Greatness, Thou Art Internet

I don't know if that headline makes sense, and this definitely doesn't make sense but it is possibly the best thing I have ever ever ever seen.



I'm keeping busy these days coming up with fun blog posts at SXSW like this one today with awesome new favorite person (and Kentucky dude) Daniel Martin Moore. Peep it, y'all!!

The American Dad Experience... and Special Edition LP Questionnaire with Mike Barker

It was September 2008 when we trekked down to Wilshire Blvd after a grand ol' time at Leno so the guys could do their voice overs for Seth MacFarlane and Mike Barker's animated series American Dad.

I couldn't write about it until now because it was a :shhh:.

However, the My Morning Jacket episode finally airs this Sunday on Fox! Set your DVRS, kids!

Titled "My Morning Straitjacket," the show features Stan becoming a full on MMJ groupie. I can understand how that happens and not just because I'm biased and stuff. As Barker said, "The best band in the world appearing on the 59th top-rated show on television? It's a no-brainer."

Lookit! There's the excellent Mike Barker. And that Jim guy.

It was the second time we'd been to the American Dad/Family Guy offices and let me say, it's one of the happiest places on earth. They ply you with candy and good times and everyone is almost eerily nice.

See! Candy! And Tom! And Bo!

Speaking of Tom (Blankenship, MMJ bassist, all around decent human being), he had this to say about the experience, "What struck me most was Mike Barker and [American Dad writer] Matt Fusfeld's enthusiasm for having us be a part of the show and their love for what they do. That made the whole experience so comfortable. These were dudes just like us and I think we shared the thought, 'Holy sh*t! This is what we do for a living!'"

We all had about a million laughs as the band took turns in the sound booth making the TV magics happen.

See! Magics!

I can't wait to see the final result. You guys have only had two weeks of anticipation. I've had over a year!

In honor of this most sure to be excellent episode, Mr. Mike Barker agreed to do my rather silly (read: totally awesome) LP Questionnaire.


Mike Barker is a half-Baptist/half-Jew who grew up in Wichita, Kansas.

He shared this rather sad childhood story with me... My parents divorced when I was 12. My father picked me up from Kos Harris Elementary school one day with the backseat of the 1976 White Mercury Cougar stuffed to the hilt with clothes. Me: "Dad, what... what's going on? Why are all those clothes in the backseat?" Dad: "Son... There's no easy way to... Mike... Look, son, your mother and I haven't been getting along for quite some time now."

The happy ending: Mike never blamed himself for his parents' divorce and is married with two wonderful daughters. His eldest (pictured here with the juggling Mike), five-year old Chloe, constantly shouts at him while he's in the shower to "turn off the water" because he's "hurting the planet." Mike pays good money to Chloe's preschool so they can teach her to yell at her father while he's in the shower, trying to get his head straight for the long day ahead of him.

And without further ado, MB tackles The LP Questionnaire:

Name: Mike Barker
Pro Wrestling name: Bunkhouse Cobra

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend.

The Year, 1983. My face, acne ridden. My heart, bursting. My groin, ignored. My mix-tape remedy:

1. Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue" - Check...
2. Spandau Ballet's "True" - And...
3. Prince's "Little Red Corvette" - Mate!

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? Um, the Mountain Man that sexually assaulted Ned Beatty in Deliverance? At least with that guy in office we couldn't act surprised when he inevitably violated us. By the way, is this a family paper?

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Hong Kong Phooey - the cat is smarter than the dog! Women are smarter than men! Come on, fellas, treat your ladies better!

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Is the ability to remember in good times that bad times will eventually be back but that they too won't last a superpower? It should be.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? How To Succeed Artistically Without Selling Out: An Autobiography in Five Volumes

Way back when, My Morning Jacket subjected themselves to the LPQ. You can peep their answers here.

Twitter Polling - And the Votes Are In...

Good afternoon, ladies and gents...

Some new poll results are in and I know you've been anxious to hear the outcome on the big Golden Girls vs Gilmore Girls battle royale but first...

