Oh God... here we go again. Why do I do this to myself? To you? I'm turning 40 in two weeks... I may use that as an excuse to stop doing this, but... you know... probably not.
I'm becoming kinda like John McEnroe when he interviews the French Open winners. You know how he always manages to bring up how he never won? Yes, I'm like that with the 40 thing. I CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.
Oh oops, it's starting...
Part I
9.00 pm - R-Patz really did cut all his hair off. The reports are true, ladies.
9.01 pm - Is Tom Cruise really relevant to the youth market?
9.01 pm - Oh, I guess he is when paired with R-Patz and Taylor Lautner.
9.02 pm - And Michael Cera.
9.02 pm - and Jaden Smith.
9.04 pm - "I don't understand why they're doing jokes on a movie that came out two years ago." - Tom. Also, Tom thinks Aziz is pronounced, "As-Is." Also also, Tom started a Formspring thing, too. Now you can ask him anything. I wonder if he will regret this someday. Then again, so far no one's asked him anything so maybe not.
9.07 pm - From lampooning Precious (wha?) to Justin Bieber. Go ahead and kill me now, please.
9.12 pm - Oh awesome, it's Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, and David Spade. Another youth market push, I see. They present Best Female Performance to Kristen Stewart for New Moon. The homicidal rage is building. I want to win awards for being catatonic for two hours. I like how I'm getting pissy about something that doesn't matter in the slightest. That is just excellent. People are starving and I'm getting stroppy about K-Stew beating Sandra Bullock.
9.19 pm - Tom is not impressed with J-Woww's boobs. This is one of many reasons why I like him.
9.21 pm - It sounded like Aziz pronounced Russell Brand "Russell Bland." Diddy is dressed like one of the metal dudes from Plano East Senior High circa 1987. He, RB, and Jonah Hill are here to hype Get Him To The Greek, I mean give an award to Anna Kendrick for Breakout Star for, thank God, not New Moon but Up in the Air.
9.26 pm - Ed Helms is playing the piano and singing. Ken Jeong is wearing a tiger print leotard and doing interpretive dance. Tom Cruise is ruining things. Then again, how do you spoil that which was not fresh to begin with?
9.29 pm - Tom Cruise and J-Lo. What year is it, again? I should probably explain that Tom Cruise has been doing everything as his Les Grossman character from Tropic Thunder but that won't make it any better.
I guess I'll post now... back in 30... or 40... or never. Just kitten.
Part II
9.36 pm - Amanda Seyfried wins an award for Best Scared as Sh*t Performance for Jennifer's Body. Over Sharlto Copley in District 9. He looks disappointed. That's cool, Shar, I AM TOO, MAN.
9.41 pm - Apparently the cast of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World will be doing something soon brought to us by Orbit. I bet it will be awesome.
9.44 pm - Best Kiss goes to Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson for New Moon. The only thing I remember about that movie is R-Patz saying, "You give me everything by breathing." And I only remember that because it made me vomit.
9.48 pm - "California Girls" by Katy Perry is a summer smash? Summer hasn't even officially started yet. This song is making me lose my will to live. To be fair, there is a Katy Perry song that I actually like, but I'm not going to tell you which one it is. Too embarrassing.
9.58 pm - The lads from Human Giant try to save the day with their bit, Stunt Kidz.
9.59 pm - Betty White also tries to saves the day. For the next few minutes, anyway. She, Bradley Cooper and, inexplicably, Scarlett Johansson (standing in for her husband? Can't tell and neither can she it seems) are here to present the Generation Award to Sandra Bullock. If Betty White can't make you feel better about your husband cheating on you with a Nazi tattooed slut, who can?
10.09 pm - Oh, I get it. Scarlett Johansson is here to make out with Sandra Bullock.
10.10 pm - It's impossible not to love SB, isn't it? I wonder when how likable she is will backlash? God, I hope she never turns into Julia Roberts.
10.11 pm - The cast of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is using the F-word. A lot. Apparently there's a WTF Moment award and it goes to Ken Jeong for The Hangover. Gotta give it up for the Asian power although I can't say that scene had a lot of... ummm... power.
10.14 pm - Aziz Ansari is channeling R. Kelley which means...
It's time to publish again. See you at the end of the line.
Part III
10.17 pm - Someone please explain Eva Mendes' garment to me.
10.18 pm - The thing that is happening onstage right now is commonly referred to as a "hot mess," I believe. Is that Marky Mark up there? And Will Farrell? And The Rock? And Samuel L. Jackson? Yeah...
10.19 pm - Best Villain goes to Tom Felton for whatever the last Harry Potter movie was. he seems like a very nice boy and appears to be nothing like that dreadful Draco Malfoy.
10.25 pm - I bet the patter on this Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan and Shaun White is going to be bril. They present Biggest Badass Star to Rain. Holy cow. I am actually stunned. No one seems to know who the hell he is. Especially Paris Hilton. This is hilar.
10.31 pm - My friend PGG thought the New Moon trailer was another parody. Enough said.
10.37 pm - R-Patz wins Best Male Performance. Somewhere Taylor Lautner is weeping with his baggies of meat.
10.39 pm - "Christina Aguilera's trying to be Lady Gaga." - Tom
10.41 pm - X-tina has a light up heart on her crotch. File under things I wish I'd never seen.
10.42 pm - I now live in a world where I can say, "I liked Katy Perry better than Christina Aguilera." Unbelievable.
10.45 pm - Cutaways to Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton + Aguilera and J-Lo = relevance taking a backseat to hume city.
10.47 pm - I sent that line to PGG and she said, "Population: Us for watching." Too true and too good.
10.50 pm - It's possible that I need a swagger coach just like Zach Galifianakis. Or is that swagga coach? K-Stew and R-Patz apparently do not if their tepid applause is any indication.
10.51 pm - I suspect that Zac Efron is on his way to a divorce from reality a la Tom Cruise. Just a feeling. I hope Oprah's couch is ready.
10.51 pm - Best Comedic Performance goes to Zach Galifianakis for The Hangover. Ta'Avon, Zach's swagga coach, you know, accepts for him. Ta'Avon looks suspiciously like Aziz Ansari. Ta'Avon is funner than Aziz Ansari, though. Tonight, anyway.
10.54 pm - This is almost over. The gladness is starting to fill my soul.
10.58 pm - In the final "2005 called, it wants its awards show back" moment of the night, Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz show up to give Best Movie to... New Moon. I totally wrote that sentence before they announced it... and not because I'm psychic. Peter Facinelli accepts for the cast and says F a lot. Except to Stephenie Meyer because she's Mormon.
11.00 pm - My ellipses and I are going to bed. Goodnight.
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Live Blogging the SAG Awards - Here I Go Again On My Own
Well, the anticipation's mounting. Can't wait to hear the little celebrity anecdotes followed by that most important utterance, "And I'm an ACTOR!" I'm not sure how many years I've been watching this show but that's their schtick and I'm alternately amused and disgusted every time.
An aside before the show starts, and it carries with it an embarrassing admission but what the hey, we're all friends here, right? So, the confession is that I have a subscription to O, The Oprah Magazine. The travesty... after Conan's herald of the death of cynicism I was trying to be all upbeat today and on the cover there's a big ol' headline stating "100 Things That Are Getting Better," and well, that sure is hopeful and stuff, gotta peruse that one. Well, you know what was number one? Floral arrangements. Yeah, you heard me right. At the top of my list of "100 Things That Are Getting Worse?" O, The Oprah Magazine.
Ooops, it's 8 o'clock... let's get this party started...
Hour I
8.00 I adore Meryl Streep's dress. I do not love Sandra Bullock's. I think Marion Cotillard stole part of Drew Barrymore's Golden Globes gown.
8.02 Cannot tell if Cory Monteith is smug or embarrassed. Let's go with embarrassed because I heart Finn.
8.04 "I'm Sherri Shepherd and I'm cuckoopants." Okay, she actually said, "And I'm an actor."
8.04 Does anyone have any idea what Jeremy Irons just muttered?
8.05 Kate Hudson's backwards white jersey frock reminds me of Celine Dion's backwards white tuxedo. She and Justin Timberlake present Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Alec brought his brother Billy as his date. Steve Carell and Larry David look unamused about losing. I guess getting dissed by your peers is more of a drag than getting dissed by the Hollywood Foreign Press. A serious Baldwin gives a populist speech about unions. Maybe he is planning to run for office someday.
8.09 Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Tina Fey who ate a breadstick when they announced her name with the nominees. Fey takes a minute to tell NBC how happy they are to be there. Surprised polite laughter all around.
8.19 Jane Lynch looks smashing in royal blue, although I prefer those Adidas tracksuits. Cue endless montage about comedy that's not actually funny. How they pulled that off... well, it's a stunning achievement.
8.23 It's followed by some bland patter between Ray Romano and Kyra Sedgwick as they give Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series to (Glee, I hope, because those kids have to be funny AND sing AND dance AND make me teary eyed) woo hoo! Glee! No one can hate on Glee. Oh look, it's Principal Figgins!
8.31 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role - Film goes to Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds as Stanley Tucci watches all his hopes and dreams go down the drain. Waltz is humble and sweet and absolutely incomprehensible. He does thank the projectionists. That much I got.
8.34 This show has been way less self-congratulatory than I was expecting. I am relieved because I'm not seething but chagrined because it's making this post really rather boring. So, apologies. But blame THE ACTORS for not affording me with snarktunities. Opporsnarkity?
I think I'll publish now... because this is LIVE. BLOGGING. AT 8.36.
Hour I.II
8.38 Felicity Huffman can't read the teleprompter so Alec Baldwin reads the whole bit as they award Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series to Julianna Margulies for The Good Wife. She immediately calls the writers, "My writers," so I'm going to stop listening to her rambling because as you know, I hate that. MY MY MY! They are not your chattel, woman!
8.45 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series goes to Michael C Hall for Dexter. There's no Bill Paxton here to say, "He's playing the cancer card," upon the announcement of his name. I don't think he really did because that's just too heinous, right? And flawed though they may be, I tend not to think these ACTORS are completely horrible... unless they are Mel Gibson. Hall thanks his wife for wearing "that dress" which also looks like Celine Dion's backwards tuxedo.
8.50 Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series goes to Mad Men. I feel like the Hollywood Foreign Press voted for this shizzle and not the ACTORS. Christina Hendricks is keeping her assets under wraps tonight. Men across America are very sad. Jon Hamm is no Don Draper.
