edible" and not "oedipal" when talking about the Iraq war. Buchanan's always laughing, which makes him endearing. And me crazy.

Mitt Romney called Adam and Eve "promiscuous." We are in for a world of repression if this guy wins. Oh wait, that's the world we live in now!

And finally, in sports news, Justine Henin beat Maria Sharapova at the WTA Tour Sony Ericsson Championships, ending her spectacular tennis year on a high note.

Can anyone tell me why on earth K-Swiss hired Anna Kournikova to hawk their brand? I'm guessing you're not actually meant to play tennis while wearing them.

I'll spare you from discussing Skate Canada, but it's tempting!

The LP Questionnaire returns tomorrow with Velocity's own Tom Nord and The Courier-Journal's Jeffrey Lee Puckett.

Nighty night,
Ms. P

Kitty Cat

I just have to share this with you. You have to look. I mean, I laugh every time I see it but in that disgusted OH MY GOD sort of way. One person commented that the guy's belly button looks like the Virgin Mary. Perhaps that's the real story here. People will come from all over to worship.

The Mish Mash might be my new favorite site as they also posted a list of strange but real street names (I think PeePee Falls St is the most amusing but want to live on Shades of Death Rd) and strange but funny headstones. I see dumb people! Ha!

I'm sorry I wasted a whole post on this. I watched Dog the Bounty Hunter on Larry King Live earlier. It's been that kind of day.

Don't forget, Louisville Luminaries with The LP Questionnaire all next week! Tom Nord! Jeffrey Lee Puckett! Chris Higdon! Brandon Jones! Will Russell! Wax Fang!

The Incredible Hulk is looking at me,
Ms. P

Why is David Schwimmer on 30 Rock? and Other Discombobulated Musings

Re: David Schwimmer, I don't have an answer for that one. At least it's not Matt LeBlanc. This episode reminds me of an acid trip. Am I allowed to say that?

Ugly Betty's really been messing my, err, stuff up this season. Gah! Several tears have been shed and we're only a month and a half in. I am a sentimental fool, though, this much is true. It was an action packed ep and I hate to confess this, but I'm not sure how I feel about Betty and Henry together. It'a a bummer that she has more chemistry with Freddy Rodriguez.

My friend Kevin ruined my evening by sending me to WikiHow. Featured tonight: How to French Kiss. Can you believe this??!! Those pictures! My eyes! There's also How to Enjoy Comic Books. AND THEY ARE NOT KIDDING. What is our society coming to if we have to read a guide on how to smooch and read a picture book?!!! I'm going to get some angry comic geeks now. Tom is going to be po'ed. Err, changing the subject...

Okay, if I hear this "Music is my boyfriend" song one more freaking time I'm going to shoot the TV. Like my thing about Jerry Seinfeld and the dart board, I don't have a gun. But I will go buy one. I love that Apple is bringing different kinds of music to the masses, I just wish all the money I give them wasn't going into forcing me to hear it every five seconds.

I don't know what to make of this (thanks Riny)... but it does raise some questions about what is the truth? Is there such a thing? Do you believe in absolute truths? I don't. Does that make me a genius or an idiot?

Moving on... did the Russians poison Tommy Haas? The Sex Pistols are doing a comeback tour - and do you care? No? Me, either. Mickey Rourke got a DUI while driving a Vespa. The founder of The Weather Channel calls Global Warming a scam. I just saw the coolest boots ever on Oprah but they're Stuart Weitzman, cost $525 and my Korean calves would never fit into them. Drat.

Okay, I'm veering into "let me tell you what I had for breakfast" territory so it's time to head out.

Sting when you're winning,
Ms. P

Leading with a Condom with Teeth - Tasteless Joke Edition

Today's Google Reader has produced these results:

The only way I could sort out incorporating these two stories was to make this icky joke: I guess you can wear Aqua Dots so long as you have one of these. I just can't figure out how it would work. I mean, do you have to wear it all the time just in case? That doesn't seem too comfortable. It's an interesting idea, though.

This story broke my heart then pissed me off. Or maybe it pissed me off then broke my heart. Either way I'm mad and sad. African kids are not accessories like dolls for your daughter to play with, nor are they dogs who are going to give you unconditional affection, you stupid cow. I have my own conflicted thoughts about adoption from my experiences growing up, but this is just ridiculous. I'm relieved for poor "Zahina" that she doesn't have to spend the rest of her years with this narcissistic idiot for a mother.