Thursday's poll (taken from The LP Questionnaire, and not an original query by any means), "What superpower do you wish you had?" garnered some interesting answers. I thought for sure "flying" would win, but it only got one vote! I went through all the past LPQ's and flying won by a wide margin. Some want the power of persuasion, @Lyngay wants the ability to speak all languages (now that is handy!), telekinesis was another good one, but the big winner was teleportation!! Tweets ranged from "Like Jumper, but not as lame" (@poptown) to "with a further range than Nightcrawler" (@tweetrenee).

Friday's question, Golden Girls or Gilmore Girls? really surprised me. The Golden Girls took the early lead, as I thought they would, but Gilmore Girls came out on top - by one! There was a little too much Kirk love for my liking and someone replied, "Gilmore Girls because old ladies talking about sex all the time weirds me out." So, err, there you have it.

You can still vote in today's poll, and Kentucky peeps please chime in because I never would have thought of this one if it weren't for you. "When talking about Reese's peanut butter cups, pieces, etc do you say Reese's or Reesies?" Inquiring minds want to know! Answer @mspark... or follow if you want to participate every weekday. (I also Twitter lots of bananalities, which is always entertaining... or not... but, you know, Jason Statham follows me so I am tooootally cool.) You can comment here on this one... basically I'm trying to decide if this is a Kentucky thing or a Tom is weird thing.

Okay, I'm off for now. I have to get away from The Wedding Planner.

("I Think I Voted" pic found at Keith Olbermann Is Evil.)

The LP Questionnaire - Marc Maron

I was going to write a pithy intro about Marc Maron and all his many, many, many, many, many, many accomplishments (he was on Conan 42 times!), but he sent me a little mini-bio that is way more amusing than anything I could come up with so here goes...

"Marc Maron is a standup comic, author, actor, radio personality, feral cat wrangler and a Jew. His recent accomplishments include accidentally running over a large Possum in his driveway and then crying AND doing an afternoon Google research project to find out who his ex-wife is sleeping with and then crying. His book, The Jerusalem Syndrome: My Life as a Reluctant Messiah, is out of print and overpriced by vendors who think it might have some collectors value. His two CDs, Not Sold Out and Tickets Still Available are reasonably priced and available. He's been on HBO, Conan, Letterman, Air America and Comedy Central. His new solo show, Scorching the Earth, is a brokenhearted comedy bile fest for the emotionally traumatized seeking relief. He is currently a co-host of the live daily internet video show, Breakroom Live with Maron and Seder, on Air America. You can also do the www.marcmaron.com thing."

See... some might call me lazy, I just call Mr. Maron a far better writer than I. Me?

More evidence here, in his fabulosin LP Questionnaire!!

Name: Marc Maron
Pro Wrestling Name: Fusion Slate. Sounds more like a list of candidates from a political party in the future. (Though I think we may have our first Fusion president now.)

1. Pretend you’re 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.
I was 15 in 1978 three songs on a mixed tape:
Wild One Forever-Tom Petty
Watching the Detectives - Elvis Costello
The Jean Jeanie - David Bowie

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Edward G Robinson as Rico in Little Caesar. "You'll shut up and take this stimulus package, see. I'm the new boss in the oval office, see. You republicans are all washed up, see. Now get out."

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? The Roadrunner - it serves as a template for almost all of the romantic relationships in my life. I, of course, am Wile E. Coyote.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Emotional boundaries-some kind of psychic body shield to keep crazy street people and dangerous women from walking into my soul

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Explosive Despair - The Way Too Long Angry Life and Times of Marc Maron

This is a repository from my SXSW blog. I gots these things comin' out my ears these days and they are ALL GOOOOOOOOD.

The LP Questionnaire - Janeane Garofalo

Janeane Garofalo is way smarter than me. Way funnier than me. And that's perfectly fine. The queen of supremely dry wit, she embodied a cool that I could maybe grasp for fleeting seconds (and with Criscoed fingers) in my 20s.

I ask LPQ participants to send over some random factoids so I can whip up my little dork city intros. She wrote, "I have chronic back pain and I think I have an inner ear infection."