8.56 One reason to love the SAG Awards? It's only two hours long. That may be the only reason.
8.58 Oh look it's Ken Howard, president of the Screen Actors Guild. I think I saw him in a Lifetime movie with Jaclyn Smith once. It was based on a Sidney Sheldon novel called Rage of Angels. The book was better.
I think I'll publish now because THE BETTY WHITE tribute is coming up!
Hour II
9.01 It's the reason for the season!! The Life Achievement Award goes to the incomparable Betty White. I'm a longtime Golden Girls fan who used to watch the show with my grandmother in the 80s. You may wonder what 15 year old wants to watch the GGs... it was this one, for sure.
9.05 This Betty White montage is super old school and pretty rad... even covering the game show years.
9.08 I love that both White and fellow Golden Girl Rue McLanahan are both big animal rights activists.
9.10 This might be one of the longest standing ovations I've ever seen at an awards show.
9.14 Betty's killing it. KILLING IT. That woman is bawdy and awesome sauce. How can anyone not love her? This 14 minutes has made it all worthwhile.
9.20 Oh look, it's Anna Kendrick and Stanley Tucci. She's probably wondering why she always gets stuck with middle aged dudes. Well, you were in a movie with R-Patz, Anna. They present Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Drew Barrymore who's with some dude that is not Justin Long. Tom just asked, "Why don't they just have one awards show if they're going to give them to the same people?" Drew seems pretty cool but her makeup artist needs to lay off the white eyeliner.
9.24 Michelle Monaghan left one of her sleeves at home. Is it just me or might Jon Hamm have a little bit of crazy in the eyes? They give Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Kevin Bacon for Taking Chance. Tom just said, "Didn't he win the other one? There are no surprises here, Bea." Bea is our cat. Full name: Bea Arthur.
9.30 Oh boy, it's time for In Memoriam. Will I shed a tea or won't I? Ron Silver and Brittany Murphy get the same amount of applause. Interestingly, the loudest cheers were for Karl Malden. My eyes are dry.
9.39 Mo'Nique wins Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role for Precious. She is an intense lady... and I mean that in a good way.
9.43 So, who better to follow her than Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard introducing a clip from Nine? Mysteriously, it's nominated for Best Ensemble since it seemed to be universally panned.
9.50 I can't believe no one's talked about how great it is to win an award that was voted on by their peers, their fellow ACTORS. And the show's almost over! But there's still time... Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role goes to Jeff Bridges. Everyone's standing. Again. This really is like Golden Globes 2.0. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. And ah! He did it! "This means so much to be acknowledged like this by my acting family." Ho hum.
9.57 The winner for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role is... Sandra Bullock. Her husband looks real proud. Lots of people are standing. Warren Beatty's wondering if he slept with her. "I'm Sandra Bullock and I'm an ACTOR." It's pretty hard not to like Sandy, I have to admit. I even met her once. She is prettier in real life.
10.00 George Clooney is talking about sleeping with Betty White. My ears!! He gives Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture to the cast of Inglourious Basterds. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. I have no idea who most of these ACTORS are.
Is it over? It's over. Thank God no more of this til the Oscars. I'm off to watch figure skating now! True story.
An aside before the show starts, and it carries with it an embarrassing admission but what the hey, we're all friends here, right? So, the confession is that I have a subscription to O, The Oprah Magazine. The travesty... after Conan's herald of the death of cynicism I was trying to be all upbeat today and on the cover there's a big ol' headline stating "100 Things That Are Getting Better," and well, that sure is hopeful and stuff, gotta peruse that one. Well, you know what was number one? Floral arrangements. Yeah, you heard me right. At the top of my list of "100 Things That Are Getting Worse?" O, The Oprah Magazine.
Ooops, it's 8 o'clock... let's get this party started...
Hour I
8.00 I adore Meryl Streep's dress. I do not love Sandra Bullock's. I think Marion Cotillard stole part of Drew Barrymore's Golden Globes gown.
8.02 Cannot tell if Cory Monteith is smug or embarrassed. Let's go with embarrassed because I heart Finn.
8.04 "I'm Sherri Shepherd and I'm cuckoopants." Okay, she actually said, "And I'm an actor."
8.04 Does anyone have any idea what Jeremy Irons just muttered?
8.05 Kate Hudson's backwards white jersey frock reminds me of Celine Dion's backwards white tuxedo. She and Justin Timberlake present Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Alec brought his brother Billy as his date. Steve Carell and Larry David look unamused about losing. I guess getting dissed by your peers is more of a drag than getting dissed by the Hollywood Foreign Press. A serious Baldwin gives a populist speech about unions. Maybe he is planning to run for office someday.
8.09 Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series goes to Tina Fey who ate a breadstick when they announced her name with the nominees. Fey takes a minute to tell NBC how happy they are to be there. Surprised polite laughter all around.
8.19 Jane Lynch looks smashing in royal blue, although I prefer those Adidas tracksuits. Cue endless montage about comedy that's not actually funny. How they pulled that off... well, it's a stunning achievement.
8.23 It's followed by some bland patter between Ray Romano and Kyra Sedgwick as they give Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series to (Glee, I hope, because those kids have to be funny AND sing AND dance AND make me teary eyed) woo hoo! Glee! No one can hate on Glee. Oh look, it's Principal Figgins!
8.31 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role - Film goes to Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds as Stanley Tucci watches all his hopes and dreams go down the drain. Waltz is humble and sweet and absolutely incomprehensible. He does thank the projectionists. That much I got.
8.34 This show has been way less self-congratulatory than I was expecting. I am relieved because I'm not seething but chagrined because it's making this post really rather boring. So, apologies. But blame THE ACTORS for not affording me with snarktunities. Opporsnarkity?
I think I'll publish now... because this is LIVE. BLOGGING. AT 8.36.
Hour I.II
8.38 Felicity Huffman can't read the teleprompter so Alec Baldwin reads the whole bit as they award Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series to Julianna Margulies for The Good Wife. She immediately calls the writers, "My writers," so I'm going to stop listening to her rambling because as you know, I hate that. MY MY MY! They are not your chattel, woman!
8.45 Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series goes to Michael C Hall for Dexter. There's no Bill Paxton here to say, "He's playing the cancer card," upon the announcement of his name. I don't think he really did because that's just too heinous, right? And flawed though they may be, I tend not to think these ACTORS are completely horrible... unless they are Mel Gibson. Hall thanks his wife for wearing "that dress" which also looks like Celine Dion's backwards tuxedo.
8.50 Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series goes to Mad Men. I feel like the Hollywood Foreign Press voted for this shizzle and not the ACTORS. Christina Hendricks is keeping her assets under wraps tonight. Men across America are very sad. Jon Hamm is no Don Draper.
8.56 One reason to love the SAG Awards? It's only two hours long. That may be the only reason.
8.58 Oh look it's Ken Howard, president of the Screen Actors Guild. I think I saw him in a Lifetime movie with Jaclyn Smith once. It was based on a Sidney Sheldon novel called Rage of Angels. The book was better.
I think I'll publish now because THE BETTY WHITE tribute is coming up!
Hour II
9.01 It's the reason for the season!! The Life Achievement Award goes to the incomparable Betty White. I'm a longtime Golden Girls fan who used to watch the show with my grandmother in the 80s. You may wonder what 15 year old wants to watch the GGs... it was this one, for sure.
9.05 This Betty White montage is super old school and pretty rad... even covering the game show years.
9.08 I love that both White and fellow Golden Girl Rue McLanahan are both big animal rights activists.
9.10 This might be one of the longest standing ovations I've ever seen at an awards show.
9.14 Betty's killing it. KILLING IT. That woman is bawdy and awesome sauce. How can anyone not love her? This 14 minutes has made it all worthwhile.
9.20 Oh look, it's Anna Kendrick and Stanley Tucci. She's probably wondering why she always gets stuck with middle aged dudes. Well, you were in a movie with R-Patz, Anna. They present Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Drew Barrymore who's with some dude that is not Justin Long. Tom just asked, "Why don't they just have one awards show if they're going to give them to the same people?" Drew seems pretty cool but her makeup artist needs to lay off the white eyeliner.
9.24 Michelle Monaghan left one of her sleeves at home. Is it just me or might Jon Hamm have a little bit of crazy in the eyes? They give Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries to Kevin Bacon for Taking Chance. Tom just said, "Didn't he win the other one? There are no surprises here, Bea." Bea is our cat. Full name: Bea Arthur.
9.30 Oh boy, it's time for In Memoriam. Will I shed a tea or won't I? Ron Silver and Brittany Murphy get the same amount of applause. Interestingly, the loudest cheers were for Karl Malden. My eyes are dry.
9.39 Mo'Nique wins Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role for Precious. She is an intense lady... and I mean that in a good way.
9.43 So, who better to follow her than Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard introducing a clip from Nine? Mysteriously, it's nominated for Best Ensemble since it seemed to be universally panned.
9.50 I can't believe no one's talked about how great it is to win an award that was voted on by their peers, their fellow ACTORS. And the show's almost over! But there's still time... Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role goes to Jeff Bridges. Everyone's standing. Again. This really is like Golden Globes 2.0. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. And ah! He did it! "This means so much to be acknowledged like this by my acting family." Ho hum.
9.57 The winner for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role is... Sandra Bullock. Her husband looks real proud. Lots of people are standing. Warren Beatty's wondering if he slept with her. "I'm Sandra Bullock and I'm an ACTOR." It's pretty hard not to like Sandy, I have to admit. I even met her once. She is prettier in real life.
10.00 George Clooney is talking about sleeping with Betty White. My ears!! He gives Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture to the cast of Inglourious Basterds. Jeremy Renner's crying inside. I have no idea who most of these ACTORS are.
Is it over? It's over. Thank God no more of this til the Oscars. I'm off to watch figure skating now! True story.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Live Blogging the Golden Globes - The Whole Enchilada
Watching the red carpet coverage on E! Always so full of awkward... like right now with Ryan Seacrest asking Fergie and Josh Duhamel why they renewed their vows recently. Or January Jones stiffly discussing why she doesn't want to wear 60s fashions even though all the designers are doing them right now because she "doesn't want to walk around as Betty all day." I will say her dress is killer, though, and the fashions are a lot less fug this year with some notable exceptions (Diane Kruger looking like cotton candy and Jennifer Morrison as the cowardly lion).