Britney Spears' lawyer, Anne Kiley, must have graduated from Moron County Community College. Brit is back in court because she can't seem to make her random drug testing appointments. Kiley actually defended this saying Spears doesn't wake up at 8 am and when Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon mentioned that he wakes at 7.30 every morning, her (possibly on) crack attorney interrupted, "You're not a pop star with a No. 1 album." Way to make an argument. I wondered recently how it's possible this girl has no one around her to tell her what's what. Now I get it. Sort of. Low IQ must work like a magnet or something. Is any of this even about her poor kids?

Moving away from the Mother of the Year department, some crazy priest has been jailed for stalking Conan O'Brien. I don't have to give you the one liner about how isn't Conan a little old for a priest, do I?

More things are going on in the world, but I need to get back to work.

One last thing... Mai Tien's link of the day: The Anthropic Principle. I told M I think I subscribe more to misanthropic reasoning but this is interesting.

Toodles,
Ms. P

America's Next Top Video Ho

Without further ado, let's get down to the nitty gritty... America's Next Top Model spoilers - consider yourself warned.

Last week Ambreal got a reprieve... will she make it through another elimination? I don't care but let's see...

l thought they'd cut the bitch off Bianca along with all her nasty hair, but apparently not as the fangs came back out this week.

Chantal, as Maisy said, thinks she's all that. If vacant blondes are all that then yes, she is.

Tyra teaches the girls to slide down the wall like some sort of wormy sluts and crawl across the floor like they're Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks. This just seems wrong.

Heather (Indiana Asbergers), one of the most beautiful models on the show, looks incredibly... strange sometimes. Kind of like when you see girls in Playboy and they look possibly attractive but then you see the promotional videos and what they really look like is something rather different. But Heather changes like this from scene to scene. Bit spooky.

They're all excited about meeting Enrique Iglesias. But not as excited as they were for Tyson Beckford. Lisa (the exotic dancer) and Heather win featured roles in Enrique's video (where the girls all portray nightclub vampires or something silly like that). Lisa looks like a poodle died on her head and Bianca's turning an ugly shade of green. I wonder what it's like to be that ungracious.

Cover Girl Commercial Break: Jaslene has a billboard in Times Square. Great. Can't wait to see that when I'm there in a couple weeks. Maybe I can climb up and draw a big mustache on her

Sarah, the plus size chick who's hardly plus sized keeps whining about being... plus size. She's cute, but it's annoying.

Heather is chosen for this season's "girl who collapses" moment. Nothing's ever going to beat Rebecca from Cycle 4, though, who fainted during judging. That might sound cold, but if you'd watched five cycles of this show in the last two months or so, you'd understand.

Critique time (for their performance in Enrique's vid):

Lisa gets raves for wrapping her leg around Enrique.

Tyra paints Ambreal with the hoochie brush.

Tootie (Saleisha) has great cheekbones and they harped on Sara's weight loss once again.

Jenah smiled which is apparently bad because vampires don't smile. Everybody loves Heather. This will be the new companion show to Everybody Hates Chris.

Chantal looks like a moron and Tyra pretty much tells her so.

Bianca's making smoochie faces at the camera. I see now. It wasn't the bitch part of her that got lopped off with the hair. It was the brain.

Decision time... sayonara Sarah. She's heartbroken and it's pretty sad but then they showed the clip of her pulling a large strand of paper out of her nose. Uh...

Now I'm being tortured by Enrique. Time to watch Joe Mantegna get chewy on Criminal Minds and go to sleep.

Or maybe I'll watch Frontline so the dulcet tones of Will Lyman can lull me into slumber.

Tchuss!
Ms. P

Corrosion of Conformity

I had the most fascinating conversation this morning with my old friend Mai Tien (who was sober at the time so I can discuss our discussion). I used to have a lot of erudite Euromen friends. I miss them.

Here are two things he told me about: The Milgram Experiment and The Asch Conformity Experiments. Apparently, we are lemmings who will lie and do horrible things to fit in. Pretty interesting. Not so surprising. Yes, a bit sad.

I am in the midst of the mother of all food comas at the moment so I will keep this short. I'm amazed my body is still vertical.

Pat Robertson endorsed Rudy Giuliani this morning. The crazy leading the mean. Good times. Way for RG to sell out his beliefs to the 700 Club. Barf.

Here are two good KY politics sites that I enjoy: The Bluegrass Report and Page One.