You know Garofalo from her stand-up, movie/tv performances and time on Air America. She's a political activist, and I always enjoy her appearances on Real Time with Bill Maher (though I seem to be the only person I know who watches that show).

It made my day when I got her responses to The LP Questionnaire.

Name: Janeane Garofalo
Pro Wrestling Name: Red Skye

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend. 1980- Anything from Joe Jackson's "I'm the Man" album.

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? The one that was the illegitimate president for the past eight years, Dick Cheney

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Kimba the White Lion

4. What superpower do you wish you had? The ability to get a lot done in a day

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? I Can't Seem to Get Anything Done in a Day

Boy oh boy, I can't either.

Hey kids, hope you enjoyed!

The LP Questionnaire - Dax Shepard

A Short Film by Dax Shepard


This was originally intended for the SXSW website but then Dax had to return to movieland and isn't coming to le fest.

However, his LP Questionnaire was so freaking funny it had to get publicized somewhere.

I'm posting a short film he wrote and directed and it contains some swear type words so YA BEEN WARNED!

So here you go, peoples. Sorry there's not a witty and amazing intro, but I am about to lose what little brain I have left in these final hours. I think this is what that Europe "Final Countdown" song was all about.

He was hilarious in Idiocracy, he's hilarious here.... Dax Shepard does The LP Questionnaire.

Name: Dax Shepard

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend. If it were 1990, and I was 15, I would woo my lady with a mix of "Love My Way" by The Psychedelic Furs, "Birthday" by Sugarcubes and "Eye Know" by De La Soul. I might just cheat though, and buy her the Valley Girl soundtrack.

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? I think Lex Luthor would make an outstanding president. He is the ultimate problem solver. "You say Superman can only be defeated by this mythical substance called kryptonite? Uh-uh, and it's not found here on Earth? No problem. I'll have some by Thursday."

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Super Friends was my favorite cartoon. Specifically the episodes with The Green Lantern. My friends and I always argued about who was the toughest. Superman was usually their favorite, but I thought The Green Lantern would destroy him. My understanding of his ring was that it could create ANYTHING, including a man twice as strong as Superman.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I would like the superpower of turning into Brad Pitt when I wanted.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? My autobiography would be entitled, Horse Power. If I am ever famous enough to have my own line of celebrity cologne, I intend on calling that "Horse Power" too. It's a very provocative name, and I think it would move a lot of product. I envision the commercial for Horse Power (the Book or Cologne) having me command a Team of Eight Clydesdales from the seat of an old-timey carriage, all while shirtless and agitated.

Thanks for reading. You're cool.

The LP Questionnaire - Margaret Cho

The LP Questionnaire returns today with one of my favorite comedians Margaret Cho!!

I've long been a fan and not just because of girl power or Koreanism or anything.

Ms. Cho is performing all over the place at the SXSW thing so if you're in Austin (or headed that way), you go to there!

I'm a fortunate type that the badass lady who once did shots of vodka with Gorbachev took time out to do my little survey.

So, without further ado...

Name: Margaret Cho
Pro Wrestling Name: Voluptuous Dame

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.

Oh no. 1986!
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Forever Young
Pretty in Pink

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? The Joker

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Peanuts

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I wish I could fly.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? I Totally Made That Up

Everybody wants to fly... I've never had that desire, I have to say . Unless I could be like Lois Lane flying with Superman or something. That says something bad about me, I think.

The LPQ returns very soon with Marc Maron, Dax Shepard, Janeane Garofalo and other people who are way way funnier than me.

I'm turning into a Cadbury Mini Egg as I write.

'NIGHT!

ps. I confess this is a re-post from the SXSW Blog.

What I'm Listening to Right This Very Second - Jacob Golden "On A Saturday"

I'M SO SENSITIVE!!!!

But seriously... I love this song.

He did my LP Questionnaire. I don't know why I never posted it here.

The LP Questionnaire - Joe Vaux

I first met Joe Vaux at the offices of The Family Guy/American Dad. MMJ had been invited to observe one of the table readings and obviously that was just too neato of an experience to pass up.

After the read-through they gave us a tour of the whole operation and on the way we were introduced to Mr. Vaux, and I noticed that he was also a most excellent artist in his own right.