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
HOUR III (man, if you're still here, I thank you)
9.57 Robert DeNiro's looking scruffy but handsome.
9.58 Leonardo DiCaprio's forehead is orange.
9.59 Martin Scorsese montage. You know, I still haven't seen Goodfellas because I'm too afraid. Did I just catch a clip of Harvey Keitel looking awfully cute?!! Aww, this "Layla" outro gets me every time. I really want to see The Age of Innocence but want to read the book first. What do you guys think?
10.04 Marty (or so I hear he's called) gets the Cecil B. DeMille award and I won't make a comment about Julia Roberts gaping maw hooting and hollering. I used to live on the same block that Scorsese grew up on in New York. I don't think this ups my cool quotient either.
10.08 I've now invested four hours in the Golden Globes. It's moved along fairly quickly, but I'm starting to feel the fatigue and I bet this post is going to get a lot of TLDNR comments. How many more awards shows do I usually cover during the season? SAG, Independent Spirit on occasion, and the Oscars. I feel like there's one more. Or two. Oooof.
10.12 Jodie Foster's new movie is called The Beaver. No comment.
10.14 Ricky Gervais is blaming the beer.
10.14.2 Mel Gibson. Yuck. Ohhh, it's Best Director Motion Picture time... Will it be James Cameron? A ha, James Cameron is the king of the world once again, for Avatar. He's speaking Pandoran. Or something. My eyes are glazing over.
10.18 Best TV Series Comedy or Musical better go to Glee... or 30 Rock. If it goes to Entourage I will barf. Oh, thank God, it's Glee. Ryan Murphy says, "This is for anyone who ever got a wedgie in high school." How about getting Hi-C thrown at you? Does that count? Because if so, that means Glee is for me, too.
10.24 Oh God, this movie When in Rome... just the commercial makes me want to drink bleach. Of course I'm going to watch it 20 times when it comes to HBO or Starz or whatever.
10.25 Avon spokeswoman Reese Witherspoon presents Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical to... wait for it... THE HANGOVER. Over Julie and Julia!! Jaw meet drop. I never thought I'd live in a world where The Hangover would beat Nine at a major awards show... where Mike Tyson would be standing onstage as part of a group accepting a Best Picture statue. Also, Bradley Cooper makes me want to punch... Bradley Cooper.
10.33 Arnold Schwarzenegger is making jokes about California's massive deficit. And NBC. Mmmkay.
10.35 Best Actress in a Motion Picture goes to Sandra Bullock for The Blindside. Mickey Rourke, who presented, looks disappointed. He's probably not the only one, but since Sandra seems nice and I like her restaurant in Austin, I'm going to keep it zipped.
10.39 They're really moving it along now. The winner for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical is Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes. He definitely gives the wittiest speech of the night... not thanking people. However, it's another suprise win. Three in a row. Or is it three strikes and you're out?
10.46 If Tobey Maguire wins Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama I'm going to riot. Whew. Jeff Bridges takes it for Crazy Heart. Maguire looks po'ed, but Bridges gets a massive standing ovation. I said to Tom, "I heard he's great in that." He replied, "He's great in everything. I can't wait to see Tron."
10.52 If Julia Roberts prefaces the announcement of the winner for Best Picture with, "I love my life!" I'm going to reach through the TV and be sick on her shoes. That was really the turning point for me with her. Isn't that awesome... that I had a turning point with Julia?
10.53 I've just realized that something happened to my post. It disappeared. So, err, I hope this version makes it.
10.55 And Best Motion Picture Drama goes to Avatar. I'm sure we're all shocked.
10.58 James Cameron is imploring everyone in the audience to give it up... for themselves. Well, how do you top that.
Goodnight!
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
HOUR III (man, if you're still here, I thank you)
9.57 Robert DeNiro's looking scruffy but handsome.
9.58 Leonardo DiCaprio's forehead is orange.
9.59 Martin Scorsese montage. You know, I still haven't seen Goodfellas because I'm too afraid. Did I just catch a clip of Harvey Keitel looking awfully cute?!! Aww, this "Layla" outro gets me every time. I really want to see The Age of Innocence but want to read the book first. What do you guys think?
10.04 Marty (or so I hear he's called) gets the Cecil B. DeMille award and I won't make a comment about Julia Roberts gaping maw hooting and hollering. I used to live on the same block that Scorsese grew up on in New York. I don't think this ups my cool quotient either.
10.08 I've now invested four hours in the Golden Globes. It's moved along fairly quickly, but I'm starting to feel the fatigue and I bet this post is going to get a lot of TLDNR comments. How many more awards shows do I usually cover during the season? SAG, Independent Spirit on occasion, and the Oscars. I feel like there's one more. Or two. Oooof.
10.12 Jodie Foster's new movie is called The Beaver. No comment.
10.14 Ricky Gervais is blaming the beer.
10.14.2 Mel Gibson. Yuck. Ohhh, it's Best Director Motion Picture time... Will it be James Cameron? A ha, James Cameron is the king of the world once again, for Avatar. He's speaking Pandoran. Or something. My eyes are glazing over.
10.18 Best TV Series Comedy or Musical better go to Glee... or 30 Rock. If it goes to Entourage I will barf. Oh, thank God, it's Glee. Ryan Murphy says, "This is for anyone who ever got a wedgie in high school." How about getting Hi-C thrown at you? Does that count? Because if so, that means Glee is for me, too.
10.24 Oh God, this movie When in Rome... just the commercial makes me want to drink bleach. Of course I'm going to watch it 20 times when it comes to HBO or Starz or whatever.
10.25 Avon spokeswoman Reese Witherspoon presents Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical to... wait for it... THE HANGOVER. Over Julie and Julia!! Jaw meet drop. I never thought I'd live in a world where The Hangover would beat Nine at a major awards show... where Mike Tyson would be standing onstage as part of a group accepting a Best Picture statue. Also, Bradley Cooper makes me want to punch... Bradley Cooper.
10.33 Arnold Schwarzenegger is making jokes about California's massive deficit. And NBC. Mmmkay.
10.35 Best Actress in a Motion Picture goes to Sandra Bullock for The Blindside. Mickey Rourke, who presented, looks disappointed. He's probably not the only one, but since Sandra seems nice and I like her restaurant in Austin, I'm going to keep it zipped.
10.39 They're really moving it along now. The winner for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical is Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes. He definitely gives the wittiest speech of the night... not thanking people. However, it's another suprise win. Three in a row. Or is it three strikes and you're out?
10.46 If Tobey Maguire wins Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama I'm going to riot. Whew. Jeff Bridges takes it for Crazy Heart. Maguire looks po'ed, but Bridges gets a massive standing ovation. I said to Tom, "I heard he's great in that." He replied, "He's great in everything. I can't wait to see Tron."
10.52 If Julia Roberts prefaces the announcement of the winner for Best Picture with, "I love my life!" I'm going to reach through the TV and be sick on her shoes. That was really the turning point for me with her. Isn't that awesome... that I had a turning point with Julia?
10.53 I've just realized that something happened to my post. It disappeared. So, err, I hope this version makes it.
10.55 And Best Motion Picture Drama goes to Avatar. I'm sure we're all shocked.
10.58 James Cameron is imploring everyone in the audience to give it up... for themselves. Well, how do you top that.
Goodnight!
Live Blogging the Golden Globes - It's Showtime...
Watching the red carpet coverage on E! Always so full of awkward... like right now with Ryan Seacrest asking Fergie and Josh Duhamel why they renewed their vows recently. Or January Jones stiffly discussing why she doesn't want to wear 60s fashions even though all the designers are doing them right now because she "doesn't want to walk around as Betty all day." I will say her dress is killer, though, and the fashions are a lot less fug this year with some notable exceptions (Diane Kruger looking like cotton candy and Jennifer Morrison as the cowardly lion).
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
Something mysterious happened to my post so you can find the whole Golden Globes blog thingy here.
NBC's coverage starts in two minutes with Billy Bush. Billy Bush... Ryan Seacrest... poke needles in my eye or... poke needles in my eye. I'll, uh, be back when the show starts because these NBC hosts are making my IQ drop... and Mariah Carey has just blinded me.
Okay, here we go... let's hope Ricky Gervais kills it.
HOUR I
8.00 Enthusiastic applause as the stars acknowledge one of their own while simultaneously praying Gervais doesn't roast them to bits.
8.02 Cameron Diaz looks confused about Ricky Gervais' penis reduction surgery.
8.04 Obligatory Angelina Jolie adopts a bunch of kids joke followed by obligatory "Let's get started before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno" joke. All in all, a decent opening bit.
8.05 Nicole Kidman, whose plastic surgeon is doing a better job these days, presents Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture to Mo'Nique for Precious. Anna Kendrick looks a little bummed, but Mariah Carey and her boobs giver her a standing ovation. Props to Mo'Nique for calling the cast and crew "the cast and crew" and not "my cast and crew." Man, I hate that.
8.09 Matthew Fox, whose plastic surgeon is not doing a better job these days, and Sofia Vergara, who looks much prettier in real life, present Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical to Toni Collette, whom I love. Unfortunately I do not love her show, The United States of Tara... and she just said, "my cast." Damn.
8.18 John Lithgow just won something. William Hurt has a giant beard. Jeremy Piven's giving his best "Oh, I lost" face. This must be Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Why do they make these categories so freaking long?!
8.20 Mike Tyson is really happy to see Paul McCartney, who's here to make jokes about how animation is for adults who take drugs... and present Best Animated Feature Film to Up. I didn't see Up. Was that the balloon boy movie that did not feature the Heene family?
8.26 Thank God for the commercial break. Time to breathe and edit. The speeches so far have been a snooze. Someone needs to ply these nominees with some more booze.
8.30 Felicity Huffman's dress is unreal.. best I've seen so far. She's blowing all her lines but looks fabulous. Move it along, housewife...
8.32 Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris riff on their giant foreheads... and give Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Drama to Michael C Hall for Dexter. It's his first win and considering his recent illness, none of the other nominees can look too bummed.
8.36 Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series Drama goes to Juliana Margulies for The Good Wife. Ouchie, an NBC jab! Okay, another "my cast." Zzzzzz...
8.38 I just saw Mickey Rourke kiss Mike Tyson.
8.43 For some reason Harrison Ford's earring really bothers me. It's such an 80s mid-life crisis move... except it's not the 80s.
