Home Sweet Home (In a Non-Motley Crue Sort of Way)

Looks like we made it.

I am surrounded by nothingness and the Law & Order SVU marathon on USA. USA is totally my new favorite channel.

It was a good ride home. I'm a little disappointed in myself that I didn't watch Freaks and Geeks, but we did watch Bolt. That dog rules. I'm a little sad now that my dogs don't have the super bark.

I'm too tired to report much else so I'll let this old photo of Pooch entertain you instead.

Law and Order SVU: Grand Central Ripoff

I love how Law and Order: SVU managed to incorporate Improv Everywhere's Grand Central Station event, Robin Williams and Stanley Milgram all in one episode!

Improv Everywhere...



Law & Order: SVU...



Just pretend we are in Barcelona!
Ms. P

Solidarity with the WGA: Better Than Speechless

I'm enjoying Law & Order's take on the writers' strike much more than those weird morose Speechless campaign pieces.

Iowa Caucus: They're not smitten with Mitten or clinging to Clinton

Mitt "Mitten" Romney got trounced. So, sort of, did Hillary Clinton. Mike Huckabee had Chuck Norris and his overly lifted eyes standing to the left AND right of him as he gave his Mr. Smith Goes to Washington victory speech. John Edwards bummed everyone out with his bizarro "Thanks for second place" proclamation (the stories about people who died from lack of health care didn't help, either). Dennis Kucinich got zero votes. Joe Biden got one.

I don't know what to make of this. I don't like Mike. I abhor Mitten. For some reason I like the Hills and tonight's other big winner Barack Obama sways me with his charm but not with his experience. Pins and needles til November is what it's looking like.

Back to my television comfort zone, TV... Linus Roache makes a nice addition to Law & Order. Jeremy Sisto, jury's still out, haw haw. Speaking of pins and needles, I haven't watched Project Runway yet (this season's contestants are so making me yawn) or Gossip Girl so nothing new to report on the trash front.

I confess I've spent my night in a haze of MSNBC and HTML. But now it's time for Twilight and we'll see if Edward turns Bella in the sunny meadow. If you've read it, don't tell me!

It ends at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,
Ms. P

2008 Doesn't Seem That Different From 2007

I feel gluttonous. Between the Law & Order: SVU and America's Next Top Model marathons, I suspect my brain is evaporating.

SVU is pretty compelling, but Christopher Meloni looks like he uses that spray on hair stuff and his SUPER INTENSE ALL THE TIME Detective Elliot Stabler gets on my nerves every now and then (I did love him in Harold & Kumar, though). It's like he and Mariska Hargitay's Olivia Benson trade off on the PMS from episode to episode.

Believe it or not I'm watching the season preview for Rock of Love 2. I cannot believe this freaking show is back on so soon. Why, God, why??!!! I don't know if I can do it. I mean, I feel physically creeped out at the thought of having to once again watch Bret Michaels fornicate with a bunch of skanky hos and this group looks way worse than the girls of season one. Do I have the strength? Will someone support me in this endeavor?

Other interesting things coming up: Darren Star's Cashmere Mafia. It looks terrible but stars both Lucy Liu and Miranda Otto so I have to give it a chance. Then there's Eli Stone starring Sick Boy Jonny Lee Miller. I used to have a big crush on JLM so I want to see this even though it, too, looks kind of... not so great.

Two days until the Iowa Caucus! I'm ready to return to the real world.

Sort of.

I've been reading lots of vampire fiction lately, too, and I have a friend who wants me to watch Buffy (which I've been meaning to do even though Sarah Michelle Gellar gives me the hives). The Pop Culture Express doesn't look like it's making a stop anytime soon. At least I've managed to avoid P.S. I Love You.

Is this a pole?
Ms. P

I Find It Kind of Funny, I Find It Kind of Sad

Okay, so I thought this cretin lady was bad, but these idiots take the cake. Frankly, I'm so incensed by this that I can't even comment intelligently other than to say what is with our disposable society? Adopt a dog, don't like it, take it back. Adopt a kid, don't like it, take it back! And why not! In our self-obsessed world we must never be inconvenienced in any way! The only silver lining is that hopefully these kids can find parents who will give them a much better home than these freakin' morons did.