Flash forward to me starting this whole LP Questionnaire business.... I asked Joe to participate a while ago which he so kindly did.

Flash forward some more, and I come to find that he's part of a group show starting this Friday at my favorite gallery in the world, Gallery 1988.

G1988 recently opened their San Francisco arm (the original is in Los Angeles at Melrose and La Brea), and they routinely show groundbreaking supercool artists.

If you're in SF, please don't miss "Strangely Mannered."

Either way, please enjoy JV on The LP Questionnaire...

Name: Joe Vaux
Pro Wrestling Name: They call me Wolf Bobcat in the ring, but while I'm in the air getting ready to apply a wicked pile driver they call me The Atomic Rat.

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend. Pixies "Wave of Mutilation" slow and fast version. Jane's Addiction's "Summertime rolls" and Yes' "Close to the Edge."

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? Ming the Merciless vs. Darth Bush. Ming wins by TKO in the the 10th round. Both have "axis" to lots of evil.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? There can't be just one, sooo; Spider Man and his Amazing friends, Smurfs, and Dungeons and Dragons.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? China

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Everybody Poops

Thanks for dropping by. I hope you've been riveted by this edition of The LP Questionnaire. Read more here, if you like. Recent participants include Warren Ellis, Bill Hader and Fred Armisen. Or maybe you'd be interested in past victims Billy Zoom, Hanson or, uh, my husband.

G'night,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Warren Ellis

Today is the day, people! Astonishing X-men #25, the first of the Warren Ellis/Simone Bianchi collaboration for Marvel, arrives in stores today. Though I will miss the Joss Whedon/John Cassaday combo (his Beast was pretty delish), I'm psyched to see where Ellis and Bianchi take the series.

I know I don't write about comics too often (okay, maybe ever), but I am married to a massive comics enthusiast (we went to Wizard World!) so I have interest through osmosis, and Ellis is a legend in the field.

Prolific, and with a personality that extends beyond the world of the make-believe, I'm a regular reader of Ellis' blog, and in addition to his popular series Black Summer, he's also written a novel, Crooked Little Vein, and is developing a series for AMC called Dead Channel.

I'm also rather excited about Castlevania: Dracula's Curse, an animated feature he's doing based on the Castlevania video games... games I play with obsessive abandon whenever they come out.

So without further ado, please enjoy Warren Ellis on The LP Questionnaire (which he sent me a while ago, but I wanted to save it for something special).

Name: Warren Ellis
Pro Wrestling Name: Apparently it's Smooth Jackal.

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend. God, 15... that makes it 1983. What did we have in 1983 that'd go on a romantic mixtape? Especially, you know, when you're 15, it's dark and cold all the time "Blue Monday," New Order. "Never Never," The Assembly. And... hell, this is tough, actually. "Red Red Wine"? The Banshees covering "Dear Prudence"? No: Dexy's Midnight Runners doing "Come On Eileen."

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? Hell, I don't care. I live in England. Watching you actually choose an evil villain every four years is a great spectator sport for us out here in the rest of the world. Although we confess to some disappointment that Arnold Schwarzenegger won't be running against Jesse Ventura in '08. What a cage match that would be.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? I remember when I was very small, seven or eight years old, my favourite cartoon was this odd Japanese import called Marine Boy, that played all one summer on the morning TV.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Teleportation. Without a doubt. Except maybe I'd like the power of Not Dying better.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? I Am Not Finished, So Sod Off

Thanks so much for joining us for this edition of The LP Questionnaire. You can read other groovy LP?s here, if you like.

I heart Beast,
Ms. P

ps. I would have given a photo credit but could not find a shooter to go with the shot. Cute pic, though.

The LP Questionnaire - Jeff Ament of Pearl Jam

In honor of Bonnaroo (and to write something other than My Morning Jacket posts), I bring you Mr. Jeff Ament, bassist extraordinnaire of a little band called Pearl Jam. PJ hits the What Stage at 10.15 on a Saturday night (better known as tomorrow, but I just had to make the Cure joke).