8.44 I am sure I'm not the only woman (or man) with a little bit of a crush on Ricky Gervais. So dry. So excellent.
8.45 Cher and Christina Aguilera come out as a sign of the apocalypse... oh, just kitten. Did not look full on at Cher for fear of turning to stone. They're here to present Best Original Song - Motion Picture to T Bone Burnett for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. Ryan Kwanten looks bored. I feel ya, bro. Best Original Score - Motion Picture goes to Michael Giacchino for Up.
8.53 Josh Brolin's ginormous head and Amy Adams give Best Mini-Series or TV Movie to Grey Gardens. Cue tepid applause and long long walk to the stage. I think Martin Scorsese is texting or something during this acceptance speech.
8.58 Tom Hanks ends the first hour by announcing that ending up in bed with Stanley Tucci is a step up from ending up in bed with Alec Baldwin as he intros a clip for Julie and Julia.
And publish...
HOUR II
9.00 Julia Roberts is clapping for herself. This is also something that makes me want to vom. Now she's clapping for Meryl Streep, who wins Best Actress in A Motion Picture Picture Comedy or Musical for Julie and Julia and begins her acceptance speech by saying she wants to change her name to "T Bone Streep," but then proceeds to ramble on about... something.
9.11 Sam Worthington, who is supposedly some sort of heartthrob - and a short one at that (unless Zoe Saldana is 8 ft tall, which is possible), gives Kevin Bacon the award for Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Taking Chance. Best Actress goes to Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens. Hey wait, I thought she and Justin Long were just friends!
9.23 People look a little surprised at Jennifer Aniston's leg, all of which is exposed at the mo. She and Gerard Butler (or, "that bloke from 300") present Best Screenplay Motion Picture to to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up in the Air, which, imho, was not that great but what do I know. I still wish Alexander Payne had directed it instead, but Jason Reitman seems affable enough so I feel sort of bad saying that. But only sort of.
9.26 Ah, here's a biggie. Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series Comedy Or Musical goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. Except it's not that big because he's not there.
9.35 Sophia Loren gets a standing o (and I hope I look that amazing when I'm her age but that might require looking that amazing now so oh well). She gives Best Foreign Language Film to The White Ribbon, a German film that I've never heard of. Santa Claus accepts and he is suitably charming.
9.37 And the winner for Best TV Series Drama is Mad Men. Tom should be happy about this one since he's currently obsessed with it and spends all his time downstairs admiring Jon Hamm.
9.45 OMG TAYLOR LAUTNER! Please tell me he's legal now... and that his voice is going to change soon.
9.46 OMG CHACE CRAWFORD! We're both from Plano. This does not up my cool quotient. He and Kristen Bell present Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television to Chloe Sevigny for Big Love. Someone steps on her train. She hyperventilates.
9.49 I've really been missing Halle Berry's boobs so I'm totes glad she decided to share so much of them with us tonight. They're here to give Christoph Waltz the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture for Inglourious Basterds.
Gonna publish now because apparently some Martin Scorsese tribute is coming up. It will probably take up the whole third hour.
Something mysterious happened to my post so you can find the whole Golden Globes blog thingy here.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Song For A Day - Shapes of Things
So, I just got home from seeing Pirate Radio. For some reason Tom and I only go see middle aged man movies nowadays. We're on quite a roll going from The Informant! (horrible) to Men Who Stare at Goats (only slightly less horrible) to this. Quite often we're the youngest ones in the theatre, and I'm not that young.
I am young enough, though, to have gone through a big ol' 60s phase (at age 15) culminating in the worship of Jim Morrison and tears shed at the end of The Song Remains the Same.
I had some hope for Pirate Radio as Richard Curtis is one of my writing heroes and I was only slightly disappointed. For some reason, it felt a bit surface and there were way too many "people sitting on the toilet while listening to The Who" scenes for me, but there's a sweet innocence to everything Curtis does.
Anyhoo, thought I'd dedicate this Song For A Day to one of the hits of 1966, the year the film took place, the Yardbirds' "Shapes of Things." That Jimmy Page sure was dreamy.
I have a real affinity for any movie that portrays people's love of music. I can't tell you how many times I've seen Almost Famous. Through these stories I get to re-capture the joy I feel when some song takes over my consciousness.
There's no greater way to lose yourself... there's no greater way to find yourself.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Song For A Day - Come Sail Away
Remember that scene in Freaks and Geeks where Lindsay and Eli dance at the school social (socials... that's what we called them back in the day)? That's one of my favorite TV scenes of all time. Anyway, my iTunes thinks it's the late 70s/early 80s today so all the jams consist of Abba, Styx and Christopher Cross.
Speaking of jams, one of the YouTube comments in re this Styx video is: "These ni**as was blowin it up wit this jam, dis is off tha chain yo." People who comment on YT videos are some of the most... interesting people on earth.
In other news, what's going on in the world besides this mind numbingly beautiful weather? It's so mind numbing I'm blogging about the weather... Seriously, all I want to do is sit outside and read which does not exactly make for scintillating posts.
I did see Men Who Stare at Goats but it was dreadfully dull. Poor Ewan McGregor couldn't save it, and I was so excited to see him in something again. Did he go away or do I just not get out much?
And finally, Happy Veterans Day to all our fine vets. Perhaps you'd think a raging liberal like me wouldn't give a hoot about this holiday but man, it's not something I could ever do so kudos to them for fighting for what they believe in. I watched the memorial service for the soldiers killed at Fort Hood yesterday... and I read the In Memoriam every Sunday on This Week and it's all pretty heartbreaking. Most of these soldiers are still kids and while it's honorable what they're doing, I wish they didn't have to do it at all. I wish the reasons made a bit more sense (to me).
On that note, the sun is calling me back outside...
Friday, August 21, 2009
Things I've Done This Week
I went to see Ponyo. Not my favorite Hayao Miyazaki film but his retelling of The Little Mermaid is fairly delightful even though I think Sosuke's mother would have been reported to child services at some point for all that reckless driving... and leaving a five year old alone in the middle of a typhoon.
I also saw District 9. I'm sort of maniacal about spoilers so I didn't know much about it and suspected it might be some sort of Cloverfield-esque piece of poo. Oh how wrong I was. Strangely, I think I liked D9 more than anyone else I know that's seen it. The joy of reduced expectations, I suspect. The film also made me cry more than once. I'm really just... getting to the point of head asplode over how we treat each other and even though it was just a movie, I sat there thinking, "Well, of course this is what would happen."
I finished reading Phillipa Gregory's The Other Boleyn Girl. It was a bit of a chore getting to the finish of a 600+ page book when I knew how it ended, but the detail of life in Tudor England was beautifully done. I mentioned in another post what a jerk Henry VIII was. I sort of reveled in his piggish decline as the book wound down and his madness escalated. Next on the reading list: getting back to Anne Perry's William Monk series and checking out Stieg Larsson's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which comes highly recommended by a trusted friend.
Let's see, what else? I got called one of "Obama's Youth" and a communist in one sentence by someone I know and like. He wondered if I was reporting dissidents to the Kremlin (White House) over health care reform. So that was fun.
And finally, I watched both the Project Runway All Star Challenge and the premiere of season 6 last night. The All Star Challenge was a bit disappointing. I wanted Sweet P to win and couldn't believe they chose Daniel Vosovic for two reasons: that athletic shirt/bubble skirt combo seemed ridiculous and his restaurant dress with the vertical black tubing across the midriff looked like he was going for some sort of suicide bomber chic. Still, Daniel was the least annoying of the bunch and I was reminded how much I do not miss Korto, Jeffrey and, of course, Santino, who was so awful Tim Gunn said he contemplated cyanide.
As for season 6, there are so many contestants it's hard to tell where the show's headed. Already we have this season's Ricky Lizalde in the form of Johnny Sakalis, the ex-addict who spent much of the episode in tears. I think the irony is lost on no one that Ari Fish got the auf wiedersehen as she's a dead ringer for guest judge Lindsay Lohan's on again/off again girlfriend Samantha Ronson. I mean, they auf'ed her in favor of a dude who sent his model down the runway in a beige chiffon tent. A look deemed "unwearable" by the judges. La Lohan made for an opinionated judge. I guess designing leggings has really made her an expert in sartorial critique. My favorite looks of the night came from gender bending Malvin Vien and Kohl's designer Ra'mon-Lawrence Coleman. Why the judges loved this thing, I have no idea. Then again, Tom kind of liked it, too, so maybe it's just me.
Ok... that's it for this week in the life of LP. I read this morning that Trinny & Susannah have a new show on TLC that starts tonight. Oh yes, I am very pleased about this.
Is there anything I'm missing out on? Book, film and TV suggestions are always appreciated. Oh, I also watched Mad Men for the first time ever, but since the theme song was my favorite part of the show I figured it's best not to discuss and irritate all my MM loving friends.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Prescription For A Panic Attack
Yes, this might seem like a joke, but I'm being super serious, of course.
I used to suffer from debilitating panic attacks. For a week in 2000 I didn't sleep. I would stay up all night watching Elmo's Adventures in Grouchland, and in particular this scene. I know it sounds totally crazytown (and it probably was), but nothing helped like hearing, "Take the first step and then you will see just how brave your heart can be."
It's pretty embarrassing, this story, but I'm a blogger, right? I'm supposed to have no shame.
I spent the weekend with two relatives who are pretty far right on the political spectrum. I always hear you're not supposed to talk politics with family, but what can I say? I'm a fool. I don't purport to know everything about Obama's health care plan (believe me, I'm trying to understand it, but the President isn't helping in this endeavor). That said, I'm pretty sure he's not going to euthanize our loved ones once they turn 65. At times these discussions turned ugly and I felt like I was having a town hall meeting in my kitchen. All of this has left me feeling sad and not very optimistic about the fate of health care reform, something we desperately need.
The big picture, for me, is that we need to take care of each other. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, deserves good health, happiness, and love. These things seem to be in short supply these days, and I feel those panic attacks creeping back into my life. I hear a lot of fear and anger from one side, and I don't hear clear answers coming from the other.
I want us to remember that we're reasonable people at heart. That we're good people. That we have minds of our own. I hope something happens to turn the tide of vitriol to measured discussion and real solutions. Without that I really am worried about what's going to happen next. These are hard times, but working together is the answer, right? Otherwise we'll just split farther and farther apart until we're fractured beyond repair which will be very grim indeed.
