America's Next Top Blah-del

Is it terrible that I'm starting not to care about the girls of ANTM or is it a sign of my liberation from the tyranny of Tyra?

Tonight's episode was all about Heather! Heather bitching about her lovely dress, Heather stripping down and freaking out on Saleisha in the shower, Heather crying, Heather taking a shot that looks like she's on a toilet (but I thought her face looked cool, pose aside)...

Bianca, the snotty brat who can barely speak English, is seen laughing at Heather's humiliating critique after the runway challenge. As tacky as that seems, B telling H to get thicker skin... I agree with that. The fashion world is hardly known for being nice and if she wants to be a model she better get used to that sad little fact.

ANTM's manufactured reality is starting to get on my nerves (which makes my manufactured outrage pathetic). I might have od'ed watching all those marathons.

It's bye bye Ambreal as the girls are off to China. I have to say I'm liking Jenah. And why is Chantal so dumb? Way to be a stereotype.

Some non-ANTM-related thoughts:

I just finished 3rd Degree, the third Women's Murder Club novel, by James Patterson. This is a book so disposable I had to look up the title (even though I finished it not five hours ago). These books are like crack and, like all addictive drugs, the usual dosage just isn't cutting it anymore. Jill's murder, though shocking, barely made a dent in my brain. This is partly due to the fact that I refused to believe she was actually dead until the end of the book.

Here are two things that bothered me, though:
1. Patterson has Lt. Lindsay Boxer wearing a fanny pack. How on earth is she supposed to retain her dignity and save innocent victims while wearing a fanny pack??!! First the slacks, now this. Sigh.

2. 3rd Degree was written in this century. This means internet search engines and instant information are at anyone's fingertips (anyone meaning the SFPD, in this case). However, it took 229 pages before Boxer found out who August Spies (the name the terrorists were using - yes, it was about terrorism. Sort of ) was. I understand for drama's sake an author needs to reveal things at a certain pace or from a certain character, but come on... the cops just end up looking kind of dumb, right? Am I being too picky? I feel like I'm deconstructing a Jackie Collins novel or something.

Matt Damon has been named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. I like Herr Damon and all, but really? Insert "______ wasn't available?" joke here.

For the men who read my blog (or the women who read my blog and know men), here are Giorgio Armani's 21 rules for achieving style and success. I think my favorite is #5: If you play sports intensively you will develop muscles in unusual places. Then you may have to consider bespoke tailoring. That's so amusing it doesn't even need a joke. I love Armani, though, which would probably embarrass him.

Project Runway starts tonight! Oh boy! You'll hear about episode one tomorrow, dahlings!

I'm mouth agape at the embarrassment that is the "Freebird" Guitar Hero scene in Gossip Girl. Serena twirling around while Dan lip-synchs? Yick. I thought MMJ doing Skynyrd in Elizabethtown was scary enough. However, the bar has been lowered so far now no one will be able to limbo under it.

Dinner time,
Ms. P

Desperately Seeking Housewives, Serial Killers and Current Events

I've come back to a brand new Democratic Kentucky. So much has changed since I left for Texas and it's great to be home. I hardly recognize the place.

After spending a week in Austin listening to and engaging in various office snarkathons and having a friend wonder how we get any work done, considering, I realize that all my complaining doesn't really accomplish much and it's probably making me fat as I'm four pounds heavier than when I left. So I vow to only bitch about people I don't know from now on...

People like the wenches of Wisteria Lane. I'm watching Mike Delfino pop pills as a way of coping with life with Teri Hatcher's self-involved nitwit Susan on Desperate Housewives. I hear ya, brother. I'd turn to drugs, too, or possibly end up like Bob Johnson from Robert B. Parker's Spare Change or Rusty Coombs in James Patterson's 2nd Chance, both of which I've read since I last posted. How I've missed serial killers. Fictional ones, anyway.

I've been enjoying The Women's Murder Club novels and find Patterson's willingness to kill major characters interesting. Tear inducing and manipulative, but interesting.

Back to the real world...

German Chancellor Angela Merkel spent time at Bush's Crawford, TX ranch this week. The President acted like a new girlfriend was coming to visit and said, "We'll do anything she wants,'' Bush says. "If she wants to go for a hike, I'll go for a hike.'' I wonder if he'll give her another little massage, too. However, of all the things she wants, I kind of doubt that's one of them.