Some fun factoids about Jeff... he grew up in Big Sandy, Montana (population about 700) where his dad served as both the mayor and the barber for the town.

His family is good friends with, organic farmer and U.S. Senator Jon Tester. Jeff lead the charge with some dedicated (and successful) campaigning to get Tester elected in 2006.

Aside from music, Jeff is an amazing skateboarder, basketball player, and artist.

In 2004, he and his girlfriend climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in support of Save the Children.

Jeff spends his days between Seattle and Montana and has two funny little dogs.

I'm quite lucky that he did The LP Questionnaire. Please enjoy.

Name: Jeff Ament
Pro Wrestling Name: Dirk Devil

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend.
1. I'll Be Creepin'-Free 2. Crazy-Seal 3. Massive Attack-Safe From Harm

2. Which evil villain would make the best President? ... I believe he's in office... I can't imagine a more evil doer.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Harlem Globetrotters/Aquaman

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Making evildoers disappear.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? The Barber's Son or I Coulda Been a Priest by Jeff Diction

Thanks for stopping by. You can read more superfun LP Questionnaires here.

Back tomorrow with a review of Friday at Bonnaroo (read: MMJ performance).

Heading out to the fields,
Ms. P

ps. I just heard that Tim Russert passed away today after a sudden heart attack. RIP.

The LP Questionnaire - Bill Hader of Saturday Night Live

Of course, Bill Hader is so much more than just SNL. You loved him as Officer Slater in Superbad... as Jason Segel's best bud Brian in Forgetting Sarah Marshall... as the voice of Wilson Taylor Sr in Grand Theft Auto...

Hader, a comics afficionado, likes to read, is bad at video games and enjoys watching old movies. When he was in 5th grade he played Frosty the Snowman in a Christmas Play (he had no dialogue). He used to be in a sketch group called Animals From the Future that performed shows in a backyard in Van Nuys. It was at one of these shows that he met his wife, Maggie.

Bill is super duper nice (he took this pic just for me this morning on his Blackberry) and is totally awesome sauce for doing The LP Questionnaire...

Name: Bill Hader
Pro Wrestling Name: Demolition Mysterio. That name doesn't work in some states. It has to be changed to Demolition By a Guy Who Does Stuff Real Good.

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend. In 1993, I would have "Drivin' on 9" by The Breeders, "Aero Zeppelin" by Nirvana, and "Pull My Strings" by The Dead Kennedys on ANY mix tape. Those were the three albums I listened to the most when I mowed lawns that summer.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? Harry Ellis, that guy from DIE HARD. He's more of a dumb-ass than a villain, but when I was a kid I hated him so much. I was like, "Don't try to smooth talk Hans, Ellis! You're f***ing everything up!"

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? The Secret of Nimh. My sisters and I were obsessed with that cartoon.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I don't know. The power to balance my check book.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? How the F*** Did You Get in Here?

I hope you've enjoyed this edition of The LP Questionnaire. Thanks to Bill Hader whose birthday is in two days so Happy Birthday, Bill!

Stay cool,
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Fred Armisen of Saturday Night Live

The LP Questionnaire returns as the 33rd season of Saturday Night Live heads off to the history books. I was lucky enough to catch the second to last episode of this season (which featured My Morning Jacket and will run again this coming Saturday if you missed it) in all its real time glory.

I'm also lucky that Fred Armisen, one of the shows latest breakout stars, agreed to do my little feature. We all know Fred through his funny impersonations, quirky characters, and as the drummer for Trenchmouth, but we may not know that he loves chocolate, hates the beach and is a skilled player of Grand Theft Auto.

This photo was taken right after a visit to the Hollywood Wax Museum and Mr. A says, "The figures looked so off-kilter and unreal. I couldn't get over the way they were posed! So this is me if I was a wax figure."

And this is Fred if he answered The LP Questionnaire:

Name: Fred Armisen
Pro Wrestling Name: Captain Hammer? That's not what I want! I'm renaming myself. Captain Captain.