Friday, August 7, 2009
They Think He's a Righteous Dude - John Hughes Remembered
I try not to shed tears over celebrity passings because let's face it, I don't know these people. I feel sort of strange about the whole thing. I didn't know John Hughes, of course, but his movies reflected so clearly the best parts (and worst) about being a teenager. All the hope and drama and narcissism glimpsed through a tender eye.
I feel an acute sense of sadness over the death of the man who made the anguish a little better because somewhere at the end of the road we might find our Jake Ryan standing by a red Porsche saying, "Yeah, you." Or maybe even Blaine opining, "I always believed in you. I just didn't believe in me." We could be Andie, independent and strong willed, or Watts, adorable and cool as hell. For a teenage girl, every dream could come true via Mr. Hughes. We didn't have to be simpering and helpless or the homecoming queen to get the guy.
I've been reminiscing a lot about the teen years lately and what Robert Smith (and say, Jim Morrison) were to me in music, John Hughes was to me in film. There's a huge sense of something lost here, but it's great to know that some of the best parts of him are a room away on DVD.
I couldn't tell a better tale about John Huges than Alison Byrne Fields who was pen pals with him for two years during the 80s. It's an amazing read with great insight into a man who, for all his heart, was a bit elusive.
Fellow Velocity blogger Erin Keane did a nice post about him, as well.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Live Blogging The MTV Movie Awards... Really
9.00 pm Inexplicable opening sequence featuring host Andy Samberg injecting himself into all the great, great movies of 2008/2009 including, err, The Reader. Yes... when I think MTV Movie Awards I think heavy handed Kate Winslet Nazi vehicle.
9.03 pm Naked Andy Samberg. Not naked Justin Timberlake. JT tells Andy his penis looks like Fergie. Did he really just say that?
9.05 pm First of what is sure to be many many cutaways to R-Patz! Andy's telling the audience it's okay to fart.
9.06 pm Keyboard Kat!!!
9.07 pm AS is rapping... and it's not funny. Just look at Megan Fox. She totally agrees if her bitchface is any indicator.
9.11 pm Breakthrough Performance Female goes to Ashley Tisdale for High School Musical 3. The first, well not the first but the biggest indication that we are not watching the Oscars. Sharpay is a brunette now. Crap, I can't believe I pulled out that Sharpay ref without even having to look it up. Sigh.
9.14 & 9.20 pm Oh look there's Shia. He's not carrying anything right now. The winners for Best Fight are, unsurprisingly, Robert Pattinson and Cam Gigandet from Twilight. I can hear girls screeching all the way from LA. R-Patz has a giant head, doesn't he?
9.23 pm EMINEM! He's back! His hair is freshly darkened, too, just like Sharpay! I wonder what awesome misogynistic, homophobic violent lyrics he's going to drop on us tonight. I say this and I actually kind of like Eminem. Especially the green ones.
9.28 pm This Eminem thing is still going on... Miley Cyrus is rocking out... sort of. I wonder if Eminem will diss her like Radiohead did.
9.33 pm Andy Samberg and Will Ferrell are scaring me with their Bruce Springsteen and Neil Diamond impersonations as they do the "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions" montage with... uh... JJ Abrams.
9.37 pm Vanessa Hudgens is showing a lot of boob and looking confused as she and Jonah Hill present Breakthrough Perfomance Male to, quelle surprise, Robert Pattinson. Why don't they just call these the MTV R-Patz Awards?
9.42 pm I can't believe this thing has only been on for 42 minutes. Life force draining away by the overwhelming force of tweenage.
9.44 pm BRUNO!! Flying in on angel wings! Holy freaking cow! Showing a whole lot of booty, Sacha Baron Cohen is dropped crotch into face onto Eminem who is NOT AMUSED and is now LEAVING THE BUILDING after using the F-WORD A LOT. That was just... mind boggling. Even more hilarious is the fact that he announces Zac Efron for Best Male Performance and Zac goes from looking confused to giving some semi-heartwarming serious speechy with his extreme side parted hair.
People on Twitter are positing that was Eminem acting. Maybe so.
9.55 pm Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds are here to present Best Kiss. Sandra tells Ryan if he wants to get nominated next year he needs to start kissing some dudes. Ryan replies, "Well, I kissed you." The winners are... good lord... Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Vanessa Hudgens actually looks disappointed that she didn't win.
10.00 pm Okay, I never ever thought I'd see LeAnn Rimes singing "I jizzed in my pants." I hope it's okay that I just wrote that sentence.
10.02 pm Forest Whitaker is singing "Dick In A Box." I think the world just ended and this is the spirit me carrying on with this blog post.
10.03 pm Hayden Panettiere just said the F word... several times... and rapped. She's come a long way from Remember the Titans. She and some dude presented Best WTF Moment to Amy Poehler. She swears a lot, too, in her acceptance speech. I've been on the fence about my potty mouth but that just clinched it for me. No more of this cussing business.
10.07 pm Leighton Meester looks taller when not standing next to Blake Lively. She and Lil Wayne present Best Song in a Movie to Miley Cyrus for some Hannah Montana crap. She thanks God.
10.17 pm R-Patz, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner present some exclusive New Moon clip. I'm so tired of watching KS act tense and awkward. Doesn't she have any other expression? Oh my goodness, that wolf looks like the worst CGI I've ever seen. I bet Catherine Hardwicke is secretly smirking. Maybe even not so secretly.
10.21 pm Ben Stiller is here to win the Generation lifetime achievement thingy (read: he's here to promote Night at the Museum 2). It's a bit of a mystery as to why Zac Efron, Triumph the Comic Insult Doggie and Keifer Sutherland (who seems to have recovered from his head butting incident) are presenting it to him.
10.29 pm Okay, this Doubt Sega Genesis bit actually made me laugh. Then I heard that Kings of Leon are performing and I was instantly unamused.
10.30 pm Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to you?
10.31 pm I still can't believe that Rafael Nadal lost today at the French Open. The shock is wearing off, though, leaving only a dull numb sort of pain. I think I would be okay with this if Robin Soderling didn't seem like such a douche.
10.36 pm Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Kristen Stewart beat out Kate Winslet for Best Female Performance. (Tom says, "Didn't see that coming.") Yes, of course, this makes sense. Oh crud, she just thanked "my cast." Now I dislike her even more.
10.38 pm Kings of Leon are here to stink up this suckfest. How fitting. The audience looks appropriately bored. Caleb's voice sounds completely different from when they first started and yet it still makes me want to vom.
10.49 pm Jim Carrey somehow wins Best Comedic Performance. Yeah, right. We're really meant to believe a bunch of 13 year old girls picked him over James Franco? Who votes for these things, anyway?
Swearing is very in right now, apparently. I've lost count of the bleeps in tonight's telecast. Another reason to stop doing it.
I'll give it up to JC, though, for a) voice over saying they should overturn Prop 8 and b) actually saying there wouldn't be swine flu if we treated the pigs better.
10.55 pm I'm going to start screaming if I see one more commercial for this Killers concert in Indiana. However, it reminds me I need to write that Christmas song, "Are we human, or are we Prancer?"
10.57 pm Denzel Washington classes up the joint by presenting Best Movie to Twilight which was easily the worst of all the nominees. Go figure.
11.00 pm What? It's over? I can go to bed and read now? Huzzah!
11.01 pm Thanks for reading!
9.03 pm Naked Andy Samberg. Not naked Justin Timberlake. JT tells Andy his penis looks like Fergie. Did he really just say that?
9.05 pm First of what is sure to be many many cutaways to R-Patz! Andy's telling the audience it's okay to fart.
9.06 pm Keyboard Kat!!!
9.07 pm AS is rapping... and it's not funny. Just look at Megan Fox. She totally agrees if her bitchface is any indicator.
9.11 pm Breakthrough Performance Female goes to Ashley Tisdale for High School Musical 3. The first, well not the first but the biggest indication that we are not watching the Oscars. Sharpay is a brunette now. Crap, I can't believe I pulled out that Sharpay ref without even having to look it up. Sigh.
9.14 & 9.20 pm Oh look there's Shia. He's not carrying anything right now. The winners for Best Fight are, unsurprisingly, Robert Pattinson and Cam Gigandet from Twilight. I can hear girls screeching all the way from LA. R-Patz has a giant head, doesn't he?
9.23 pm EMINEM! He's back! His hair is freshly darkened, too, just like Sharpay! I wonder what awesome misogynistic, homophobic violent lyrics he's going to drop on us tonight. I say this and I actually kind of like Eminem. Especially the green ones.
9.28 pm This Eminem thing is still going on... Miley Cyrus is rocking out... sort of. I wonder if Eminem will diss her like Radiohead did.
9.33 pm Andy Samberg and Will Ferrell are scaring me with their Bruce Springsteen and Neil Diamond impersonations as they do the "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions" montage with... uh... JJ Abrams.
9.37 pm Vanessa Hudgens is showing a lot of boob and looking confused as she and Jonah Hill present Breakthrough Perfomance Male to, quelle surprise, Robert Pattinson. Why don't they just call these the MTV R-Patz Awards?
9.42 pm I can't believe this thing has only been on for 42 minutes. Life force draining away by the overwhelming force of tweenage.
9.44 pm BRUNO!! Flying in on angel wings! Holy freaking cow! Showing a whole lot of booty, Sacha Baron Cohen is dropped crotch into face onto Eminem who is NOT AMUSED and is now LEAVING THE BUILDING after using the F-WORD A LOT. That was just... mind boggling. Even more hilarious is the fact that he announces Zac Efron for Best Male Performance and Zac goes from looking confused to giving some semi-heartwarming serious speechy with his extreme side parted hair.
People on Twitter are positing that was Eminem acting. Maybe so.
9.55 pm Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds are here to present Best Kiss. Sandra tells Ryan if he wants to get nominated next year he needs to start kissing some dudes. Ryan replies, "Well, I kissed you." The winners are... good lord... Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Vanessa Hudgens actually looks disappointed that she didn't win.
10.00 pm Okay, I never ever thought I'd see LeAnn Rimes singing "I jizzed in my pants." I hope it's okay that I just wrote that sentence.
10.02 pm Forest Whitaker is singing "Dick In A Box." I think the world just ended and this is the spirit me carrying on with this blog post.