Meanwhile, Bush 41 parachuted into the reopening of his Presidential Library. He's 83. I sorta hate that I'm impressed.

Last night's Jefferson-Jackson Day Dinner in Iowa had the Democratic candidates focusing all their energies into the all important first caucus state. Part of me respects the Iowa Caucus and part of me remembers that Pat Robertson came in second in 1988.

Speaking of conservative patsies, Pat Buchanan just cracks me up. He mistakenly thought John McLaughlin asked him if Bush's problem was "edible" and not "oedipal" when talking about the Iraq war. Buchanan's always laughing, which makes him endearing. And me crazy.

Mitt Romney called Adam and Eve "promiscuous." We are in for a world of repression if this guy wins. Oh wait, that's the world we live in now!

And finally, in sports news, Justine Henin beat Maria Sharapova at the WTA Tour Sony Ericsson Championships, ending her spectacular tennis year on a high note.

Can anyone tell me why on earth K-Swiss hired Anna Kournikova to hawk their brand? I'm guessing you're not actually meant to play tennis while wearing them.

I'll spare you from discussing Skate Canada, but it's tempting!

The LP Questionnaire returns tomorrow with Velocity's own Tom Nord and The Courier-Journal's Jeffrey Lee Puckett.

Nighty night,
Ms. P

Damn You, James Patterson!

I've been watching Women's Murder Club and kind of enjoying it so I decided to read one of the books. I just finished 1st to Die and I kind of enjoyed it (a theme, you'll notice), but oooh, my little foot is stomping in anger at that ending! *Spoiler Alert, but the book came out five years ago so whatever.* I enjoyed the triple twist, but James, WHY DID YOU KILL CHRIS?! I'm assuming Lindsay goes back to partnering with Jacobi even though if he hadn't left his post (after she pleaded with him to stay there) her boyfriend/future second husband might still be alive. I was baffled that he was comforting her at the funeral because I would have been punching him in the face. Humf. Super humf. But I guess a happily married heroine doesn't make for fine drama. I get that. One other thing that bothered me about the book was how lovey dovey the women were. I have oodles of affection for my girlfriends, but I don't think I'm ruminating about how pretty and wonderful they are every five minutes. Also, I don't know any women in their mid-30s (which I'm assuming is Boxer's age range) who use the word "slacks". Not even back in 2002.

Okay, rant over. I promised newsiness...

Apparently it was a big conspiracy by Barack Obama supporters that kept Stephen Colbert off the Democratic ticket in South Carolina. Really, Barack supporters? Was he that much of a threat?

Rush Limbaugh went after another child today. Or, rather, he attempted to exploit the kid by calling out the Democrats who he said were... exploiting the kid. I try not to wish ill on anyone and frankly, Limbaugh is a waste of time, breath, energy, and words, but if he vanished tomorrow I might not be sad. Ditto Ann "The Man" Coulter. Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity may continue to exist. I guess. See, I'm not all bad. Wait. Maybe not Sean Hannity. Gee, this is a tough one.

Here's a handy list of TV shows that might be affected by the WGA strike. I have friends who are out there picketing so all I have to say is "Power to the People!!" Or something inspirational like that. I don't know much about protesting but did come up with some useful slogans for a friend of mine who one day dreams of picketing Heather "Only God Could Orchestrate Me Being Miss America" French Henry.

The initial numbers are in on the Radiohead In Rainbows experiment. I'm actually a little surprised that only 38% of people paid for the record. However, it was pointed out to me at lunch today that even with those numbers they'll still probably make more than what they would with a major label so I guess that's the real bummer. I think my hope is that this potential sales model would make the labels realize that the system, which has been going down in flames for the last several years, needs to rise from the ashes in a new way that benefits everyone a little more. Pie meet sky, right?

Lastly, apparently the Ten Commandments have been posted in the Capitol Rotunda. Please tell me we have a new gov. However, the last laugh will probably be on me as watch, Beshear will keep the display up, even though we know from those wonderful commercials that he worked hard to keep them out of the schools!

They've found another planet,
Ms. P

ps. I just turned on House and oh boy! The opening song is "One Big Holiday"! I knew they were using it but didn't realize it would air so soon. Does this mean I can meet Hugh Laurie? And steal his fork? My Morning Jacket and House. Neato!