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend. Oh, good one! "Love Song" The Damned, "Revolution Rock" The Clash, "Green Eyes" Husker Du.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? Mother Theresa

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Felix the Cat

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I wish I could read. No, really, um...the ability to eat and eat and never gain weight.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? The Life and Times of Princess Diana (The People's Princess). It would sell so many copies!

I hope you enjoyed this installment of The LP Questionnaire. Coming up: Bill Hader, Warren Ellis, David Peterson, Jeff Ament of Pearl Jam, Thom D'Arcy of Small Sins, Johnny Quaid, Danny Cash, Joe Vaux and more!

The LP Questionnaire - Billy Zoom of X

I don't think I can come up with a bunch of frilly preamble to describe the supreme cool that is legendary guitarist Billy Zoom. My little words will just cheapen the effect. All I can say is Billy Zoom gives the best hugs! My friend Jamie and I can attest to this fact. Yes... fact.

And without further ado, BZ and The LP Questionnaire...

Name: Billy Zoom
Pro Wrestling Name: Bunkhouse Ninja. I assume this makes some kind of sense to you. The last time I watched pro-wrestling, Vern Gagne was still the champion. I guess times have changed.

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend. The year would be 1963. We didn't have mixes or tapes then. I was listening to "Time Out" by the Dave Brubeck Quartet, "Green Onions" by Booker T. and the MG's, and "Night Train" by Buddy Morrow.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? I think most of them have already been there and done that.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Either Peanuts or Krazy Kat...depending on my mood.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? The power to understand women.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.

The LP Questionnaire - James McNew of Yo La Tengo

International man of mystery James McNew of Yo La Tengo lives in Brooklyn, NY and likes Vietnamese sandwiches. He does bloggish things... occasionally... here. Yo La Tengo rocked the house at SXSW when they played The Austin Music Hall with those My Morning Jacket guys.

Mr. McNew on The LP Questionnaire...

Name: James McNew
Pro Wrestling Name: This is my wrestling name.

1. Pretend you're 15. Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend.

Black Flag, "Depression," Thin Lizzy, "Cowboy Song," Flipper, "Way of The World." She wouldn't have liked it.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? How I wish this were a funny question.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Speed Racer

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I would've liked to have somehow been able to prevent The Police from ever playing again.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Will There Ever Be A Rainbow?

Photo by Matthew Salacuse

The LP Questionnaire - Jonah Ray

Here are the things Jonah Ray told me about himself:

Most of his life is up on the internet.
He was born in Hawaii, came to LA to do comedy but just ended up drinking in San Pedro for a year before doing anything.
He got a job as a PA on the second season of The Andy Milonakis Show before being fired and then immediately rehired as a writer. He "f***ed up-wards."
He used to roadie for some bands like Dios Malos and Giant Drag.
He's on G4 TV a lot.
He did a small tour with Sean O'Conner in the fall called "STILL BORN in the USA".
He HATES writing about himself.

And here is how Jonah answered The LP Questionnaire...

Name: Jonah Ray
Pro Wrestling Name: Bulldog Bear, which makes sense because I shit and sleep all the time.

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend. When i was 15 the year was 1997 and I was probably about 300 lbs. and not really making mix tapes for ANYBODY but myself...and Abbie, the girl I had a crush on. Too bad it was her chubby friend that liked me... I wasn't having that...too much flesh.

Three songs I was probably putting on every mix tape were "Peter Brady" by Screeching Weasel, "Start Today" by Gorilla Biscuits, and the cover of Elvis Costello's "Hand in Hand" by Scared of Chaka. All I listened to was pop punk and hardcore.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? I think the best evil villain that would make a good president is George W. Bush. BASS! POLITICAL JAB!!!

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? My favorite cartoon as a kid was Muppet Babies. I couldn't handle the risque humour of the grown up Muppets...just the baby versions. Didnt you ever see the prequel to Cool World? So much easier to swallow.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I wish I could walk on water, but I'd only wanna do that when the water was SO cold it had frozen over or something crazy like that. But at the rate things are going, I doubt I'll ever be able to realize this "superpower"....thanks a lot GEORGE W BOOSH! BOOM!!! BAM!!!! yet another slam on the U, S of A!