Speaking of parenting, I thought this article ("Are You Raising a Douchebag") on Details.com was interesting. I hope the pendulum gets its due shift back sometime soon and people realize that raising spoiled little mini me's maybe isn't the way to go. One thing I am grateful to my parents for is that I never mistook them for my best friend.

Taking a breath and moving on to my favorite subject of late, Mike Huckabee! He's just the gift that keeps on giving, isn't he? For whom, I'm not sure at this point. There's this, this, this, and finally, this (the Drudge Report's take on the Democratic response). Apparently wives need to submit to the servant leadership of their husbands (I hope T doesn't agree with this). Also, it turns out that the death penalty is okay because, uh, Jesus didn't get himself off the cross. What's scary is that I can sort of see how the Evangelicals come up with this sort of... interesting logic.

Some day God and the horsemen and all that rigamarole are going to storm down from the heavens and prove me wrong, I'm sure, but until that day I plan to hang onto reason, thanks. That said, I do believe in aliens... and think it entirely reasonable. Tee hee.

And finally, Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison for his illegal dogfighting business. Don't even get me started on hero worship in regard to sports stars (or celebrities). While I wish it could be 23 years, I almost feel sorry for Vick. What on earth happened to that man that led to him hanging and electrocuting dogs? That is some crazy, sociopathic poo. In honor of his sentencing, I'm re-linking to this cartoon because it was fitting and funny.

I'm watching (I bet you can guess) Law & Order: SVU while I write. It's the episode where the lunatic white trash keep the kids in cages. Crikey.

I promise I'll be all, like, butterflies and light tomorrow,
Ms. P

Grinchier Than Thou

And I thought the RIAA was bad... I guess England's not so jolly after all.

Lawrence O'Donnell doesn't like the Mormons. I can't say I find them particularly appealing, especially in the guise of one Mitt Romney. That said, I thought Mr. O's head was going to spin around and pop off as he tried to out yell Pat Buchanan on The McLaughlin Group regarding Romney's "I Am Mormon, Hear Me Roar" speech.

Generally speaking, politics are so very zzz these days. Not even Mitch McConnell's clunky line about military deaths in Iraq, "Nobody is happy about losing lives but remember these are not draftees, these are full-time professional soldiers" raised much ire with me. Mitchy Mitch came off like an insensitve jerkface? Quelle surprise.

Then there's Hillary Clinton attacking Barack Obama for writing that he wanted to become the president when he was in kindergarten. Really, Hills? That's the best you can come up with? Meanwhile, Oprah took to stumping for Obama this week and we'll see if all the Opraholics will follow her to the voting booth. The pundits say "no."

Neither Joe Biden nor Rudy Giuliani held my interest on this morning's This Week and Meet the Press.

I look forward to January 3rd when the Iowa Caucus shows what the real results of all the pandering are. Not that I personally think Iowa is representative of America, but at least we'll be getting down to truth and consequences time.

I spent the weekend watching many many episodes of Law & Order: SVU. I'm starting to become immune to the horrificness of it all (though I still cringe when I think about Zeljko). Can anyone tell me why they replaced the blonde ADA with a blonde ADA who looks just like her?

The NHK Trophy is on now. Miki Ando totally blew it and won't be going to the Grand Prix Final. Lately, if you're name isn't Yu Na Kim or Caroline Zhang, I can't be bothered. I miss Michelle Kwan!

I want the chance to play without limits!
Ms. P

Nip/Tuck: Putrid Is As Putrid Does

Spoiler type thingies to follow if you haven't watched...

I feel like a meth head after watching two episodes back to back. Grubby, shaky and yuckified, I wish I could bleach my brain.