10.03 pm Hayden Panettiere just said the F word... several times... and rapped. She's come a long way from Remember the Titans. She and some dude presented Best WTF Moment to Amy Poehler. She swears a lot, too, in her acceptance speech. I've been on the fence about my potty mouth but that just clinched it for me. No more of this cussing business.
10.07 pm Leighton Meester looks taller when not standing next to Blake Lively. She and Lil Wayne present Best Song in a Movie to Miley Cyrus for some Hannah Montana crap. She thanks God.
10.17 pm R-Patz, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner present some exclusive New Moon clip. I'm so tired of watching KS act tense and awkward. Doesn't she have any other expression? Oh my goodness, that wolf looks like the worst CGI I've ever seen. I bet Catherine Hardwicke is secretly smirking. Maybe even not so secretly.
10.21 pm Ben Stiller is here to win the Generation lifetime achievement thingy (read: he's here to promote Night at the Museum 2). It's a bit of a mystery as to why Zac Efron, Triumph the Comic Insult Doggie and Keifer Sutherland (who seems to have recovered from his head butting incident) are presenting it to him.
10.29 pm Okay, this Doubt Sega Genesis bit actually made me laugh. Then I heard that Kings of Leon are performing and I was instantly unamused.
10.30 pm Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to you?
10.31 pm I still can't believe that Rafael Nadal lost today at the French Open. The shock is wearing off, though, leaving only a dull numb sort of pain. I think I would be okay with this if Robin Soderling didn't seem like such a douche.
10.36 pm Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Kristen Stewart beat out Kate Winslet for Best Female Performance. (Tom says, "Didn't see that coming.") Yes, of course, this makes sense. Oh crud, she just thanked "my cast." Now I dislike her even more.
10.38 pm Kings of Leon are here to stink up this suckfest. How fitting. The audience looks appropriately bored. Caleb's voice sounds completely different from when they first started and yet it still makes me want to vom.
10.49 pm Jim Carrey somehow wins Best Comedic Performance. Yeah, right. We're really meant to believe a bunch of 13 year old girls picked him over James Franco? Who votes for these things, anyway?
Swearing is very in right now, apparently. I've lost count of the bleeps in tonight's telecast. Another reason to stop doing it.
I'll give it up to JC, though, for a) voice over saying they should overturn Prop 8 and b) actually saying there wouldn't be swine flu if we treated the pigs better.
10.55 pm I'm going to start screaming if I see one more commercial for this Killers concert in Indiana. However, it reminds me I need to write that Christmas song, "Are we human, or are we Prancer?"
10.57 pm Denzel Washington classes up the joint by presenting Best Movie to Twilight which was easily the worst of all the nominees. Go figure.
11.00 pm What? It's over? I can go to bed and read now? Huzzah!
11.01 pm Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
In The Last Nine Days...
I've...
Seen Star Trek. How can something that evokes nothing but heinous memories from childhood -- brothers made me watch it -- starring actors I don't care for at all, directed by a guy I thought I'd never forgive -- Cloverfield, anyone? -- be so damn good?!!
Watched Glee. God, I hope the rest of the series is even half as good. I downloaded the pilot from iTunes and I've swooned to the ending way more than once. Now you can, too.
Gone to New York for Sam Erickson's photo gallery show thingy of My Morning Jacket photos at The Morrison Hotel. Strange to see Tom on a wall but love Sam's work.
Eaten way too many of these. Unbelievable. Seriously. I worship at the altar of the Levain Bakery chocolate chip walnut cookie. Strangely, I've never even been there. I owe it all to the fabulous Chappell Ellison who delivers them from the wilds of the Upper West Side.
Been in the same place as Janeane Garofalo, Matt Dillon and Olivia Wilde. Of course, I saw none of them.
Read a lot of books featuring vampires. The Charlaine Harris and Rachel Caine kind.
And finally... bought a house. Well, we bought a house. A house that two weeks ago I'd never even laid eyes on. Do you ever have those magic moments where things just fall into place? It's crazytime... we weren't even really looking, but I was driving home one day, saw the sign, saw the house and now we're a few weeks away from closing. I'm still baffled as to how it all happened.
Oh wait, I've also watched the season premiere of So You think You Can Dance. w00t! Although, what on earth was Nigel thinking bagging on the two men who danced together? Way to sound like a homophobe, you moron. And Step Up 2: The Streets. It's about a million times better than the first one but let's face it, the barre was set pretty low. Barre... get it? Haw haw. Sigh...
Okay, just thought I should explain where I've been and stuff. Also, my last Twitter poll - would you rather be famous for dating Lindsay Lohan or because Kid Rock wrote a song about how you two had sex? - had voters conflicted but Lindsay ruled the roost in the end as no one, apparently, wants to do it with Kid Rock. One person was interested to hear the song he'd write, though. It's not hard to imagine, really.
And now I go to sleep because tomorrow brings another trip to my current Mecca, Home Depot. There are so many faucets! How do you decide on just one?!!!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Songs I Somehow Never Heard - Maps
I've been gone a while... well, if 11 days is a while... I don't know if I even have any readers left? I wasn't off doing anything wild and exciting. In fact, I think that's why I haven't blogged. However, next week I'm going to New York to look at pictures of My Morning Jacket (because I haven't seen enough of those, right?) so maybe I'll have something mildly interesting to say about that. If you're in NYC you should check out the show. Sam Erickson has made a lot of purty images of the hubs & his compatriots.
ANYWAY... the first time I heard this Yeah Yeah Yeah's song was... err... about a month ago when they were on Saturday Night Live. They performed "Maps" as their second song and I was all like - hey, maybe I dig this band that I before tonight never cared about at all. Their A&R guy is a friend of mine and I told him I really enjoyed the musics and that's when I found that a) the song is old and b) apparently I've had my head in the sand because it was a big hit. Then it turns out that no one I know could believe I'd never heard it.
ANYWAY PT 2... okay, that was probably a boring explanation for how I discovered "Maps" but whoosh! I've been working on some fictiony things, and it's become the go-to song for getting me in the mood to delve inside the minds and hearts of 18 year old magical assassins. It's killer for sure.
Soon it's time for So You Think You Can Dance so w00t! for having something new to write about (I tried to watch Fashion Show but Isaac Mizrahi, God love him, is no Tim Gunn and Kelly Rowland... not even gonna go there). I have seen some movies lately - Adventureland (made me want to start Vladventureland the All Vampire Amusement Park, but I couldn't get any bites on that one HAW HAW HAW), Wolverine (poor Hugh Jackman, poor Taylor Kitsch, I mean, my God, I'm even going to say poor Ryan Reynolds. Velveeta to the nth degree), and Star Trek (I say "live long and prosper" to this reboot! Haw Haw again!).
Okay, back to being depressed by the season finale of House.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Twitter Polling - Reese's or Reesies and More
I'm going to run out of "clever" poll (pole) photos pretty fast, methinks.The Twitter Polling is still going strong and here are some results from the past couple days...
Do you say Reese's or Reesies (in re peanut butter cups, pieces, etc)? This one got started because Tom always says "Reesies" and I always laugh at him (in a kind, wifely sort of way). I thought this was just some sort of Tomism and then we were at, err, Dairy Queen the other night and he ordered a "Reesie Cup Blizzard" and I was chortling away until the drive- thru dude repeated our order and said "Reesie," too. So, maybe this is some sort of Kentucky pronunciation, I wondered, and took to the Twitter to find out. Well, Reesies didn't stand a chance as Reese's won by a landslide with comments such as "Reesies is just plain wrong" and "your hubby and the DQ guy are weird." Okay, then!
Yesterday's "Star Wars or Star Trek?" poll generated a lot of heated Han Solo debate. One thing that surprised me was all the ladies who love the Trek! "Star Trek. Spock. Kirk. Transmission ends," said @GoonrGrrl. William Shatner always kinda freaked me out, I must admit. However, it was one gal (@aw1095) who pushed Star Wars over the edge for the win (sorry @tweetrenee, I know you think Han Solo is a "chump"). Tom, or @sometomguy as he's known in the Twitterverse, said, "Those Kenner toys looked much better under the tree. And Darth Vader is way cooler than Khan" while @jason1749 defiantly remarked, "Han Solo is cooler than Kirk."
Today's poll is still going going on so feel free to @reply or follow @mspark. The poll query is, "Who would you rather go on a road trip with - Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees, and why?" Personally, I think poor Jason is just misunderstood.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
SAG Awards - I'd Like to Thank Myself Edition
I'm watching the Red Carpet coverage before the 15th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, and I must confess I get a little icked out over the SAG awards because narcissists congratulating themselves... euw, right?
Anyway, the Red Carpet stuff could not have been more lame unless you like watching Giuliana Rancid talk about Scarlett Johansson's toes. I shuddered writing that sentence. I really did.
So on to the awards... I feel sorry for anyone up against Tina Fey for anything this year. Just give up. You don't even need to be there. Fey takes home Best Actress in a TV Comedy and then we're on to Best Actor. Alec Baldwin wins (of course), says he wants to make out with Anthony Hopkins, and thanks the cast but specifies some strange choices (Judah Friedlander). I'm officially confused.
The cast of 30 Rock just won Best Comedy Series Ensemble... this is getting boring. Jane Krakowski and her boobs accept the award, and she is not nearly as funny as Tina Fey or Tracy Morgan (who accepted at the Golden Globes).
Kate Winslet wins Best Supporting Actress Film for The Reader. Am I watching The Golden Globes again? Wake me up when this is over.
It is homage to fug dresses night. What the hell is going on in Hollywood? Guess Rachel Zoe can't dress everyone, y'all.
Best Actor in a TV Drama goes to Hugh Laurie for House. Love him! Best Actress, Sally Field for Brothers and Sisters. Guess they still really really like her. Not sure I do, though, after that boring speech. Boniva!
Does Josh Brolin seem like a huge douche to everyone or just me?
Next up is Best Ensemble in a Drama Series... and the winner is the cast of Mad Men. So many white dudes... did minorities not have jobs in the 60s? Shatner looks pissed. Jon Hamm better watch his back tonight!
Forest Whitaker presents the Lifetime Acheivement Award to Darth Vader... I mean James Earl Jones. I own his reading of the Bible on CD, but I haven't listened yet because while I love JEJ, I do not know if I love the Bible. He gives a sweet acceptance speech and barely talks about himself. Classy gent, that Mr. Jones.
