Twilight's Last Gleaming

I chose this Twilight poster for my friend Jamie who complained that Kristen Stewart never smiled during the movie. I won't be tacky and say that this might be why.

MINOR SPOILER ALERT for all of you who haven't seen the movie based on Stephenie Meyer's engaging, though at times questionably written, series about the most perfect vampire that ever lived and the dopey beyond average girl he falls in love with.

I enjoyed the books and yes, I was excited about the movie, especially given the awesomeness of the trailers. I was also psyched to hear that Catherine Hardwicke had the biggest opening weekend of any female director as I quite liked Lords of Dogtown.

So, you know, boy was I bummed and all that Twilight pretty much sucked (no pun intended).

Some random thoughts:

I did not know that vampires constantly walked around looking bug eyed and constipated. I thought they were cooler than that.

The casting of Nikki Reed as Rosalie was a tragic mistake, especially considering how much that character figures into book four. Now I'm really not looking forward to that film. Seriously, they couldn't find any blonde actresses? Same goes for Peter Facinelli as Carlisle. Was Simon Baker not available? And egads, poor Jackson Rathbone. I swear he actually looks pretty cute in real life (or as real life as that photo is). I never imagined Jasper as some kind of mildly retarded mute.

I used to like Kristen Stewart (Panic Room, anyone?) but am now convinced she cannot complete a sentence. I saw her on Letterman last week and her performance there mirrored that of Bella just a little too closely.

I'm actually a bit surprised that Robert Pattinson (minus his diamond sparkly skin, yeesh) was the highlight here, but he pulled Edward off for the most part... and I liked his Volvo.

Tom thought Charlie was the best. Billy Burke reminded me of a young Tom Skerritt.

I was unhappy about the casting of Jacob, but Taylor Lautner grew on me. I'm looking forward to seeing him as a wolf... but I'm not sure I'm looking forward to New Moon.

So yes, after a five day absence I return to you, dear readers, to poo poo the Twilight. And to think, I could have been watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince! Damn you, Warner Bros.!

Rock of Love 2: Like, I Can't Do This

I really can't. I feel like I'm failing you but I just cannot watch Bret Michaels and his bad wig smooch on these skanky girls with their overblown collagen-overdosed lips. I feel gross. I feel unamused.

I think if Bret didn't have kids he professes to love, I wouldn't mind so much, but all I can think about are his daughters and this is how they're going to see his father relate to women. This is what their father thinks of women. Euw. Double euw. Euw to infinity.

So I'm sorry kids, my Sundays are already full enough without the tramp quotient being upped to a ridonkulous degree. I often talk about the negative things repression does to you but in this case, I think a little repression could go a long, long way.

Moving on, I watched some other naked women this morning, but they were about as far from the Rock of Love mansion as you can get and still be in Los Angeles. The women (well, can you really call Summer Glau's terminatrix a woman?) of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles might have a ways to go to impress me, but the pilot episode was suitably full of action (and Bruce van Exel!) I'm not sure what's up with the recent British Invasion on the small screen but in SCC Linda Hamilton's been replaced by Lena Headey who's turned Sarah from fierce to bitchy as her accent slips in and out. I'm a bit loathe to follow Thomas Dekker onto another show after the Heroes controversy (he played Claire's gay friend Zach who turned out to be, err, not gay because (supposedly) his manager didn't want him doing homosexual characters). I'm not sure what to think - the producer's Wizard World story here and Dekker's "I posted on MySpace that gays are okay" story here. However, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I guess. Still on the fence about this show, but it has potential. Definitely a better pilot than Bionic Woman, and I'm always into watching girls kick ass.

I finally finished Eclipse, book three in the Twilight series last night. I admit I cried when Jacob Black ran off into the woods. I still think Bella is a drip, though. Oh my, I just read they've cast Robert Pattinson (Cedric Diggory) as Edward for the movie which also stars Kristen Stewart (I knew she was destined for bigger things when I saw Panic Room) and will be directed by Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen, Lords of Dogtown). Nice one! I hope they rewrite Edward and Bella's relationship a bit, though. It would be nice if they didn't come across like lovesick co-dependent morons.

Okay, I must away to work. It's all snowy outside but not enough to make snow ninjas. Drat.

I'm free!
Ms. P

Things That Happen at 3 AM

I'm very fond of the F. Scott Fitzgerald quote, "In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning."

Sadly, I'm not fond of this because I just love The Crack Up, but because the line was featured in a Peanuts strip I read many moons ago.

Speaking of many moons... here's how my life has evolved at 3 am over the years:

Age 17 - at 3 am you would have found me, a fashionable high school dropout/homeless person, ingesting any number of drugs at any number of homes in downtown Dallas.

Age 27 - at 3 am you would have found me, a slightly less fashionable Los Angeleno, leaving the Silverlake nightclub I worked at and heading home to my groovy garage apartment in Atwater Village. Sometimes alone. Sometimes accompanied by a dopey musician whose intellect may have been sorely lacking.

Age 37 - at 3 am you would have found me, the word fashion no longer applying, last night, in bed in rural Kentucky with the husband and the dog, watching Simon & Simon after finishing Stephenie Meyer's Twilight.

Goodness. I don't know what to make of this. I meant for it to be amusing but man, does that not sound like the real dark night of the soul or what?!!

I cannot believe I used to love Simon & Simon. I had a crush on Jameson Parker and everything. However, last night's ep, "Trapdoors", featuring Robbie Rist (cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch), as a delinquent youth who plays "Angels and Demons" (like Dungeons and Dragons, only better! Is this how Dan Brown got the name for his book?) and hacks into a local bank's computer to steal $740 (using a rotary phone and an old-school War Games era modem), was so horrifically bad I can only offer up the fact that I was 11 as an excuse. Also, my affections seem to have moved from JP to Gerald McRaney. He sure was clever and handsome as he tracked a kidnapper using only his wits and a super tacky directional mic that kept squealing with feedback.

Today I'm starting New Moon, the sequel to Twilight. I'm not sure how I feel about these books. They're fairly well written but sound like a 14-year old girl's idea of the perfect relationship (brilliantly gorgeous sophisticated 100-year old vampire falls in love with awkward and clumsy truck driving teenager and declares, "You are my life" after hanging out with her three times). As annoying as this is, I'm hooked and will see these glorious undead to their co-dependent conclusion. If there is one. I'm contemplating moving on to Anne Rice as I somehow bought but never read Interview With a Vampire and The Vampire Lestat. If anyone out there has any great vampire fiction recommendations, do let me know. Things I would do if I could live forever: learn German, Korean, Photoshop and how to use my SB-800. Am I the most boring person or what? I would totally squander eternal life, but I would be a damn good photographer by the end(less) of it!

Right now I'm watching the series finale of Extras. Again. God, this was depressing - a real slit your wrists episode - especially all those desperate scenes of Ashley Jensen cleaning toilets to Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work". Or wait, the Clive Owen scene might have been worse. I must say I loved the ending, though. Andy and Maggie fly off to the sea, fame be damned. I cannot help but heart Ricky Gervais.

However, before I went for grim and painful, I sat through How to Look Good Naked with Carson Kressly. This show is about a thousand times better than Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. CK is way more fun and there's no bitchy Veronica Webb making snooty comments about the clueless Bridge & Tunnel types they featured. This show is on Lifetime which triggers my automatic gag reflex, but I'll probably watch again.

Alrighty, I've blathered on quite enough on this dreary Saturday afternoon. Tom's gone off to Nashville to do more studio stuff for his record thingy so I'm left here to cuddle up with the tely and the garanimals.

A lovely weekend to you,
Ms. P