A friend of mine recently told me that he didn't think honesty is always the best policy. I tend to vociferously disagree but after watching Sean McNamara discuss his sexual fantasies while naked, wearing only an apron with a woman in lingerie printed on the front on last week's show... I may have to reconsider. I confess I'm a little baffled by Dylan Walsh. Do the ladies really think he's hot? Any nip/tuck viewers out there, please feel free to chime in on this one. Help me understand.

Don't tell me they're gonna make me feel sorry for Eden! Nuh uh! Her freaky friend with the giant nipple just told her she's a fatty, and she's a size 0. Apparently, we're all supposed to be -2's now. Whatever happened to the size 6 ideal? Oh yeah, 6 is the new 14 (so said Stanley Tucci in The Devil Wears Prada, which I watched for the 900th time last night). Grousing about women pushing themselves into attainable only with anorexia ideals might seem strange coming from the lady on the Angie Harmon diet, but I know that even if I starved myself for months I will never be as thin as her. I just, uh, choose to visualize my old dream of being tall and gangly on my current weight loss journey (which isn't going particularly well considering I ate the vanilla bread pudding cake at Proof again today). But I digress...

Matt and Kimber's desperation is just too much. From gay porn to pulling up the carpet for quarters to sleeping with their dealer, I hope that if any good can come of this it's that no one sees this as an overblown dramatization of the face of meth addiction even though Kimber looks a lot better than most speed freaks. Did you know that John Hensley, the actor who plays Matt, is from Kentucky?

Sean and his gastric bypassed fiancee have a full on honesty trumps everything blowout and S confesses he can't get the vision of her, err, doing number two in the hot tub out of his mind. I'm relieved to hear this because NEITHER CAN I!

You might wonder why I sit around watching self-involved nitwits act like... self-involved nitwits so many nights of the week, and I can only offer this as an excuse - it makes for better blogging. It's much harder to wax rhapsodic about the things I love. I should work on that.

But you know, I'll do that later. Tonight's ep uses the ruse of reality as we follow the doctors around documentary style for some crappy show called Plastic Fantastic. We're regaled with tales about their humble beginnings and so on and so forth. Julia McNamara looked better when she was straight. However, I don't think dating Portia de Rossi's Olivia is what's aging her. It's probably continuing to act on this festering wound of a show.

I do like that Roma Maffia, though! I'm not sure I understand why her character just said, "Julia is as gay as a jicama salad." Jicama salads are gay? Gosh, now I'm worried about my Puffins cereal.

I have to look away during the surgery scenes. What about you? I feel queasy.

I thought Eden was in rehab but no, here she is wreaking havoc and acting like a ho. Can't they just lock her up and throw away the key? Oh drat, they just showed her being "human." God, maybe this writer's strike is a blessing in disguise. If I've said that before, I apologize. It's hard to be fresh every day. Maybe I should consult Always about this.

Blah blah blah, Sean realizes he's gone Hollywood and starts smooching on Eden. I have nothing to say about Christian Troy (except that his eyebrows still weird me out). The test audience for Plastic Fantastic gave the good doctors a likability score of two. Yup, that pretty much sums it up! Oh wait, make that a - 2.

I'm off to watch, you guessed it, Law & Order: SVU. My eyes really wish they hadn't seen Michael Gross - you know, Mr. Keaton from Family Ties - do Ecstasy and have sex with a thirty-something hooker (after he mutilated his wife and some other woman to cover up the mutilation of... his wife) last night. Super EUW!!!! I still think the the Zeljko Ivanek ep was worse, though.

The dog is spazzing out,
Ms. P

We Can Be Heroes: Just for One Hour

Heroes Spoiler Alert...

Is Nathan Petrelli really dead? Will Adam Monroe live forever... in a coffin? Sylar is back after injecting himself with Claire's blood, but yick. Why? Elle saves the day but is it too little too late? Is she really Bob Bishop's daughter? I'm failing to see the family resemblance. I love how Matt Parkman gets people to do his bidding by craning his neck forward and looking alternately confused and constipated. And what about Niki? Or Jessica? Or whatever her name is... Why, oh, why must we wait til 2008? Just as Heroes was stopping the suckage. Drat. Will the writer's strike further impede our quest? Double drat!