Holy crap, Ernest Borgnine is still alive?! He certainly is and gives Best Actress in a TV Movie to "would you believe" Laura Linney. Alec Baldwin looks perturbed for some reason.
Paul Giammatti wins Best Actor in a TV Movie... just like at the Golden Globes... only this time he's not there.
Susan Sarandon does the In Memoriam... not ten minutes after losing Best Actress in a TV Movie. Good thing she didn't have to look happy. Cyd Charisse was so hot. Robert Prosky died? And Paul Benedict? Tear. Good ol' Patrick McGoohan. These things always make me cry.
Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor... and it's accepted by Gary Oldman. I guess nothing's gonna stop the Heath train. I was curiously saddened by his death. And I didn't just write "curiously" because Brad Pitt is now pressenting.
Damn, we're at Best Actress already? Is Kate gonna repeat her GG double win? DENIED!!! The other noms put on their happy face as Meryl Streep looks shocked as she runs down the aisle and gives a fairly fab speech. I just noticed the actor has a package. Goodness!!
Best Actor goes to Sean Penn for Milk. OMG!!! He just talked about how the actor has a healthy package! Seannie P and I are, like, totally of one mind! Sadly, the rest of his speech is a bit incomprehensible (was he dissing TV actors?), but then again, so is this post so our kismet continues.
The cast of Slumdog Millionaire takes home Best Ensemble Cast. The movie was darling but were the performances better than those in Frost/Nixon, Doubt or Milk?!!! Really?? I am rather baffled but happy enough as this will probably never happen again for them while everyone else might well be nominated again next year for something or other. Anil Kapoor makes a sweet speech dedicating the award to the kids and The End.
I have to say, there were some touching moments even though I snarked on actors and their me-dom. And, at two hours, it's a blessedly short ceremony.
Next up, the Oscars!
Anyway, the Red Carpet stuff could not have been more lame unless you like watching Giuliana Rancid talk about Scarlett Johansson's toes. I shuddered writing that sentence. I really did.
So on to the awards... I feel sorry for anyone up against Tina Fey for anything this year. Just give up. You don't even need to be there. Fey takes home Best Actress in a TV Comedy and then we're on to Best Actor. Alec Baldwin wins (of course), says he wants to make out with Anthony Hopkins, and thanks the cast but specifies some strange choices (Judah Friedlander). I'm officially confused.
The cast of 30 Rock just won Best Comedy Series Ensemble... this is getting boring. Jane Krakowski and her boobs accept the award, and she is not nearly as funny as Tina Fey or Tracy Morgan (who accepted at the Golden Globes).
Kate Winslet wins Best Supporting Actress Film for The Reader. Am I watching The Golden Globes again? Wake me up when this is over.
It is homage to fug dresses night. What the hell is going on in Hollywood? Guess Rachel Zoe can't dress everyone, y'all.
Best Actor in a TV Drama goes to Hugh Laurie for House. Love him! Best Actress, Sally Field for Brothers and Sisters. Guess they still really really like her. Not sure I do, though, after that boring speech. Boniva!
Does Josh Brolin seem like a huge douche to everyone or just me?
Next up is Best Ensemble in a Drama Series... and the winner is the cast of Mad Men. So many white dudes... did minorities not have jobs in the 60s? Shatner looks pissed. Jon Hamm better watch his back tonight!
Forest Whitaker presents the Lifetime Acheivement Award to Darth Vader... I mean James Earl Jones. I own his reading of the Bible on CD, but I haven't listened yet because while I love JEJ, I do not know if I love the Bible. He gives a sweet acceptance speech and barely talks about himself. Classy gent, that Mr. Jones.
Holy crap, Ernest Borgnine is still alive?! He certainly is and gives Best Actress in a TV Movie to "would you believe" Laura Linney. Alec Baldwin looks perturbed for some reason.
Paul Giammatti wins Best Actor in a TV Movie... just like at the Golden Globes... only this time he's not there.
Susan Sarandon does the In Memoriam... not ten minutes after losing Best Actress in a TV Movie. Good thing she didn't have to look happy. Cyd Charisse was so hot. Robert Prosky died? And Paul Benedict? Tear. Good ol' Patrick McGoohan. These things always make me cry.
Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor... and it's accepted by Gary Oldman. I guess nothing's gonna stop the Heath train. I was curiously saddened by his death. And I didn't just write "curiously" because Brad Pitt is now pressenting.
Damn, we're at Best Actress already? Is Kate gonna repeat her GG double win? DENIED!!! The other noms put on their happy face as Meryl Streep looks shocked as she runs down the aisle and gives a fairly fab speech. I just noticed the actor has a package. Goodness!!
Best Actor goes to Sean Penn for Milk. OMG!!! He just talked about how the actor has a healthy package! Seannie P and I are, like, totally of one mind! Sadly, the rest of his speech is a bit incomprehensible (was he dissing TV actors?), but then again, so is this post so our kismet continues.
The cast of Slumdog Millionaire takes home Best Ensemble Cast. The movie was darling but were the performances better than those in Frost/Nixon, Doubt or Milk?!!! Really?? I am rather baffled but happy enough as this will probably never happen again for them while everyone else might well be nominated again next year for something or other. Anil Kapoor makes a sweet speech dedicating the award to the kids and The End.
I have to say, there were some touching moments even though I snarked on actors and their me-dom. And, at two hours, it's a blessedly short ceremony.
Next up, the Oscars!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Whoa, Nelly! Gossip Girl + Asians (Apparently) = RACISM
I'm sitting here watching Hillary Clinton's Senate Confirmation Hearing for Secretary of State, and I thought what better time to write about race relations on Gossip Girl?
Racialicious made a deal about Chuck visiting an opium den and possibly an Asian massage parlor and THEY WERE NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. I don't know. I find it hard to muster any outrage. I mean, he's Chuck Bass... and he was in Thailand. I kind of figured, where the hell else would he go?
However... I do have to complain about Nelly Yuki. Racialicious was annoyed that the old Asian character (who apparently left the show to go back to Brown University and study neuroscience - why aren't they making a deal about that being stereotypically Asian?) wore headbands because somehow that was stereotyping us. Err... does the writer watch the show? Did they look at Blair much during season one? Queen B made headbands famous on the Upper East Side, dahlings... and we're surprised her loyal minions did the same?
So, back to Nelly... I am not bummed that she is Asian and nerdy. I am bummed that she wears tragically ugly glasses and has no backbone.
I don't mean to knock Racialicious because I think they do good work, and I follow the blog. However, I think if we get to a point where we start getting up in arms over every little thing then we won't have any credibility when the real slights happen. I'm sure you can make an argument for marginalization on TV contributing to marginalization in real life, but seriously... if we're thinking that deeply about Gossip Girl, I think we have other issues. Also, on that show money is the class divider, not race.
Anyway, how about that Rufus/Lily twist last night?!
ps. I read yesterday that Vanessa Hudgens auditioned for the role of Leah Clearwater in New Moon. I would like to officially start the protest on that one. Oops, someone already has!
(photo found at i luv gossip girl forever. yes, it's true)
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Golden Globes aka The Night of 30 Rock, John Adams and Slumdog Millionaire
I hope you have a few minutes... I mean hours... Okay, here we go...
The show is off to a rocky start as screwed up audio forces Jennifer Lopez to yell at everyone, "Mama's talking!" Seriously. She said that. Best Golden Globes opening ever!
Kate Winslet wins Best Supporting Actress for The Reader. I told you everyone loves a naked Kate. I guess this means she won't be winning for Revolutionary Road. Kate goes on and on, but everyone forgives her because, let's face it, she's Kate Winslet.
Next up is Bruce Springsteen who beats out Clint Eastwood for Best Original Song, "The Wrestler." Bruce talks about how awesome it is to kick Clint's ass. Sort of.
Someone needs to fix this audio. I hear loads of chatter and clinking glasses.
Aww look, there's Demi and Ashton blowing kisses to Rumer.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television (geez, what a mouthful) goes to Tom Wilkinson. He's distinguished, he's English, of course he's going to win. He played Ben Franklin in John Adams. I mean, in the movie John Adams. That other sentence sounds like porn. Was John Adams the sequel to Patch Adams?
And Best Performance by an Actress etc etc Supporting in TV goes to Laura Dern for Recount. She's come a long way from Mask, that one.
Eva Mendes appears to have borrowed Anne Hathaway's tablecloth...
Best Performance by an Actor in a TV Series goes to Gabriel Byrne for In Treatment (which I haven't seen but heard it's quite good). He's not there, but here's a link to a stalker picture I took of him at one of my fave restaurants in New York.
Best Performance by an Actress goes to Anna Paquin for True Blood. The Golden Globes may have just lost me, and I really like that show, but her overdone southern accent GRATES. Plus, I just never wanted to see the little girl from The Piano naked, which is probably unfair to her since she's like 26 now.
Drew Barrymore's tongue piercing is really distracting me. It's kind of freaking me out.
Ricky Gervais is drinking beer, shushing people and being funny. "The trouble is with holocaust films, there's never any gag reel on the DVDs." Cut to Jay-Z and Beyonce laughing (along with everyone else).
Wall-E wins Best Animated Feature. No surprise there. Too bad JoBro had to present it. I know it's easy to say those guys bug, but really, chafe city.
Ahh, it's my old boss Johnny Depp. How does he not age? He gives Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy to Sally Hawkins for Happy Go Lucky. Wait. Mike Leigh made a comedy? People applaud wildly although I suspect they have no idea who she is. Or maybe it's just me.
Drew Barrymore is apparently having more fun as a blonde. Or more drinks. Perhaps she is just high on life AND TONGUE PIERCINGS. She and an equally giggly Jessica Lange present Best Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television to John Adams. Called that one.
Heath Ledger, of course, wins Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture. That was the oddest list of nominees I've ever heard. Strangely, they cut to Will Arnett (not nominated) like three times.
Waltz with Bashir takes Best Foreign Language Film. The animated film about the Lebanon War looks incredible. Ari Folman, the Israeli director, dedicates the award to the babies born during the four year making of the movie and says, "I hope that one day when they grow up and watch this film together and they see the war that takes place during the film it will look to them like an ancient video game that has nothing to do with their lives whatsoever."