My evil friend Leslie is trying to convince me to watch The Hills. Someone please make her stop. This is the pal who got me hooked on America's Next Top Model, which is worse than crack! Speaking of ANTM, I'll be back tonight with a recap. Hee.

Zzzzz,
Ms. P

ps. To the person in Whitehouse, TX who just googled "Linda Park haveing sex" and hit my blog. It's having, you moron!

The LP Questionnaire - Roland Swenson of SXSW

Roland Swenson, Managing Director of South by Southwest, presides over three successful events that take place every March in Austin, Texas. SXSW Week consists of Film, Interactive and one of the largest (and most enduring) Music Conferences and Festivals in the world.

Over 1000 up and coming and established artists perform in venues around the city. Four days of panels feature notable keynote speakers including past luminaries Neil Young, Robert Plant, and Pete Townshend.

Before I start sounding like an ad for SXSW, let's go down memory lane 17 years when Mr. Swenson and I shared an office in the old Austin Chronicle building on 28th St. I don't think I ever imagined then that he would be one of the most enduring figures in my life. Considering that we sat in silence most mornings, I doubt I thought we'd ever engage in conversation.

However, even though the Ro is still my boss man, he's become a good friend. We talk TV and I enjoy feeding his daughter Christiane's panda affection. I respect him to the point where I'm even being a dutiful employee and writing this before I go to work.

So, without further ado, RS and The LP Questionnaire...

Name: Roland Swenson
Pro Wrestling Name: Apparently mine would be Dash Zombie

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend (and tell us what year it is).
1971

1. We Can Work It Out - The Beatles
2. Cherish - The Association
3. Time in a Bottle - Jim Croce

Love them minor chords.

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Montgomery Burns

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Top Cat

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Flight. No more Heathrow, Charles DeGaulle, JFK.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Nothing Can Fall in Your Lap If You Aren't Sitting Down

One Last Glimpse Into the Night

Will Dr. Christian Troy ever get over his thing for three-ways? Is that a stupid question?

Nip/Tuck Spoilers... Julia is a lesbian and is now sharing Ellen's girlfriend. Christian gets naked (again - enough with his ass already). Sean seems weird and uncomfortable as a sex symbol. Two Marilyn Monroes get boob jobs. I feel kind of gross.

But I'm really throwing in this last post of the night to say congrats to the new team - Steve Beshear and Dr. Dan (because I know they totally read my blog, right?!).

It's a new day for Kentucky. Now if only we could put McConnell and Bunning out to pasture.

Lou Dobbs is on Larry King Live. Isn't that kind of stupid to have a CNN host as a guest on a CNN show? Lou has sparkly eyes and looks like a cartoon character.

It's balderdash!
Ms. P

Damn You, James Patterson!

I've been watching Women's Murder Club and kind of enjoying it so I decided to read one of the books. I just finished 1st to Die and I kind of enjoyed it (a theme, you'll notice), but oooh, my little foot is stomping in anger at that ending! *Spoiler Alert, but the book came out five years ago so whatever.* I enjoyed the triple twist, but James, WHY DID YOU KILL CHRIS?! I'm assuming Lindsay goes back to partnering with Jacobi even though if he hadn't left his post (after she pleaded with him to stay there) her boyfriend/future second husband might still be alive. I was baffled that he was comforting her at the funeral because I would have been punching him in the face. Humf. Super humf. But I guess a happily married heroine doesn't make for fine drama. I get that. One other thing that bothered me about the book was how lovey dovey the women were. I have oodles of affection for my girlfriends, but I don't think I'm ruminating about how pretty and wonderful they are every five minutes. Also, I don't know any women in their mid-30s (which I'm assuming is Boxer's age range) who use the word "slacks". Not even back in 2002.

Okay, rant over. I promised newsiness...

Apparently it was a big conspiracy by Barack Obama supporters that kept Stephen Colbert off the Democratic ticket in South Carolina. Really, Barack supporters? Was he that much of a threat?

Rush Limbaugh went after another child today. Or, rather, he attempted to exploit the kid by calling out the Democrats who he said were... exploiting the kid. I try not to wish ill on anyone and frankly, Limbaugh is a waste of time, breath, energy, and words, but if he vanished tomorrow I might not be sad. Ditto Ann "The Man" Coulter. Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity may continue to exist. I guess. See, I'm not all bad. Wait. Maybe not Sean Hannity. Gee, this is a tough one.