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? What if I Tried? A Story of an Unknown Comedian

The LP Questionnaire - Eugene Mirman

This originally came from the SXSW blog, but Eugene Mirman is so awesome he deserves a double.

When Eugene was in the 8th grade he once got a -8 on a homework assignment for math class (I guess this was that new math they were trying to teach us back in the 80s). One time at a party he defeated the girl who was the backgammon champion of Chicago.

In the 6th grade his dog got hit by a car and died, and a girl told him that his dog committed suicide because it didn't love him (and that is one of the most tragic stories ever).

Name: Eugene Mirman
Pro Wrestling Name: King Frost (the female version is Miss Freak)

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.

The year is 1990. I would put "What It Takes" by Aerosmith (or "Janie's Got A Gun" if I was in a goofball mood), "Sweet Child 'O Mine" by Guns 'N Roses and "Stuck Inside A Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again" by Bob Dylan.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? Magneto, because he is good natured, and he's also well informed.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Superfriends, I think. I also liked Galaxy Rangers and Transformers.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? It's so hard to pick just one, because they are all so good (except if your power was throwing up a lot and not noticing it). It would definitely be fun to fly. However, it would also be great to shoot beams out of your mind. I guess I would have to say telekinesis, because it's the most versatile. I'd want to be a much more powerful version of Scott Baio's character from Zapped! (I'd also take my powers more seriously than he did) and also from Zapped Again! (which I have not seen, but I imagine must be very, very similar to Zapped!).

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? It would either be Eugene Mirman: The Story Of Oddball Immigrant Man or Please Don't Shit There: The Life And Times Of Eugene Mirman. Regardless, it would have a giant sticker on it that said, “Now With More Swears!”

Thanks for joining us for this edition of The LP Questionnaire. Jonah Ray coming up tomorrow. I heard recently that Warren Ellis will be at Wizard World Chicago so I'll have to dust that one off and give it a post (and yes, I'm sitting on all manner of excellent LPQ's because I'm totally lame).

You have a good day!
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer of Human Giant

I ran this on the SXSW Blog because Rob and Paul performed. They were so funny and awesomeness in their answers that I thought I'd re-post (and I'm also doing this because I haven't eaten in three days and I've done nothing but watch The L Word, Dancing with the Stars and America's Next Top Model. Lame-o is my name-o, but oh my God, I'm not as lame as Carlos Santana who is riffing on shoes in this Macy's commercial that's on the tely right now. Seriously, Carlos).

And without further ado... Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer take on The LP Questionnaire...

Rob Huebel is afraid of being buried alive and puts bbq sauce on everything he eats.

Rob likes the word "moist," but hates the word "moisture" and doesn't have any racist tattoos.

He is being stalked by Tina Turner.

Name: Rob Huebel
Pro Wrestling Name: Major Alchemist

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind).Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.

In 1985, I didn't have a girlfriend. Or a drivers license. If I were smart, I would have made a mixtape with some cool traxx on it. Then I'd throw it into my boom box and ask if we could fingerbang each other to such hits as: "Party All the Time" by Eddie Murphy, "We built this City" by Starship and "Can't Fight this Feeling Anymore" by REO Speedwagon.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? I think the T-1000 from Terminator 2 would be a great President. He seems like a young, dedicated machine that would never give up. And you couldn't assassinate him. So we'd save a lot of money on Secret Service.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? I watched He-man when I was probably too old to watch it. It really changed my life. I ride a tiger around now.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? I would like to be able to vomit money. That would be great.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Rob Huebel Thinks You Should Buy This Book, You Pussy

Paul Scheer once crashed his mother's Mercury Bobcat when he shifted the car in reverse while it was parked on a hill and he crashed into a tree.

This Halloween he dressed up as Jared from Kid Nation.

Name: Paul Scheer
Pro Wrestling Name: Agent Nova

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your
girlfriend/boyfriend.

The year is 1991 and here is my Mixtape

"Gonna Make You Sweat", C+C Music Factory - BEST SONG EVER!
"Touch Myself", Divinyls - I don't quite Understand it fully, but I know it's dirty.
"Losing My Religion", R.E.M. - I don't get it but the video is cool.
"Unbelievable", EMF - Andrew Dice Clay mixed with Music, Does life get any better?