Apparently if you have anything to do with John Adams you're going to win an award as Laura Linney accepts Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television.
In the first of what could be a sweep for Slumdog Millionaire, Simon Beaufoy picks up Best Screenplay - Motion Picture. Unfortunately, no screenwriter will ever have an acceptance speech as great as Emma Thompson's when she won for Sense and Sensibility.
Alec Baldwin wins Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy for 30 Rock and thanks his daughter Ireland but does not call her a rude little pig.
I'm not even going to talk about Renee Zellweger because a) I'm speechless and b) I hear she's very nice.
Seriously, what did I say about John Adams? Paul Giamatti just won Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Tom told me Tom Hanks didn't thank him when they won Best Picture. That Tom Hanks sure is ungrateful (and he is so NOT Robert Langdon). I met Tom Hanks once at a Hole show. How random is that... not really since it was at the Viper Room when I worked there, but who knew he was a Hole fan?
Best Television Series - Comedy or Musical goes to... John Adams!! Just kitten. 30 Rock takes the prize and oh cool, there's Will Arnett again. Tina Fey has... possibly against her better judgment, but it turns out well even though he thanks Jeff Zucker, the CEO of NBC after the lady at craft services who makes the tacos... let Tracy Morgan accept for the show as the face of post-racial America. "Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!"
A.R. Rhaman wins Best Original Score - Motion Picture for Slumdog Millionaire. They're two for two and we have our first thank you to God.
Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy goes to (please Lord not Debra Messing or Mary Louise Parker) Tina Fey for 30 Rock. Quelle surprise and well deserved. Fey goes after haters on the internet so maybe next year if Messing or Parker win they can shout out, "Linda Park you can suck it!" Then I would love them forever.
Steven Spielberg is giving a lecture on the History of Film or something after receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Drew Barrymore and her tongue piercing are very excited.
Oh God, it's Emma Thompson I love her so much! She and Dustin Hoffman present Best Director - Motion Picture to Danny Boyle. I TOTALLY WROTE THAT SENTENCE BEFORE THEY ANNOUNCED IT. Three for three. Trainspotting is still one of my fave movies ever. A Life Less Ordinary, not so much.
I swear the rate of off the shoulder dresses is like 20-1 tonight.
Colin Farrell wins Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical Or Comedy for In Bruges. Does this mean I have to see it? I bet my friend Cherie is happy now.
Time to eat my words about Kate Winslet. Has any actress ever won in both categories in the same year? Why yes, two. Sigourney Weaver won Best Actress for Gorillas in the Mist and Best Supporting Actress for Working Girl in 1989 and Joan Plowright won Best Supporting Actress for Enchanted April and Stalin in 1993. She takes Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama for Revolutionary Road. And goes on and on again... in a charming sort of way.
Mad Men wins Best Television Series - Drama. The cast may die of lung cancer but at least they were sharply dressed on a quality show, right?
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama goes to the comeback rather older kid, Mickey Rourke. He trips on his way to the stage then sticks his hand in his pants and whoa!, guess there's no time delay on this show as we all get a glimpse of director Darren Aronofsky's middle finger. Mickey thanks his dogs. (WHAT DID I TELL YOU!) I kind of think you have to dig a dude who thanks his dogs.
This post is now 1,344 words long. I blame the extremely wordy categories. I swear I regularly worship at the altar of word economy. Although really, is anyone still here? Hellooooo out therreeee...
Whew. The last award - Best Motion Picture - Drama. Goes. To. Slumdog Millionaire. Four for four and the half of the audience that's seen it is on their feet. And hey, Anil Kapoor got to meet Tom Cruise!!!!!
Goodnight everyone. Thanks for reading! If you missed it (and can stomach more), you can read my red carpet snarkage here.
The show is off to a rocky start as screwed up audio forces Jennifer Lopez to yell at everyone, "Mama's talking!" Seriously. She said that. Best Golden Globes opening ever!
Kate Winslet wins Best Supporting Actress for The Reader. I told you everyone loves a naked Kate. I guess this means she won't be winning for Revolutionary Road. Kate goes on and on, but everyone forgives her because, let's face it, she's Kate Winslet.
Next up is Bruce Springsteen who beats out Clint Eastwood for Best Original Song, "The Wrestler." Bruce talks about how awesome it is to kick Clint's ass. Sort of.
Someone needs to fix this audio. I hear loads of chatter and clinking glasses.
Aww look, there's Demi and Ashton blowing kisses to Rumer.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television (geez, what a mouthful) goes to Tom Wilkinson. He's distinguished, he's English, of course he's going to win. He played Ben Franklin in John Adams. I mean, in the movie John Adams. That other sentence sounds like porn. Was John Adams the sequel to Patch Adams?
And Best Performance by an Actress etc etc Supporting in TV goes to Laura Dern for Recount. She's come a long way from Mask, that one.
Eva Mendes appears to have borrowed Anne Hathaway's tablecloth...
Best Performance by an Actor in a TV Series goes to Gabriel Byrne for In Treatment (which I haven't seen but heard it's quite good). He's not there, but here's a link to a stalker picture I took of him at one of my fave restaurants in New York.
Best Performance by an Actress goes to Anna Paquin for True Blood. The Golden Globes may have just lost me, and I really like that show, but her overdone southern accent GRATES. Plus, I just never wanted to see the little girl from The Piano naked, which is probably unfair to her since she's like 26 now.
Drew Barrymore's tongue piercing is really distracting me. It's kind of freaking me out.
Ricky Gervais is drinking beer, shushing people and being funny. "The trouble is with holocaust films, there's never any gag reel on the DVDs." Cut to Jay-Z and Beyonce laughing (along with everyone else).
Wall-E wins Best Animated Feature. No surprise there. Too bad JoBro had to present it. I know it's easy to say those guys bug, but really, chafe city.
Ahh, it's my old boss Johnny Depp. How does he not age? He gives Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy to Sally Hawkins for Happy Go Lucky. Wait. Mike Leigh made a comedy? People applaud wildly although I suspect they have no idea who she is. Or maybe it's just me.
Drew Barrymore is apparently having more fun as a blonde. Or more drinks. Perhaps she is just high on life AND TONGUE PIERCINGS. She and an equally giggly Jessica Lange present Best Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television to John Adams. Called that one.
Heath Ledger, of course, wins Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture. That was the oddest list of nominees I've ever heard. Strangely, they cut to Will Arnett (not nominated) like three times.
Waltz with Bashir takes Best Foreign Language Film. The animated film about the Lebanon War looks incredible. Ari Folman, the Israeli director, dedicates the award to the babies born during the four year making of the movie and says, "I hope that one day when they grow up and watch this film together and they see the war that takes place during the film it will look to them like an ancient video game that has nothing to do with their lives whatsoever."
Apparently if you have anything to do with John Adams you're going to win an award as Laura Linney accepts Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television.
In the first of what could be a sweep for Slumdog Millionaire, Simon Beaufoy picks up Best Screenplay - Motion Picture. Unfortunately, no screenwriter will ever have an acceptance speech as great as Emma Thompson's when she won for Sense and Sensibility.
Alec Baldwin wins Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy for 30 Rock and thanks his daughter Ireland but does not call her a rude little pig.
I'm not even going to talk about Renee Zellweger because a) I'm speechless and b) I hear she's very nice.
Seriously, what did I say about John Adams? Paul Giamatti just won Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. Tom told me Tom Hanks didn't thank him when they won Best Picture. That Tom Hanks sure is ungrateful (and he is so NOT Robert Langdon). I met Tom Hanks once at a Hole show. How random is that... not really since it was at the Viper Room when I worked there, but who knew he was a Hole fan?
Best Television Series - Comedy or Musical goes to... John Adams!! Just kitten. 30 Rock takes the prize and oh cool, there's Will Arnett again. Tina Fey has... possibly against her better judgment, but it turns out well even though he thanks Jeff Zucker, the CEO of NBC after the lady at craft services who makes the tacos... let Tracy Morgan accept for the show as the face of post-racial America. "Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!"
A.R. Rhaman wins Best Original Score - Motion Picture for Slumdog Millionaire. They're two for two and we have our first thank you to God.
Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy goes to (please Lord not Debra Messing or Mary Louise Parker) Tina Fey for 30 Rock. Quelle surprise and well deserved. Fey goes after haters on the internet so maybe next year if Messing or Parker win they can shout out, "Linda Park you can suck it!" Then I would love them forever.
Steven Spielberg is giving a lecture on the History of Film or something after receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Drew Barrymore and her tongue piercing are very excited.
Oh God, it's Emma Thompson I love her so much! She and Dustin Hoffman present Best Director - Motion Picture to Danny Boyle. I TOTALLY WROTE THAT SENTENCE BEFORE THEY ANNOUNCED IT. Three for three. Trainspotting is still one of my fave movies ever. A Life Less Ordinary, not so much.
I swear the rate of off the shoulder dresses is like 20-1 tonight.
Colin Farrell wins Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical Or Comedy for In Bruges. Does this mean I have to see it? I bet my friend Cherie is happy now.
Time to eat my words about Kate Winslet. Has any actress ever won in both categories in the same year? Why yes, two. Sigourney Weaver won Best Actress for Gorillas in the Mist and Best Supporting Actress for Working Girl in 1989 and Joan Plowright won Best Supporting Actress for Enchanted April and Stalin in 1993. She takes Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama for Revolutionary Road. And goes on and on again... in a charming sort of way.
Mad Men wins Best Television Series - Drama. The cast may die of lung cancer but at least they were sharply dressed on a quality show, right?
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama goes to the comeback rather older kid, Mickey Rourke. He trips on his way to the stage then sticks his hand in his pants and whoa!, guess there's no time delay on this show as we all get a glimpse of director Darren Aronofsky's middle finger. Mickey thanks his dogs. (WHAT DID I TELL YOU!) I kind of think you have to dig a dude who thanks his dogs.
This post is now 1,344 words long. I blame the extremely wordy categories. I swear I regularly worship at the altar of word economy. Although really, is anyone still here? Hellooooo out therreeee...
Whew. The last award - Best Motion Picture - Drama. Goes. To. Slumdog Millionaire. Four for four and the half of the audience that's seen it is on their feet. And hey, Anil Kapoor got to meet Tom Cruise!!!!!
Goodnight everyone. Thanks for reading! If you missed it (and can stomach more), you can read my red carpet snarkage here.
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