Here's a handy list of TV shows that might be affected by the WGA strike. I have friends who are out there picketing so all I have to say is "Power to the People!!" Or something inspirational like that. I don't know much about protesting but did come up with some useful slogans for a friend of mine who one day dreams of picketing Heather "Only God Could Orchestrate Me Being Miss America" French Henry.

The initial numbers are in on the Radiohead In Rainbows experiment. I'm actually a little surprised that only 38% of people paid for the record. However, it was pointed out to me at lunch today that even with those numbers they'll still probably make more than what they would with a major label so I guess that's the real bummer. I think my hope is that this potential sales model would make the labels realize that the system, which has been going down in flames for the last several years, needs to rise from the ashes in a new way that benefits everyone a little more. Pie meet sky, right?

Lastly, apparently the Ten Commandments have been posted in the Capitol Rotunda. Please tell me we have a new gov. However, the last laugh will probably be on me as watch, Beshear will keep the display up, even though we know from those wonderful commercials that he worked hard to keep them out of the schools!

They've found another planet,
Ms. P

ps. I just turned on House and oh boy! The opening song is "One Big Holiday"! I knew they were using it but didn't realize it would air so soon. Does this mean I can meet Hugh Laurie? And steal his fork? My Morning Jacket and House. Neato!

Mind: Blown

Please look at this.

Thanks, Adrienne, for making my head hurt.

However, I guess this means I am ultra capable since I saw her going both ways.

I'm sure that's not what it means, but I'll pretend. I bet what it really means is that I'm constantly at war with myself which is probably closer to the truth!

Back tonight with newsiness. Must keep up this appearance of working. Haw haw.

The LP Questionnaire returns tomorrow with SXSW's very own Roland Swenson.

Until next time, warriors!
Ms. P

ps. If you want to read about tacos, my pal Justin "Judge Nickels" Bankston has a new blog with fellow SXSW compatriot, Jarod Neece. Ooooh, they make tacos fun. And I don't have to tell you they're the only ones.

The Kentucky Governor Race

just got... uh... interesting. Funny, I didn't know there was a Homosexual Lobby!

I must confess that I am a total moron and forgot to register to vote absentee.

Sigh. This from the lady who talks politics all the time. Now I'm part of the problem, not part of the solution!

In any case, Go Beshear and Dr. Dan! I don't care if you look like Emperor Palapatine and Dr Dan looks like one of Saddam Hussein's sons!

Although, frankly, as evidenced by the last link (as well as the first), Kentucky politics (like most) is pretty embarrassing. Maybe I'm relieved I can't vote.

Mush mushi,
Ms. P

ps. Happy Guy Fawkes Day!

100th Post - Lunchie Nonsense Edition

Ladies and gentlemen, it's my 100th Velocity post!! Cue cheering and general mayhem. Okay, maybe not.

Here I am in Austin sitting at a desk... in an office... once again. The fall ritual that is SXSW. I've decorated my wall with Luke Chueh printouts, photos of my toy gorilla and a card with two teddy bears hugging that says, "Friendships are a hug from God". Ain't that the truth?! The Incredible Hulk, The Human Torch and the smokin' Labbit watch over me. It's quite peaceful in my new space, actually.

Apologies to Eve and Erin for taking Lewis Black down. I enjoy LB (both of them, actually) and everything, but staring at angry white dude all day didn't seem very feng shui. And thanks Melissa, for trading chairs with me. Being short isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

I feel like I should write something profound but I'm beginning to feel ill from my Tofu Kung Pao from Central Market. I hope I haven't been poisoned, that would be a drag. Maybe tonight but then it will be my 101st post, and therefore not nearly as special.

So I'll leave you with two spectacularly interesting thoughts:

1. How dreamy was Brian Williams on SNL? They should let him host every week. He needs a new makeup person, though. Lining the insides of the rims of your eyes with white pencil to make them look brighter only works for women, I think. I spent half the show trying to figure out why he didn't look like his usual babe self.

2. Part of the Universe is missing. Again. They should make a sci-fi flick about this. Or a romantic comedy.

From the desk of the absurd,
Ms. P

Kanye West is the Sophie Kinsella of Hip Hop

I only have time for a quick one today, but I was driving home from breakfast (Toast was ok, not great, but I'm willing to give another try) and a post appeared in my head. I was listening to one of my new favorite songs, Timbaland's "The Way I Are" and though I don't listen to much hip hop at all (is that even hip hop? It sounds like dance/pop to me, but what do I know?), I'm always amused by the name checks in the songs. Recent examples inlcude OK Go and their treadmill video (Common), American Express (Timbaland) and Isotoner (Kanye West). Kanye drops designer names so often I feel like his songs are the rap version of the Shopaholic series. Maybe he can collaborate with Sophie Kinsella on her next installment. They can call it Shopaholic Goes to the MTV Awards.