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? GENERAL ZOD from Superman 2. He's got the outfit, the sweet goatee and the ponytail. Hell yes, I'd kneel before Zod.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Hong Kong Fuey...But looking back on it now, it seems oddly racist.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? The power

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? This Isn't Just about Making Sausage, It's About Good Ideas: The Paul Scheer Story. Basically I'd just take Jimmy Dean's autobiography and every time it says "Jimmy," I'd replace that with "Paul."

You can catch Human Giant on MTV on Tuesday nights (but knowing MTV they probably run it a hundred other times throughout the week).

Thanks for reading. The Jonas Brothers make me want to puke, but I'm sure they're very nice boys.

Steve Guttenberg survives! The Devil lives!
Ms. P

The LP Questionnaire - Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend

Repost from the SXSW blog but this is a goodie... especially as it comes just in time for their upcoming SNL performance...

Vampire Weekend... the band that's everywhere and on everybody's minds might have you wondering, who is this new sensation? Who are these young Columbia University lads? Why does everyone love them? Why are theirs the songs coming from my roommate Andy's speakers?

Vampire Weekend's sound is a tasty treat... it's juicy fruits on planet earth... weekend getaways to sunsets that sunshine. They've made it onto numerous Pick Three lists and their SXSW showcase is one of the most highly anticipated of the festival.

So, how on earth was I lucky enough to get Ezra Koenig to do the admittedly dorky LP Questionnaire? Sometimes when you ask, you do receive.

Name: Ezra Koenig
Pro Wrestling Name: I've had a pro-wrestling name for a long time so i'll just put that: The Sea King

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.

I was 15 in 1999-2000.
1. A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation
2. Beastie Boys - Sure Shot
3. The Specials - Too Much Too Young

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? I'm a firm believer in keeping evil out of public office.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? It was Muppet Babies straight-up. That's still my favorite cartoon.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? Tactile memory-transmission to promote universal understanding like the kid in The Giver.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? This is the Autobiography of the E

If I get one more spam email about enhancing my pleasure I'm going to join a convent. Seriously. Every hour I'm reminded of Viagra (or worse). I'm not Bob Dole just yet, people. Thank God for good headphones that let me drown in a sea of music while I write pithy truths and occasional white lies in the key of LP.

photo by Steven Brahms

The LP Questionnaire - Ben Spurr of The Coast

Re-post from the SXSW blog... partly because I can be convicted of lazy posting, partly because I'm working 90 hour days, mostly because I really like this band and want you to, too.

The great country of Canada produces some of the coolest bands... Rush, The Band, Arcade Fire, Sloan, Tegan and Sara, Neil Young and Crazy Horse... and we all know how I just love Triumph...

Along comes The Coast with the kind of sublime pop that feels so familiar and songs take you by the heart to the place where it's fall and there's a snap in the air and that cute guy/girl you have a crush on is walking you home and suddenly you're both running because the moon eclipsed and all you see are stars.

Okay, err, back to reality here. It's my lucky day to bring you Benjamin Spurr, lead singer and guitarist of The Coast.

The LP Questionnaire

Name: Ben Spurr
Pro Wrestling Name: Jack Gravy, apparently

1. Pretend you're 15 (and tell us what year it is, if you don't mind). Name three songs you'd put on a mix tape for your girlfriend/boyfriend.
It's 1998. I'd probably put on "Sonnet" by the Verve, "So Cruel" by U2, and "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes", by Paul Simon. She would not appreciate any of them, and then start making out with my brother. '98 was a rough year.

2. Which evil villain would make the best president? Stalin.

3. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? I think it was Bravestarr. He was a space cowboy who policed a small town on a planet where people mined for crystals, and he had a mechanical horse named "Thirty/Thirty," like the gun. But I'm sure I don't have to tell you what a 30-30 is, you're from Texas.

4. What superpower do you wish you had? To be able to write songs in my sleep.

5. What would the title of your autobiography be? Snack Chip: The Ben Spurr Story