I've stopped watching Reaper in favor of Chuck but tonight's episode is getting on my last nerve (although Adam Baldwin - still groovy!) However, I maintain that Morgan, as dopey and irritating as he is, is still better than chubby best friend on Reaper. That guy really needs a smack.

I went back to tae kwon do class for the first time in six weeks tonight. My stupid toe is still broken so I could only do half the kicks which is fine since I only have about half the ability. The ass kicking will be in serious short supply for another few weeks it seems. Bummer.

I started the Angie Harmon diet today and I'm starving. This isn't an actual diet that Ms. Harmon recommends or does herself, but whenever I feel like eating junk I now say "Angie Harmon" and visualize her 20 times thinner than mine physique. I'll let you know if it works. What I'm really visualizing are some grumpy weeks ahead, but after cupcaking my way from Beverly Hills to Portland to New York (and not exercising at all), well, err, yeah. I recently bought an unforgiving scale, too, which is. not. helping. at. all.

This Thursday marks episode 300 of ER. It's amazing that show is still on. And that people still care. It's impressive, actually, as Pushing Daisies is on episode 8, and I think I'm already sick of it. Take me back to when I thought it would be my new favorite show!

Okay, time to watch Law & Order: SVU. Remember the one where Zeljko Ivanek had an affair with his daughter and she had two babies by him which she subsequently threw in the trash? Yeah. Totally gross. Saw that one last night. And I really like him as an actor. Not so sure anymore. ::shudder::

It's greenie time!
Ms. P

Manhattan to Crestwood

Apologies for the absence, but I was too busy stuffing my face full of pretzel croissants at The City Bakery and drinking their insanely rich hot chocolate. Aside from the fact that I watched yet another marathon of America's Next Top Model and got myself addicted to Law and Order SVU (have you seen that ep with Marcia Gay Harden and the white supremacists? What a twist!), I did manage to get out there and take some decent shots like the one above of 5th Ave and the Metlife Tower. It started raining as soon as I started shooting, but it was worth it.

However, now I'm home and it's back to TV wonderland. Sadly, this week's Project Runway and America's Next Top Model episodes left me cold. Fashion is in trouble if this is the next wave of designers and models. Episode 3 of Project Runway shows the contestants designing menswear for Tiki Barber, who is apparently some football player with a hot Asian wife. Christian, though he loves my people and thinks we're "fierce", is still the brat of the pack but he is becoming a mascot of sorts so maybe he'll grow on me. I understand the group isn't used to designing for dudes, but really, though the measurements and proportions are different is it that hard to reconfigure a shirt, jacket, vest and pants? Elisa, the spitting hippie, is freaking out because she's never had to fit a man other than her boyfriend and omigod, it's so intimate! One love, sister. What's the big deal? Ricky, who managed to wear four hats then NO hat, was so far behind he had his model sew the buttons on his shirt. Sweet P needs to be renamed Blind P because I have no idea what the heck that shirt was. I think she thought the NFL was the NBA. In the end, Jack the brawny HIV positive naked model (I saw the pictures today!) won, and it was Carmen's turn to go. I guess all that modeling experience didn't help her after all! I don't think I've ever seen so many unfinished ill-fitting outfits come down Project's runway.

Speaking of models getting dumped from reality TV, it was farewell Hoosier Heather on ANTM. I'm only sad about this because now I'm left with four girls I couldn't care less about. My money's on Saleisha or Jenah. If Chantal wins I may never watch the show again. I even like Bianca better than her.

I'm excited to see there are finally some movies worth going to the theater for. I really really hope The Golden Compass doesn't suck. I've seen the Juno commercial about 20 times in the last hour and it looks pretty cute. But Michael Cera is pretty cute and everyone loves Kitty Pryde!

Okay, it's time to feed the animals and watch Kathy Griffin. My life is so suburban!

Thank you, Jesus!
Ms. P