Alright, time to pack too many things.

More from Austin,
Ms. P

ps. The pic is of Takashi Murakami's 2003 exhibit in Rockefeller Plaza. Kanye and I both heart him.

They tried to make her go to Rehab, but she said "No, I'll go do SNL with The Rock instead"

I'm watching Saturday Night Live with my (I wish) pal Brian Williams. Barack Obama made a surprise appearance but the real surprise is that Amy Winehouse is performing next week. They're letting her in the country after they denied Lily Allen a visa? Interesting.

Speaking of girlish singers, tonight's musical guest is Feist, who is now torturing me with her ubiquitous hit "1, 2, 3, 4". I think I mentioned before how I probably would have loved this song were it not for the fact that I was subjected to it every five minutes for a month straight. It always annoys me when musicians take the opportunity to completely overdo television appearances by inviting a cast of thousands to join them onstage in one capacity or another. I'm having icky flashbacks to Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" video as her black-masked backup singers 'badap-ba-da-da" all over my TV. I feel sorry for, but am proud of that middle banjo player who said, "Screw this mask thing. They'll see me for who I really am!" Feist isn't bad but she's no Regina Spektor.

I was going to write about watching Galaxy Quest but now it's over and just a "nice memory" as Roger Federer likes to call "yesterday". However, as I recall the movie flopped and I don't really understand why. It had a great cast - a tolerable Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Tony Shaloub, Alan Rickman, Sam Rockwell, Enrico Colantoni (I miss you Keith Mars!) and Jed Rees, who was one of three good things about Elizabethtown with his hilarious portrayal of Chuck "Lovin' Life 24/7" Hasboro (the other two being Paula Dean and Paul Schneider). It was funny. And it featured Justin Long in his first nerd role (I think, but am too tired to look it up).

Other things I feel like mentioning:

Jerry Crasnick at ESPN dug up a funny/strange George Bush quote regarding his lone vote against realignment and a new wild-card system in baseball back when he was the owner of the Texas Rangers (shout out to Sparky Lyle, yo!)...

Said 43: "I made my arguments and went down in flames. History will prove me right."

Is that eerie or what?! History is proving something, I'll say that much.

In other presidential news, Dick Cheney's not having a great time of it lately as he 1) fell asleep during a briefing about the California fires 2) went hunting with racists and 3) mistakenly called Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez the President of Peru. He did dress his dog up as Darth Vader for Halloween, though, and I kind of want to give him points for that.

There was a funny video mashup on, believe it or not, The McLaughlin Group of all the candidates ganging up on Hillary Clinton at the debate this week. I ask you, ladies, what do you think of The Politics of Pile On when it's directed towards a woman? Any differently? I do, but I feel kind of lame about it because she could probably kick their behinds.

Judge Roy Pearson, of the beyond frivolous $54 million missing pants lawsuit, has now lost not only his pants and his stupid lawsuit but his job, too. I'm torn on tort reform. I think there's a need, as evidenced by this, but fear that the real beneficiaries of it won't be small business owners like the Chungs but huge corporations who won't have to pay out the big bucks when they really muck things up.

The Gap is going "Sweatshop Free" after reports surfaced that a subcontractor in India had 1o-year olds making their clothes. I'm relieved about this as I don't really shop anywhere else besides H&M. Also, this could mark a new generation of reform in overseas child labor laws and wouldn't that be great? Let's hope it's real and not PR.

Senator Larry Craig's Administrative Director, Pat Olsen, kept the train of mockery going full steam this week when she sent out an email about a lost watch they found in the men's bathroom. Did she really not know how that one would play out? Ugh. I almost feel sorry for them at this point.

Okay, must go to sleep before 5 am as I'm having breakfast at Toast on Market tomorrow morning! Then I'm off to Austin for a week of work as planning for South by Southwest begins in earnest. I'm looking forward to seeing all my Texas friends and, err, you know, looking forward to :cough: working... too.

My boss reads this so I probably look like a total jerk now. Heh heh.

Lights out, uh huh
Ms. P

ps. Don't forget to turn your clocks back at 2! Or in the morning. If you turn your clock back at 2, when the change happens, do you go back in time? What happens to the time-space continuum??!!!! Nothing, you say? Oh. Drat.